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Joined 02-09-02, id: 167896
Author has written 6 stories for Humor, General, and School.
Here are some kool quotes. why? Why not?

"The greatest truths are the simplest, and so are the greatest men."
--Julius Charles Hare

Hail to the sun god, he sure is a fun god, Ra, Ra, Ra!

Fighting for peace is like having sex for virginity.

I used up all my sick days, so I called in dead.
"Though I am young and cannot tell
Either what death or love is well,
Yet I have heard they both bear darts,
And both do aim at human hearts:
And then again, I have been told,
Love wounds with heat, as death with cold" -- Ben Jonson "Though I Am Young and Cannot Tell"

Therapy is expensive. Popping bubble wrap is cheap.

Of course I'm out of my mind! It's dark and scary there!

Having failed to conquer myself, the best hope now is to arrange an alliance with myself.

"I've got a black woolen hat and it's got PERVERT written across the front of it. It's the name of the clothing label. And I was with my wife and my baby at the supermarket and I didn't think. I just put my hat on Clara's head, because it was cold. And the looks. I couldn't figure out why I was getting death looks. And then I realized my 10-month old baby's wearing a hat with the word pervert written on it and these people were like, 'There's Satan! There's Satan out with his kid!' And then I made a point of her wearing it every time we went there."
- Ewan McGregor, on an experience during filming A Life Less Ordinary in Denver, Colorado; Buzz Magazine March 1997

Cell-phone: a way to speak to yourself without anyone noticing.

Ignoranus: a person who is not only ignorant, but an asshole to boot.

It's not the fall that kills you; it's the sudden stop at the end.

It is much more comfortable to be mad and know it, than to be sane and have doubts.

There is no gravity. The Earth sucks

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and carry on as if nothing happened.

A Frisbeterian believes that when you die, your soul goes up to the roof, and you can't get it back down.

My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends—
It gives a lovely light
~Edna St. Vincent Millay

I have an irrational fear of hornets. They can fly and I can't, and that's just not fair...

Deja moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

Every day, the hummingbird eats its own weight in food. You may wonder how it weighs the food. It doesn't. It just eats another hummingbird.

TV teaches us the big ultimate destroying robot always has an easily found and usable self destruct button.

Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

Boycott shampoo. Demand real poo!

and one I got from Stephvo
If, when you die, you are given a choice between regular heaven and pie heaven. Choose pie heaven. If its a joke, who cares? But if its not...mmmmmm pie!

There.. now I've driven everyone away! 8*)

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Slut Man and The Chronicles Therefore Of by John Ink reviews
New Draft. Short Chapters. Read at least one. Sluut man, Sluut Man, friendly neighborhood Slutman, gets the girl, everytime, watch out guys, it's slut man time, look out, there goes the slut maaaaaan!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,308 - Reviews: 160 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 11/29/2007 - Published: 2/15/2003
To Whomever Comes After by Thermopyle reviews
A conspiracy discovered...too late. A short-short story I wrote for my creative writing class.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 500 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 2 - Published: 2/22/2003
Is this a secure line? by OxidizedBloom reviews
This is what happens when you dont respect your friends. Revenge is a dish best served alla Please Review! if only to say how crazy we are!(rated 4 language)
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 22 - Words: 23,425 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 3 - Updated: 8/16/2002 - Published: 4/11/2002
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Imagination reviews
Think Scooby doo, but mostly drug free,without the mystery machine, and with a hyper-slutty dog instead of scooby.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 10 - Words: 8,525 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 7/24/2003 - Published: 4/23/2003
Note from the evil Penguin reviews
Actual notes from my friend. *shivers and looks over shoulder nervously*
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Horror/Supernatural - Chapters: 8 - Words: 2,682 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 4/6/2003 - Published: 2/22/2003
Song of the Storm reviews
An English assignment from last year I found squished in my backpack. Bonus points if you can guess what book my teacher used as an excuse to make us right this. Hope you like it better than he did.
Poetry: School - Rated: K+ - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 103 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/15/2003
Rain Child reviews
an essay for english composition- a childhood ritual for autumn showers
Fiction: General - Rated: K - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,171 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 2/26/2003
The Adventures of Fluffikins the Puppyslut reviews
A completely false account of Sarah's(fluffikins) non-existant yet torrid affairs with our teachers. NEW CHAPTER- who's the father?
Fiction: Humor - Rated: M - English - Romance/Mystery - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,637 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 2/22/2003 - Published: 11/10/2002
A look into my life reviews
Funny IM conversations. Reposted and continued under the title "Is this Line Secure?"
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,272 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 4/10/2002 - Published: 4/7/2002