Okay, so there aren't really anny rules. But, there are guidelines.
1. EVERYONE MUST PARTICIPATE.
2. This thread will ONLY be unlocked on December 18th. Note: It will be a literal day. From 12 AM back to 12 AM. (Because the majority of the forum members [5/8] are on Eastern time then that is the clock it's running on)
3. Can be poem or one shot.
4. I have no idea if there is a post length limit, but if there is and you can't post anny more in one post then split it into two parts and post it fast enough so there isn't annyone posting between them. But, also, I don't want a fucking novel for this. Make it reasonable.
5. Also, please at least write something. At least an amusing sentence. But even then I will lose the hard earned respect I have towards you. So do it, dammit.
6. You can post comments on the stories too. You're not restricted to just stories posted here. Celebration has no limits! (except if you're a douchebag and don't celebrate)
LETTUCE HAVE SOME FUN! :D
I crossed out the shit that doesn't apply annymore.
7. Format tips:
See example post #10
Great formatting means that you avoided huge paragraphs of text (example of wrongness is my post #16). Huge paragraphs of text without anny variations in them as in lack of bold, italics, or underlines make the story hard to read and reluctant to other viewers for a fun reread.
8. Expanding on this you can also think of writing a play which would format nicely but may not be your style. CHOICES ARE UNLIMITED.
The rest of the tips are here at post #38 marked December 4th
POST AND BE CREATIVE OR SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES OF KNOWING YOU'RE AN UNIMAGINATIVE LOSER WITH ZERO CREATIVITY
But still have fun.12/16/2013 . Edited 12/17/2014 #1
ANNIVERSARY PARTY STARTS NOW!12/17/2013 #2
Saving the Madhouse
Seven awoke; he immediately knew that something was wrong. The house was way too quiet. Maybe it was early, he thought. It seemed like the simple solution. Seven turned towards his alarm clock and saw it was eleven AM on a Saturday. Something was definitely wrong. Seven jumped out of bed and quickly noticed that he was in his nightware. He snapped his fingers and he was in a black shirt, gray jeans and sneakers. His black hair was also spiked and he had changed his eye color to green, the universal confused look for him.
"Is anyone home?" Seven stupidly asked. No one responded to him. The house was empty and Seven was hungry. He walked into the kitchen and opened the fridge and took out a slice of pizza. He used his fire abilities to warm it up. Seven heard a noise.
"Who is there?" Seven was going towards his pocket to pull out his eight-millimeter pistol. "I have a gun." Seven heard the figure move left and he pulled the trigger back and shot it off.
"What the hell, Seven?" A familiar voice asked him.
Seven smiled. "Bangles, I was so worried that everyone else was gone. I am happy to see that you are fine."
Bangles growled. "FINE, YOU SHOT ME WITH A BLOODY PISTOL!"
Seven shrugged. "I have done worse things to other people. You can ask my original characters. I am a master of torture."
"Dude, don't break the fourth wall yet!" Bangles looked quite mad.
"Whatever, do you want to go half on the pizza?" Seven asked. Seven actually liked Bangles; he was cool for being a ditch daddy. Ann was also a fan of him. The only person who didn't like him was his Uncle John, who used to go by another name that he had banned from the household.
"Sure," Bangles replied. Seven looked at the floor and saw a piece of paper.
"Dude, did you drop a piece of paper after I shot you?"
Bangles shook his head. Seven was even more confused. He picked up the piece of paper and unfolded it. He looked at the context and was shocked.
"Seven, are you okay?" Bangles asked.
"No, I am not fine. My family was just kidnapped by my dark half and that new kid Obo, all of them."
"So, we are the only two people left in this house? We should throw a house party."
Seven shook his head. "NO! WE HAVE TO SAVE MY NEW FAMILY; IT IS ALL THAT I HAVE!"
"Is there something we could follow?" Bangles asked. Seven looked around and found some of Ann's belongings.
"I think that my sister left a trail for us to follow. I got to love her for that."
Bangles nodded. "So, what does the note say?"
"Well, it says that we will never find our family. Signed, Klaus, Obo and someone else's name is scratched out."
"It says that someone else's name is scratched out. What a weird thing to write."
Seven slapped his forehead. "No, I mean someone scratched out their name."
"Oh, that actually makes a lot more sense." Seven watched, as Ann's trail of belongings, both sexual and not, were finished. Ann's computer Tobi was sitting against the wall.
Seven's jaw dropped. "Ann would never go anywhere without Tobi. She can't be too far away."
"Maybe the lab top has some information that will be useful to you."
Seven smirked. "Bangles, you are a beautiful British genius, no homo intended. I can just imagine the people shipping us already, it scares me."
"Hey morons, don't start shipping us!" Bangles yelled at the fourth wall. Seven nodded. "That is one way to scare off the shippers of us, the other way is to be nice, but whatever." Seven started to feel around the wall and flipped a switch. The wall flipped over and hit Bangles. Ann walked out of the wall.
"Oh my God, guise, I was trapped in there like forever. Didn't I also hear BangBang here too?" Ann asked.
"Behind here," Bangles said, from the other side of the wall.
"Ann, I think you might want Tobi back," Seven said. Ann quickly snatched Tobi back. She started to hug the lab top.
"I missed you so much. I won't ever lose you again," Ann said.
Seven cracked another smile. "Ann, did you see where our good villains took the rest of our family?" He asked.
Ann shrugged. "I don't know." Seven turned around and saw that Sal and Val were behind him.
"When did you get here?" Seven asked.
"A few seconds ago, uncle. Sal just murdered your dark half, I hope you don't mind," Val said.
