The Cave of Ordeals
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For all depressing, aggressive, and similar things. In this box feel free to say whatever you want. Because it is blank and doesn't care.

11/24/2010 #1
Vector Phantom


11/24/2010 #2

I really hate myself. I'm always so ungrateful. Always selfish, always nasty, always violent, always stoic, always messed-up, freaky, nasty, and all that crap.

I also hate myself for being born wrong. Couldn't even do that right.

Such a lazy, dumbass stupid moron! Nasty bastard that I am.

I don't deserve anything I have, anything I gain. I'm a loveless, purposeless shade, and that's all I'll ever be. I should just wander off into the night and disappear forever so that people never have to see me ever again.

11/26/2010 #3

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother living.

11/30/2010 #4
Vector Phantom

I also wonder why I bother living



maybe you should see a therapist

it could help.....

11/30/2010 #5

Kira, you're a better therapist than the large majority of the real therapists out there. Probably because you actually give a crap about my pointless, miserable existence.

11/30/2010 #6
Vector Phantom

There are some therapists out there who really do care, though

and even if they don't

sometimes talking about things that bug you really will help

especially when the person on the other end can truly tell you

"everything will be alright"

12/1/2010 #7
Vector Phantom

Nah it's ok

i don't think he wants to talk to me

1/29/2011 #8

Why not? He doesn't dislike you or anything, so I figure he wouldn't mind.

Also, I kind of want to close my FB page, but I want to keep talking to him.

1/29/2011 #9
Vector Phantom

Wait how did this end up here

oh well

and I have a few people i need to keep in touch with through fb

1/29/2011 #10

I have no idea how this ended up in here.

1/29/2011 #11

But no matter. These posts brighten up this place somewhat.

Also, random, but...

-hugs Kira-

1/29/2011 #12
Vector Phantom

-Hugs back-

1/29/2011 #13

I can't bring myself to post in the normal chat thread.

Possibly because I feel so disgusting and frustrated right now.

Seriously! Pathetic pathetic pathetic fool! I should just die! Die die die!



Ugh, can't believe I'm about to post this, but whatever. I ruin everything anyway. My whole existence brings nothing but shit.

2/2/2011 #14
Vector Phantom

Hugs Cas

2/2/2011 #15
Whovian Tribute


Let me just say this. Apart from the fact that I believe that you are pretty much the most awesome person I know, NO-ONE does not deserve to live.

Everyone is meant to exist, I don't believe in god, but I do believe in this.

You are not worthless, you are worth more than you know, to all sorts of people.

The people who don't care don't deserve you.

Please don't hate yourself, you are not the problem, you are wonderful.

You are so worthy of everything in life. You are in no way pathetic, you don't try to be anyone other than who you are.

There are so many people who pretend to be something they aren't, they are the pathetic ones.

Please don't say you deserve to die, because you don't...

2/13/2011 #16

Gah, this is so stupid, but I can barely lift my head anymore. I keep having to rest it against the wall...

I just can't sit up staight. I can't smile either.

I feel sick and tired and angry and I just want to throw up and then curl up in bed.

I hate sleep, but I just wanna curl up in bed and hide from the world. Escape...

2/24/2011 #17
Whovian Tribute

I want everyone to know, to not have to hide, I want to be able to love him freely, without having to worry about being found out

I hate that the guy's I always want are the straightest of the straight, it sucks...........

There's my whinge for the day..

2/25/2011 #18
Pain in the Heart
Owww ow owowowowowowowow owwwww owwwwwwwww owwwwwwwwww owwwwwwwww oooooooooowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
4/5/2011 #19

People have told me not to say I want to kill myself. They have told me not to say 'I am going to go kill myself' in a joking manner. People telling me not to wish I was dead, not to wish I was aborted. Not to wish I never existed.

I'm sorry for wanting an escape then. I'm sorry for wanting to escape from this.

It doesn't matter how much money you spend on therapy and legal bullshit and hormones and surgery, in the end this body is always going to be wrong to me.

No matter how I try to right what nature fucked up I'm still going to be wrong.

And really, life isn't anyway. It's all wasting all your time on work and school and then you get too old to do shit and it's all a fucking waste.

And I get to waste even more time trying to fix things that I shouldn't ever have had to worry about.

Oh fuck it. I don't even give a damn anymore.

8/24/2011 #20
Vector Phantom

fucking essay

5/3/2012 #21
Whovian Tribute

Confused feelings...................why do perfect people always live so far away?

6/1/2012 #22
Vector Phantom

Is this about Dave

6/1/2012 #23
Whovian Tribute

Yeah, I don't know what to do, whether to just see what happens or give up now, because it's almost impossible anything can eventuate.

6/1/2012 #24
Vector Phantom

Well, you'll come to the right decision for you eventually, i'm sure of it


6/1/2012 #25
Vector Phantom

Maybe you just need some sort of distraction

As I understand it is still hot there, even during Winter sooooo

head to the beach, find the second hottest guy there, and talk to him

Who knows maybe you'll get lucky and find somebody who is interested in guys!

6/4/2012 #26
Whovian Tribute

Did Cas tell you it's hot here in Summer? Because he hates the heat so he'd say that.

No it's too cold to go to the beach after about March here. And too cold to go before about November.

If you want all year round heat go to Northern Australia where it's a tropical climate.

6/4/2012 #27
Vector Phantom

Oh okay

And no it wasn't Cas it was pretty much half of the Australians I follow on tumblr

6/4/2012 #28
Whovian Tribute

Okay, yeah in Winter it averages in Sydney around 17 degrees. Atm it barely gets to 20.

6/4/2012 #29
Vector Phantom


Well you seem to be feeling better

If so that is good

6/4/2012 #30
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