Gutter Rat
hide bio
PM . Follow . Favorite
Joined 09-08-01, id: 109038
Author has written 48 stories for Humor, General, Song, Horror, Humor, Love, Life, Politics, Religion, War, Mystery, Fantasy, and General.
A little leprechaun lives in my brain. I write what he tells me to write. I write because he tells me to. I don't watch the television anymore. I've seen it all before. It's a shame The Simpsons sucks now. I grew up watching it. The leprechaun says they need to fire their writers. Since he lives in my brain, I am inclined to agree. Chit-chat, yakkity-yak, I've got a boner.
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Leader Of They, and Those of Them by Pocket Protectors are Sexy reviews
There are two groups in society. Then there is the person who stands alone.
Poetry: General - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 3 - Words: 379 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/6/2004 - Complete
Lesbians Are Great by Mysdaao reviews
A poem/song about how great lesbians arre. Aren't they the greatest type of woman there is? C'mon, chant it with me. Lesbians are great! Lesbians are great! LESBIANS ARE GREAT!
Poetry: Humor - Rated: M - English - Humor/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 379 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 3 - Published: 5/5/2003
On the way to the Underworld by TragedyLovesMisery reviews
I had to change the title. I thought it was too basic.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Tragedy/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 136 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/23/2003
Magnology by Willum reviews
Of all the fics I've written, this one that I would really like feedback on. A cross between The Hitch-hiker's Guide and The Myth series, Magnology tells of the adventure of Steve Garnski, a high-tech guy in a low-tech world.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 10,353 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 7 - Published: 1/12/2003
A Profile In Shades Of Night by Willum reviews
The death of a psychotic seriel-killer is not the end of his mystery...and two Federal Agents are about to discover the dark side of things...
Fiction: Horror - Rated: M - English - Mystery/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,275 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 6 - Published: 10/28/2001
Repercussions by Willum reviews
One way or another, everyone is guilty in some form...even through lack of action. Finally corrected, and with just a touch more story. Thanks to those who reviewed.
Fiction: Horror - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,931 - Reviews: 54 - Favs: 17 - Published: 10/31/2000
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Rick Quasar: Man In Space
It ain't easy being captain of a starship. Between fighting your inner demons, reuniting with old flames and striking poses, how are you supposed to find time to do your job? Follow Capt. Quasar as he blunders his way through his latest mission. Or don't.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 5 - Words: 5,469 - Published: 12/20/2007
Journal Entry 13 reviews
It's been a year since I've posted a story. I tried writing something to post here today, but I had the writer's block. So I came across this journal entry I wrote, like, five years ago when I was a sophomore in high school. Read it, you animals.
Fiction: General - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 173 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 12/19/2006 - Complete
Dutch Lovin'
A friend of mine decided to write a story back and forth, only adding one word at a time. After a few months that didn't pan out so we started doing it in small chunks. Then we lost the mojo. Read it... please...
Fiction: Humor - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,684 - Published: 12/19/2005
The Killer Foot
One man's struggle against the forces of true evil. Thoroughly pointless.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: M - English - Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 68 - Published: 7/11/2005
Don't Be My Valentine reviews
Just in time for VD. Valentine's Day, that is. Though I hear VD's in season, too.
Poetry: Love - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 90 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/13/2005
Vacation
This one rhymes a little. So, if rhyming is your thing, then maybe this will interest you.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 136 - Published: 2/10/2005 - Complete
Sweet Blasphemer reviews
Here's, like, a song I wrote. I don't write many songs, because they aren't very good, but I thought this one was post-worthy. Please, tell me...was it? Was it really?
Poetry: Song - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 227 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 9/11/2004
Space Attack! reviews
This is a story that I wrote so long ago, I don't even remember writing it. Anyway, it made me chuckle, so I thought I'd post it here.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 805 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 9/7/2004
ShovelHappy reviews
What started off as a fun morning became a day of murder... and sandwiches! I don't know why I'm posting this. It's kinda immature and shoddily written, in my opinion. Tell me, does it suck? R/R
Fiction: Humor - Rated: M - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 12,466 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 7/29/2004
A National Pastime reviews
I wrote this a few years ago and it was on disk somewhere, unfinished. So, I added a few lines, gave it a title and there you go. Anyway, this is one of my rare attempts at seriousness.
Poetry: War - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 159 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 7/15/2004
Big Jiggy Harper, New Orleans Crime Lord reviews
This is a story I wrote a long time ago. I'm not sure if I ever posted it anywhere before, so I thought I'd post it here.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: M - English - Suspense/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,121 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 7/14/2004
The Creeper reviews
What is this? I'm not so sure. Why don't you read it and tell me?
Fiction: Humor - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 725 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 7/14/2004
The Head Chant reviews
What can I say? I don't even know what this is.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 212 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 5/31/2004
English John reviews
This is a story. Rated R for Righteous. P.S. The format of this story will undoubtedly enrage a good percentage of those who actually bother to read it. In which case, my work is done.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,878 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 3/28/2004
Empty Footsteps, A Hollow Floor reviews
"Fiddle faddle" popped into my head. Voila. I wrote this just a few minutes ago. I felt I should post it immediately.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 243 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/15/2004
The Man Who Was Cheese reviews
A delightful piece of insanity which was written entirely without forethought. It appears here as I originally composed it.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 667 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 2/15/2004
The Clock Man Cometh reviews
A tale about a girl (based on my sister, actually) and an odd conspiracy. I wrote the first draft by hand, meaning I put some thought and effort into this, so it might be good. Note: All characters featured here are in reality real people. Really.