"He tasted delicious," Sal said. "Well, I am actually quite grateful. That guy deserved to die; he gave me a bad name," Seven replied.
"Guys, I'm still behind this wall," Bangles said. Seven flipped the switch back and the wall closed, not trapping anyone.
"Guise, we still have to find Wings and John," Ann said.
"And Papa," Seven added.
"Well, I thought that was a given Seven. Also, when did you get a pistol?"
"Oh, I always had one; I just tend to not use it. Luckily, Bangles has incredible healing speed."
"Yeah, lucky me," Bangles muttered.
"ANN!" Seven heard the familiar voice of Wings coming from upstairs. The five of them rushed upstairs to find Wings being tortured by Obo.
"Stop!" Wings shouted. He was showing her badly made Buffy the Vampire Fanfictions.
"I will torture you forever, no one will ever find us," Obo said.
Seven coughed. "I like to formerly introduce you to no one and his four friends," Seven said.
"Huh?" Wings asked. Ann quickly pulled out her knife. Obo was a dead woman, in every sense.
"Don't mess with my ma, Wings," Ann said. Seven averted his eyes as Ann cut off Obo's genitals, somehow, and placed them in a jar.
"I am still revolted by that," Seven muttered.
"I believe it is time for us to find out who our mystery villain is," Bangles said.
"Really? I never would have guessed," Wings sarcastically replied.
"Mortals," Sal scoffed.
"I don't understand what is happening," Val said.
"Well, I believe it is time to find our Papa," Seven said, as he reloaded his pistol. "Did you hit me on your last and only bullet?" Bangles asked.
Seven nodded. "One of the reasons that my username has the name Lucky in it."
"Guise, maybe the villain is in the basement," Ann said.
"No, there is where we come from," Val and Sal said.
"We were just in the attic," Wings reminded.
"Well, does anyone know where we could go?" Bangles asked.
Seven had a revelation. "Papa's room. He always has its locked; someone could have him trapped in them."
"Probably John," Everyone but Seven said.
"No, Uncle John is not that evil. He likes his twin brother," Seven said.The six of them walked towards the door to CV's room. Seven pulled it and quickly realized it was locked.
"Maybe we could use a lock pick," Bangles suggested.
Seven sighed. "I have a simpler way." Seven shot his pistol at the door and kicked it in. He saw that John had tied CV to a rocket ship.
"Okay, where did he get that from? I don't remember anyone ordering rocket ship parts," Bangles said.
"As you were saying," Ann said. Seven noticed that John had an assault rifle.
"Everyone duck! He has an assault rifle," Seven said.
"No, we didn't notice," Bangles sarcastically replied.
"Now, this now will end for all of you," John said.
"Did someone call John the forbidden name?" Seven asked.
"Nope," Bangles, Ann and Wings said.
"I don't know it," Val said. "
I mentioned how a queen felt when they died," Sal said.
"Did you put queen at the end?" Ann asked.
Sal nodded. "Just great," Seven muttered. He started to carefully maneuver around the tables that have magically appeared. "Apparently, the writer favors me."
"Or he wants to kill you," Bangles muttered.
Seven pulled out his phase pistol and shot John.
"Seven, you're still a bad shot with that," John said.
"I wasn't aiming for you," Seven said. He watched, as the beam bounced the room and then hitting John.
"Do you think he will kill him?" Ann asked.
"Not in his character. Then again, Seven has surprised us," Bangles said. Seven felt the world fading and he collapsed.
Seven awoke with a jolt. He noticed that his Papa was sitting next to him.
"Papa, is something wrong?" Seven asked, his voice sounding much lower than normal.
"Seven, you have been sick from the past few days. Actually, you slipped into a coma. No one thought you were going to make it."Seven looked around.
"Where are Sal, Val, and Obo?" Seven asked.
"Who? Seven, we just moved here tonight," Papa said.
"So, Tooth and Liv are still in charge?" Seven asked.
Papa nodded. "Is everything all right, Seven?"
Seven smiled. "Just fine, Papa. This is the Madhouse after all. I have a feeling we will be opening our doors to a lot of people. I am sure that some of us will go through turmoil. We will deal with the loss of a friend of the family. People will leave us, new faces will come. This will always be our Madhouse though. No one controls our Madhouse. Who knows what the future brings, Papa?"
Papa sighed. "No one, Seven. You should get some more rest."
"Papa, can you promise me that I will always be the something?"
Papa smiled. "Yes, Seven, you will always be the something. The reason that this was bought and we invited so many strangers in it. Seven, you may not be a head, but you are a something."
Seven nodded as Papa left the room. I always liked being the something, it may be a broad something, but the old place we lived at had too many rules. I hope we have a lot of guess for years to come. The Madhouse is and always will be our home, he thought. Seven closed his eyes, tomorrow was a new day.12/17/2013 . Edited 12/17/2013 #3
Seven: get this in your head.
My favorite parts:
Seven watched, as Ann's trail of belongings, both sexual and not, were finished. Ann's computer Tobi was sitting against the wall.12/17/2013 #5
It's crazy to think about how it's been a full year since this has started. I remember CV and Seven making this only because the forum owner what's her face at the RG kept yelling at them to stop RPing in the OT so then they made this new forum and we all gathered here when he first made it and we all thought we wouldn't even use it and that it was just going to be there to post in once in a while.
If that fight hadn't happened several months ago we wouldn't be where we are today. And I'm glad it's this way because I love having a forum and family all to myself without so many strangers. We used to get excited over going up on forum pages and I'll be so excited when we become #2 and... Just stick there.
But I so want to be in at least the top three!
And at this rate by spring or something we might get #2 but I'm not good at math. I know for sure for the next anniversary we're going to be NUMBER TWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.
