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Do you have an idea for a story and you're not sure if you got all the details worked out?

Would you like to just bounce ideas off of other authors and get some feedback?

Or are you in a writer's block issue and want to chat out your idea a little more?

Then post away here!

YES! You may post a portion of your story right here but no more than two paragraphs with eight sentences each. You may also just work on a summary for your piece and see where it goes.


(Cornball yes...)

3/11/2011 #1

Okay my brainstorm is a vampire story. There are seven families, that are all branches of one whole. I don't know what the whole came from but the story begins with the oldest ancient finaly dying and leadership of the coves having to be settled. This will be decided of course by test of strength and skill and something else, don't know what.

Well the clan with the most feared of the males is the one with the stronger ties. This family has led because they are direct descendants of the ancient and they have withes blood that runs through them. The main will only become what they considered pure of blood when he mates with the one vampire that follows his own blood line. NO THEY ARE NOT COUSINS, but she is descendant of the witches line of the vampires. However, she is weak, meek, shy, studders, short, stout, and really has no desire to live out her days as a real vampire.

He is the major hottie of the flick, but his only gripe is she is not to his standards. He's intelligent and ill-tempered. His parents like to live life to the fullest and often laugh at him when he throws a tamtrum, and they like the girl. Everyone talks about how he'll never reach his potential and the dangerous clan that would like to take over the families, feel they have a leg up. Spoiler here, the guy doesn't reach his potential and he falls, but the whole dialogue and setting, and well supporting actors come into play.

The main and his reluctant beauty are at ends and they have to WANT to mate. That is the other conflict. She doesn't want to just because its her nature. She wants to be able to love the man she gives her body to. It also will center around bullying, and healing. So anyone that who has an idea of how I can set this up that'll be great. Oh yeah, they are in college, since I can't do the high school thing since the lead man sleeps with anything BUT his intended.


3/11/2011 #2

Just how much growth are you gonna want to see in these characters? Are they pretty static, or will they grow and mature? Because this could become a coming-of-age romance quite quickly.

3/11/2011 #3
Hokuto Uchiha

I've got this idea in my head.

Basically, it's a story (a one-shot, actually) set in Ancient Rome, during Julius Caesar's reign. Two teenagers, who are really, really bored, decide that they'll play a prank on Caesar just for the heck of it...and to see what kind of reaction he'll have to said prank.

I don't know what the kids should to to prank Caesar, though...

3/11/2011 #4

If you're gonna be historically accurate, it won't be a good reaction, unfortunately.

3/11/2011 #5

@Ladygris - Well so far the main, I think his name will be Zephania. Why? Just because it's different. Her name is simply Osiri. Why? I don't know. Just two names that pop up when I think of these two. He is coming out to be about average in every way except for some obvious features. He like the others in his particular clan fly only by wings. The other six families can jump and glide. There is only one clan that has mastered levitation.

He can also morp into something that looks like satan, yet its only when he is really angry, which doesn't happen till close to the end but his ears grow long, face elongates and claws come out when he is perturbed. He sprouts his wings often at night and they actually tear through his skin but they heal fast so it doesn't bother him. His hair is ear length and it has a wavyness about it.

He loves snickers bars, which is quirky but it is something that keeps him grounded. He despises religious music and country music which are favorites of Osiri. So far that's all I got on him.

She is as plain as they come. Since her family wanted to live as mortals they were too weak to survive and she is now alone and only her human aunt (The other half of the family since her mother was the vampiress that married a human) knows what she is and tries to help her be human. She's very nice yet can get a little heated when bothered. She also is very practical about things, least I think that's the word. She has brown wavy tresses that make her look boyish. Even though she doesn't need glasses she likes to wear them. She hates showing her body so she's often covered from head to toe and she wears bobby socks and penny lofers. Yeah, geekus maximus.

With all that said she is very comfortable with herself and only at times has issues with her appearance. She isn't even impressed with her intended's looks until they are around each other too often.

They sort of grow on each other and the running thread they they often talk about is food. Yes, he likes to cook and so does she. They actually both watch the food network channel however, he doesn't let the others he runs with know his sweet secret.

That's all I got for them sort of. Thoughts??

