Hannah221's Writing Blogs
I might be "Keeping The Peace" but can I keep my sanity in doing so? Maybe I need a bit of guidance with "The Amateur's Guide To Love". Pop in for a behind-the-scene insight as I write my books and join me for a chat along the way to the final fullstop.
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Hannah Hooton

Since you guys, the readers and reviewers of Fiction Press have given me so much encouragement and motivation to carry on with Keeping The Peace, I thought it only right that you should be more involved in the journey... if you would like to come along of course. I don't think kidnapping is strictly forbidden on this site but it's probably frowned upon.

I gave up writing Keeping The Peace after the first 15 chapters, if it could be called that (it had more gaps and holes in it than a Swiss cheese). But after posting it (as an afterthought) on FP, I've been motivated enough to have written another 15,000 words in the past month. Woo-hoo! Having said that, those 15,000 words weren't always forthcoming and certain characters are about as controllable as live wires (not talking about anyone in particular, Jack Carmichael).

So here's the plan, after each update (or thereabouts), I'm gonna blog about how the writing is going, what I'm getting stuck on and what I can't wait to get stuck into (not talking about anyone in particular, Jack Carmichael again).

Feel free to add your comments as well, but don't let this stop you from posting reviews! Those are still very much in need to intice more readers (a sad story I know, but that's the way of the fictional world).


8/4/2010 . Edited 8/31/2010 #1
Hannah Hooton

Chapter Eighteen:

This was a irksome chapter to write as it doesn't focus on any single thing. It's full of bits, little scenes which are needed to portray certain points that are vital to the construction of this story.

I knew I had to have some sort of reaction from Jack following Pippa's arrival with Finn in the morning, which worked out quite well I felt as their subsequent conversation highlights Jack's disapproval of "mixing business and pleasure". I suppose, in essense, this chapter is more about defining the characters' personalities - how Pippa reacts to both Jack and Finn, how Jack reacts, and later how Emmie reacts. Instead of dialogue driving the narrative, I used the opposite effect, having the narrative drive the dialogue, which I hope works!

I lapsed a bit during the chapter with Pippa and Finn's conversation and Emmie and Pippa's conversation in the respective cars in an effort to hammer home certain points: Peace Offering is a great jumper and Jack might be grumpy but he's also fair (plus a Christmas party is on the snowy horizon!). Perhaps these can be tightened up or reconstructed at a later stage, I don't know.

Now, how to do Chapter Nineteen?...

8/4/2010 #2
Hannah Hooton

Chapter Nineteen:

The perfect opportunity for Pippa to be creative popped up here. I thought bringing in a Christmas tree might be going too far though. Her office conversation with Jack surprised me. I didn't expect Jack to offer her a commission to paint the horses but it presented itself as a perfect opportunity to focus a bit more on Black Russian. I did wonder, mind you, if there is becoming a bit too much mention of Take That but I enjoyed the response such a conversation line provoked from Jack (and they are a great band!).

I ground to a halt after Jack and Pippa's conversation in the office to when they go up onto the gallops, as I wasn't quite sure what more they could talk about that could progress the story. I knew this scene had to be included as the reader won't be "present" to watch Pippa do the actual painting, but which does need to be described as it holds a later significance. So how to do all that and still keep the reader's attention? It came to me that actions often speak louder than words and come on girls, admit it, have you never had to grab hold of a guy's arm and thought "Ooh, that feels like a bit of all right" even when you know you shouldn't? We are sexual beings with extremely temperamental hormones, I dare you to say that has never happened to you! What this particular "grab" scene has done though is open the worm can a little wider, and I've somehow got to keep the worms under control for another 45,000 words!

8/7/2010 . Edited 8/7/2010 #3
Hannah Hooton

Chapter Twenty:

This had me stumped for almost a week, not because of what was going to happen but what to get each character for Christmas! I never know what to get my own family and friends as gifts so how could I think of what my fictional characters would give? I knew vaguely what Ollie was going to get Pippa, but with him, it's very easy to go overboard (why are nasty selfish characters so easy to write?). He can already be considered a stereotype and a complete prat and the question which is obviously looming in the reader's mind is Why is Pippa still dating him? Well, I know why, I've just got to find a way of explaining it to you. Sorry :( I will though, I promise.