We're at least the only forum maxing out a thread on FP and FF after the update.12/17/2013 . Edited 12/17/2013 #6
Bitches, please I am joyous and on my IPod and wanting to finish my story which will be motherfucking hilarious. Post, dammit.12/18/2013 #7
see? i posted.12/18/2013 #8
and I find it rather hard to imagine ann giving clitoridectomies.
Seven, are you sure you know that
Blood was everywhere, splattered across the room unceremoniously. In the centre of the gore-fest, lay a deceased individual: John. The denizens of the Madhouse stood around the body in shock and awe, whilst a certain maths-loving, Tolkien-hating, scientifically-un-challenged individual stood over the body of his brother. He turned to face the group that had gathered around him, and said authorititively: 'SHIT!'
He composed himself, and looked deep into the eyes of every Madhouse member there had ever been. 'I swear to my God (maths) that I will find out who did this to my best brother. I will see each of you in turn, in my office, and you will explain everything to me! Understood?'
The Madhouse members saluted in a militaristic fashion. Shit was, as they say in Yugoslavia, about to hit the fan.
CV sat in his office, his heels positioned on his desk pointedly, whatever that means. The door to his office creaked open, and a timid faceless entity entered his domain.
'Hello, I am here,' Seven said, under the glare of the grieving CV.
'Sit down,' he commanded, and the colourless, shapeless thing that was Seven took his place in the chair on the other side of CV's desk.
'Let's start at the beginning. Where were you this morning?'
[Insert shaky transition sequence including harp melody. Insert balloons popping as the flashback is revealed. Insert dancing Hippo]
Seven woke up, as usual, in a blob of yellow jelly. He popped out of the jelly, wrote a scooby doo fanfic, showered, lost his grammatical functions for the nth time, and then walked into the Madhouse Promenade. 'Hello, I am here. Did you know that ice cream? It's very nice.'
Nobody replied. They were all fixated on other things in the virtual reality game known as "Real Life." Seven blobbed onto the sofa sadly, and turned into a jet in his imagination. He flew to Siberia, and then to Narnia, and all points in between. When he came to from his strange, uncomprehendable daydream, he was showered in blood, and staring at a horribly mutilated corpse called John. There was a pentagram on John's hand too, or something. I don't know whether it's too early to be dropping hints about the killer, but I just did.
Of course, Seven didn't tell CV any of this. He just made strange squeaking noises and the occasional cry for help as delirium drilled further into the decaying remnants of his brain. CV shrugged and sent the strange entity away, and called for the next suspect.
'Hello, I am here. Did you know that ice cream? It's very nice.' Ann heard Seven's comment, but was far too engrossed in one of "Real Life's" mini-games, the Sims, to care. She picked up her Tobi, and left the room, while Seven entered a daydream about planes or some shit.
She set the laptop down on her bed and continued playing the Sims. A few menstrual outbreaks and tampon-related issues later, and she had finally built a house that had more than one floor. She smiled at her creation, and then had another embarrassingly awkward period. She made a mental note to tell Graham about it, she was sure he'd love to hear it.
Just then, Sal entered her room. His voice would have been like ice, if it wasn't so dry in his throat. He was holding a cup of tea in his hands.
'Tea, did you say?' CV asked. Ann, now seated in the interrogation chair, bleeding from her crotch, nodded the affirmative. CV pondered. 'There were burn marks on John's face that could have been caused by such a substance as tea . . . '
'That's nice, CV, but I'm trying to tell a fucking story!' Ann said, perioding everywhere. CV was stunned into silence, and was disturbed by the change in wall decor from white to red. He nodded for Ann to continue.
'Have you seen Val?' Sal asked his birth mother, glad that he hadn't inherited the period gene from her. Sadly, his sister Val had, but to a natural degree. Rather than an Ann degree.
'I'm afraid I haven't, Sal dearest, now go find your father. I want to divorce him again.'
'But you never remarried . . . ' Sal objected, but the look on Ann's periody face told him he should probably do as he was told . . . fast. He ran out of the room, spilling his tea everywhere. Bangle entered soon after, got divorced again, and left. Ann returned to Sims, but after realising her Sim had somehow contracted the period gene through cybernetic contact with Ann's fingers on the keyboard, she turned it off after her hard redecorating work was ruined by the blood EVERYWHERE. She decided she should head back to the promenade, but upon leaving her Real Life game, she met a rather gruesome experience. Sal was already at the scene, holding a now empty tea cup in his hands.
'That's all I needed to know. Tell the next suspect to come in,' CV said. Ann furiously got up, and left, redecorating the carpet as she went.
She was drawing Vincent.
'Who even is that?' CV said, and crossed the unfamiliar name off the list.
'Wife,' CV said in pressured greeting.
'Husband,' Wings said. 'You don't really think I would kill my brother-in-law, do you?'
'No, but in the interests of fairness I have to question you. I mean, he was harassing you with continuous flirtatious advances. I'd have killed him if I was in your shoes.'
'Well, I didn't.'
'No, but, you might have done . . . ' CV's voice trailed off.
'CV!' Wings shouted. 'DO YOU WANT THE ASEXUAL EQUIVALENT OF SEX TONIGHT!!!???'
CV twiddled his thumbs, 'yes . . . but . . . '
'NO BUTS! YOU CROSS MY NAME OFF THAT GODDAMN LIST RIGHT NOW OR SO HELP ME YOU WILL NEVER GET THAT EAR MASSAGE!'
'Sorry . . . ' CV mumbled, and crossed his wife's name off the list. Wings had already left, to his dismay. He was looking forward to that ear rub.