3/12/2011 . Edited 3/12/2011 #6

Okay, I've got an idea for a play that I've been tossing around in my head. Here it is:

An infamous, cold-blooded outlaw robs a bank in a small Western town. He guns down a teller in cold blood and a couple of deputies when they come in to stop the robbery. When one of the deputies, a coward, tries to use a woman as a human shield, the outlaw guns down the woman and the deputy.

Meanwhile, a woman and her son are eating in their house on their ranch outside of town. The boy's father is not around, so the woman runs the ranch on her own, with a little help from the foreman. As they're eating, a cowhand comes in, saying that a man has ridden onto the ranch, requesting a place to rest his horse and a meal. The woman, good-hearted and kind, says to help the man and invite him to the house for a meal.

The man comes in, and we see that it's the outlaw, but this woman and her son don't know. He's nice and cordial, sitting down and talking with them, when a rancher bursts in. He's seen the outlaw's name on his saddle and recognizes it. The man manages only to announce the man's name and that he's an outlaw before he's brutally gunned down by the outlaw.

The outlaw announces to the woman and her son that he intends to stay at their home, holding them hostage until the rest of his gang comes in a couple days. When they arrive, they'll decide whether to kill the woman and the son or to spare their lives. Initially worried, the woman decides that, if she and her son are to survive, she has to step up and take charge of the situation.

Flash forward to the morning of the day the outlaw's gang is supposed to arrive. The woman drugs the outlaw's drink, putting the man into a deep sleep. The woman instructs her son to ride to town and tell the marshal that the outlaw is hiding at their house and to come immediately. The boy rides out and comes back just as the outlaw is starting to wake up. This is supposed to be a suspenseful moment, with the audience hoping that the boy will get home before the outlaw realizes what's going on. The boy does.

There's another suspenseful moment when we hear galloping outside. Hopefully, we're scared, wondering if it's the outlaw's gang or the marshal. It turns out it's the marshal...

... and that's where I'm stuck.

I want to use a twist in which the marshal is a former member of the gang and is torn between his duty to his job and his loyalty to his old friends, but I'm not sure how to work it.

I also think that the outlaw has fallen in love with the woman and wants to keep her for himself, and the woman is in a complicated situation. She hates him, but, in spite of herself, she's also kind of attracted to him. I want to show the audience this, but I don't know how.

And the biggest problem of all... I'm not sure how to end it. I know I want the woman and her son to win out, but I don't know how to juggle all the elements that I've set up.

I'm also wondering if it would be better if I reset it in the 1930s or the 1940s, 1960s at the latest.


3/13/2011 . Edited 3/13/2011 #7

Okay. . . .So what if the Marshal is the brother of the outlaw? Or of his second-in-command in the gang? ;-) That would create a TON of angst for both the marshal and the outlaw to go through. It might also be the beginning of redemption for the outlaw. If you stick with your original idea, though, you show that internal struggle through prose, how the marshal thinks, what his emotions are at the time. Maybe he and the woman actually talk about it once, where she admits to being attracted to the outlaw. Which leads into the second part. . . .

As for the outlaw falling in love with the woman, I can totally see that. She's a good woman, someone he can admire. As for the woman, I'd say she's experiencing a bit of Stockholm's Syndrome.

As for ending the story, you need to ask yourself what the logical outcome of the actions are. In writing, as you know, you always have to be looking ahead. Have a game plan. Based on the actions, what happens that makes sense? Do things come down to a shootout between the marshal and law enforcement? Or does the outlaw escape? This opens you up for a sequel to the story, too. Always keep in mind that, if you leave loose threads, you have options for a second story. ;-)

3/13/2011 #8

I totally like this idea and I hope you take your original thought. I like the conflict you can throw in suggested by Ladygris also. If the Marshal is a former gang member then it could be something like them being siblings or a promise given to the outlaw from the Marshall for saving his life before he went crooked. That could work on the theme of honoring your word which back then truly meant something to people.

The Marshall could also be in on the robbery however, he was hoping that there would be no loss of life because he had to repay a debt owed to the Marshall and he was going to actually let the outlaw just keep running and find a way for the town to recoup the money.

The way you can show the problem is , again like Ladygris said, showing the Marshalls feelings and Outlaws feelings by their dialogue possibly, or actions.