Anyway, back to the chapter at hand. I was already halfway through the scene when the idea of mixing up the cologne came to me and that was really quite charming to write. I love Pippa's reaction as she realises what she's done. And if she's making these sort of mistakes now, what does that tell us about her feelings for Jack and will she be able to accept it? In the words of Bob Dylan:

"Come gather round people,

Wherever you roam,

And admit that the waters around you have grown,

And accept it that soon you'll be drenched to the bone.

If your time to you is worth savin'

Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone,

For the times, they are a-changin'."

I'm not sure if Black Russian's fall on Boxing Day had the impact (if you excuse the pun) that I was hoping for since we don't know him in very great detail but Pippa and Ollie's argument when she announces she has to go surprised me a bit. I was expecting Pippa to be more apologetic and Ollie to be more argumentative but it turned out the opposite! However, there's no time to waste as I need to get back and accompany our heroine back to Somerset. There's a certain someone waiting for us there!

8/11/2010 . Edited 8/11/2010 #4

Like I said in my review, it worked well with the fall, however sad it was. I also actually liked Pippa for finally standing up to Ollie's demanding ways after all who does not love Jack.

It is like the characters takeover sometimes isn't it. I'm writing a Harry Potter Ginny/Draco story for fanfiction at the moment (sad I know) and I litereally come up on the spot with these sudden scenes to fit in, so much so that I've some how made it so that there is an opening for an accompaniment story between Blaise and Hermione.

Hehehehe, sorry rambled on a bit there.


8/11/2010 #5
Hannah Hooton

I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes its for the best, sometimes for the worst! In my writers group we had a discussion about characters "taking over" and refusing to abide by the synopsis us long-suffering writers have drawn up. Some people said they had no control and therefore let their characters do whatever they wanted. Others were of the opinion that if you write an in-depth Personality Stats for your main character, it helps to restrain them from rebelling! I'm siding with the latter group, although I draw the line at Heroine's Personality Trait # 62: Would your character like to buried, cremated or mummified?

8/13/2010 #6


I don't really mind them rebelling as long as they complete their rebellion rather than just creating an idea for themselves and leaving me to write how they get out of it, cause that's just plain mean.

But sometimes it's quite amazing just what your own mind can come up with at the same time. I mean sometimes I have thoughts where I'm like damn that's crazy and hilarious has so got to go in, and other times it's just like that's really depressing and sad, but it fits the story so well that I have to force myself to put it on paper.


8/13/2010 #7
Hannah Hooton

Chapter Twenty-One:

I re-wrote this chapter about three times and I'm still not entirely happy with the circumstances. Pippa has to cheer everyone up, that is for sure but how to portray the likes of Jack? I'm in danger here of making him quite heartless and I had to tone down his temper in the hospital. He's upset, there's no denying that but he's also an ambitious businessman who's just lost one of his most productive assets. He has to look at it from a business point of view and because that asset is a dead horse, it's quite easy for him to be judged as being quite harsh. Hopefully, I managed to pull it off!

As for Emmie and Billy, well, they're characters who originally weren't meant to feature very much at all but they're both such loveable people - I especially love Billy's simplicity and his habit for getting into scrapes. Keep your eye on these two as they're going to have an impact on certain personalities and perhaps the overall "message" of this story. Goodness, putting it like that makes Emmie and Billy into quite important figures, doesn't it!

8/15/2010 #8
Hannah Hooton

Chapter Twenty-Two:

Aah. I wanted to finish this as soon as possible or else go find a bottle of whisky to drown my sorrows (not really, I hate whisky). I had to inject a tiny bit of humour into the dreariness of the general atmosphere by adding that email about being hurt or injured at work and compensation, etc. because it's true, come on! There is always an email like that waiting for you every day.

Then the picture. I knew Jack had to refuse it as a gift and bring up the whole "I'm your boss, not your friend" thing, but I didn't realise until I actually wrote this scene just how hurtful this could be. And embarrassing for Pippa. One of Pippa's worst flaws is her concern for everyone, she's incapable of bearing a grudge or standing by and letting people suffer if she can possibly help it. When Jack spells it out for her, it's only then that she realises she cares too much. Right? I got a bit sore at Jack for this, not only because I didn't realise Pippa would get so upset but I think he's sending out mixed signals. Over the next few chapters, I think we'll see Jack's character probably become a bit more tormented as he struggles to not be a friend to Pippa.