Bangle sat down in the chair opposite CV, and relaxed into the comfyness and shit. 'Now, Bangle, would you like to tell this from your point of view.'
'Isn't that what I'm already doing?'
'Just tell the damn story, Bangle.'
Once upon a time, in the land of Skull Falls, sat a quaint little house with the name of Mad. Twas the Madhouse, and on the day of its anniversary it was home to quite a ruckus. Seven's efforts to make human contact had failed, Ann was playing Sims, Wings was oiling up her fingers for CV's coming ear massage, Sal was busy killing mortals across the globe, Val was drawing Vincent, Obo was being a newbie, leaving Bangle and John alone in the Promenade.
'So, John, how's it going.'
'Can't talk, being a hobo without wifi,' John replied.
'Oooookayyyyy,' Bangle said, and lifted himself out of the Promenade chair. I'll just go and . . . '
'BANGLE!' Sal's booming, dry, croaky voice resounded. 'ANN WANTS YOU!'
'Right, okay,' Bangle said, and ran off towards Ann's room, leaving Sal and John alone in the Promenade.
Bangle opened the door to Ann's room and was unsurprised by the amount of period that stained the walls. He saw Ann's phone lying on the floor, with the screen unlocked and displaying a partially-written message to Graham about her losing a tampon or some such shit. 'You wanted to see me?'
'Yes, we're getting divorced.'
'But we never remarried . . . '
'WE'RE GETTING FUCKING DIVORCED, OKAY!' Ann shrieked, perioding once more all over her laptop Tobi. She quickly wiped him down, and apologised hundreds of times over, stopping to kiss him once in a while. 'Anyway, as I was saying, here are the divorce papers,' Ann said, handing them over to Bangle.
'Right, okay, whatever,' Bangle said, and left the room. When he returned to the Promenade, Sal was carving a pentagram into John's hand, who couldn't feel it due to the lack of wifi in hobo-ville.
Bangle shrugged and left to play Rome: Total War. When he returned, he was among a gathering congregation of Madhousers, all looking at John's dying remains, with CV standing in the centre crying over his dead brother.
'And here we are now,' Bangle concluded.
'Well, it checks out with what Ann said.'
'Should I get Sal?'
'Yes, I'll need his testimony before I make a final judgement, but I'm afraid the evidence is against him. Send him in,' CV said solemnly. He sighed as Bangle left the room, and Sal's silhouette approached the door.
'It wasn't me,' Sal said instantly as he stepped through the door, swigging his cup of tea and spilling it on CV's carpet. It couldn't be any worse than what Ann had done to it.
'Sal, just tell me what happened from your perspective.'
'No need, it wasn't me.'
'Nobody's saying it was you.'
'Yes you are. You're all thinking it. Which fills me with pride, really, but it wasn't me. Trust me, I wish it had been.'
CV sighed. 'Sal, just tell the story.'
Sal stood up enraged, but then sat down again and smiled. 'Y'know, maybe I will. Just to prove a point, jackass.'
Sal was doing what he did best. Impaling people on his blazing sword in all his evil splendour, dancing about with the disfigured remains of men, women, and children, all whilst hugging a goat. Yep, it was a damn good day to be Sal.
But then a thought occurred to him. He needed a Cale to his Richard. If he could persuade Val to follow him around as he killed people, then he would finally have the comedic duo he so desperately desired. He searched the Madhouse, but couldn't find his angelic sister. He searched out his mother, and after a brief exchange, and a delivering of a Bangle, Sal returned to the Promenade to search for his sister. By now, his tea had spilt everywhere, and the boiling liquid was occupying the floor space as if it had just moved in. He was about to continue his search for Val when he saw that John was having connection problems. Taking advantage of the delightful situation, Sal began to carve pentagrams into his arch-enemy's body with glee. When John awoke from his wifi related slumber, Sal would have finally won their neverending battle.
Soon after he had begun his masterpiece of excellence, his birth father appeared in the Promenade covered in blood that was dripping onto the Promenade floor and pooling at his feet. Sal knew exactly where it had come from, so didn't bother to question. His father shrugged and disappeared to play some shit game, so Sal continued his work.
Suddenly, John's wifi connection was restored. Howling in pain, He leaped up at Sal, but fell onto the ground in a heap. Sal's spilt tea scarred his face, and John cried out as he landed in the puddle of blood left behind by Bangle's encounter with Ann. Suddenly, the room was full of Madhousers, as John's body twitched until it could twitch no more. A system error noticed appeared above John's head. He had died.
'You're pinning this on a system error? That's an awful lot of coincidences Sal.'
'I know, but it's true. In any normal circumstance I'd pretend I had killed John but . . . I've kind of grown to like you guys.' Sal almost puked as the words left his mouth.
CV thought for a moment. 'Sal, come with me.'
Wings was staring at the system error on John's head. Everyone else was fixated on the pentagrams on John's body. It was most definitely Sal who had killed their resident angry person. Part of Ann felt proud for her son, but at the same time she was upset by the loss of John. Or at least she pretended to be.
Just then, the doors to CV's office swung open, and Sal and CV strode through the doors. 'People of the Madhouse, I know who the killer is!' CV proclaimed. It was . . . [insert suspense here] . . . nobody!'
People began to cheer that CV had found the killer but then paused. Nobody? That couldn't be right. CV entered a trance like state and began to siphon off a portion of his own wifi to restore his brother. John awoke, and stood up, frightened and alert.
'Why does my face hurt?' he asked, but everyone was too busy clapping to hear him. Except Sal.
And so our little whodunnit story comes to a close. We hope to see you again next year, on December 18th 2014 for the 2nd anniversary.
