Hello? Anyone out there?
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I direly need some opinions on my story. Its a work in progress and I need some critics to continue with it. It's called Castles Made of Sand. Please help!

5/25/2012 #1

Wall of text, simple as. I would also appreciate a few reviews; I'm not sure where I can take "Eyes Like a Stormy Sea", or even whether I should.

6/15/2012 #2
Road to Rhodes

I would really appreciate reviews for any of my works.

6/19/2012 #3

I read some of your story "Eyes Like A Stormy Sea", and I have to admit that there's way too many way too long adjectives... It's hard to focus on the story when you have to remove half the text to understand it. It's really beautiful, and it might work in a short-story, but for a longer story, you should cut down on them. For example: "The skies that year were utterly beautiful, such was the efflorescent quality of the light; azure lapis lazuli blue, merging in the long evenings in gradual waves of colours not found in mortal physicality, peppered here and there with little fluffy clouds that swam languidly across the sky like tiny, gold-framed islands."

The whole sentence becomes too long and you sort of forget what the story's about while reading this... Also the way you describe the blue color of the skies (azure lapis lazuli blue) I honestly think that azure would have been more than enough...

But keep it up! I've had that problem a lot, I think, and probably have a lot more in my writing, but you just need to rehearse ;-) right now, my eyes are too tired to continue reading, so I'll just throw a review in case you don't see this message... :-)

6/29/2012 #4


I'm happy to review your story if you review mine in return.

7/7/2012 #5

I would love it if anyone could review any of my stories!

7/28/2012 #6

I will review your story, if you do the same for me. Go ahead and send me a private message.

My current story just got started, so it won't take you that long to read :)

8/5/2012 #7


Just did a review of your Apples story.

If you get a chance, please take a look at my story.

Power Play



12/7/2012 . Edited 12/7/2012 #8
Ordet Alene

I've posted 3 poems so far. If anyone could review one or all of them, I'd really appreciate it! I always R&R back :)

2/9/2013 #9
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