Boyfriend or Just friends?
You know the stories...it's the best friend who falls in love with the boy who's her friend, but how do you feel about that? And can guys and girls ever be just friends?
New Follow Forum Follow Topic
XxXKristie MarieXxX
Do you think its right for you best friend to pick her boyfriend/girlfriend over you? What advice could you give to make that person relize what their doing?

I am currently going throught this. Uh! We hardly ever talk anymore and when we do its always about him. So sick of it! I think its important to spend time with him but don't forget about your best friends.

Leave what you think.

Thanks

KristieMarie

2/1/2007 . Edited 2/1/2007 #1
SirWade
I don't think it's right, but it happens! Two of my friends don't have boyfriends, but they're both boy-crazy, so when I talk to them that's usually all they talk about. It really gets on my nerves after a while, and half the time they're talking about people I don't even know, so it's really bad! I agree that it's important to spend time with their boyfriend(or girlfriend) but they shouldn't forget about their friends. I don't really have any advice, except possibly trying to talk to your friend, but even that may not work....so I really don't know...
2/7/2007 #2
XxXKristie MarieXxX
Yeah I tryed that. She apolygized and acted more like her self then drifted again. Yeah I know what you mean about boy crazy lol me and my (single) friends are like that.
2/7/2007 #3
SirWade
Hmmm....then I really don't have any other advice....lol....sorry...
2/7/2007 #4
XxXKristie MarieXxX
Yeah stuff even worse happen.. yeah I know drama. Hate it. But he told me today that he was only my friend b/c he's dating mybest friend.. what a j*** huh? I hate him. uh men wait let me fix that SOME men.

What I dont get is he let me use his locker, he told me his secrets, he called me alot, IM'd me online, wanted me to sit with him at games and cryed once.. and he says he doesnt care abut me at all.. okay I'm confused

2/8/2007 . Edited 2/8/2007 #5
Tamara Lee
wow! I'd be confused,too! I'd just ignore him from now on.

I used to be best friends with another girl.

Freshmen year she began to date a senior, and then it was all about him. At one point he freaked out on Erin, and then we had a fight. I felt bad, and apologized to him, and the girl thought I didn't mean it. Then she ignored me, called me names, blah, blah, blah.

Now, the broke up that summer, and our friendship has never been back to the way it was.

They have to remember that boyfriends/girlfriends come and go, but friends stay forever! Remind your friend of that!

I try to focus in that whenever I date someone.

Goos luck with everything! I hope it all works out!

2/12/2007 #6
XxXKristie MarieXxX
Yeah. He sent me an e-mail three days ago saying 'You have every right to hate me right now. but i'm sorry i said that. I truly am. If I could take it back I would. I wish I could go back in time so I could. I was just annoyed at some things then i relized it doesnt matter b/c your a really good friend. And I mean that. So can we plz just forget about all this and be friends again.' I don't know abut that either. Some of him had to mean it right? You just don't say that. Uh. What do u people think?
2/15/2007 #7
prolific bunny
First off, i guess it is hard to be with a friend like that. Best friend, well that's worse. The thing is, at least this is what I believe, the title of a 'best friend' is a very big deal. You can't just throw it around saying this person is that and so on.

I think, when faced with a problem like this, you should approach said best friend and just tell him/her what's bothering you. Friendship may pale in comparison to love (as believed by many) but it still counts as something.

2/18/2007 #8
XxXKristie MarieXxX
Yep I agree. I told him what I thought and felt. He turns around and calls me a drama queen. The thing is I hate drama. Its so childish. She chose him over her 2 best friends. She says she has alot of friends but she doesnt. Uh I hate this. Every time I seem to express how I feel(which your supposed to do with friends) its concidered drama. uh. this is so dumb.
2/19/2007 #9
Tamara Lee
There's you answer then! I guess he did mean part of it, and if he was really sorry, he would have listened to your concerns.

I hope everything starts to work out for you! I know that the situation sucks!

