Review my poetry and I'll review yours
Just as the title says.
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We can take control! This world will always be what it has always been, A string of choices in situations we do not request. ‘Why bother?’ You are unconscious, wake up! The beauty can be subtle, like a hidden pearl Underneath miles of salty waters, Or as palpable as the rose outside your window, Delicately in bloom on a stem of thorns and leaves. But it is there. When you soak up the sun, Even when it’s behind the clouds Or notice an aunt, carrying twice its weight, Though all of it goes unnoticed, That chip will slowly disintegrate. Do not fall a slave to cynicism! Your mind holds the key to the Door labeled ‘Your Wildest Dreams!’ So take your cup, and fill it up, And join me in the dance of never giving up.


Everyday I replay made up scenarios In this wishful head of mine. Some consist of him noticing me cry, A gentle strangers concern that consoles Me deeper than anyone’s has before. Another, he musters every ounce of courage To approach me, and stuttering asks me to dance. And as we sway to jukebox music, he whispers in my ear “I would empty my soul of the dreams that have gathered in me, I would beat with your heart as it beats, I would follow your soul as it leads.” Instead of another end of a monotonous day at work, There is a note waiting for me, stuck between the windshield and the wiper, Asking me to meet him for coffee and a smoke. Post Script on the back, Expressing I look prettiest without makeup. I must confess my thoughts of you are relentless, The stranger that takes me away, the stranger that Saves me from the ideal way people must meet. I need you, this life is lacking your originality, I need someone to notice me like you do.

2/15/2010 #1

yeah boy imma tell you the truth its pretty strait fire but it doesnt rhyme enough you feel

7/13/2015 #2

tragic choices; subtle voices;

where are we... to be? going... again...?

"We can take control," you say. Didn't we have it all the way?

Libel! and Slander! "To say we didn't consent?!"

A pretty toy, a shiny bauble, and all that, for Heaven, spent.

Know that We by right of Time itself! and timely Relativity, of course, we fragilely and frailly see we must acknowledge our mortality.

We beings belonging, of course, always to Infinity.


Law of Relativity.


People come. People go. For the sentence, tells me so. Language... Language... must suffice. The stories we tell ourselves, most nice, to soothe, like balm, a weary day. Alone the mind must always map, territories in a lonely trap. Utilizing mental maps, writ quite near axon gaps, carrying thee from lonely dyads to stable triads and onward to networks vast. Alone we live. Alone we die. We grow by Others, by and by. ... And, bye.

8/9/2016 #3
S. Afra

Your poem is free form like and I love it. The writing style is like a wondering mind questioning its own existence. I love it. There are a few spelling errors like ant (I'am assuming that is your reference). Other than that its really good.

12/15/2016 #4
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