As for the staff party - why include it if it was such a disaster? I hear you ask. Well, not only was it an excuse for us to take a trip into Helensvale with Pippa so she could see Finn and Melissa together but also…no, I can't say. But you'll find out soon enough!

8/19/2010 #9

God the torture of holding off a good scene between Jack and Pippa, hehehehehe. Gotta love the sexual tension though, always a good thing. Can't wait to see how it pans out and I'm glad you like my reviews hehehehe.


8/19/2010 #10
Hannah Hooton

Chapter Twenty-Three:

With Chapter Twenty-Two packed with events, I was forced to start a new chapter to include Pippa and Ollie's telephone conversation. Initially, I knew how the conversation would progress but how to include and where without jolting the reader forced me to put in the dreaded [INSERT SCENE: PIPPA/OLLIE TELEPHONE CONVERSATION] before skipping to the next more appealing scene when she's back at work. Now, obviously that telephone conversation has been written and I don't know about you but I feel like giving Pippa a bit of a slap to wake her up. She hates hurting people and breaking up with Ollie, even though she's beginning to realise what a prat he is, makes her think she's going to hurt him. So when Ollie comes over all sweet and cheerful, now with his idol Rich Holden's approval on horseracing (did you notice he now refers to Peace Offering as "our" horse rather than "your"?), Pippa jumps at the chance to salvage her relationship.

Onto the next day… Even as I wrote the office scene, I was still uncertain who it would be that suggests the party so I decided to leave it up to the characters and let them tell me as they spoke to one another (I know it sounds weird but trust me, listening to your characters can improve a scene, a chapter, can even improve the entire plot of the story). Tash and Aladdin of course come to the rescue once more (will we ever get to meet Aladdin? I don't know!) but I played this rescue down a bit since it's only a minor hurdle compared to what she's soon going to be faced with!

8/21/2010 #11

Pippa and Ollie's relationship is really annoying me right about now! I'm with Tash on this one. Ollie is such a ... Urgh. Darn FP filter.

Can't wait for the party! I have a feeling something will be happening and I love Drama in stories!


How many chapters do you think this story will be?


Would you rather readeres to post their reviews here or on the story?

8/22/2010 #12

I tend to post replies in both places.

Ollie and Pippa's relationship is defo annoying, but I suppose its got to be on the rocks in order for Pippa to get with Jack later, hehehe.


8/22/2010 #13
Hannah Hooton

Welcome to my blog, bluereviews! To be completely honest, if it was up to me I wouldn't mind where reviews were posted just so long as I got them! But fictionpress seems driven by review numbers, whereby readers will gauge the quality of a book by the amount of reviews it has (I don't entirely agree with this but I'm not about to stop the trend) so bearing that in mind, reviews on the story would do it best, but feel free, as Jevanminx points out, to take a seat here in the forum and join the discussion as well.

I hear you loud and clear about the Ollie Pippa thing (lol about FP filter) but I really need to keep them going a bit longer to make their parting all the more dramatic. And don't you want Ollie to meet Jack? lol. In the knowledge that Jack obviously approves of Tash in his own little way, it's only right that he's NOT going to get on with Ollie. I'm a few chapters ahead of the updates now and I don't think it's giving away too much by saying I loved that clash! We have to work up an apetite, right JM?

Writing the party was like eating Haggen daas icecream with no fear of weight gain. It was completely self indulgent and absolutely satisfying. But I'm gonna have to stop there before I tell you exactly why!

By the end of Chapter 23, my word count on KTP stands just short of 55,000. Fictionpress says it's 60,000, but that counter is a bit strange since it adds about a hundred extra words if you insert a line as a paragraph break like I do. The standard length for this kind of book is 90,000 words so I'm aiming at between 40 and 45 chapters but since this is the first draft it might fall a bit short or it might go over a bit. I'm writing Chapter 30 now and the count is up to 70,000. Only 20,000 more to go but damn, this road is becoming a bit bumpy! The general chapter synopses are becoming vaguer and vaguer as we get further in which makes it harder!