3/13/2007 #10
XxXKristie MarieXxX
Yeah, he doesn't even talk to me anymore but when I walk toward him sometimes and he stairs at me until we pass or sometimes he opens his mouth but closes it. like hew ants to say something. Weird huh. I have given up on her and him.. Don't care, since we all stopped talking there has been no DRAMA. I'm laughing more and more. I'm so happy not so mad all the time. :D thanx Tamara
3/14/2007 #11
white winged
Yea. This is what happened to my friend, except sadly her and the guy she crushes on aren't even going out. The only time she ever bothers talking to me is when she wants advice about HIM; this went on for awhile before I finally went, "Listen, if you aren't gonna be a friend, then forget about it." And then she continued crushing on him, until he said he didn't like her that way ... then she asked me to forgive her.

Sigh. What do I do?

4/14/2007 #12
XxXKristie MarieXxX
I guess I should update more often. He dumped her and talks to me all the time now. The ex gf (ex best friends) is acting likethere is nothing wrong. She even asked me to pic her or him.. real friends dont make u choose like that. Its very wrong.

For your frined that sucks.. it hurts. Yeah that usally how it is. As soon as she finds out she can't have the guy the girl comes back begging usaly. Its hard.. sometimes you want to forvive.. and other times your not for sure

4/16/2007 #13
Tamara Lee
Um...let's see.

Boyfriends come and go, but true friends are forever? Has anyone ever heard of that? LOL.

I'm glad that everything is going better for you! The more I act like I don't like *Insert Name Here* the better our relationship is, and the better we get along during our play rehearsals.

I think my spelling is off today...

Anyhoo, congrats to those who can see who only wants to use you, and those friends who really care about you.

5/23/2007 #14
XxXKristie MarieXxX
Yes i've heard that and i fallow that. I cherrish both but when one makes me choose.. it makes me totally mad! My friends wouldn't make me.. well let me fix that my True friends wouldn't make me. and for the last tline of Tamara's AMEN!
5/24/2007 #15
Some Kind of Beautiful
It's not right for your best friend to pick their boyfriend/girlfriend over you, especially at early stages in the relationship. It happens, though, when all couples are in their "newlywed" state. Just be honest with your best friend, let him know that you're not asking him to choose between his girlfriend and you, but let him know that you miss his friendship. Honestly, I swear when a person starts going out with someone new, they become a different person. It takes time to get over that stage, but they do. Whether it be several months into dating that person, or when they break up. It always happens though and it will happen again. And whenever you are in a relationship as well, I'm sure you do something similar. In a perfect world, we'd balance things out from the very beginning, but it's too hard! :)
11/21/2007 #16
sara1965
Personally I think if your friend keeps picking her boyfriend over you why not do the same? When you have partys and go out with other friends don't invite her, and if she confronts you about it ask her how she likes it and if your friends again then it proves your friedship can go through anything. But if she gets mad she wasn't being nice to you anyways so no harm no foul.
2/23/2008 #17
elichica
This is a pretty common situation. My best guy friend started dating my best girlfriend so they both blew my off all the time, treated hanging out as though it was a date (and I wasn't there), and constantly ignored my calls, texts, and whenever I wanted to hang out. They broke up, it's the hostile post-break up phase with me as the middle woman and it's hell.

It's not right that they should pick each other over you. For your (girl) best friend, I'd tell her how you feel (as cheesy as it sounds) politely, and try to keep calm. Don't make her feel the need to defend herself because it'll just make it worse. If she tells you that you're being stupid and that she isn't ignoring you: don't worry about being her friend. If she truly is your friend then she'll do her best to change how she's acting. If she says she'll change but does, keep telling her that she's being obsessive.

My mistake was that I joked around about it and explained why I was so mad in a sarcastic, attacking tone. She flipped out on me, claimed I was trying to steal her boyfriend, and told me we were no longer friends.

Just trust me on this, don't try to get even if you want to remain friends. But seriously? Find better friends; that is the best advice I can give.

Phew, that was really long. o.O

3/2/2008 #18
freakyAngel
Okay, the way your conversations are going wit your friends, I'm gonna go crazy tryin' to read 'em all. Seriously. So I'm just gonna ignore everything else except for this one post here that I'm replying to.

