The Madhouse
Your sanity is an illusion. We control the horizontal. The vertical. Don't try to adjust your mindset.
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Scott Pilgrim

Circled on the cheap calendar in bright red sharpie is a date, December 18, 2017. Today is the day. The BIG day. The Anniversary of the Madhouse. Scottie had something in mind to celebrate this momentous occasion but got plastered last night and completely forgot what he was going to post. So, as the minutes tick away ever so slowly, he thinks of what to type. Perhaps a commemoration for this great forum? A witty ditty? An elaborate short story? Nay, says Scottie, yawning. It needs some flair to it, that little kick. Like Tabasco on bland as fuck red beans and rice. He deliberates profusely, gnawing on his lip. Something special... Hmm... What could it be? AH! There it is. That little light bulb of inspiration.

Wadu Hek.

12/17/2017 #91
Beautiful story. Top quality. Cryptic message decoded here h ttps://
12/18/2017 #92
For those who want to view my outline that I made for my stories: h ttps://
12/18/2017 #93

Seven doesn't have a post prepared for the year,

But please don't shed any tears.

He doesn't want you to be sad, that much is clear.

He takes after his papa and doesn't like the beer.

This poem is already making no sense, oh dear.

Happy 5th year!

12/18/2017 #94
Copy paste to the thread before I do it for you and steal the credit.
12/18/2017 #95
LMAO never mind
12/18/2017 #96
Quality poetry, Seven wins the poem contest and Ann is banned for mobile use and harassment.
12/18/2017 #97

Do I get a trophy for winning?

I wasn't even trying to win.

12/18/2017 #98
An intangible trophey is being shipped to you right now.
12/18/2017 #99
I was busy with

some procrastination so

I didn't write shit

12/18/2017 #100
Top quality haiku, glad I read it. Poem contest is closed though so you only get a biscuit.
12/18/2017 #101


I am very proud of the shitposts this year as the lack of effort really makes your work shine even brighter. You created such quality content in such a short amount of time! You should be proud of yourselves. Best poem goes to Seven. The contest is not rigged in his favor or annything I just really appreciated his poem is all.


12/18/2017 #102



12/17/2018 #103

None of us are here. You're all alone. You're not here either. Nobody is. Where is everyone? Nowhere. We don't exist. We've all disappeared.

You have something to do. You look away. You open a tab. You have two things to do. You're not doing either of them. They wait. They grow old. Their children stare at you. There's nothing to do. You're bored.

You get so many emails. You turn off email notifications. You keep getting emails. The emails don't exist. The emails are two days late. They're going to one of your inboxes. You can't find the emails. They don't exist. Nobody posts.

You never close tabs. Murder is wrong. The tabs whimper as you hover over them. They scream. You scream. The room is silent. The Madhouse exists in four places. You don't refresh. Nothing happens anyways.

Desk is drowning. Desk overflows. Packages erupt out of your inbox. Cardboard is everywhere. You can't tell which way is up. You surrender to the cardboard. [[New forum reply]]. Your emails become packages. You can't open them. They don't exist.

Something is due at midnight. You'll start in five minutes. You can't tell when five minutes has passed. You haven't started. Midnight is in two days. The thread is locked. You can't reply anymore. You start working. Midnight was five minutes ago. You turned it in on time.

You have two psets and a paper. You forget to babysit them. The paper runs away. The paper is two psets in a trenchcoat. The trenchcoat disappears. The psets look you in the eyes. You have three psets. You do none of them. You fail the exam. What exam? The one that snuck up on you while you were searching for the fourth pset.

There's new people. They have no names. You don't know where they came from. They don't know why they're here. They're here by accident. You feel attacked. You don't notice them because you aren't here. They aren't here. Nobody is.

You watch. There's nothing to watch. Nothing ever happens. Things used to happen. People used to exist. You always watched. Everything is fading. There's a flash of light. You try CPR. There isn't a rhythm to shock. The funeral has already been held. You see a glimpse of the Ann.

The Ann is a rumour. The Ann used to exist. The Ann exists now. Virginia is a lie. Cats. Cats everywhere. The floor is overrun with cats. You try not to step on them. You look silly stepping over nothing. Cats exist. Nothing exists. Cats are nothingness. People stare. Your tabs stare. You can't kill your tabs if they don't exist.

There's a single unread email in your inbox. You can't find it. You're not sure if you can find your inbox. Seven tabs of ao3 spontaneously close. You mourn them. You refresh your email. You still can't find it. Chrome is slow. Chrome glares disgustedly at your search history. It's judging you. You search too much. You don't have a search history.

This is off topic. You can't remember the topic anyways. Nobody will see this. You try not to be seen. You creep down the hall in the middle of the night. The music is blasting. There are too many people awake. People are screaming. This isn't your hall. You disappear into the wall before they see you.

