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aka Providence
#30- Law of Non-Anthropomorphic Antagonism- All ugly, non-humanoid alien races are

hostile, and usually hell-bent on destroying humanity for some obscure reason.

3/6/2007 #31
aka Providence
#31- Law of Follicular Chromatic Variability- Any color in the visible spectrum is

considered a natural hair color. This color can change without warning or


3/6/2007 #32
aka Providence
#32- Law of Follicular Permanence- Hair in anime is pretty much indestructible, and

can resist any amount of meteorological conditions, energy emissions, physical

abuse, or explosive effects and still look perfect. The only way to hurt someone’s

hair is the same way you deal with demons... with bladed weapons!

3/6/2007 #33
aka Providence
#34- Law of Probable Attire- Clothing in anime follows certain predictable

guidelines: Female characters wear as little clothing as possible, regardless of

whether it is socially or meteorologically appropriate. Any female with an excessive

amount of clothing will invariably have her clothes ripped to shreds or torn off

somehow. If there is no opportunity to tear off aforementioned female’s clothes,

then she will inexplicably take a shower for no apparent reason (also known as the

Gratuitous Shower Scene). Whenever there is a headwind, Male characters invariably

wear long cloaks that don’t hamper movement and billow out dramatically behind them.

First Corollary (Cryo-Adaptability)- All anime characters are resistant to

extremely cold temperatures, and do not need to wear heavy or warm clothing in snow.

Second Corollary (Indecent Invulnerability)- Bikinis render the wearer

invulnerable to any form of damage.

*Third Corollary (Probable Attire permanence)- The clothing on the hero is

indestructible. Their capes, robes, (and if they are girls,) skirts, dresses, bows,

or any loose clothing will just flap when they are in the middle of a fire or ice

attack... Unless it's a h***. It is believed that the clothes are made out of

Anime Character hair. (re. Laws 32 & 48)

3/6/2007 #34
aka Providence
#35- Law of Musical Omnipotence- Any character capable of musical talent (singing,

playing an instrument, etc. Is automatically capable of doing much more "simple"

things, like piloting mecha, fighting crime, stopping an intergalactic war, and so

on... especially if they’ve never attempted these things before.

3/6/2007 #35
aka Providence
#36- Law of Quintupular Agglutination- Also called "The Five-man Rule", when "Good

Guys" group together, it tends to be in groups of five. There are five basic

positions, which are:

1) The Hero/Leader

2) His Girlfriend

3) His Best Friend/Rival

4) A Hulking Brute

5) A Dwarf/Kid

Between these basic positions are distributed several attributes, which include:

1) Extreme Coolness

2) Amazing Intelligence

3) Incredible Irritation

3/6/2007 #36
aka Providence
#37- Law of Extradimensional Capacitance- All anime females have an

extrasdimensional storage space of variable volume somewhere on their person from

which they can instantly retrieve any object at a moment’s notice. This mysterious

dimension is commonly called "Malletspace".

First Corollary (AKA The Hammer Rule)- The most common item stored is a

heavy mallet, costumes/uniforms, power suits/armor, and large bazookas.

3/6/2007 #37
aka Providence
#38- Law of Hydrostatic Emission- Eyes tend to be rather large in Anime. This is

because they contain several gallons of water, which may be instantaneously released

at high pressure through large tear ducts. The actual volume of water contained in

the eyes is unknown, as there is no evidence to suggest that these reservoirs are

actually capable of running out. The reason water tends to collect in the eyes is

because Anime characters only have one large sweat gland, which is located at the

back of the head. When extremely stressed , embarrassed, or worried, this sweat

gland exudes a single but very large drop of sebaceous fluid.

3/6/2007 #38
aka Providence
#39- Law of Inverse Attraction- Success at finding suitable mates is inversely

proportionate to how desperately you want to be successful. The more you want, the

less you get and vice-versa.

First Corollary- Unfortunately, this law seems to apply to Otaku in the real


3/6/2007 #39
aka Providence
#40- Law of Nasal Sanguination- When sexually aroused, males in Anime don’t get

erections, they get nosebleeds. No one’s sure why this is, though... the current

theory suggests that larger eyes means smaller sinuses and thinner sinus tissue (see

Law #38 above). Females don’t get nosebleeds, but invariably get one heck of a blush

along the cheeks and across the nose, suggesting a lot of bloodflow to that region.

3/6/2007 #40
aka Providence
#41- Law of Xylolaceration- Wooden or bamboo swords are just as sharp as metal

swords, if not sharper.

3/6/2007 #41
aka Providence
#42- Law of Juvenile Omnipotence- Always send a boy to do a man’s job. He’ll get it

done in half the time and twice the angst.

3/6/2007 #42
aka Providence
#43- Law of Triscaquadrodecophobia- There is no Law #43.
3/6/2007 #43
aka Providence
#44- Law of Nominative Clamovocation- the likelihood of success and damage done by a

martial arts attack is directly proportional to the volume at which the full name of

the attack is announced (known as the Kamehameha effect).

3/6/2007 #44
aka Providence
#45- Law of Uninteruptable Metamorphosis- Regardless of how long or involved the

transformation sequence or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys"

witnessing a mecha/hero/heroine transforming are too stunned to do anything to

interrupt it.

3/6/2007 #45
aka Providence
#46- Law of Flimsy Incognition- Simply changing into a costume or wearing a teensy

mask can make you utterly unrecognizable to even your closest friends and relatives.

