Cafe Fictionpress
The free for all society of Fictionpress writers, readers and lurkers. Come here if you want to chat, rant, or be lazy.
New Follow Forum Follow Topic
Page 1 2 3 .. Last Next »
aka Providence
Bullets note: Yes I'm bored. Very bored, nobody's online today again. And so, I'm back to copy-pasting another funny list, nya~

The original site: http://www.cs.utah.edu/~duongsaa/more_htm/jk_100animeRules.htm

Intro:

Created by Insane Advocate and his two friends. Aswell as various internet sources

100 Rules of Anime

The laws of Anime is a growing list of physical, universal, and natural

phenomenon that seem to appear in various forms in all sorts of anime. The original

intent was an effort to classify these incidents into a list of "laws" that

explained how Anime physics are different from our own (real?) world. It is our hope

that you find them useful to studying Anime, or at the very least, worth a good

chuckle.

3/6/2007 #1
aka Providence
#1 - Law of Metaphysical Irregularity- The normal laws of physics do not apply.
3/6/2007 #2
aka Providence
#2 - Law of Differential Gravitation- Whenever someone or something jumps, is

thrown, or otherwise is rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of 4.

* Some things have been known to "Float" for a few seconds before plummeting to hit

the ground, vehicle, or someone’s cranium.

3/6/2007 . Edited 3/6/2007 #3
aka Providence
#3 - Law of Sonic Amplification, First Law of Anime Acoustics- In space, loud

sounds, like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.

3/6/2007 #4
aka Providence
#4 - Law of Constant Thrust, First Law of Anime Motion- In space, constant thrust

equals constant velocity.

3/6/2007 #5
aka Providence
#5 - Law of Mechanical Mobility, Second Law of Anime Motion- The larger a

mechanical device is, the faster it moves, Armoured Mecha are the fastest objects

known to human science.

3/6/2007 #6
aka Providence
#6 - Law of Temporal Variability- Time is not a constant. Time stops for the hero

whenever he does something "cool" or "impressive". Time slows down when friends and

lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.

3/6/2007 #7
aka Providence
#7 - First Law of Temporal Mortality- "Good Guys" and "Bad Guys" both die in one of

two ways - either so quick they don’t even see it coming, OR it’s a long drawn out

affair where the character gains much insight to the workings of society, human

existence or why the toast always lands butter side down. *NOTE: Sometimes, Anime

heroes or villains never really die! In these rare cases they were a clone or cyborg

and the real hero/villain’s suspiciously missing in "Malletspace", or something.

3/6/2007 #8
aka Providence
#8 - Second Law of Temporal Mortality- It takes some time for bad guys to die...

regardless of physical damage. Even when the "Bad Guys" are killed so quickly they

don’t even see it coming, it takes them a while to realize they are dead. This is

attributed to the belief that being evil damages the Reality Lobe of the brain.

3/6/2007 #9
aka Providence
#9 - Law of Dramatic Emphasis- Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are

depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color

(usually red or white).

3/6/2007 #10
aka Providence
#10- Law of Dramatic Multiplicity- Scenes that only happen once, for instance, a

"Good Guy" kicks the "Bad Guy" in the face, are seen at least 3 times from 3

different angles.

3/6/2007 #11
aka Providence
#11- Law of Inherent Combustibility- Everything explodes. Everything.

First Corollary- Anything that explodes bulges first.

Second Corollary- Large cities are the most explosive substances known to

human science. Tokyo in particular seems to be the most unstable of these cities,

sometimes referred to as "The Matchstick City".

3/6/2007 #12
aka Providence
#12- Law of Phlogistatic Emission- Nearly all things emit light from fatal wounds.
3/6/2007 #13
aka Providence
#13- Law of Energetic Emission- There is always an energy build up (commonly

referred to as an energy "bulge") before Mecha or space craft weapons fire. Because

of the explosive qualities of weapons, it is believed that this is related to the

Law of Inherent Combustibility.

3/6/2007 #14
aka Providence
#14- Law of Inverse Lethal Magnitude- The destructive potential of any

object/organism is inversely proportional to its mass.

First Corollary- Small and cute will always overcome big and ugly. Also

known as the A-Ko phenomenon.

3/6/2007 #15
aka Providence
#15- Law of Inexhaustibility- No one *EVER* runs out of ammunition. That is of

course unless they are cornered, out-numbered, out-classed, and unconscious.