--Pounding his fist repeatedly upon the desk the Marshall felt betrayal burn his soul, as word that the massacre was committed by the one man that pledged there would be no loss of life. What could he do? The outlaw was the only one that was able to save him from the lynchmob during his own foolish youth.--

Something like this sets us up for the issue and makes us want to know what the heck did the Marshall do?

As for the attraction between the woman and villain, I have that same sort of thing playing out in a story and I convey there are growing feelings by subtle actions and making known to the reader the thoughts of the characters.

If the woman was widowed early then it can sort of help her out that she's not really looked for a man because of her obligation to her son and the ranch.

The ending is up for grabs in my opinion. You can leave it as a nail bitter and end with a couple of shots but no explaination of what happened. Love cliffhangers.(:

3/13/2011 #9

Thanks for the ideas! Now to tie them together coherently (always the hard part)...

3/14/2011 #10

Type it all out and then fill in the information. It may sound strange but it works sometimes. Put down the skeleton of what will happen just like you posted earlier and then actually fill it in.

3/14/2011 #11

Okay, so it's my turn to post here. ;-) I just finished a 90,000 to 95,000 word epic, so I'm a little fried at the moment. BUT, during writing that epic, I started a story on a much smaller scale. I'm now to the point where I have to start planning and storyboarding for it to get all the little threads tied together and wondered on everyone's opinions.

Basic idea: Evan is a military officer doing classified work. Sara is a forensic photographer who wants to be a photographer (the artsy kind) one day. Anyway, on one of her photography jaunts, she manages to capture a murder on film, though she doesn't know it. She had just the right vantage point, and the bad guy saw her. The bad guy is part of a mercenary group operating out of San Francisco, which is where the story is taking place. Sara's already being followed by said mercenary group because they want on Evan's classified base. Now, she's in police protection, Evan doesn't know where she's at and is calling in favors everywhere to find her, and his team finds the murder--along with the murderer's face--in her photography.

I eventually want her brought into the know on what Evan is doing. (This is a sci fi story.) I plan to do that by having him get severely injured on a mission. Injured enough that his CO breaks cover and takes her to his side because he may not live the night. I'd kinda like everything to tie together here, but I'm just not sure how.

Any ideas? Thoughts? Specific things you thought of while reading this? Questions to make me think a little harder? ;-)

Thanks in advance, everyone.

3/19/2011 #12

I like this idea! However, you'd have to work hard to make it original, for the idea of a photographer inadvertently photographing a murder has been famously done in the 1966 film Blow-Up:

Have you considered maybe making it into a comedy-drama, something like the old TV show Moonlighting? Maybe Sara is ditzy and maybe she does a lot of stupid things that sometimes gets her lucky and sometimes un-lucky (like photographing the murder). Maybe you can add some assassination attempts on Sara that Sara inadvertently thwarts through her ditziness. Maybe you can get Evan and Sara together about halfway through the story and cause some romantic sparks between the two. Maybe Evan is a wisecracking smart-aleck, and that and Sara's ditziness can add some levity to the plot as their situation gets more intense.

All of that may be worthless, but maybe it'll help you think!

3/19/2011 #13

Some of it did make me think, but I'm not a big fan of comedy. I like situational humor, not those ditzy moments. . . . That's just not me. And the character of Evan is anything but a wise-cracking Major in the USAF. He's very dry.

I realize the idea of the murder being photo'd has been done before. When you write as much as I have (19 years), a lot of stuff has been done before. ;-) But I think it'll be original given the sci fi aspect of the story. NOW, the other aspect I could do of it is this: instead of photo-ing the murder, she photos the man following her. The guy who is trying to get onto Evan's classified military base. Because his face has been seen, he either kills her and gets the photo or gets killed himself.


3/19/2011 #14

Man, Lady where were you a couple of hours ago, like yesterday.............LOL!

Okay on first read, I noticed of course it sounded more like Enemy of the State. You should look at it for the twists involved. Will Smith and Gene Hackman, I believe. There was another show but I couldn't think of it right now and I'm mulit-tasking. Lil, ones playing peek-a-boo with some bloomers on the floor. Heh,

Okay back on subject......Before I even get to the over all story plotting, I was wondering about the connection between Evan and Sara again? They will fall in love while he's trying to get her to safety? Okay, well that seems pretty easy. I like the first way you laid it out, even though its been done, think about this. Sara is not the one to actually photograph the murder. Her brother is. He wants to be a photo journalist and uses her camera and all. Let's say he's the one that actually captures the image and because of a mistaken identity switch the murderers are after her and not him. Let say they are ferternal twins. She is Andrea and he is Andrew but most get them mixed up when they say Andy.