In memory of: JFK, The Elephant Man, Jimi Hendrix, and The Soup Dragon.
But most importantly: Hannah, who was unable to witness the Madhouse's First Anniversary with us.
Happy Anniversary.12/18/2013 #10
Ewwwwww. Those are soooooo gross.
OH HAY. YOU'VE POSTED JUST WHEN I DID!12/18/2013 #12
I want to quote my favorite part but then I'd quote the full thing. The period part made me laugh like a drowning hyena barking at a drowning walrus.12/18/2013 #13
I'm preparing mine. It's kinda long which is why it's taking me so long.12/18/2013 #14
I've finally finished! Here we go:12/18/2013 #15
Well, there was once a family. It wasn't just anny family though. It was a quite mad family. It's hard to sum it up in all one fucking intro paragraph so I will go character by character:
CV. He is the big daddy in charge yet he is a rare majestic creature. We all know he's there. We all know he exists. But, just like all the unicorns, you need to search far and wide to capture this rare specimen. This creature can be found throughout his days laying around with injuries and doing mental math to pass the time. Math is his biggest hobby and you have a better chance of catching this creature if you leave The Ann's wrong geometry homework out for him to obsessively correct. He coexists with the Wings species and the Johns. He clashes with the Ann and Sal specimen. He has adapted to his environment by evolving into a pushover. Sometimes his inner self objects this adaptation but he will always succumb to this natural function. It is rumored that this specimen is plagued with every STD ever, but this has not been proven yet by scientists because of how rare this breed is.
Wings. She is also quite uncommon but she is always there observing until there is a moment to strike the victims. She can be found on Skype—if you were to befriend her, that is. This is a difficult task for the ordinary human because of how feisty this specimen may be. Unlike most family members, she regularly serves her purpose in the family and writes disturbing stories that always have lesbians in them. She brings home the bacon and she is the one who yells, "Honey, I'm home! :D" She rarely shows her true feelings out in the public. So rare, in fact, that it's, like, never. She can be found in extremely cold habitats and her daily activities include being adorable, playing the violin, and playing Tera with a passion as strong as CV's passion for knowledge. Her adaptations are very slim. The evolution behind this creature is very minimal so she is quite primitive and never changes—nor does she try to. You could find this creature's pixels easier than the majestic CV. She harmonizes with the CV and Ann creatures. She clashes with the Val and Seven. It has been scientifically proven that she has every STD ever.
BangBang. He is also a carrier for every STD ever and it has been proven scientifically multiple times throughout this creature's existence. He's rather common and somewhat easy to find. You have little befriending to do before getting to socialize with this creature. He has two different sides much like a quarter. You can flip him in the air and wait to see which side he lands on that day. He has severe personality differences when it comes to his thoughts and social interactions. There are some little things that could trigger a personality switch but, otherwise, you should just let his pixels flip around in the air like a salmon or something. The two different sides are completely opposites. One side is nerdy as fuck and the other side is the norm for a civilized teenage boy. Although you can argue that he does not act like other teenage boys that can normally be found in their natural habitat of school bathrooms throwing fecal matter around. So, in other terms, he is the upgraded version of an immature little shit and he does not partake in fecal matter abuse. Although, sex jokes are abundant but they are usually only triggered by The Ann. His pixels are his only form of female interaction besides that real life person who messes with his hair and occasionally grounds him. Of course, he is far too difficult to find irl because of his yellow and fancy walls hidden within the tiny island of the UK. You may know where and who he looks like but that little island will never be unlocked because you eventually got tired of playing that one game that one time. His natural habitat is on roman themed games and on a writing forum for lonely writers. He may sometimes be found in an establishment where girls are nowhere, learning is everywhere, and a plethora of boys doing British things can be found. He relates to The CV and clashes with Lord Salumandrio. He has adapted to his surroundings by hitting that huge thing called "maturity" harder than guys' dicks when they see The Ann. Impressive.
Ann. This creature has been proven 100% that she has every STD ever. Yet it still stops bitches' migration and makes them all flock to her lawn and wait in line to touch her body. Her natural habitat is being pixels on the internet and sometimes going to a learning establishment irl against her will. She is the person who will start every inappropriate conversation and she will constantly get disapproval for her actions. She has evolved into her present self by having been introduced into the mystery of sex too early in life. Her craving for knowledge is comparable to The CV. But, instead of learning about respectable, smart people things, she craves to know every inappropriate joke that she can store in her head for the perfect situation. The CV has had to adapt to this specimen and evolved over time into accepting her for who she really is. She can be really moody but that's okay because all of the bitches accept all of her faults and make shrines in her name. She is super common and is easier to find than finding your hand. The Madhouse, YouTube, Sims, and Skype are all locations where you can find this beautiful creature. She lives on a forum for lonely writers who she insists are her family even though that doesn't really make sense. If you were to lose this creature by some way you will be able to lead her back home with a computer—preferably one with Sims with a shitload of expansion packs and the internet. She coexists with The Wings, The BangBang(only because he is the only one who participates in her sex jokes, lawlsies.), and The Lord Salumandrio(Because who doesn't want to be surrounded by badassness?!?!?). She is the predator of The Oba and The CV. Her hunting strategies involve choosing letters in a certain way on an empty text box. Her hunting fails every time because of her inability to say things seriously.