3/6/2007 #46
aka Providence
*#47- Law of Mandibular Combustible Emission- All anime characters seem to have some

unknown chemical on their breath that reacts VERY violently with extremely hot or

spicy food. This chemical may also be responsible for the phenomenon of fire behind

the eyes and from the mouth when a character (usually a female) is really angry.

3/6/2007 #47
aka Providence
*#48- Law of Electrical and Combustible Survivalism- If you get electrocuted or

burned, YOU WILL SURVIVE!! Though your entire body will be scorched, seconds later,

your skin won’t have a trace of damage (Also known as the "Pikachu Effect").

First Corollary- When a magical bad guy/Alien/monster fires off a flame,

wind, or ice attack, the resulting effect is only enough for the hero(es)/heroine(s)

to be standing in the "Walking Against the Wind" stance, with his/her eyes shut and

letting out a pathetic "Aaaaagh!", and yet they are never harmed. This may be in

part to laws 32, 34 and sometimes 44.

3/6/2007 #48
aka Providence
*#49- Law of Female wrath- If a male character insults a female character, he will

get a mallet, shotgun, or tank blast, or if she is a character that can perform

magical feats, a fireball or whatever, to the head, body or whatever (Also known as

the "Lina Inverse/Gourry Factor") This is because he always deserves it, and will

help him to cope in today’s society. (Sniff Sniff So True!!)

3/6/2007 #49
aka Providence
*#50- Law of Artistic P***- Most (not all) Anime artists are perverts and are

under the impression that girls are willing to tear off their clothes, or wear VERY

small, revealing outfits at the drop of a pin (or pen for that matter).

Unfortunately, most H*** fans are under the same impression.

3/6/2007 #50
aka Providence
*#51- Law of Uninteruptable Nominative Clamovocation- This law is a mixture of Laws

44 and 45. Regardless of how long or involved the Spell or projectile attack is, and

the likelihood of success and damage done by the volume at which the full name of

the attack is announced, or how many times they’ve seen it before, any "Bad Guys"

witnessing a hero/heroine quoting the incantations for an extremely powerful attack

are too stunned to do anything to interrupt it. (Also known as the "Dragon Slave


3/6/2007 #51
aka Providence
*52- Law of Telepathic Obliviousness- Most of the time, some Anime characters

(usually males) will think personal (Like that he/she has sabotaged something), or

perverted thoughts, while near some other character, WHO’S TELEPATHIC!! The reasons

for this are:

1) They forgot that the person is telepathic.

2) They just don’t give a damn.

The reasons the telepathic person doesn’t react are:

1) They’re preoccupied with doing something else.

2) They’d rather keep the fact to themselves that they are Telepathic.

3) They just don’t give a damn.

3/6/2007 #52
aka Providence
+#53- Law of Chromatic Diversity- Air can be any color of the viewable spectrum.
3/6/2007 #53
aka Providence
+#54- Law of Old Man Comic Relief- Comic relief comes in the form of a short, bald,

wise-mouthed dirty old man or alien. Or the combination of any two of those traits.

First Corollary- If old man is present, and is acting too h***, stupid,

etc., there will invariably be an old woman to whap him over the head with a frying

pan or something.

3/6/2007 #54
aka Providence
+#55- Law of the Wise Old Man- Little old Japanese men always know how it ends and

withhold the ending from anyone, especially the hero. This includes special power

weapons, ancient relics, and people who know everything.

3/6/2007 #55
aka Providence
+#56- Law of Omnipotent Unreliability- Any "Bad Guy" with Omnipotent powers/weapons

will never use those powers/weapons against the "Good Guy" until it is too late.

First Corollary- All "Bad Guys" suffer from Antagonistic Boasting Syndrome

which require all "Bad Guys" to threaten with or exemplify their prowess and not use

it against the "Good Guy".

Second Corollary- No "Bad Guy" may use any new, secret, or superior military

device without one of the following events occurring:

a) The control device being broken.

The control device being taken by the "Good Guy".

c) The control device is in fact not the real device at all and was just

"fooled" by the "Good Guy".

d) The "Bad Guy" has already lost and cannot use the device.

3/6/2007 #56
aka Providence
+#57- Law of Minimum Corneal Volume- Eyeballs may make up no less than one sixth of

the face’s total surface area. More so if the case is a blonde woman.

3/6/2007 #57
aka Providence
+#58- Law of Electrical Charges in Hair- Hair attracts electricity in abundance,

resulting in two outcomes:

a) A positive charge will result in the spikes-flying-everywhere-behind-me


A negative charge will result in the

hair-cascading-down-to-the-waist-in-a-single-sheet look.

3/6/2007 #58
aka Providence
+#59- Law of Ammunition Accuracy- When there are multiple types of ammunition

available (paintballs, speaker pods), non-lethal rounds will always be more accurate

when compared to "standard" or lethal shots. (Macross Plus for paintballs, Macross 7

for speaker pods)

3/6/2007 #59
aka Providence
+#60- Law of Active Female Attraction- In a comedy series, a male character’s

attractiveness to women is inversely proportional to how active they pursue them.

(Tenchi, Ranma, and Makoto [OVA] have a seemingly endless supply of willing

girlfriends despite their lack of romantic skill while Happosai, Ataru, and Carrot

couldn’t get a date despite [or because of] their constant attempts.)

3/6/2007 #60
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