At any rate. He and she have long red hair, and on that day it was cold. She is not much for fashion so her dress is like a guy and let's say after the picture is taken, and her brother realizes what he's done and runs. The murderers notice his hair after he snatches off his hat or something and they see - Ann One - for the license plate which is hers because she loaned her brother the car. When they mobilize to find her they end up chasing her instead, and the only reason she becomes alarmed is they botch an attempt on her life.

I'm not sure if that's a bit of a twist but it is different sort of. Now the truth is revealed within twenty percent of the beginning when Andrea is told by her brother what he saw and they both are put into custody. Then the plot thickens as they race to find the rest of the men that were behind masks and Evan comes in to protect the girl and some other person watches the brother. In the middle it is discovered by the bad guys that they were following the wrong person and they kill the brother and then gpp after the sister.

I don't know if you want to kill a main character but it would add some level of drama and realizm, and also show the determination to get the film back and keep the secrets out of the public eye.

Way a minute, I'll be back in a moment. Kid is crawling over the computer........What do you think about that though?

3/19/2011 #15

The other movie that comes to mind for some reason is Pelican Brief.....Dont know why..

3/19/2011 #16

Did I miss something a few hours ago? I apologize if so. I'm on the sister site for FictionPress, one for fanfic, and both sites have taken about 5 hours to get notices to me that stuff has updated/posted/etc.

Anyway, I should explain a little better. I already have 8 chapters for this story written. I was bogged down with an epic sci fi story, and I started writing with bare minimum plot points in place. Now, it's time to devote a lot of time to this story.

Evan and Sara fall in love BEFORE the threat to her life becomes apparent. She's already had someone leak her crime scene photos to the press, and she's under investigation for that. Unfortunately, Frap, I can't use the brother idea because she has no family. However, I REALLY like the idea that someone else took the photo. The idea I'm rolling over in my brain is that someone who went to prison because of a photo she took hacked her work computer, leaked her current case to the press to discredit her, and planted the photo of the murder just to get the hit put out on her. . . .

Hmmm. . . .

I'll check back in just a few minutes in case someone answers this. ;-)

3/19/2011 #17

Okay, yeah, that is a lot more info that I didn't either understand but had to process while trying to multi-task. I'll hopefully be on longer later.

3/20/2011 #18

Actually, I think I was kinda vague the first time around. I wanted to see what ideas were thrown out so that I could possibly use some of them before I got into the real twists of the story. :)

3/20/2011 #19

I'm glad something I said helped. I like the way it sounds so far also. You said you already have 8 chapters in? Man how I envy you. I have to rely on quick typing to get something going. I think time not being able to work on my things uninterrupted is causing the biggest portion of my writer's block. I got a couple of short stories that are not really put together with a lot of planning, they're just there to help me keep up writing until I can fix my other projects.


3/20/2011 #20

See, I hear the little one screaming...but have you ever seen those movies? I love the action pact things and the court stories that make you look at all the evidence. My all time favorite film is The Fugitive though. I can watch that over and over like it's the first time. Okay I need to handle him. Be right back.

3/20/2011 #21

I hate to brag, but my daughter's 10. It gives me more time to write each day. ;-)

I have seen The Fugitive, but not the others. I don't watch a lot of movies as a matter of principle. I do watch select TV shows, but one of those is no longer on the air.

3/22/2011 #22

I read your bio after I posted so I understand.

Great to be selective. And yes, you are truly lucky.

