NEW CURRENT EVENTS

mmk then, I feel it is my much belated duty to state that I am still alive. Some people have been asking me about Break II, and I feel I should explain the matter of its non-existence. As you may know, I moved to England for a year. Now, in doing this I didn't expect things to change *that* much -- it was only a new place to go to school, after all. But no. Apparently, students in England have these things called "Lives". Somehow or other they managed to squeeze me into one of these "Lives" -- in which process all my ponderous writing/internet time got simultaneously squeezed out. Now, on the upside of this, I did manage to do a lot of research for Break II during my literary absence, as I was able to visit several of the settings I want to put in the story, in real life (Europe is an amazing place -- terrible public restroom facilities though, blegh). I don't want to make any promises, because to be honest I haven't a clue where my life is headed at the moment (somewhere exciting, I hope), but if there are still people hanging on for the sequel then I feel really bad disappointing you, and I will try to do my best to pick it up again. Here's the deal then: it's either coming out by the end of the summer, or it's never coming out at all. If I start posting it, I guarantee that I will finish it, of course. If you would like to be notified if/when I begin posting the sequel, drop me a note with your e-mail address and I'll give you a holler.

Satan’s voice comes over the loudspeaker* Attention condemned mortals: Hell is now renting out ice skates at a discount price. Get them while they’re no longer hot. That is all. *End loudspeaker announcement*

Why yes, reader dearest, I have decided to revamp my profile after two long years of persistently sitting on my ass. Why, you ask? WELL…

flashback* once upon a messenger conversation…
glitterjewele: so ya, I’ve been thinking I might maybe possibly change my fictionpress profile –
Death’s Counterfeit: OMG! YES! YOU SO HAVE TO! I LOVE READING REWRITTEN PROFILES! BLAH YES BLAH DO IT BLAH NOW!!!
*end flashback*

…ah the joys of exaggeration. But yes, the long and short of things, then.
And the heav’nly angel (pffft, angel…riiiight) Death’s Counterfeit came unto the sometime author glitterjewele and declareth: Thou shalt rewrite thy profile now, biatch. And it came to pass that she did.

Okay then, enough with the preliminaries, I say. *wild applause from the peanut gallery* Yes yes, on to the important (pffft important…riiiight) things in life.

MOTTOES! WOOT! (damn I love these things)
~Personal writing-related motto: What? Romance with a plot? Whoever heard of such a thing?
~Personal feminism-related motto: Well Cinderella, what are you waiting for? Prince Charming isn’t going to bring you the other shoe, and there’s only one way to deal with that: go shopping and buy the damn thing yourself.
~Personal general-related motto: When life gives you lemons…stuff them in your bra. You never know. Might help. (alright, fine, I stole this one from my friend. But seriously, much too cool to pass up.)

GRAND PLANS FOR THE FUTURE...and stuff...ya.
~Novels&Writings:
*Break II: In progress. I want to have the first ten chapters written before I start posting.
*Winter Blade: Hiatus. I'm really way too swamped with crap right now to sit down and put a good four-six hours into getting it really started up, though the basic blocking is complete. I will post it eventually, though.
*Subverted: Tales of a Dark Edged Mind: In progress. A collection of short stories. Meant to give you something interesting to read while waiting for my uber-lazy muse to get the novels up.

~Personal Related: Yes, I’m studying abroad in England this year and I’m very determined to find myself a cute British boyfriend with a cute British accent to pass the cold days with, sipping tea and doing such other cute British activities (haha man I’m a dork). Please send any bios of potential candidates to the e-mail address listed above. Thank you.

~Nebulously-Writing-Related: Right, because someday when I do have time to breathe…
*The Un-cliche-ifying the Cliché Collection!*
And what might that be, you ask? WELL, it might be a satirical and most probably grotesquely sarcastic response to some very repetitive story themes I’ve noticed on this site. What do I mean by that, you ask?
*Example*
Title: The Jock, the Prep, and the Maniacal Author Who Killed Them
Summary: (not literally killed them, reader dearest, never literally…) Ah yes, the ever-so-popular theme of Miss. Prep and Mr. Badass Player working together on the Inevitable School Project and most unexpectedly falling madly in love. Such a sweet little adolescent journey. What a shame for our dear clichéd characters that I happen to be writing this…Welcome to Unclicheifying the Cliché Book 1, Toto.
*End example*
Muahahaha, yes, methinks I shall have oodles of fun if and when I ever get around to it. Shall also eventually include the woefully overused themes of: Isolated Girl Meets Lead Singer of Band, When Best Friends Fall In Love, and I Hate You - I Love You…for starters. *rubs hands together gleefully*

…I swore once that I would never do this…Let that be a lesson to you children: Swearing will get you nowhere. *end public service announcement*…

READ THESE PEOPLE OR DIE A MOST UNFULFILLING DEATH *hides dagger behind her back and smiles innocently*

~~Death’s Counterfeit: Haven’t seen her yet? Stop depriving yourself, o luckless peon of literature. Utterly astounding poet but has proven herself well capable of writing anything from songs to sex essays (no, little virgin reader, you heard me right). All persons of the male gender in possession of black hair and blue eyes are to proceed to her profile and/or New Zealand immediately (and yes, black-haired blue-eyed male, you will thank me for this someday). *Highlights: Rantings of the Mad and Unhealthy (be prepared to laugh your guts out); Letters: Dear Love, Yours Sincerely, Death; and Suspicions (if she ever gets off her ass and *continues* the damn thing…*grumble grumble* ;P).*