Lord Salumandrio. This reincarnation of Lucifer himself has several hobbies like going on Twitter, drinking too much beer, "trying" to study, and living on a forum for lonely writers. He has several adaptations like his camouflage. AKA, cosplay. His habitat is rather normal and typical of most members which is in front of a computer screen all day while drinking tea in Hell. On a rate of Ann (agoraphobic) to Seven (seemingly has a life) Sal would be about between Wings and Val. When he is not in front of a computer screen he is chanting incantations and murdering babies. If you lose this creature then you're fucked and are probably never going to find it again much like a Barbie shoe. If you leave a device out with Twitter then you will have a better chance of finding him. He has adapted to the family by a severe series of evolution starting with a complete RP account then, after about a week or two, he evolved into a beautiful OC. He is easier to find than The BangBang but harder to find than The Ann. Which is not saying much since that species is as common as herpes on whores. For the record, I have not met a whore without herpes. And I know a lot of whores. Lord Salumandrio chants with The Ann and The Val. Lord Salumandrio banishes John and Seven to hell. But, Lord Salumandrio is also a lost soul. He has been missing for a while and some other badass creatures took his place so Lord Salumandrio is AFK elle oh elle. But, seriously, we're missing a family member! D:
Val. This creature is a short haired blonde, life jacket wearing, fickle human. This specimen will never sit still and settle for a name. This makes her have commitment issues which turn off potential lovers like The John or something weird and kinky like that. This creature's natural habitat are RP forums and on mobile cellular devices. Somehow The Val managed to get to the near top of the post food chain by talking animatedly about dolls and characters. Adaptations for this creature are very slim. The specimen hasn't changed since its birth into The Madhouse from The Ann's ass because of how little her personality changes are. She is easier to find than The Wings but harder to find as The Lord Salumandrio. She bonds with this lord and is happy for him to be a badass brother. Not only a brother but a twin brother! These specimen are frequently doing vague irl things like going to an establishment to learn about death. At this rate this species may become extinct. More research needs to be gathered before coming to this conclusion. Scientifical evidence has shown that she has no STDs. She agrees with The Lord Saulmandrio and clashes with The Wings
John. This creature is interesting because of how absent he is. He is rarer than The Big Daddy, even. He is the important role of the family as the sarcastic uncle. His natural habitat is often at homeless shelters for those without internet. Kinda like Starbucks. He adapts to his environment by refusing to adapt and to rebel against his evolution into a fully mature adult. This specimen bonds well with CV creature and clashes with The Lord Salumandrio.
Seven. This creature is a faceless internet entity and has no real shape. It has been rumored that this species is shaped like a 7. If this were true then the evolution would make sense because for reproduction purposes you need to be in a sexual position. This is a perfect diagram for the doggy style as it is a woman clutching a counter or table or some other surface with her buttocks out waiting for the dick. Evolution is all about thriving and giving off more of their kind into the evolution chain so reproduction is the most important part of anny species life. Seven is a perfect example of evolution and all of the other characters should take after him and stop being primitive Neanderthals. This creature's natural habitat is New York and with his granny. He harmonizes with The CV and clashes against The Wings and The John.
Oba. This creature is hard to describe but is one that will never stfu. This creature claims to be a vampire yet scientific evidence doubts this and their hypothesis is that she's cray. This creature can be found doing a combination of dancing and beauty pageants which are the only times that she's not living in The Madhouse. She demands for The Ann to be around her at all times because The Ann is her security blankie. When The Ann isn't around the specimen kicks and screams which can only be helped by having a kinky vampire cyber RP. This creature harmonizes with no one but has a fondness for The Ann and clashes with everyone else.
These characters are quite the kewl beans and they all love each other very much. Except when they don't. But they will never stop loving The Ann Goddess and will always accept her for all of her faults. She could murder but The Madhouse will still be strong behind her loving her eternally. Although there are abominations left and right for everyone else.
John had this girlfriend named Wings and they loved each other and had teh secks every night but this is false and only just a fantasy which makes him an abomination. Wings and pretty much everyone else in the world disapproved. John let his feelings overtake him and he became angry enough that he snorted, ripped his shirt off, beat his chest, and then bludgeoned Wings to death. Wings then became the adorable kitty angel because of this abomination. Fail or win we will never know.
CV became depressed and felt not-smart after one person walked by and had hipster glasses which made him feel like such a mainstream kewl guy instead of a nerd when, actually, the hipsters were the kewl guys dressing like the nerds but were actually still the kewl guys and the nerds looked mainstream in comparison which made them look hip but, in fact, they were still losers because now all of the hipsters have taken everything that stood for nerds and have made it the kewl thing. CV felt jealous of a poser hipster. He is an abomination.
Wings refused to post on this thread. She is an abomination.
Seven could never figure out that English thing which makes everyone question so many things. These questions all have a conclusion of abomination.
Val has differing opinions with the majority of the family making her the black sheep that she really is for having an opinion. Abomination is stamped on her forehead regularly.
BangBang became an abomination when he started hanging out with CV instead of the other immature people in the family. He became no fun but then CV left and The Ann Goddess has returned him to being fun.
Sal is an abomination because he has low self esteem when he's adorably badass.
Oba is an abomination for so many fucking reasons you don't even know. Mostly all annoying vampire related things. And fucking binders which no one gives shits about. An abomination. Conclusion.
Well, despite these faults we must continue on with our story because, yes, there is more than just fucking character descriptions.
Wings was sitting like an adorable kitty cat in front of her badass laptop and watched lazily as Ann burst into the metaphorical room in the metaphorical house in the metaphorical Madhouse world. She mewed cutely and then said, "Bitch, what do you want from me?"
Ann was unfazed by this typical behavior because this creature was very feisty and ate friskies cat food (because it sounds like feisty almost). It's her favorite and she will not settle for annything that is not that deliciousness. It's a soupy type thing. For cats, of course. Annyway, Ann wanted something from Wings.