8/22/2010 . Edited 8/22/2010 #14

I totally agree that Ollie is a w@anker, hehehehe, but the break up will certainly be more dramatic.

I cannot wait for him and Jack to meet, you can almost imagine them sizing each other up ya know.

And the party sounds like a whole lotta fun.

I always wonder with my stories, even though they are often short, how much to write per chapter, I usually stick to around 3,000 words but that's kinda in order to make sure I get chapters done and posted without annoying the readers (although only the few that I actually have) by having a long time in between. FP is weird to have a slightly different word count though isn't it. 40 to 45 chapters sounds a satisfying length for your story, though I will be sad when it ends hehehe.


8/22/2010 #15

Lol, you both make great points!

Right about now, I'm itching for them to meet.

I wonder which one will be jealous of who(m?).

8/22/2010 #16
Hannah Hooton

Chapter Twenty-Four:

Pippa's next dilemma - a fire hazard! This particular problem didn't occur to me until I was writing a more in depth synopsis of the party a couple of chapters in advance and I realised (without sounding too much of a party-pooper Health and Safety Inspector) that it was quite dangerous with so much hay around to have electrical equipment (and emotions) getting all heated up. So, I was presented with the perfect opportunity to show off Pippa's resourcefulness again. I wish I could come up with ideas like she does during blind panics. All I usually do is - well, panic.

I'd been looking forward to writing the party scene for some time since deciding on Prince's Purple Rain as THE perfect song to carry through it (if you don't know it, I insist that you youtube it and listen - then you'll understand). Pippa had to dance with Finn but of course, before that happened, we had to clear up the little dilemma of his "meeting" with Melissa. Finn is a great character to write about, which is surprising since he plays a good guy (generally and quite bizarrely, I find writing characters like Ollie and Melissa the easiest to write) so the conversation with Pippa and Finn was relatively easy. Either that or Finn isn't as angelic as I'd like to think.

The crux of the chapter is obviously Pippa and Jack and I think quite a lot about both these characters' feelings for each other are exposed here. Did you notice that despite this, they don't actually say one word to one another? Perhaps the song lyrics are enough

"You say you want a leader,

But you can't seem to make up your mind.

I think you'd better close it,

And let me guide you to the purple rain…

I only wanted to see you underneath the purple rain."

I'd been planning the events of this party for a few weeks now so pretty much knew the flow. I was however, surprised (and this might have to be edited later on) that Jack didn't appear to frown upon the fact that Pippa was dancing with Finn. The emphasis was more on how he wanted to dance with her, regardless of who her current partner was and considering his doubts in Chapter 18 over her relationship with the jockey, this might need to be reworked. I took a break halfway through the chapter since it was already 3 o'clock in the morning and went outside for a cigarette and gazed up at the sky, humming Purple Rain. There must have been a meteor shower or something because there were shooting stars whizzing across the sky and I managed to make at least five wishes (no, I'm not going to tell). Well, it got me thinking: Pippa's going to watch Jack drive away from Peace Offering's stable, why not give her a star to wish upon? Wishing that she didn't care so much was perfect. Not only does it encapsulate Pippa's personality but it also shows how she's beginning to realise just how attached she's becoming to this new world in the country and how very much she cares for her boss. However, she can also see the Dangerous Bends signs lighting up ahead.

Well, I finished that chapter at 5:30AM, exhausted but quite satisfied (sometimes I do feel writing is better than other pastimes which can also leave the participant with these feelings). But I'm pretty spent now and a tiny bit concerned where the next chapter is coming from…

8/25/2010 #17

I loved this chapter so much. Some beautiful moments between Jack and Pippa.

I thought you'd already cleared up that there was nothing between Finn and Pippa therefore a frown from Jack would not be needed over her dancing with Finn, but then I'm usually wrong so who knows hehehe.

Definitely showed her resourcefulness with the fire hazard things and the party was still a nice hit, I like the fact that there was no stupid drama that people usually decide to put in when there's a big gathering of people, it allowed us readers to focus more on the shift in feelings between Jack and Pippa. Part of me wishes she'd found him at the stables but actually to have that moment between her and her horse was sweet and created more suspense for later between Pippa and Jack, hehehe.