~~not sure yet: I would gush about her, but there simply are no words. Suffice to say that she has never written a poem I didn’t like. And yes, my friend, that is quite an accomplishment. *Highlights: Blood of Christ, Zero Ending Stories, Swallowed Death*

~~H.M. Banson: People don’t get any cooler than this chica right here, peeps. Writes like a freaking professional and as far as I know she’s still in high school. Also, is on the very *brink* of publishing her first (AMAZING) book – it’s called Hero, and I got to read the first chapters before she had to take it down…if you don’t buy it when it hits the shelves, my friend, thou art a fool. Beg her enough and she might even sign a copy for you. ;) *Highlights: Hero (obviously…though we’ll have to wait for the grand publication *huffs*), Chaville (which doesn’t have nearly as much attention as it merits), Perfect*

~~icytigerwarrior: it’s all about the squirrels, baby!!! YEE-HAW! This girl has seven – count ‘em, seven – zany squirrel muses, all named after nuts (except Skippy, who is named, of course, after peanut butter), and in addition to being a great writer to begin with, she’s writing a totally squirrel-devoted ficcy! My friend, you have not lived until you’ve experienced the craziness of the Icytigerwarrior squirrels. Don’t miss out. *Highlights: Line Crossing, the squirrel fic (don’t know the title yet, damn it), *

~~Les Yeux Violet: despite the fact that she’s ABANDONING us for blank notebooks *sniffle*grumble*sniffle* this girl’s poetry is in a realm all by itself. She is hands down one of my all-time favorite poets – and not just on fictionpress either, people. Inventor of the spliced haiku (possibly the coolest form of poetry ever to grace my eyes) and creator of heart-stopping feelings, images, atmospheres, you name it, she does it. Guaranteed to leave you speechless several times before you’re through. *Highlights: Si Je Pleurais, Fae, Plea to the Princess*

Now, naturally, everyone on my favorite authors and stories lists is there for a reason, pet, so be a good profile browser and read them all before you go, hm? *pats victimized reader on the head*

And as a last thought…I have this little thing I keep called ‘A Collection of Tidbits’ which is just a bunch of random stuff that I find funny/touching/otherwise intriguing. I’m going to share some of it with you. Who doesn’t appreciate a few good quotes, eh?

"Alright, but apart from the sanitation, medicine, education, wine, public order, irrigation, roads, the fresh water system, and public health; WHAT have the Romans ever done for us!?" ~ Monty Python's Life of Brian

When the Lady’s moon is new/kiss ye hands to her times two…
When the wind comes from the South/Love will kiss thee on the mouth ~from the Rede

Destiny is a lady that waits for no man. ~Karen Sisco

Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with. ~unknown

The “What Would Jesus Do?” Thong. No Christian lady should be without this product. Offering pure protection from pesky penises! ~Landover Baptist Website

“Evangelists say Halloween is the devil's holiday. What a lame-ass devil! Sitting down in the depths of hell, going, ‘I've got control of the major corporations, churning out weapons and toxic waste, but how can I get candy? Let me think--I'll get the children of the world to dress up as hobos and Power Rangers--and then I'll have all the bite-size Three Musketeers I need! I am SATAN!’” ~Blatantly stolen from: Death’s Counterfeit’s profile

Things are quickly changing in the racetrack. Soon the purebred will bow to the half-breed, and the fences will crumble before her gaze… ~ Queen of Glass, by S.J. Maas

The shortest way to a man's heart is not through his stomach, but through his chest with an axe. ~unknown

Which is it, is man one of God's blunders or is God one of man's? ~F. Nietzsche

There are times when even to live is an act of bravery. ~Seneca

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it. ~Jack Handley (he has tons of amusing little sayings like this, check it out: http:///deepthoughts.php?dtID=110)

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST: a dialogue. Hehe. =P

Michelangelo: Good evening, Your Holiness.
The Pope: Evening, Michelangelo. I want to talk to you about this painting of yours, The Last Supper. I'm not happy about it.
Michelangelo: Oh, dear. It took me hours.
The Pope: Not happy at all.
Michelangelo: Is it the jello you don't like?
The Pope: No.
Michelangelo: It does add a bit of colour, doesn't it. Oh, I know, you don't like the kangaroo!
The Pope: What kangaroo?
Michelangelo: No problem, I'll paint him out.
The Pope: I never saw a kangaroo!
Michelangelo: Uh, he's right at the back. No sweat, I'll make him into a disciple. All right?
The Pope: That's the problem.
Michelangelo: What is?
The Pope: The disciples!
Michelangelo: Are they too Jewish? I made Judas the most Jewish.
The Pope: No, it's just that there are 28 of them.
~Monty Python (...or so we think)

Hokay, zat vill be all for now, my pretty. We hope you’ve enjoyed the past three and a half pages of pointless rambling. And may your life be more exciting than mine. That will be all. ADIOS MIS AMIGOS! *runs off to play with the squirrel muses, who are currently tangled hopelessly in the marti-gras beads…again*