Boyfriend or Just friends?
You know the stories...it's the best friend who falls in love with the boy who's her friend, but how do you feel about that? And can guys and girls ever be just friends?
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Ligeia de Valois

I think it is indeed possible for guys and girls to be just friends. I think this whole sub-genre of romances are just our way of commenting on that pair we know in real life that would be perfect for eachother but either don't see it for some reason or just simply refuse to.

4/7/2008 #1
Flamefire123

I've only dated two guys in my life and both of them were friends. My last guy, my first love, was a guy I've known for five years. So I know they can work but it's about 'refusing' to date. Chemestry plans in. Dating your friends is a great way to get a meaningful realtionship, if a spark is there. A lot of time a spark just...isn't there. So yeah friends can make great lovers and sometimes you just throw away something great for something not so great but I believe guys can be just friends, without being gay.

9/7/2008 #2
BloodyGirl

I think that guys and girls most of the time can't be just 'friends'. Either the girl falls for the boy, or the boy falls for the girl. Some work out some don't, it depends.

I mostly hang out with guys and yes they have fallen for me, but I haven't fallen for them. I fell for the one I can't have. It makes me feel bad because I hurt them, and it makes the friendship a little awkward.

But yes friends could be the best lovers. Because you know them, you trust them. And they could be a more than just your lovers.

But it doesn't always work that way, and it can ruin a friendship.

9/9/2008 #3
Erinthemasterofaworldoffantasy

I honestly don't get why people think that guys and girls cannot be just friends.

I have about four really close guy friends. The rundown on that is Guy 1 - honestly, I don't think I would ever fall for him in a million years. So not my type plus he's sexist and racist sometimes. Guy 2 - so funny and smart and easy to talk to. Could one day possibly like him but not now. Right now he isn't my type. Guy 3 - Never, ever, ever, ever, ever even though he is smart and funny I don't care. NEVER!!! Guy 4 - Alright to be honest, this one I like. He's like the guy version of me. Kind of weird but he's so great.

Now I know that with the first three of those guys I can be just friends without any romantic feelings coming into play. As for the fourth guy.... well let's just say that there just something about him. I haven't known him all that long but it feels like I have. He is slipping into the dangerous category of best friends.

Now as for the whole Best Friends falling love thing. I believe in it because usually they're so close and so alike that they are so PERFECT for each other. My friend Nico's friends were best friends for so long and they're soul mates. In fact they just had a baby yesterday. They're engaged and they're going to get married in a few months. They were very best friends and soul mates too. See it is possible for some but not for every pair of besties.

Wow that was long but it's my opinion! ^.^

2/17/2009 #4
018108

I'm split on this. I mean I find it perfectly normal for a guy and a girl to be just friends, nothing wrong with that. But on the same notion it could be cultural reasons/upbringing? I'm talking on my own experience of course. I come from a very strict and very prejudice/sexist background. As a young girl I was never allowed to be left alone within the vicinity of a boy or in a room without a parent around. I don't know, maybe my own people are really just an*l about that kind of thing. But dude I was only an eight year old. So anyway in circumstances like these most girls I know (who are of the same background or had the same experience) tend to get use to the notion that 'boys and girls can't be just friends. Does this make sense? I personally think it's ridiculous that I can't be a friend to someone who happens to be the opposite gender as myself. But I could be bias seeming as I happen to have two older brothers. So in my situation it was inevitable that I'd have at least one or two male friends.

ChimDee

3/20/2009 #5
Klaudiviris

I agree. I have plenty of guy friends, they're actually my closest friends at the uni right now, but they all have their girlfriends and I have my boyfriend (who is my best friend).

Then again, I'm really respectful of their girlfriends. You don't want to be the one making them jealous or wary, because dealing with a jealous girlfriend is the most scary scenario I can picture myself in. I even defend their girlfriends's points of view.They also side with my boyfriend most of the times, and they all get along alright (although my boyfriend is not one to go to my university all that often).

I do think that for a relationship to work, you have to be best friends. At least that's what works for me. I've been in relationships where he was not my best friend and I would just end up getting bored. -At least that's what I think right now.

3/25/2009 #6
Erinthemasterofaworldoffantasy

Klaudivirus, I don't agree with your statement about having to be best friends, but I do think that to make a relationship work then you must first be good friends. I have never succeeded in keeping a relationship with a guy who I wasn't friends with first. It just doesn't work.