I don't know for sure what that'd feel like, but yeah, I can imagine how pissed and sad the ignored best friend will be. If it were to happen to me, I'd most likely tell my BFF straight in her face. I agree with one of the posts I read, friendship is longer-lasting than a BGF relationship. Who can say how reliable love is? Platonic ones are always longer-lasting, 'cause I believe that, for one, you ain't gonna be as hurt as when someone you love in the romantic way upsets you. Sure, BFFs can fight and argue and whatever, but in the end it's that person to whom you tell most of your troubles and secrets to. Do you tell your BF / GF who you think is hot? Don't think so. Do you tell them when you get h*** / are PMS-ing? If you don't have sex, I think not. Sure, mostly guys can pretty much tell when girls PMS, but they can't confirm if it's just temporary depression or just due to periods, right?

Pretty sure I just commited some federal crime there, but what the heck.

So a bit of novice's advice to the "ignorers"? Best if you remember your BFF ASAP. I mean, most likely you knew your BFF before you had your steady. So don't ignore someone who's created so many memories with you, and who has the potential to create even more. In the end, they're almost always the ones you turn to when you need a shoulder to cry on.

-fA

3/10/2008 #19
Need 'n' Know

I totally agree, true friends would never make you choose. Never. I mean, they'll think about it, get hurt, but never to choose like that. xP

Now, first thing's first, guys should never complain about a girl having her period. That should be the end of that discussion. We're only human, aren't we?

I hope the people who choose their bf/gf over their friends learn from their mistake. That's all I ask. Learn from their mistake and don't do it again. O_O

8/16/2008 #20
chewyy the moofin

Ahh, that classic situation.

It's happened to me too, except in even worst pretenses than possible.

My viewpoint?

(Why, thanks for asking!)

It's true that friendships should be valued over those kinds of relationships, but I think that real relationships are also friendships between the guy and the girl. I mean, wouldn't it be weird if it was just, you meet them, you ask them on a date, and boom. You're together.

That's a little weird.

As for ditching, that's wrong. It's pretty much the same thing as ditching a friend for another friend, except the genders are different. For me, it's finding a proper balance between the two. And it is possible.

And, for those of you who have encountered the 'choose or else' kind of people, if they ask for another chance, then let them.

"If they ask for another chance, then give it to them. But if they ditch you again, then ask for another chance, kick 'em, and go find some better friends."

(Modified that slightly from 'Charlie Brown Christmas', the Scrubs version.)

:D

8/26/2008 #21
Ms. Phoebe Grace

I know I'm prolly off topic by now, but what if your boyfriend is your 'best friend'. I mean can't you have more than one best friend? Like a 'girl' friend to tell your 'girly' secrets too? I mean... I don't think every guy best friend would wanna know the latest on my female hormonal changes. xD

But... yeah. I don't think it's right for your Best friend to pick you over their BF/GF. Unless you know... they already had plans to begin with. Tell them what you feel if you feel left out. --Easier said than done. Of course.

8/9/2010 #22
pbandpudge

Hell nah. It's definitely not right. It happened to me. A best friend should never have to pick their significant other over you. They can make time.

8/11/2010 #23
JeanneLaska

I think that tends to happen when you're young/in high school. You know, first love, woohoo, big deal! It feels like such a novelty compared to a friendship you've shared for years...

However, when growing up people usually realize that real friends are more important, 'cause they don't break your heart, ha!

I moved to a new place (new country, new continent) a year and a half ago, and I'm still in the process of making friends. It thus happens that my boyfriend sort of plays the best friend role here... But I don't like it! I want friends I don't sleep with, I want girlfriends! Because you can't rely on your boyfriend for everything... Like when you fight with him: who can you go to and badmouth him to? Also, he's got his own friends, and sometimes they go out together on an all-male night... And I'm jealous 'cause I don't have anybody to call up and go out with.

So, personally, I really wish I had closer friends, so I could spend less time with my boyfriend. :P

2/11/2011 #24
jaderook
I think this is common when you're younger. One day some folks will wake up and realize that they can have friends and a love life and not alienate anyone. Give your friend a chance, but if she doesn't come around eventually, then perhaps you should just let that friendship drift away. I'm better off without some of my old friends from high school.
12/2/2011 #25
Forum Moderators: SirWade
Rules:
  • Forums are not to be used to post stories.
  • All forum posts must be suitable for teens.
  • The owner and moderators of this forum are solely responsible for the content posted within this area.
  • All forum abuse must be reported to the moderators.
Membership Length: 2+ years 1 year 6+ months 1 month 2+ weeks new member