3/22/2011 #23

Okay, apparently, my muse loves me, because I have three big ideas for stories! I think I've got one pretty well pinned down, but I need help with two others:

-Okay, the first I got from something I read in Larry McMurtry's book HOLLYWOOD. He talks about passing a bookstore and seeing a guy standing in front of a secondhand bookstore, buying used books out of car trunks to be sold in said bookstore; in other words, the head buyer for the store buys books out of car trunks that pull up by the store. I thought this kind of character would be appealing in a story. My idea is that this buyer is a guy that lives with his head in the clouds, preferring the world of books to real life, until he meets a girl and falls in love. She goes on to introduce him to how wonderful life can be. However, that's about all I have; the concept. What can she do to introduce him to real life? What adventures could they have? I want this to be a WONDER YEARS-esque dramedy, and I'd really like to keep it in that tone. I've got the ending pretty firm in my head, so, yeah, I'm not totally gone :)

-The second I got from watching Neil Simon's BAREFOOT IN THE PARK. I've got an idea that a young couple, newlyweds, move into their first place, a run-down apartment in an old apartment building in New York or Los Angeles or somewhere. They later discover that inside their apartment, through two doors that they can't seem to get open, are the world's portals to heaven and hell. MY issue is the same basic one as with the other: I've got a concept but no conflict! What would the conflict be? Any ideas? I don't want the tone in this one to get too dark; I'd like to keep it in the Ray Bradbury mode of fantasy: a little bit whimsical and nostalgic. Of course there's gonna be some scary moments (how could there not be, with the gateway to hell in your house?), but I generally want this story to be just fun :)

Any help would be appreciated!

3/26/2011 . Edited 3/26/2011 #24

Okay, First off, if I had half the time to devote to movies and books, I'd never be online considering I have little ones, so without having read Hollywood, I'll go off of what you typed. So if I got this straight, the guy owns a book store but buys books from others because it is what he wants to do for the rest of his days, live through his books. Right? Girl comes along and says, that happy endings are not fairy tales but real as well, life is what you make it....Sort of thing? If I'm wrong then the next couple of lines are garbage.

How did he fall in love with her? Out of the blue, in class, stumbling on a bus? What? Let's get that first. He's reading in an elevator, she walks on and he glances up to stop the door for some person. When he does she takes notice and smiles....etc...Numbers exchanged after banter the book he has since most don't know about it or the author. She loves reading just as much as he and is in theatre, since you love plays - develop her in your image, sort of. Now, she tells him about how she gets to act like so many people but she enjoys who she is. He is taken by this and a book - You know so many pick one- makes them discuss life in general. She finds that he is positive but he limits himself to the store because that is his safe haven. She, tells him to accompany her to one of her plays just to find out she gets cut. Someone with a more appealing look has upstaged her and things get catty. She tells him of her disappointments and he tells her that it was a good example of how people are awful and living in his dream world is always soothing and safe. She fights for her part and in doing so he realizes that if you are passionate about something than fight for it, so on and so forth, and so he decides to take his bookstore dream to the next level and shows her his treasure trove of endless stories that he's written. Conflict comes when someone that knows him stays at his place and in a moment of carelessness burns his place down and almost all of his work. At the same time he finally gets an agent that wants his manuscript, he's pressed for time to turn it in and she reassures him, that things will be fine, just believe. Well, tragedy hits her when she finds that her long lost sister has been mugged and she leaves to go to her side. He feels that if he stayed in his shell and only said hello to her his world would not be a living hell now. Insurance agent person comes in and tells him with the fire he won't have enough to cover his place. He moves with her while she leaves out of town. Agent gets snippy since he demands to see the full manuscript. More pressure for her when the next part for a world renowed play is up and she has to be back for auditions since this could launch her career. Race is really on when new girl sleeps her way almost to the top and girl is now her understudy since she didn't come back in time due to the fact she helped him the same evening when there was a fire at the store two doors down from his book store and he sustained water damage, or something.

Goodness, I'm on a roll....

Sooooo.....The tempo of your story is at the nail biters point and he finally gets his manuscript written, she helps him with fighting the insurance company, the lead lady is discovered having her way with the producer. She and he are kicked out because they began embezzling funds. Girl is now on Broadway fulfilling her dreams, his book is not picked up initially, but his photos are and he's hired to do photography and while there he types up something nice to go along with the picture as he's sending it to her. His agent friend speaks to his boss and he gets a job at a publishing company for a fiction company and there he wheels all these marvelous stories again and he reflects on how good life can be if you just believe in your passions. So forth and so on..... Now if you don't want to use any of this, fine, cause I simply thought it off the top of my head, so there are possibly some run on sentences. If its not what you want trash it and go another angle....Heh..

3/26/2011 #25

I haven't seen this movie either but I like the concept in this one so here we go with off the top of my head. Now it sounds really close to Beetlejuice and the comedy with Ashton Kuchor and Cameron, I think but they have the crazy old lady, but here we go.