Fiction: Mystery - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,628 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 12/15/2003
Cornbread, And I'll Kill You Too! reviews
This is a crazy take on one of my all-time favorite films "The Green Mile". If you liked my other crap, you'll probably like this, too. I realize that it is a little cruel, but that's just how I operate, baby!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,313 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 6/28/2003
Coup de’état! reviews
Hey, look! It's the final installment of my "Coup" series! That's right. The one that doesn't make any sense and didn't require more than one installment. But, once again, crazy swears!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 843 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 6/28/2003
Coup de grâce! reviews
This is actual a prequel to my story "Coup de Main" which made little sense and actually doesn't need a backstory. But there's still plenty of hilarious weird curses in this one!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 931 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 6/28/2003
I Should Kill You reviews
Written for some reason at some time while angry at something or someone.
Poetry: Life - Rated: M - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 78 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 5/2/2003
Static Thought reviews
Where did originality go?
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 132 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 4/30/2003
Semper Fi reviews
A friend of mine jokingly refers to me as a liberal commie. Then again, he is always being mistaken as a skinhead...
Poetry: War - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 71 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 2 - Published: 4/30/2003
Remember Me? reviews
Inside the violent romantic type...
Poetry: Love - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 111 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 4/30/2003
MILF reviews
Not what you think.
Poetry: Life - Rated: M - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 104 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/30/2003
Achtung! reviews
Um, I'm not very good with summaries. The poem speaks for itself.
Poetry: War - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 76 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 4/30/2003
39 Screams reviews
Voices in my head.
Poetry: General - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 49 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 4/30/2003
Jesuspend reviews
Some people might think this is a slight against Christianity. I'm not religious. I don't really have a belief system. People can think and believe what they want. It's the folks who try to push it down my throat that bug me. The rest of you, carry on.
Poetry: Religion - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 112 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 2 - Published: 4/29/2003 - Complete
No More Monkeys reviews
This is another weird one. A clear message or two. I guess it's about life. Sure. Why not.
Poetry: Life - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 92 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 4/28/2003
Facepunched reviews
I'm sure there's some hidden meaning here somewhere. Um, if you find one could you tell me?
Poetry: Life - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 64 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/28/2003
At Liberty To Say reviews
Looks like a political poem about current events. At least, they were current four years ago when I wrote the damn thing.
Poetry: Politics - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 202 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 4/28/2003
Home Sweet Home reviews
If there is anything I don't like to write about, it's love. Or happiness. Or nice feelings and goodwill toward men. But I guess I could try writing a love poem at least once. This is a poem about some pathetic loser who still wants his woman back. W
Poetry: Love - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 203 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 4/28/2003
Peace & Quiet reviews
When you really don't like your neighbor...
Poetry: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 131 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/28/2003
Afraid To Fly reviews
The first thing I've ever written about myself. Or someone closely resembling myself. Like me.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 70 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 4/28/2003
Maybe reviews
Typical teenage thinking.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 52 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 4/28/2003
Switchblade reviews
Wrote this for no particular reason while eating a sandwich. PG for general naughtiness.
Poetry: Love - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 76 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 4/28/2003
WWJD reviews
Sweet mercyful crap! Who knew I could write G material? Anywho, what is this poem all about? You tell me.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 57 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 4/28/2003
He Was A Limey Bastard! reviews
I have no idea what I was thinking...
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 321 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 1/1/2003
Dirk Smith: Sex Bandit reviews
Dirk Smith is a private eye who has trouble paying his taxes. I wrote this story a long time ago and I thought I should put it on here.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,574 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 1/1/2003
Beatnik Pants Explosion reviews
Do not let the title fool you. This isn't nearly as fanciful as it sounds. Violent. Profane. Not fancy.
Fiction: Horror - Rated: M - English - Horror/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 578 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 12/16/2002
Hey, You're Like Me! reviews
This started as just a twisted thought and it blossomed into a twisted story. I hope you find it a little amusing, though. Note: I am strongly opposed to children using garden hoes as weapons.
Fiction: Horror - Rated: M - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,441 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 11/21/2002
Coup de Main! reviews
A silly little story that is kind of stupid, but funny! Don't take it too seriously. I don't. So you shouldn't. So don't.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 640 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 6/6/2002
Souperdouche reviews
A little song I wrote about... um. Well, you'll see.
Poetry: Song - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 162 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 5/14/2002
Vox Populi reviews
Not really much to say about this. I was bored and I wrote it. You'll get it after reading it.
Poetry: General - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 53 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 4/5/2002
Spiders reviews
This is just a quick little poem that I wrote after getting to thinking about how corrupt our justice system can be.
Poetry: General - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 99 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 4/3/2002
Sunshine Makes Me Smile reviews
Just something I wrote when I was bored. It is basically about a guy who works in an office who really likes sunshine. Kind of demented at the end.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 580 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 4/1/2002
Smelly Potpourri reviews
A collection of humorous(?) poems that I wrote whilst sitting, bored, at my desk during U.S. History. Time that I could have used to study for the test.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 276 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 3/31/2002
Whiplash reviews
A depressed man has a good laugh... at the expense of several people. Kind of demented, but that is just how it goes.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 507 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/21/2002
Vector (5)
Willum (41)