Devon Pitlor
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Devon Pitlor

Guilt and the Devil Within

The horrors of a half-forgotten past reach forward to destroy the tranquility of the present.

Hope you like it.

Devon

11/11/2011 #1
Danielle Laurint
Salut Dévon! Je t'écris depuis Toulouse pendant mes courtes vacances. J'ai pu lire ton dernier conte--et j'en suis sortie un peu perplexe, quand même restant captivée par ses idoles d'imagerie et de personnage... Back to English to keep my practice up and in case others still do post here. I'll be home soon and we can talk again but you said on phone that you were planning a revision last night on the end of this story, I will hold back for my critique until you do that. I was not happy with the way the story finished. You suddenly turned the spot-light away from Mikayln and onto Marc and his wife. The story of Mikayln and her malcontent with the drama of her inlaws needs to be finished. I don't know how you can do this. Would she go to the reunion with them? Would she see what they saw? Something should be done more further with Mikayln. Maybe showing how she reacts when she finds them at the end? How will that be affecting her life forward going? I don't want to be the :::gâcheuse et laisse tomber le becquet::: [how do you say that in English?], but is there enough justification for the ending here, à ce point-là?????? Alors, j'attends la révision pour y ajouter ma critique et j'espère que tu en auras une bonne!! Amicablement à toi et aux autres. De retour bientôt!!
11/13/2011 #2
Devon Pitlor

Salut à toi aussi, Dani. Je viens de choper tout ça et je te promets ta révision aussi vite que possible, ce qui veut dire, comme tu le sais, dans une semaine ou peut-être deux à cause du boulot et puisque j'attends les remarques d'un autre avant de commencer ce projet---qui mérite bien sûr de se voir achever. J'attends avec impatience ton retour. Dommage que tu ne pourras du moins passer chez moi à la Rochot lors de ton trajet chez nous.

Dév

11/13/2011 #3
Martin Drake

Please do wait for my review (hopefully in the next day or so) before revising it. I will try to have some helpful suggestions.

I don't consider this story a failure (like some have alluded), but it's not all that it could be in it's current form. It has the potential to be very good!

11/13/2011 #4
Devon Pitlor

Martin,

I will definitely wait for your review. In fact, I mentioned that to Dani above (if you can read French). I'm going to read what you have to say and then hopefully get back to fixing the story. Your input is essential.

Devon

11/13/2011 #5
Martin Drake

Review's up.

11/15/2011 #6
Devon Pitlor

Martin,

Great review and nothing short of what I have come to expect from you!! I'll also respond here by PM. I'm glad that on second reading you liked the story more, and nothing of what you suggested has been lost on me. The story has made it on three favorites lists, but I think, like you and Dani, that it can be improved. Your suggestions struck to the heart of where the improvements should be. As ever, I am very grateful to you. More in a PM.

Devon

11/15/2011 #7
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