PWhitehead
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Joined 04-02-02, id: 193515
Author has written 3 stories for General, and Humor.
English is my first language ("He is an englishman, for he himself has said it, and It's greatly to his credit..." etc), I speak rudimentary German and French, and can insult in Latin, Russian, Korean and Swahili. I live in the good old United Kingdom, where we spell some words with an extra 'u' e.g. colour, honour, valour, and pronounce aluminium like it's spelt. One thing I am fussy about is people disparaging religious faith, especially mine.
My favourite show is Star Trek TNG. I like Gilbert&Sullivan, Frank Sinatra, Tom Lehrer and anything else most people don't! ;-)

I'm not sure my political views are relevant here... but a 2-page copy of them is avaliable via email. Oh, and you'll love the bit about Iraq. Unless you live in California.

Oh, and a big HELLO to Mom, Brewer, and Saddam.

Quotes:

"Now landsmen all, whomever you may be,
if you want to rise to the top of the tree,
If your soul isn't fettered to an office stool
Be careful to be guided by this golden rule:
Stick close to your desks, and never go to sea...
And you may all be rulers of the Queen's Navy!"
-Gilbert & Sullivan, HMS Pinafore

"He never swears a big, big D-"
-Gilbert & Sullivan, HMS Pinafore

"And while the House of Peers witholds
It's legislative hand;
And politicians do not itch, to interefere in matters which
They do not understand.
Then bright will shine Great Britain's rays,
As in King George's glorious days!
Yes, bright will shine Great Britain's rays,
As in King George's glorious days!"
-Gilbert & Sullivan, Iolanthe

"The cool thing about being famous is [that] you get to travel a lot... I've always wanted to travel overseas, like to Canada and stuff."
-Britney Spears, who lives in the USA

"If you aspire to the highest place, it is no shame to stop at the second, or even the third..."
-Cicero, Roman writer

"We do not recognise the results of the Zimbabwe election because we believe it is flawed"
-George W Bush, Junior

"Pot calling the kettle black"
-Writer to the BBC, on George Bush's above comment

"Mr. Sulu, set a course. Second Star to the left and straight on 'till morning."
-Captain Kirk, Star Trek VI

"Ow"
-My Physics Teacher, after trapping his hand in a lab door

"Sorry"
-A fellow student after ripping the aforementioned door from it's hinges in the same lesson in an accident the teacher brought upon himself

"How do you know?" - Me
"It's in a book" - Student
"If I published a book that said [name] was a fish, would that make it true?" - me
"Um... yes?" -Student

"Give three cheers, and one cheer more, for the Captain of the Pinafore"
-Gilbert and Sullivan, HMS Pinafore

"Sorry, no mercy killings on my bridge"
-Captain Janeway (Kate Mulgrew)

"A paradox, a paradox, a most ingenious paradox!"
-Gilbert and Sullivan, Pirates of Penzance

"Life is like a sewer. What you get out of it depends on what you put into it."
-Tom Lehrer

"The most useless fact I know is that of all the teams on the football pools coupon, Hull City is the only one that does not have any letters with loops that can be shaded in by an idle doodler while awaiting the results"
-Keith Whitehouse

"I don't care how good Castro thinks he is on the guitar, he certainly won't be joining our group!"
-Sir Paul McCartney

"It's good to shut up sometimes"
-Marcel Marceau

"Not all who wander are lost"
-JRR Tolkein

"Do not ask for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee"
-John Donne

"Frederic: Your face is lined, your hair is grey-
Ruth: It's gradually got so!"
-Gilbert and Sullivan, Pirates of Penzance

"Who the starfish is Julian???"
-me

Yes, I AM crazy. But not as crazy as... [Insert own name here]

The Land of the Coke Cans by Princess Rena reviews
A stupid story with a serious message. I DARE someone to read this and not be afraid.... R/R if you're brave enough.
Fiction: General - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 810 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 1 - Published: 6/8/2001
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Garden puzzles reviews
A puzzling question from a philosopher leaves Adam stumped... until...
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 187 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 9/17/2003
My Physics Lesson moved reviews
The true, bizzare, but still true story of one of my physics lessons. If you recognise yourself in this, good on you. PG for a few vaguely suggestive comments. This was previously published under Original>Authors but I guess I have to move it now...
Fiction: General - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 639 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 9/21/2002
A Russian Cinderella reviews
A pre-revolution short romantic tragedy set in Russia [very] loosely derived from an obscure version of cinderella. Originally written for use as GCSE coursework. To tell more would ruin the story...
Fiction: General - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 902 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 9/19/2002