pastryninja
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Joined 05-01-15, id: 1025136, Profile Updated: 11-07-16
Author has written 19 stories for General, General, Life, Humor, Fantasy, Humor, Nature, School, Family, Biography, Fantasy, Love, Fable, and Politics.

I'm pastryninja, either a ninja who attacks with pastries or a pastry that's a ninja. You decide. I'm here to write and read, obviously! I want to improve my writing skills, read stories, and entertain people with my stories and poems. If you spot any mistakes or think there's a way I could write something better, don't hesitate to tell me. I promise I won't cry too much. I also enjoy reading other writers' works, and may leave you a review about what I liked and what I think you could improve. Hopefully, we can help each other become better writers! :D

Stuff I write/stuff I write about:

poems so angsty you'll have flashbacks to your teenage goth phase

parodies that should definitely not be taken seriously

nonsense like killer hats, bunny assassins, and emo teens that can change the weather by sulking hard enough

way too much about food, especially desserts

cats

and other stuff I'll add later


I also want to expand to other styles and genres besides the above.

Currently in progress/on the not literal back burner/going through editing:

horror story about the wendigo

humorous action/adventure story about a girl who needs to fight across the dreaded "Spider Bridge" to save her grandma from an evil witch

story about an insane cat who wants to turn into a fish


Hey everyone! I've been gone a long time due to issues in my life. But I haven't forgotten about this site.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Noisybones by scandiacan bubo reviews
Drink your milk.
Fiction: Horror - Rated: M - English - Suspense/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,113 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/8/2017 - Complete
An Eye for an Eye by letsdotheraindance reviews
What's wrong with getting even?
Poetry: Love - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 69 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 4 - Published: 11/2/2015 - Complete
Seven by Seven by Edamessiah reviews
In a small and lonely chamber, Nathan reflects on the circumstances of his imprisonment, surrounded by strange and grotesque monstrosities. With nothing but dirty sheets of paper and a felt-tip pen, he writes to stay sane in his dark and terrifying world.
Fiction: Horror - Rated: T - English - Horror/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,623 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 10/11/2015 - Complete
Aleksandr by Aske Nat reviews
If heaven is like taking an elevator to the unknown, Limbo is like getting stuck between floors. Alek is not amused, especially not when the possible solution to his standstill sounds like the beginning of a bad joke: a spirit, a reaper and a psychic walk into a diner…
Fiction: Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Friendship - Chapters: 6 - Words: 19,122 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 13 - Updated: 10/4/2015 - Published: 8/13/2015
The 'FUN' in Funeral by zanybellecloudo reviews
When Lara meets Grim she decides her FUNeral is going to be unconventional... bringing a sense of joy to the proceedings. The afterlife will never be the same again! A humble tale told with heart, humour and hope. Yet somehow infinite in spirit. For all. [A Complete Short Story].
Fiction: Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 7,818 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 9/22/2015 - Published: 9/18/2015 - Complete
The Diary of Derk the Turtle by Lord Wezel reviews
"Using only one flipper, Derk tore a blue whale in half from mouth to tail." A story, told mostly through a diary, describing the life and times of Derk, Conqueror of all Life... the sea turtle.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 829 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 9/20/2015 - Complete
Calm Down Child, Things Are Hungry, Here by Yellow Glass reviews
There was no heroic struggle. No last minute saves or last minute plans in the denouement. The end was just the end.
Fiction: Horror - Rated: T - English - Horror/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,230 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Published: 9/8/2015 - Complete
Math is Hard by MPerrett reviews
An adventurer reluctantly helps an aspiring dark lord with some problems in his work.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,466 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Published: 8/16/2015 - Complete
That Kind of Girl by so silver bright reviews
People who fit into the categories of "normal", "ordinary", and "not traumatized at some point in their (early) childhood" generally don't get angry at the reality that the only kind of monsters they'll most likely ever encounter in their life will always be human. (Apparently.)
Poetry: General - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 154 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/26/2015
Forsaken Sands by Tygati reviews
A would-be archaeologist discovers more than he was looking for when he stumbles into a long-forgotten temple beneath the sands that seems to have been waiting just for him.
Fiction: Mythology - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,792 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 90 - Follows: 13 - Published: 1/17/2012 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Stranger Danger reviews