Now there is so much you can do with this, the mind is showing me......The hubby finds the door to heaven and they open it easily because a cherub is trying to figure out what the door is. Naughty little thing. Well they have the scream moment and the cherub stops them and you hear the thunder roll. St. Peter or one of the archangels (There are specific angels for certain things just research one and go with that) can feel a rift int he force. The little cherub was being watched by another angel while learing their hymns and they wandered off. Anyway, said angel realizes they're missing, and finally finds out they got into the human realm again. Meanwhile couple has a blast with the baby and tries to figure out how to send the little one back. Well the cherub decides to cause mischief and flies out into the world. The hubby and wife get scared and search for it. Meanwhile the angel that was left to watch them fears maybe they found the door to hell, so in a hurry they check the door, only to be met by a demon. The demon and angel clash and the door is cracked.

Angel wins, and THAT demon is gone but another lurks about with the wish of escaping hell altogether. The cherub is found by the couple and it falls asleep. Wife goes looking to see if they can open the door again when she notices the second door. She realizes there is a scratch and she turns the lock. The sound is heard throughout hell and the minions go nuts. The lurking demon bursts through and she screams. The cherub sensing the evil appears to help the woman but is snagged by the demon and they both vanish. Meanwhile the angel comes in and the husband and wife try to lock the door back and he assists them. He puts a temporary seal on the door, but he knows he needs an archangel to seal the door before the minions break it down. They have 72 hours to get this done. Now he and the couple look for the demon and they find out that the little cherub befriends the beast and the thing takes care of it like it is its own. Theres of course a small battle but when the cherub stands up for the demon it's wings grow and it transforms into a teenage angel with bigger wings. The man and woman are delighted, we have a Kumby -yah moment but they hear the thunder roll again. The angel tells them that heaven knows that a cherub has matured and the teacher of the angel has to be assigned. Now the angel that lost the cherub/teenager has to return them before they both get in trouble but they also need to seal hells door. So its a race again to get the door sealed and get a teacher for the newest angel. Meanwhile, the demon escapes because he just wants to be free and the husband and wife decide they'll track down the demon with temporary gifts given to them by the Mature angel and the angels go back to inform St. Peter of what has happened.

The demon reverts back to his evil ways and realizes that the more he is out of hell the more powerful he gets so the couple really have a hard time when they fight him, but at the nick of time another angel comes to their rescue and hurries them back to the house because the door was breached and all sorts of things are trying to leave the house. The newest angel sets up a barrier until help can come but the captured demon snatches the husbands life and makes a break for hell so he can trade his soul. The fight really gets going when the newest angel and the angel forces fight the evil forces and there's a grand battle of good and evil. At last the demon tries to return to hell with the soul of the husband and the teenage angel stops him. They have that moment and then the angel gives the demon its wings for the soul of the man and the demon is killed instantly because the young angel's wings were actually the purest of all wings to have. He was a cherub from a child that died within the mother's womb.

That womb was the wife, who lost their child before they got married. (Great twist hunh? Just thought of that....)

And the archangel comes to congratulate everyone. The teenage angel, is granted his wish to experience life and be reborn....

How's that?

3/26/2011 . Edited 3/26/2011 #26

Holy crap! I just re-read what I typed for you and I was rather happy that I liked both of them. Course, if I could ever learn to write well enough for my thoughts to hit paper, I might make some cash...

Please let me know if I was any help at all. Even if you don't like them, tell me. I can take it. (:

3/26/2011 #27

I really like the idea of both of them being... I guess "artistic", for lack of a better way to put it :) I hadn't thought of that before.

Oh, and incidentally, he doesn't own the store; he just buys books for the store :) Just thought I'd throw that in :) I thought that maybe, while he's doing his work in the parking lot, he sees her walking into the store and decides that he has got to meet her. I like the idea of her being an actress and loving reading; it'll give them a way to hit things off. I do want her to have her feet a little more on the ground than he does; I see me more in her than him :) At least, I'd prefer to be her :) I like the idea that she handles her disappointments and his better than he does; it kind of goes with the territory.