8/25/2010 #18
Hannah Hooton

Phew! Glad you liked this chapter! (I do too!) There's something going on with Pippa-Jack-Finn but it's difficult to pin down in concrete evidence. Guys always say it's impossible to be "just friends" with us girls (which is rubbish. If they just removed their brains from their underwear they'll see it is possible IMHO) and so far that is all that Finn has been, perhaps he should start pushing things along if he is to uphold this male fallacy. Jack's easy in a way. He doesn't even want to be friends with Pippa! And in ref to your post JM, I'm really pleased you thought the whole Finn-Melissa thing was cleared up well (you'll find out why soon enough!). I've got plans for Jack coming up as you'll see in 3 days time, which will hopefully make people sit up and say "oh, now that's interesting."

8/25/2010 #19
Hannah Hooton

Chapter Twenty-Five:

Where the hell did this chapter come from? It wasn't in my synopsis! I'd like to say what is in my synopsis but that'd probably kill the rest of the book for you.

But there you go, once I'd written the words "Chapter 25" and was about to set off with what I had planned, I suddenly realised that surely the next day's confrontation between Jack and Pippa is equally important as the night before? So that had to be put in (at this stage there was still room to put the original Ch 25 in as well), then I remembered the nagging thought of how Jack hadn't actually frowned on Pippa dancing with Finn the night before so enter Finn just to liven up the office atmosphere! His appearance was perfect really because we got to see Jack showing signs of jealousy, Finn finds out about Ollie, we learn a bit more about what Peace Offering is up against and we get another mention (aka clue) about Emmie and Billy. The only thing I wasn't able to weave in was why Tash is now no longer attending the races (I'll find a way, never fear). But once all that was put in, there was no way I could continue with the original chapter so that, my patient readers, is going to have to wait until Chapter 26...

8/28/2010 #20

Though you might have already wrote it up, and even if you haven't you don't have to take my suggestion, hehehe. The first thing that came to mind over Tash not being at races would be that she was away with lover boy who's name evades me, but that might be a little loose in your plotline I am not sure.

Look forward to the original chapter 25 but did like the little signs of Jack's jealousy and the mention of Peace Offering.


8/30/2010 #21
Hannah Hooton

Looks like Tash is quite predictable, lol. I won't say too much as the next chapter goes into more detail but it would appear there are only two things on Tash's brain: shoes and sex, and she still manages to get away with it!

I find it interesting that you liked the mention of Peace Offering; do you mean, the description of Pippa getting excited about being a racehorse owner? At the end of this book, I'm going to ask you if you think there should be more of Peace Offering in the story (I won't ask yet as there's still quite a bit to get through!), but I'd be very interested to hear your thoughts on that.

As for Jack, the cracks are beginning to show, aren't they? *rubs hands together gleefully*. You'll be getting a double bill of chapters with the next update where the cracks become more like canyons...

8/30/2010 #22

Gahhhhh, I keep clicking on the unsubscribe link rather than the link to this reply as fictionpress is stupid enough to put that one at the bottom of the page so I click on it after I've read your reply, stupid thing.

Tash is predictable indeed, but you can't help but love her.

In a non harsh way I view Peace Offering as the main plot device and although mentions are needed like you've done in this chapter going to races all the time and focusing on his career is not the main focus of the story as us readers all love a good romance hehehehe if that makes any sense, I tend to ramble.

I think Pippa's excitement over being an owner was certainly key as I think as a reader that although I could see him as her horse I'd almost detached her from the status of owner. But also talking of his chances in races showed his progress without going into to much unneeded detail.


8/30/2010 #23
Hannah Hooton

*hi-5's JM* You sound like a pro! Are you a literary reviewer for The Guardian by any chance? lol. I agree with everything you've said above and completely understand when you say you'd almost detached Pippa from the status of owner. I had too. Next update coming up!

