E. M. Grinlord
hide bio
PM . Follow . Favorite
Joined 12-08-02, id: 306962, Profile Updated: 11-27-08
Author has written 27 stories for Fantasy, Fantasy, Humor, Humor, General, and General.

By day, I am a studious college student, but by night, I am E.M. Grinlord. Grinlord is my alter ego, my mask, my second identity.

Am I being a bit pretentious here? A bit of a drama queen? Yeah, probably. But we all have to fancy ourselves superheroes sometimes; something greater than ourselves.

I'm probably never going to be a published author. I can try, but in my studies, I have chosen another path. A fascinating one, one I really love and believe in, but certainly not a writerly one. But again, who knows? All subjects lead back to writing. My theory is that if you study writing, you'll be a shitty writer. Learn about the cool things in the world, then write about THOSE. Nobody wants to read about writers.

The real me is going in a very different direction than I once imagined. In high school, I had dreams of being a famous author. The next J. K. Rowling, or Neil Gaiman. Somehow, that changed. I didn't end up an English major. And for a long time, I left Grinlord behind. I have not exactly regained that dream, but Grinlord is still very much alive. So to honor that, sometimes, by night, I once again become Grinlord, deprive myself of sleep, and write into the odd hours and the pale dawn.

Thank you for allowing me an extremely pretentious introduction. :)

Sincerely enough,

E.M. Grinlord

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Trunk Thumping by NotJustAnotherVillain19 reviews
this scene is derived from the following prompt: You're traveling in a rental car when you hear the thumping of a flat tire. You pull over and discover the thumping is not coming from a flat, after all, but from the trunk. What—or who—is making the noise?
Fiction: Thriller - Rated: M - English - Suspense/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,007 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Published: 5/15/2006
Siral's Destiny by Numinor29 reviews
This is not a story for people who think Heroes always win. Nor is it for people with no sense of humor. This is a story for everybody out there who wants to laugh and see the VIllains win for once. Siral's Destiny: Killing the cliches! Review, please?
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,627 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Published: 9/19/2005
The Last of the Ancients by Individual-9086 reviews
When Devony's adoptive father sells her into slavery to a dark, handsome and mysterious man, she learns that her past may not be as simple as she had always thought. As she discovers her true identity, and that of her captor, life becomes very complicated
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 29 - Words: 119,523 - Reviews: 299 - Favs: 145 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 7/26/2005 - Published: 8/20/2002
Mortal of the Lamp by insert cliche here reviews
After thousands of years of slavery, the genie race is free and wrathful. Alex Darson is only one of a line of unfortunate young human men thrust into their world of magic, cruelty, revenge...and deliciously forbidden love.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 17 - Words: 29,954 - Reviews: 167 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 1/26/2005 - Published: 10/11/2003
The Best Damn Battle Ever by Lotos-eater reviews
Randy She-warrior! Brainless hero-with-a-sword! Ditzy Blonde! ALCOHOLIC ELF! Four crazy kids out to stop a bad guy, assuming they can stay sober long enough...
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 8 - Words: 13,121 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 25 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 7/12/2004 - Published: 7/28/2003
Fiona and the Knight by ArwenStar914 reviews
A tongue in cheek tale of a fiesty farmgirl, near-sighted witch, pompous prince, and mis-used squire. Light reading, reminiscent of Fractured Fairytales. Please review.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,581 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 5 - Published: 7/11/2003
Target Practice by Keep it 100 reviews
I don't do this often, but the darn pop-ups were getting to me...
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 224 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/1/2003
How To Take Over the World in Ten Easy Steps by Apphish reviews
It's an over used idea, but don't let that stop you taking a little peek.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,971 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 13 - Published: 5/19/2003
A Recipe for Disaster by Lady Croft reviews
Kinda (but not really) a continuation of "What's in a Name?". A witch needs to find a secret ingredient for her dish. Please R/R if you'd like.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,983 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/15/2001
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