I like the idea of a tragedy in her life :) I want his idea of life to be seriously threatened by this; he can't deal with the situation because he's too busy waiting for a deux ex machina or some kind of happy ending to wrap things up. And then, when something happens in his life that he can't handle for the same reasons, he's destroyed until she buoys him up by promising to see it through with him. Her support gives him the courage to get started again and her life works out, too :)

I wanted to end the book with a scene where he's in bed, waiting for her, reading a book, and she comes out of the bathroom. He looks at her and finds her attractive and prettier than ever, but he's about to turn back to his book when he realizes that his life is going better than any book. He puts the book down on the nightstand.

Thanks for helping; it got my brain going!

3/27/2011 #28

I do like your ideas for the heaven/hell story; you got my brain moving!

I like your ideas; there's just a few elements I wanted to introduce that I couldn't figure out how to work in! So with that in mind and your plot in mind, here's what I've worked out:

So the couple move into this run-down apartment in New York City (I was thinking of making it the Dakota, as a nod to Rosemary's Baby. It would also explain why so many awful things (like John Lennon's assassination) happened there, but I decided against it). They see the two doors, standing next to each other, in the front room. They figure they're two closets and they're eager to open them, but they can't get them open. They're disappointed.

Every night, they hear the sounds of doors opening and closing, people talking, a lot of footsteps, and papers shuffling. They figure it's coming from another apartment, though; the walls are paper-thin and sound travels through them easily. They also notice that, every night, an old beaten-up bus pulls in front of the apartment, big bunches of people get out and enter the apartment. They think nothing of it.

One night, the wife goes to the kitchen to get a drink of water and enters the living room, which she finds full of people, some going through both doors, and a doorman standing behind a podium between the doors. There's a sheaf of papers on the podium, and each person has a report. The doorman reads the report, listing their sins and good, and by that, he assigns them to heaven or hell, and the people enter through the respective doors.

The husband and wife figure out what's going on and they develop a friendship with the doorman, who is just a guy doing his job. He has no emotional connection with any of the people (not because he's a sociopath; it just makes the job easier). He shows them his outlines for who is to be admitted to heaven and hell. The wife thinks the outlines for who's assigned to hell are just too wide and she starts to fight them. She and her husband start pleading people's cases at the gates, and they are very persuasive. Because of this, more and more people end up in heaven and less and less end up in hell.

God is only too happy with this, but the devil is extremely angry. You see, in the politics of hell, a devil has to meet a certain quota of people per three-month period or he must step down as head devil. To lean on the couple a little, he sends a young, enthusiastic demon to threaten the couple. This young demon, however, becomes much more interested in making wild and crazy things happen (like making the USS Queen Mary appear on Madison Avenue, making the mayor's wife give birth to an octopus rather than a baby boy) than in doing his job, which infuriates the devil and he arrives himself, in the guise of a red-sweatered and checked-cap-wearing old man with a well-trimmed white beard. He's very smooth-talking and suave, but he has an evil interior (obviously :) ). The devil becomes enamored with the wife and offers to take her instead, in exchange for all the souls he's lost as a result of them.

God, in retialiation, sends an angel to plead the couple's case. He's very suave and smooth-talking, as well, but he's a good guy. A trial ensues for the souls of the husband and wife (mostly the wife), with the doorman and others acting as witnesses. One of the dead souls, a judge, acts as judge, the devil is one attorney and the angel defends the husband and wife.

I'm still trying to decide what I like better, your plot or mine, but thanks for waking up my brain!

3/27/2011 #29

My pleasure. Anything that my ole brain cranks out is up for grabs. I like your doorman plot also, but i feel as if that has been done somewhere. I can't put my finger on it, but there's normally an angel to blame for being at the gates or at the train station/bus station to guide the weary souls. But I really like using characters that most won't know of or just don't see coming. The archangels are not used too often in many things nowadays but I thought of a story using them, and for the trial that seems or reminds me of Perry Mason. Cute. Now helping you has started a couple of story ideas of my own, but I'm not trying to start or do anything new.

So by all means use what you will and discard the rest. If you would like me to go in more details on anything else let me know.

I do like my little story twist however in the Doorway to Redemption story. I know that's not the title, but its just something that popped in there.

I'm actually working on a short story that is fighting with me to be posted. I don't think I'll actually do it though.

Well I hope you let me know what else I can do. I like to help more than anything and if I got you to think of other angles than I'm not totally useless....LOL!


3/28/2011 #30
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