8/31/2010 #24
Hannah Hooton

Chapter Twenty-Six:

Okay, there is good and there is bad when writing is going well. The good is of course that you're tapping away and the words are flowing. The bad is when things start to overflow. Part of the original Chapter 25 is now having to be put into Chapter 27 now as well! I've only just finished writing this so haven't gone back and done any tidying up (usually I'd take the opportunity to have a cigarette before attempting an edit but it's raining outside so might have to do something more useful like take some washing out of the dryer. On the other hand, I could just stay here and blog!).

Anyway, back to 26. I told you I'd find a way of explaining Tash's absence. That particular scene at the cottage worked well to link in that snippet of information about Tash, as well as seeing a bit more about what other refurbishment the cottage needs, plus it's an excuse to make Ollie even more unforgivable by being late. Which also means the introduction between him and Jack is brief to say the least, which is what I wanted (don't worry, you'll see why soon).

I chose Wincanton as the venue as although I've never been there, I've heard it's a beautiful course and is conveniently close to where the book is set. I rang up the racecourse and they were more than happy to send me photographs and give me information about their course, which is always really helpful and I have to agree, it is beautiful. Imagine having a racetrack so big, you can fit a golf course inside of it?! Can you imagine playing pitch and putt in the middle of Churchill Downs while they're running the Kentucky Derby!

Even as I wrote the outcome of the race, I wasn't sure whereabouts Peace Offering should finish. All I knew is that I had to show him as willing and able to stay long distances (the Grand National is no less than four miles over the toughest steeplechase course in the world - barring the Velka Pardubicka in the Czech Republic - so you've gotta have heart and you gotta have stamina if you want to race in the big one! Apparently, you gotta have a death wish if you want to ride in the Pardubicka [random piece of info: I spent ten years pronouncing it as it's spelt but apparently it's pronounced pard'beachy]).

Jack's comforting hand on her shoulder at the end came naturally and totally unplanned and I thought it was a nice touch, if you'll excuse the pun. So now, what is to become of the rest of Pippa and Ollie's weekend because it certainly hasn't ended yet! Chapter 27 should be a cracker and I can't wait to get started on it!

Ooh, it looks like it's stopped raining…where are my cigarettes?

8/31/2010 #25
Hannah Hooton

Chapter Twenty-Seven:

You know that feeling when you've been craving a certain something for days, sometimes weeks, like a mega waffle with banana ice-cream and double thick maple syrup or a KFC family bucket (or both) and then finally you get it? When you can sit back in your chair, pat your stomach and go "aaaah", the sound of true satisfaction. I think the ultimate definition is sated. Well, that is how I felt after the Bristol restaurant scene here. It started off a bit slow as I tried to describe the harbour to those of my readers who are unfortunate enough never to have been there. It is absolutely stunning and just between you and me, I once went to a restaurant similar to Aqua Quay (couldn't afford to go again) and saw an actor from Casualty (actually, I didn't recognise him since I don't watch the show but the person I was with did!) so it does happen.

Anyway, after said slow start, I pulled out a scrap piece of paper on which I've been jotting down ideas under the title "Ways Ollie Can P*** Off Jack" and dived into the scene. The hardest thing which I found was having a four-way conversation, taking in everyone's reactions (whether they're spoken or not) and do all of this through Pippa's point of view. Trying to evenly space out the "he said" "Jack said" "Ollie said" "Pippa said" "she said" "Melissa said", etc was a bit of a challenge as I didn't want to keep repeating their names but on the other hand didn't want to confuse my readers who the "he" or "she" was that was speaking. Hopefully, their personalities shone through the dialogue enough not to make you go back to the beginning of the conversation thread and trace who says what when.

That scene took a good three or four hours to write but boy, was I sated afterwards! I was so looking forward to Jack giving Ollie an ear-bashing so you can imagine how satisfying it felt to finally write it. As is my usual habit, I then went out for my cigarette break before coming back in to re-read what I'd just written (have any of you noticed, Pippa does the same thing with her art?). The final product needed a bit more fleshing out because although it took me so long to write, Jack seems to reach boiling point very quickly. Whilst having aforementioned cigarette and looking for shooting stars, I deliberated the next scene only to realise my original idea of Ollie and Pippa driving all the way back to Hazyvale then breaking up wasn't going to work. Their blood pressure was already sky-high by the time they walk out of the restaurant. It was clear that it had to happen there.