I do agree with the jealous girlfriend scenario. I have been on both sides of it and I hate both ends.

3/26/2009 #7
Serom Kim

Much to the surprise of most people here, guys and gals CAN be just friends.

I've been with my little high school group for a 3-6 years (I'm nineteen) and my little high school group consists of several guys and girls who share a common interest. Anime. Video games. Drawing. Writing. Being immature. Not doing anything stupid like drugs or drinking. Not dating. Not looking for one.

Yeah, that's right. There are at least four or five guys who have been constantly with our group ever since it started and guess what? They're just my friends. Nothing more. It would be so weird to date one of them, or to see one of my guy friends and girl friends dating each other. Most of the time, I think it would mess up the way our group works. If they act the same way they always do while dating, then it's not strange but I've seen what two people having a bad relationship could do to a group. AND ONLY ONE PERSON OF THE TWO THOUGHT IT WAS A RELATIONSHIP.

Biggest part of this is that it depends on the person's personality. One of my friends in that group is more normal than the rest of us, so she's had a few crushes. They were nothing serious though and she gets along fine with people she has crushes on. One other friend and I have never had relationships and so far we're not interested either. People can be friends without falling for their opposite-sex best friend because SOME PEOPLE DEVELOP LATER THAN OTHERS. That's right, some people like myself just can't develop romantic interests even when we're nineteen. And there's nothing wrong with it. College friends are more normal than my high school friends. They have relationships. They break up. They fall apart. And if I know both the guy and the girl, I can't talk about one to the other, and I have to avoid it because one person will have a meltdown and I have to listen to them complain about each other AND I'M JUST SICK OF IT!

Putting it nicely, guys and girls can be friends without having a relationship and at times it's better if you stay friends.

4/7/2009 #8
Serom Kim

Apologies for the double post, but one of my friends brought up something that I just never noticed before and I thought it was relevant to this post in a way. My friend said that in U.S. society, girls seem to be led to believe that they need a boyfriend to be happy, and that friendships amongst girls doesn't seem to be encouraged. Because I ignore what society tells me to do, I've never noticed this until she brought it up. And now I'm thinking that a girl having a boyfriend is encouraged in this society but just having friends doesn't seem to be as encouraged. How many characters in TV shows and cartoons and media start off as a male and female best friend and stay that way? Male and female best friends seem to end up together all the time. What's wrong with just friendships? Seems like society does push girls into having a boyfriend and that she'll be happy when she has a boyfriend and that is not necessarily true.

4/11/2009 #9
Monochromatic Stains

Ok, but what about boundaries.

Say a guy is friends with nothing but girls

Then a girl who is an outsider starts dating the guy.

Well, I doubt that girl is going to appreciate him running around with a bunch of other girls especially when she's not around.

Thats not being paranoid, thats normal.

So what do you do?

9/14/2009 #10
Erinthemasterofaworldoffantasy

Well, supposing that the girl is not unreasonable, she could get to know his friends. It's natural to feel insecure until you've been together for a long time and are certain that him running around with a bunch of girls will not have any effect on your relationship. But the girl should take a breath and convince herself that if he wanted to be with one of his friends he would be with them and not her. She just basically needs to understand that they're his friends.

You're right though, it isn't paranoid. It's normal. But I suggest that she becomes friends with the girls to feel a little more secure about her guy.

9/14/2009 #11
Monochromatic Stains

Okay then what about the other way around.

9/14/2009 #12
Serom Kim

I think, and this is my opinion, that people who are insecure about their boyfriend/girlfriend hanging out with people of the opposite gender are unreasonable and insecure beyond common sense.

Think about it. This person, who hangs out with all these other girls or guys, STILL chose YOU over THEM to date. As long as you don't drive him or her away with insecurity and possessiveness, I don't think anything else will happen. I hate people who are so insecure and clingy about relationships. I hang out with both guys and girls, and if any of them stopped hanging out with the group because their boyfriend or girlfriend was insecure, then heck yeah, I'll be angry. And I'll probably have a few words with my friend's girlfriend or boyfriend. I think it's ridiculous. I can't stand people who are insecure.

9/16/2009 #13
IceKazuka13

I agree, and that's coming from experience. I've have strong feelings for a girl that is one of my best friends, but despite the fact that she knew that (and may have had feelings for me too), she never acted on those feelings and we've never gone out... not once. Sometimes, refusal can make things worse, but in my case made it better since we're still really close without ruining what we had.

10/1/2012 #14
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