A girl walks alone at night.
Poetry: Life - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Crime - Chapters: 1 - Words: 166 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Published: 6/3/2017 - Complete
Uterus, You Hurt Us reviews
This entirely preventable affliction kills 830 women a day.
Poetry: Politics - Rated: T - English - Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 53 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Published: 3/28/2017 - Complete
Choke on This reviews
Arachibutyrophobia: the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth. Ridiculous, right?
Poetry: Life - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 250 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 2/8/2017 - Complete
Splashing in Sanity reviews
At the other cat's head tilt, Whiskers explained, "I'm going to become a fish."
Fiction: Fable - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,720 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 6 - Published: 1/20/2017 - Complete
Daphne Was Smart to Morph into a Tree reviews
I have decided to become the opposite of Cupid: Cupidon't.
Poetry: Love - Rated: T - English - Drama/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 110 - Reviews: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/23/2016 - Complete
Smoke and Mirrors reviews
The problem with befriending a foreign magic-selling cat lady is that she'll be the primary suspect when the bubonic plague strikes your village.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,000 - Reviews: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/11/2016
Playing Duck, Duck, Goose on Hard Mode reviews
When my brother was five, our mom told him to never go near a Canadian goose, *especially* the ones at the park, because they had nests to protect and contained all of Canada's rage that couldn't fit into hockey.
Fiction: Biography - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 307 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 1/18/2016 - Complete
Only Our Mitochondria Matches reviews
Did I steal your face or did you give it to me?
Poetry: Family - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 140 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 3 - Published: 12/15/2015 - Complete
Time Management? What's That? reviews
If you don't write papers the morning they're due, then you're doing college wrong.
Poetry: School - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 136 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 4 - Published: 11/22/2015 - Complete
Meowch reviews
Herein lies the ballad of Wanda Warlock, whom the Witch's Council did mock! But luck belongs to she who owns a cat's loyalty...
Poetry: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 328 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 10/31/2015 - Complete
Technically, Depression is the Real Monster reviews
Jamie, the most emo and melodramatic teenager ever, sulkingly tags along on a trip to Camp Stabby Death. Will he save the day when a serial killer shows up? Or fall prey to a slasher cliche?
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Parody/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 890 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 2 - Published: 10/21/2015 - Complete
Herbalize Me reviews
Most girls want roses. I want weeds.
Poetry: Nature - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 115 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/10/2015 - Complete
Accessory to Murder reviews
These fashion victims will teach you to never trust hats again.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 147 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 2 - Published: 9/30/2015 - Complete
Hit Me With Your Best Shot reviews
Who gets into a brawl over *candy*? Seriously, guys, you're way too old for this.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Drama/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,286 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 9/18/2015 - Complete
Skybound reviews
What happens when you fall up?
Poetry: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 114 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 9/14/2015 - Complete
How to Save My Ass from the Dimension of Evil reviews
Willa, if you've received this e-mail then that means I am currently trapped in the Dimension of Evil and need your help! Come to my lab RIGHT NOW. Yes, even if you are on your lunch break, and even if it's Taco Tuesday. Follow these instructions...
Fiction: Humor - Rated: M - English - Parody/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 743 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 3 - Published: 8/25/2015 - Complete
Frenemy reviews
Depression is a knife stuck in my heart.
Poetry: Life - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 128 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 3 - Published: 8/16/2015 - Complete
Side Effects reviews
My doctor said the pills would make me feel better.
Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 49 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Published: 7/31/2015 - Complete
Why You Shouldn't Steal Your Roommate's Things reviews
...or four ways to eat a cookie. Featuring a guilty cheater, a gross neckbeard, a tripping stoner, a cocky thief, and a stolen tub of chocolate chip cookies to die for.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,025 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/10/2015 - Complete