The next problem I faced was: so how does Pippa get home then? Well, taxi I guess, even if it is on the pricey side. But anyone who has queued for a taxi in Bristol city centre on a Saturday night in January will tell you, take a thick coat and possibly a hot water bottle if you can and be prepared to wait there for a good hour while lots of drunk people either badger you for cigarettes or chide you for blowing smoke in their direction. Did I really want to put Pippa through this when she's obviously having a horrid evening anyway? The obvious solution came to mind. Jack is going to apologise for his outburst, originally planned for Monday morning in the office, but I didn't have anything more to add to that office scene before jumping to the next bit of the story. Why not have Jack stop and offer her a lift home? That way we cut out the office scene because he's obviously going to apologise in the car and his suit of armour receives another polish for acting the chauffeur.

It does make me a little hesitant, mind you, because although you've already guessed how the novel ends, I'm afraid of making it too predictably predictable. Am I playing Jack's hero card too soon? Is it sounding too contrived? Rrrr! I don't know! Tell me readers!

8/31/2010 . Edited 8/31/2010 #26

*Hi 5's back* I feel like a genius hehehehe but I'm hardly a pro. I can usually come up with some good ideas but my actual writing is never the greatest as I have trouble wording things to properly fit a good audience hehehe. I tend to just be able to read into texts quite well and understand the underlying basis that the author was going for.


8/31/2010 #27

The explanation to Tash's absence was good and so her as well hehehehe. Also fitting in about the refurbishments is much like fitting in Peace Offering because I'd almost forgotten about them too as much has been focused around the stables so it was nice to be reminded of Pippas work there.

Ollie being late definitely a good bit to put in, like you said it helps to make him even more unforgivable and I also can't wait to see what comes after his and Jack's short introduction as the drama was not needed at that moment. It placed nice focus then on Pippas brilliantly scathing comment to the other owners hehehehe I loved that!! It was like yeah Pippa stick it to them.

I've only ever been to Kempton racecourse and that's not that big as I am led to believe others are, especially if at Wincanton you are able to fit a golf course in the middle hehehehe. My only other real knowledge of what the other racecourses around the UK as well as Australia, America and Canada are like come from reading a ridiculously large amount of D*** Francis books, I do love them so.

I loved that touch as well, it showed Jack's understanding and Ollie's lack making Jack shine all the more in my eyes, along with Tash's earlier comment about his hotness hehehe which I totally agreed with.


8/31/2010 #28

I didn't have to go back and re-read this scene at all you'll be happy to know hehehe. I think you made each reaction very clear even with Melissa hardly speaking you placed her facial expressions in very well.

I'm actually going to the University of the West of England in Bristol so I may be able to see that place in real life hehehehe it sounded brilliant. It was definitely right for them to break up then and there as you said I ride home would just of been either a stupid uncomfortable silence or more ridicule from Ollie and there's only so much of his b*** I can take in one seating. Which is as good thing as it means you've clearly defined the status of the character.

I don't think you played Jack's hero card to soon here, I think if he hadn't had such an outburst there would be more confusion for both Pippa and us readers as to his intentions, possibly if you keep a couple of scenes on the downlow between them for a chapter or two, nothing too meaningful to go on between them just maybe a little thing here or there if would build up the tension between their relationship again if you understand what I mean because like Ia said before I have trouble wording things hehehe.


8/31/2010 #29
Hannah Hooton

Gah! Moving house is such a pain in the backside! I might still be surrounded by boxes and suitcases (and unfortunately spiders too) but now I'm in my new house and can spare some time for Fictionpress. Sorry I haven't replied to your (very insightful) post, JM. I love it when you make suggestions and feel like whooping with relief because I have indeed turned the heat down on Pippa and Jack's relationship (eh, relationship? What relationship!?)

And quote: "There's only so much of his b*** I can take in one seating." Love that! Although I hate to irritate you as my reader, I'm glad he was clear-cut enough to evoke such feelings. I think I'd be done for GBH if I ever met Ollie, lol.

With Pippa and Jack on low heat, what to keep the intrigue up? Find out in the next chapter!

9/3/2010 #30
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