Beware when a man dressed as a huge shrimp abandons his post at the opening of a seafood restaurant, steals an experimental hovercraft, and crashes it into your car. Trust me, the insurance company will refuse to pay a cent.

- If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
- If you have multiple personalities, press 2, 3 and 4.
- If you are manic-depressive, it doesn't matter what number you press. Nobody will answer.
- If you are paranoid delusional, we know who you are AND we are out to get you. Just stay on the line while we trace your call.

You have reached the CIA early warning hotline. Since you are not supposed to know this number, an ominous, black utility van with a generic small business logo will soon be parked near your home for closer observations on your daily activity. Please leave a message, and have a nice day. :-)

It was once said, and I quote, 'Do not use hot wax to soothe enraged lobsters'. Well, seeing that I lack the needed intelligence to fathom the literal message of this, I seem to be in a bit of a situation here. I'll get back you when they get these things off and treat the massive blood loss.

Hello from the Community of the Insane Asylum! We are sorry to announce that the occupant of this screen name is not here right now. They are currently rocking to-and-fro in a straight jacket, in a padded room. Please leave a message and they will get back to you as soon as they have regained sanity. Which may take quite a while, but we hope that you care enough about them to wait.

I'd never been on an airplane before, and I gotta tell ya it was great. Except I had to sit between two large Albanian women with excruciatingly severe body odor. The little kid in back of me kept throwing up the whole time. The flight attendants ran out of Dr. Pepper and salted peanuts and.. oh yeah, three of the airplane engines burned out, and we went into a tailspin and crashed into a hillside and the plane exploded in a giant fireball and everyone died.

find more of those at my website :-p and um.. don't eat yellow snow.

And go to http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=940903 for my comedy thing.. i dont recommend reading it...