Death. The Madhouse. Party O'Clock.

Host: absent fucker

Party Monitors: ann-who-has-a-life, other-people-who-may-or-may-not-exist

IDs will be checked

-- in the style of EC party emails, brought to you by a caffeine-fueled procrastinating Oba being kept up by whoever the fuck is partying on 5th east at 3:47 in the morning

12/18/2018 . Edited 12/18/2018 #104

I nearly forgot to post, and I have nothing prepared.... so time to improvise something.

Ode to the Madhouse

The day slowly fades away,

The post from the people barely stay,

Without the Ann we are lost,

The place remains. But at what cost?

The chat so barren and desolate.

The mods are mostly gone, who knows when they come back or on what date?

The place use to be so alive,

Not it barely thrives.

So pour out CV's least favorite drink made of yeast, a beer,

Drink it all in my dear.

Next anniversary will be the seventh year.

Hopefully another post will be made here, and the anniversary won't be lost to fear. ~Seven

12/18/2018 . Edited 12/18/2018 #105
Scott Pilgrim

A whole 'nother year gone round. You woulda thunk he'd've thought o' summat to write down for this lil shindig ova partay celebration. You'd be heckin' wrong there, mate. Like pineapple on a triangle of pipin' hot 'zza. Mental conflagratin', physical excavatin', procrastinatin' - speakin' ov 'zza, got a slice or dos in the box, cold as ice. Feck yeh. Scottie yawns and scratches the patchwork brown dottin' his FUBAR mug. Nuttin' like 'zza and webbin'. Livin' life to the max, mas or menos. Mucho muy perfecta. Maybe the easy livin' is what makes kookoo fly so quick. Tick. Tock Tick. Tock. Goes. The. Clock. 365 days race by like that Mazda commercial. zoom. zoom.

Time sands hisssssssssssss through Death's glass





Yet, like the mighty mountain Everest, this mighty forum stands strong ad unshaken, though its halls may grow silent and bleak, we all return home at the end of the day, like we did as kids when Mama called us home at dark.

And so, with a stuffed mouth of stuffed crust 'zza, Scottie bangs mightily, stupidly, and methodically upon this poor laptop keyboard, thinking...


12/18/2018 #106

Thank you all for sticking with the Madhouse. I have been so burnt out and busy and shit that I haven't prepared annything this year but I just want to say that I think y'all are great for sticking by even though I have been absent these past several months. I know there may be some resentment towards me for not posting here as much as I used to and letting things get a little stale and dead but I hope that all of y'all can understand. My life has changed so much this past year and it'll most likely change even more next year.

This place was absolutely wonderful for me during a very lonely period of my life and I am forever grateful for the support y'all have provided me. The memories I have are still there though. Remember when we used to play games together? Those were fun times.

Thank you all for participating and I'm sorry for my inactivity. Love you all!

12/18/2018 #107

Thank you everyone for participating this year! I felt this year was more artistic but the kinda art that lazy people make.


12/18/2018 #108

YEAR 7 IS A GO!!!!


12/17/2019 #109

I personally can't believe that it's been 7 years and this anniversary thread is still scorched into my brain even when I'm super busy, unmotivated, and distracted by other things in my life.

I really want to try to at least keep tabs here and I'm hoping by me making the discord server that I will be reminded to post more at least. If you want to join the link is in Heaven or you can ask me.

12/17/2019 #110

Year 7

Yet another year goes by,

With some posts for people who try,

Ann went missing for a while,

Keeping the forum alive without her was quite the trial,

Nobody knows where CV, Wings and Uncle John went,

the lights are still on, so I guess they pay rent.

Just in time for another year,

A poem by Seven suddenly appears,

Here's to the seventh year.

(Also, it's my year because the forum is as old as my forever age)

12/18/2019 . Edited 12/18/2019 #111

I've been paying CV's, Wing's, and John's utilities sorry for getting your hopes up.

12/18/2019 #112

we all ate oatmeal

the madhouse was quieted

but now maybe not?


i maybe exist

my life is not together

but i guess that's fine


i have succulents

they are etiolated

and thirsty and sad


ann is the coolest

i'm stealing haikus from her

haha luv u bae


なにも した

これ を わすれた

さいてい よ

12/18/2019 . Edited 12/18/2019 #113

Get your life together, Oba, JEEZ!

12/18/2019 #114

To display my love

I will type this haiku now

I hope you like it

It's not very good

But it gets the job done well

And shows I care now

I know I've been lacking

But I hope we can still be

Friends forever now

I know this one's late

But I will never forget

The people I met


12/18/2019 #115
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