"Bitch, I need you to yell at Oba and Val for me so that I am not an abomination and you are." Wings looked unamused (which isn't a word, by the way) and had that look that was all like kitty-ish and adorable and all like, "yew kiddin' meh rite nao?" Ann was, in fact, actually kidding except for by Oba and Val she secretly meant BangBang. She needed more divorce papers and he needed to sign this one. It happens to be the 7th one by now but no one gives anny fucks annymore fucks because they stopped caring after the first one. BangBang was constantly irritated at the fact that he had to sign his name. Multiple times, even! This pissed him off almost as much as it pisses CV off to take longer than 1 second to complete a math problem. When he saw annother mathematician complete it in 0.99 seconds he became jelly as fuck, bro. This is why he's an abomination. Math bitch whore. Jeez.
Wings refused to do such yelling and Ann got angry and used the D and then the : and then the lesser than sign to show her disapproval. This disapproval is only capable of happening in places other than The Madhouse. The Madhouse is an abomination as well. Ann is surrounded by abominations and her horror is clear to everyone. They all back away because her bitching is about to be displayed through very long, very capitalized rants. Everyone is so used to this though their eyes glaze over and they sit there drooling like the fucking abominations they are.
We still have the problem though of getting to yell at the Oba. Her n00b permeates everything she touches so we are all permeated by this n00b aura. It stanks up the house like teenage boys in gym and Ann when she's been marinating in her room for a week. It's horrifying just like when you're a n00b at cooking on Sims and you try to make mac and cheese and you burn it every time but you're forced to eat the horrifying quality ashy chars called "mac and cheese" annyway.
Ann does not want to turn to CV because he is off in his real life room and playing laggy life games. And, no, it's not Sims although that would be amazing. It's those places where injuries happen and occupying things are thrust down our throats and have stupid needs like hunger and using the bathroom facilities. That is the real villain here and yelling at Oba will not fix the gaping hole in our Madhouse called "Real Life." It will suck in annyone who gets too close to it and decide to try it out. You will always come screaming back to your home though where you belong.
The Seven is optimistic enough to want to try to get into the real world and save The John and CV but this task is too hard and too dangerous for anny forum dweller. We will send our PMs and we will send our pleas but they are scarcely annswered. John—the resident hobo—happens to be somewhere in South Carolina (this is a place outside of The Madhouse so it's too difficult to comprehend for the natural internet habitant) Val and Sal were lost for a bit but they were pulled back home and the household sighed in relief at the fact that these bitches were home. They're Real Life Survivors.
Seven decided he would play around with his gun and shoot at The Real Life portal and the portal got angry and tried to suck everyone in just like how whores like to suck every dick they see. Yes, the suction power was THAT strong. It was difficult to control but then the real life portal flew suspicious white liquid in the whole house. Ann tasted it and confirmed that it is cum. Seven seemed shocked as if he didn't know Real Life was a total dick and that The Madhouse was the perfect sanctuary from the dickness.
But, for seriously, real life is a dick and Ann loves it there as well as the other members. Ann hugs everyone in a different way to show her concluding heartwarming paragraph: Sal is hugged carefully so she isn't impaled by his shiny red plastic armor, Wings is hugged feistily enough that she goes limp and dies, CV isn't hugged because he is in the dick as well as John, BangBang is hugged with a foot pile of divorce papers between them, Val is hugged tightly but her life jacket softens the blow of this powerful goddess, and Seven is a 7 that Ann thinks she hugged but she could've fucked him instead.
Dedicated to: The originals. We've known each other for over a year now. That is something special.
To the Oldie: BangBang for being with us for 8 months solid. His dedication to the forum makes him equivalent to the originals.
To the Twins: Sal and Val you both feel like you've been here forever even though it's only been a few months. Y'all are equal with everyone because you're still family at the end of the day.
Y'all are my real honest to god family and you need to always know that y'all are all I've got and I need every family member here and I don't want to lose anyone.12/18/2013 #16
dat big wall of text.12/18/2013 #17
BangBang's was the funniest though.12/18/2013 #18
I spent a few hours editing a special Madhouse video for today c:
I enjoyed editing this one though. And it's just Sims. So. Sorry. .__.12/18/2013 #19
I know this is lame but going to post a story I already posted on the site. Can't concentrate on one idea at all. Got six and they are all making too much noise in my head. Please forgive me, why is a kitten using force lightning saying "surrender to the cuteness" in my brain?12/18/2013 . Edited 12/18/2013 #20
"Can a lion drive a tank?"
There are some questions man should never know the answers too, and god I wish this was one of them.
Now before you can call the local padded white room for me. Think about it? Seriously think how fucked we would be if a lion could drive a tank?
My God, a domesticated house cat kills anything it can overpower! Now add 18 tons of reactive armor, and a 44mm cannon...then add the king of beasts. Mercilessly chasing down anything with meat on their bones.
Can you say it with me now? "We're fucked, baby!"
"Major league, tank on the tracks fucked!"
"Oh yeah someone call up God, Buddha, or whoever because a large order of bits comin' their way!"
See my point, better yet let me tell you how I found out the answer to this question.
Ever seen a deer, and thought. "My how cute, a deer running in the city. Then why is there a deer in the city, and he is booking it too?" now imagine that deer haves the biggest damn eyes you ever seen. I'm not talking about the deer in headlights big. I'm talking about the deer that sees a semi, and thinks "Oh, shit this is going to leave a stain." big. Because that's how big the deer I'm watching now are.
Running like it's hopped up on crack, and speed while having the worst acid trip ever. All the while barreling down the road towards me. My god I think I can even see its thoughts. And let me tell this a doped out of its mind deer mind is a scary thing to see.
"Now I wish I knew who dropped the acid in my coffee, because I want my money back."