The Sock Stealer reviews
A young monster struggles with being assigned the not-so-terrifying and humiliating task of stealing socks from the drier. Jealous of the other monster's much scarier assignments, he embarks on an urban adventure through the mundane and fantastic.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,436 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 11/25/2008 - Published: 11/20/2008
Stinking Hot
There are strange things done in the summer sun by the people who wait for the bus... And even stranger are the things they don't do. A true and scary story told through dialogue.
Fiction: General - Rated: K+ - English - Tragedy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 472 - Published: 4/16/2007 - Complete
Squeamish reviews
After a bloody accident in the woodshop involving his worst enemy, Leanard's life is pretty much over. But, like they say, you gotta have friends. Slight insanity with a hint of cracktasticka. If you like quirkiness, give this a try.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,332 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 4/16/2007 - Complete
Not Quite Moses reviews
The day I got eaten by a snake. Er... snapped at? Come into contact with? All right, all right, it was completely harmless. But still, I thought it made a good story.
Fiction: General - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 513 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/16/2007 - Complete
The Spatula War reviews
Conspiracies, spatulas, and a hunt for the truth. A series of letters chronicling a murky underground war.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 1,864 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 9/20/2006 - Published: 9/16/2006
The Definition of Love reviews
Love is like a summer's day, some like to say. But what is Love really? Can Love be whatever we want it to be? A humorous poem regarding the defitinition of a well known subject.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 157 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 9/13/2006
I Killed the King reviews
Because sometimes a little assassination is what's called for...
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,224 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 9/13/2006 - Published: 9/10/2006
Sun Roars By reviews
So, I had a dream about the apocolypse... Decided to write a song about it.
Poetry: General - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 166 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 9/12/2006
Monstrosities reviews
What Monsters do when they've been kicked out of the closet.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,524 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 7/26/2006 - Published: 7/9/2006
The Adventure That Didn't Happen reviews
What happens when the hero decides to stay home instead? A small, fantasy spoof. Complete.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,421 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 7/23/2006
Half a Cup of Hot Sauce reviews
A story of revenge. Sweet, sweet (and spicy) revenge... evil laugh.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 81 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 5/15/2006
Assassin's List reviews
Being evil for the sake of good will always lead you down interesting roads, carrying some interesting weapons, and killing some interesting people. It will also have you hiding in your fair share of closets, and talking to your fair share of cats...
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,647 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 5/2/2006 - Published: 2/4/2006
An Extremely Serious Poem reviews
Titles are misleading. This is a brief explanation of why I don't bother with trying to write any poetry beyond humor.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 116 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 9/7/2005
The Thoroughly Anonymous Project reviews
An old, widowed woman receives a series of odd telephone calls that create more mysteries than they bother to reveal. Contains odd humor and slight hysterics. Much more to follow. Enjoy.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,510 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 9/3/2005
Sir Ticklish reviews
Sir Ticklish was clearly not cut out for rescuing damsels in distress. Too bad this author makes him do it anyway...
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,367 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 3/1/2005 - Published: 2/20/2005
When Mirrors Go Bad reviews
A spoof of Snow White.
Poetry: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 226 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 1 - Published: 12/29/2004
Disasterous Days of the Witches Three reviews
The tale of three witches and the troublesome plot twists that this author forces upon them.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,720 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 12/29/2004
The Downside to Footwear reviews
A poem about the unfortunate occurence of mismatching shoes. (Most definately a topic not for the faint of heart...)
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 432 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 12/27/2004
The Chicken Who Spoke reviews
A tale of inspiring heroism, unspeakable idiocy, a surprisingly verbal chicken, and a little town I like to call Obscure...
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,555 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 12/27/2004
The Edge of the Earth reviews
When God created the Earth, he didn't quite get it right on his first try... Take a journey into the first (and failed) attempt at Earth, where sorcery, spells, magical glowy things, and insane gravitational concepts run amuck!
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,418 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 1/27/2004 - Published: 1/19/2004
Don't Wash Your Socks! reviews
Ever wonder where those missing socks really go in the laundry? Here's one solution to the all too common problem that plagues sock-wearers everywhere.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 233 - Reviews: 11 - Published: 12/30/2003
Vampires? We've Got Plenty! reviews
Ever notice how many vampire poems there are on FictionPress.net?
Poetry: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 175 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 1 - Published: 11/6/2003
I'm Not Afraid of the Dark reviews
It's dark... you're scared... and then a vampire jumps up behind you! Uggabuggabugga! But no, seroiusly, it's about how freaked out people can get on Halloween!
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 175 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 10/31/2003
A Scrivling Tale reviews
There's an awful lot of made up words in this poem. (What can I say? I was feeling a bit snappish with the dictionary.) This poem is rather fable-ish, and fun read-aloud. Enjoy.
Poetry: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 427 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Published: 10/28/2003
Rupunzel, Rupunzel! reviews
Why Rupunzel was a total dummy.
Poetry: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 129 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 6 - Published: 10/20/2003
The Downfall of Lord Soriss! reviews
Ridiculous epic about the downfall of one of those cliche big, bad villains. Includes exploding Goblin heads, a car that doesn't exist, and a wizard who...doesn't really do anything!
Poetry: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,228 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 6 - Published: 10/15/2003
Exactly Why Dragons Don't Exist reviews
One shot: The story of a little girl who asked her grandpa why there aren't Dragons, Unicorns, or Fairies in the world anymore. Quite an answer... Quite a political answer...
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,047 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 5 - Published: 10/2/2003