Author has written 3 stories for Fantasy, and Romance.
- – — Tʜᴇ 𝒲ʀɪᴛᴇʀ ᵒᶠ 𝒲ʜɪᴛᴇᴡᴀᴛᴇʀ — – -
at your service
"Hello, valued stranger! Come, and have a seat around the campfire; share with me your stories of much mystery and desire."
- – — Various Digestible Bits of Information — – -
Age: 31, give or take whatever is plausible to back up any arguments I am a part of
Profession(s): Actual writer of varying quality; theatre performer ("will act for food"); occasional painter (of varyingly low quality); tutor of many* things; lecturer in linguistics (usually something of an exercise in masochism)
Residence: The sunny*' little England. I would live back in Switzerland, but my wife forbids it. Apparently, "the weather's awful".
Specific Abilities: Fantasy Writing, especially High Medieval in nature, character development and detailed backstory planning—usually for large casts
(You know, the good stuff. I'm the sad little literary agent that knows how much a sword costed in Ye Olde Medieval Times: ~150 days' average wage, to be precise)
Please send me a PM if you would like feedback on your writing/to request me as a beta—yes, Google Docs is fine.
- – — Some Sort of Abstract-Thing — – -
I adore writing as a form of critique because there are so many different themes that can be explored. Words words political message, something something... words.
My writings are almost always about a highly controversial theme, for I absolutely cannot stand the fairy tale ending. I reject that form of happiness and embrace all things suffering, like some twisted version of Pinhead with typewriter keys instead of needles. Although there are many types of writing that I do not enjoy (sorry, poetry, short straw and all), I do have a particular fondness for characters. Specifically tragic ones. Tragic ones that seem like they're going to win and then [wham, punched into paralysis by a deranged old lady who was secretly the villain all along (as they always are).
If you are kind enough to read anything I write, please remember that I am the writing tutor that tells students to create loving-but-realistic characters for no better reason than to psychologically mutilate them by the fourth chapter. I take the textbook hero, disfigure him with repeated blows from an actual textbook, strip him of his circumstantial pomp, and toss him to the wolves.
If he crawls back, we strangle him and do it all over again. By the end of my writings, they're a different person. Character arc complete, insert cup(s) of tea.
There are no free rides. Especially for the character who everyone thinks has six-foot plot armour and the personal guard P. L. Otarmouré. For they are French (or whatever nationality is pseudo-French in your fantasy world) and all French names end with acute accents*''. There's a pick-up line in there somewhere, but I'm far too busy finishing this description to find it.
Oh, and I just love the Oxford comma. I also like putting my punctuation inside quotes because originally, the mechanical limitations of moving type would result in damage to the plates for commas and full stops if they were placed at the end of sentences, necessitating the quotation mark coming after them to prevent this. My period working within the printing industry taught me that—it also taught me enough about the industry that I no longer partake. Digest that of your own volition.
Ha, surprise learning!
- – — Additional Message Disclaimers — – -
For those of you that just love reviews, please do PM me regarding your story/stories and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. I am usually available and charge no price, except a small part of your soul and ritual hair clippings, as by ancient voodoo ritual am I contractually required. Oh, and organ(s). Put those in the designated area marked clearly on whatever device you are currently using
If this is the future, are computers are not so much an "accessory" as they are a "necessity of life," please donate £400,000, transferable into whatever currency we now use, to the nearest charity of which I am the sole beneficiary.
* writing-based, nonmathematical, and not physically taxing being prerequisites of "many."
*' purely interpretive rendition of sunny; again, not a painter of any verifiable quality.
*'' entirely varyingly demonstrable and varyingly quantifiable writing advice.
Please find below some samples of my work; these are usually sections that I have written to teach from in lectures and have since abandoned into the cold, dark precipice of my filing cabinet (from which there is no escape). I might finish some of these at some point, if life allows.