3/6/2007 #16
aka Providence
#16- Laws of Inverse Accuracy- The accuracy of a "Good Guy" when operating any form

of firearm increases as the difficulty of the shot increases. The accuracy of the

"Bad Guys" when operating firearms decreases when the difficulty of the shot

decreases. (Also known as the Stormtrooper Effect) Example: A "Good Guy" in a

drunken stupor being held upside down from a moving vehicle will always hit, and

several battalions of "Bad Guys" firing on a "Good Guy" standing alone in the middle

of an open field will always miss.

First Corollary- The more "Bad Guys" there are, the less likely they will

hit anyone or do any real damage.

Second Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is faced with insurmountable odds,

the "Bad Guys" line up in neat rows, allowing the hero to take them all out with a

single burst of automatic fire and then escape.

Third Corollary- Whenever a "Good Guy" is actually hit by enemy fire, it is

in a designated "Good Guy Area", usually a flesh wound in the shoulder or arm,

which restricts the "Good Guy" from doing anything more strenuous than driving,

firing weaponry, using melee weapons, operating heavy machinery, or doing complex

martial arts maneuvers.

*Fourth Corollary- The more times the "Bad Guy" fires, the fewer times he

will hit.

3/6/2007 #17
aka Providence
#17- Law of Transient Romantic Unreliability- Minimei is a b***. (Note: The

Minority Opposition in Ohio disagrees and thinks all men who like this stuff needs

to get out more.)

3/6/2007 #18
aka Providence
#18- Law of Hemoglobin Capacity- the human body contains over 12 gallons of blood,

sometimes more, under high pressure.

3/6/2007 #19
aka Providence
#19- Law of Demonic Consistency- Demons and other supernatural creatures have at

least three eyes, loads of fangs, tend to be yellow-green or brown, but black is not

unknown, and can only be hurt by bladed weapons. *Also, acid has been known to work

just as well...

3/6/2007 #20
aka Providence
#20- Law of Militaristic Unreliability- Huge galaxy-wide armadas, entire armies, and

large war machines full of cruel, heartless, bloodthirsty warriors can be stopped

and defeated with a single insignificant example of a caring/loving emotion or a

song.

First Corollary- Whenever a single war machine (mecha, starship, etc.) goes

up against an entire army, the army always loses.

3/6/2007 #21
aka Providence
#21- Law of Tactical Unreliability- Tactical geniuses aren’t...
3/6/2007 #22
aka Providence
#22 -Law of Inconsequential Undetectability- People never notice the little

things... like missing body parts, or wounds the size of Seattle.

3/6/2007 #23
aka Providence
#23- Law of Juvenile Intellectuality- Children are smarter than adults. And almost

twice as annoying.

3/6/2007 #24
aka Providence
#24- Law of Americanthromorphism- Americans in Anime appear in one of two roles,

either as a really nasty skinny "Bad Guy" or a big stupid "Good Guy".

First Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the big dumb

Americans are the American translators. (Sometimes referred to as the Green Line

Effect)

Second Corollary- The only people who are more stupid than the American

translators are the American editors and censors.

*Third Corollary- Canadians are usually portrayed as smart, strong, handsome

"Good Guys".

3/6/2007 #25
aka Providence
#25- Law of Mandibular Proportionality- The size of a person’s mouth is directly

proportional to the volume at which they are speaking or eating.

3/6/2007 #26
aka Providence
#26- Law of Feline Mutation- Any half-cat/half-human mutation will invariably:

1) be female.

2) will possess ears and sometimes a tail as a genetic mutation.

3) wear as little clothing as possible, if any.

3/6/2007 #27
aka Providence
#27- Law of Conservation of Firepower- Any powerful weapon capable of

destroying/defeating an opponent in a single shot will invariably be reserved and

used as a last resort.

3/6/2007 #28
aka Providence
#28- Law of Technological User-Benevolence- The formal training required to operate

a spaceship or mecha is inversely proportional to its complexity.

3/6/2007 #29
aka Providence
#29- Law of Melee Luminescence- Any being displaying extremely high levels of

martial arts prowess and/or violent emotions emits light in the form of a glowing

aura. This aura is usually blue for "Good Guys" and red for "Bad Guys". This is

attributed to Good being higher in the electromagnetic spectrum than Evil.

3/6/2007 #30
Page 1 2 3 .. Last Next »
Forum Moderators: aka Providence
Rules:
  • Forums are not to be used to post stories.
  • All forum posts must be suitable for teens.
  • The owner and moderators of this forum are solely responsible for the content posted within this area.
  • All forum abuse must be reported to the moderators.
Membership Length: 2+ years 1 year 6+ months 1 month 2+ weeks new member