That was when I heard the sound of a diesel engine, and anyone who've seen a war movie as many times as I. The familiar sound of tracks clinking. The three-story brownstone down at the end of the road turn into a drive through as a tank burst through it like a stripper out of a cake. Doing a donut it crashed into the apartments at the end, and this swear to God. That deer must've sprouted wings…that, or it could've been the tank round that was fired at it because it was flying.
The tank was now barreling down the road as well. Now I knew what that deer with the semi felt like. Because my body was now air born as well.
That was where I saw the most scariest thing ever through a raised visor. Not one, but several large pair of golden eyes, and a male lion looking like he had just scored the all you can eat meat buffet.
My body doing some sort of rhythmic ballet move before slamming back into the asphalt then a car. Oh I must've looked like one of those cartoon characters by that time, but tell that to the club almost shoved up my ass that.
"this ain't no acid trip…nope someone must've put peyote in my trail mix."
My body hurting, but that pride's reign of terror was far from over. they took out several cars, another apartment building, a hydrant, seven pedestrians, and one old lady walking a dog. This is where the messed up part was I swear I heard a male lion say in a roaring voice.
"Yes, a hundred points!" and another one said in an even more dominating roaring voice.
"Forget the damn chew toy I want deer roasted by cannon fire!"
"Now fire! Fire! Fire till that deer is jerky!" for a lion it was mighty good with its english, and violent.
As the tank crash through the mall at the bottom of the hill the sound of maniacal cat laughter, and explosions mixed together. Playing William Tell overture with tank fire, and a mix of chaos you would have to see to believe. Then pray the padded room hotel haves a vacancy.
"Now I know who to blame for this, and when I pull this club from my ass. I'm going to give her a piece of my mind."
"Dammit Cheshire that shit with the lions was your doing wasn't it!?" you are probably wondering who the hell I'm yelling at right now, and how the hell did I got that club out of my ass? The little gothic dressed blond devil sitting with her legs propped up on a desk that's who. As for that latter part can't tell. the only thing I do know is this smoking hot bundle of pure evil…This chaos incarnate hottie mcnice body…
"You…you…my god why are you so hot you evil sexy bundle of, I want to tie you up, and do things that will make the devil blush!?" oh shit did I say that thought out loud just now?
From that look just now? yep, I'm screwed as screwed as that deer.
"So it was your question, and I was glad to answer it." That blonde devil with her fire opal red eyes, cat ears, and tail is smiling like she just ate the entire pet store supply of fish, and the damn canary. Right now I have the feeling I'm that damn canary.
"Now if only I had a bottle of men favorite blue pills, and catnip I put your ass in traction."
"Really, then pay the piper because you know what I want." shit my internal monologue became external again, and what the hell?!
Ever been pinned with magic to a wall? Let me tell you it's even worse when the one who does this wants your soul.
"H-hey no fair using magic, and the hell I'm hurt? You could've KILLED me, you know that." I emphasize the killed part cause I turned into a human top for her crazy whim.
"Nuh-uh, I never would kill anything as amusing as you, plus you are the one who freed me from that mirror. Now give your soul as part of our contract." craptastic too think she's pulling that card. wait...when did I make a wish?
"OH H-E-L-L-NO-OOOOO, That don't count as a wish that was after sex talk!"
"Oh really, then what about wondering who dropped acid in your coffee? Now be a good boy and you might even enjoy having your soul taken. Itadakimasu!"
"NOOOO!" now you know a lion can drive a tank with a little help from a minor goddess of chaos. That, and if you ever sleep with said goddess never ask. "Do you think a lion can drive a tank?" without being ready for the chaotic after party it will bring afterwards...12/18/2013 #21
The stories are supposed to be Madhouse centered but it's okay. ; _ ;12/18/2013 #22
Back into the madhouse
where the half-insane doth meet
Out of lurking shadows
You shall come to greet
The Evil, Antisocial, Hyper, Hobo, and the Ann
The Mathy one you'll never meet, but Butterfly you can
The British Roman at odd times and the Smurfy One you'll find
13, 7, 21; 12, 11, 10
See us once and then, you will run away again!!!
PPS. Cant write a story to save my life
PPPS. In order of appearance:
PPPPS. Val: You had it coming. You call yourself Monsieur Blue, I call you the smurfy one.12/18/2013 . Edited 12/18/2013 #23
Well, let's end this off in a good way with a poem.
In Memory of Hannah
You called yourself a Romantic Hazard.
We called you Hannah.
You partied and let your friends use your account.
We didn't mind, the crazy of you in our madhouse.
You were different, a cool girl. We wish you were here or how you died,
When Bangles delivered the news,
We cried and grieved for our lost Hannah.
We will keep you alive through our memories,
For you live within us, forever.
Requiescat in pace, Hannah.
Until we meet again,
In another time and place,
in the future,
Keep writin' and rockin' in the heavens.
Love the Madhouse family12/18/2013 . Edited 12/18/2013 #24
Hannah was such a cool chick. She partied hard and, fuck, she had a girlfriend which makes me want to cry.12/18/2013 #25
I'm seriously crying.12/18/2013 #26
Hannah was such a cool chick. She partied hard and, fuck, she had a girlfriend which makes me want to cry.
That she was. Also, I actually dropped a mention of her vaguely in my one-shot.
I'm seriously crying.
As, I have been told, I am quite the effective poet ( strangely)
But it's time to wrap up our 1 year anniversary. I'm going to unpin this thread in a couple days so some people can look if they haven't yet. HAPPY ONE YEAR! YAY!12/18/2013 #29
Nah, I was crying because of how she had a girlfriend. That's just so depressing I can't even.12/18/2013 #30
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