Jesse Cote
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Joined 08-08-03, id: 368872, Profile Updated: 03-03-15
Author has written 56 stories for Humor, General, Song, Humor, General, and Essay.

Hello.

You may be wondering why I am writing to you. Well, seeing how this is a writing site and I am a writer, I think that I should be able to write a simple message to you. Or I could annoy you with my useless and inappropriate italics, because it's way more fun.

If you haven't been able to pick up on it yet, I am a humor writer mostly. My works are mainly inspired by caffeine and cartoons, and the occasional writing mood (yeah, like that ever happens...sorry). I also can write serious stuff, as seen in some of my poetry, but also seen in my poetry (damn I love this italics thing) I can be wacky and off-the-wall (which happens way more often than I am serious, so don't worry and light a homemade cigarette or something).

My favorite story, or collection of stories I guess, would have to be the "Don't Eat Your Boss's Necktie After Breakfast" compilation. This set of stories is the longest series and the main bulk the self-published book of the same name! Check it out if you enjoy what you read below.

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The AccidentProne Chef by Foley Artist reviews
A skit about a cooking show with the least appropriate of hosts. R/R
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,592 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 8/16/2004 - Published: 8/1/2004
Ummmm POP TARTS! by Simon Psyc reviews
Not a story at all, but an incredible simulation, and an incredible waste of any reader's time. BUT YOU WILL READ IT ANYWAY! Or else.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 3,475 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 5/8/2004 - Published: 8/10/2003
Proof that I'm completely insane by Simon Psyc reviews
As if you needed it.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 13 - Words: 3,070 - Reviews: 115 - Favs: 7 - Updated: 12/30/2003 - Published: 3/13/2003
Don't Eat your Boss's Necktie After Breakfast by Jesse Cote reviews
Good title don't ya think? It got your attention. And now that you read it, you have to read my story. Or I won't give back the Miricle Whip! Oh, that tany zip...
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 10 - Words: 5,290 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 10/1/2003 - Published: 8/17/2003
Thanks by CloudyDay reviews
Well this is just a small 1 chapter story i wrote while i was depressed. Very short, and odd. Its not very good. Please r/r! My first fiction!
Fiction: General - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 411 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 8/22/2003
Odds and Evens by ObLiViOn88 reviews
What happens when you put a Biology Teacher, a porn star, a gangster and a paranoid old lady? R&R
Fiction: Humor - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,733 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 4 - Published: 8/18/2003
Nonsensicality by Forest Passant reviews
She (yet unnamed, suggestions? please) finds a book in the library... Basically spoofs a whole bunch of random stuff... will have a plot, i promise.. but later... R&R plz- chapter 15 up-which is the end-you'd better review if you want a sequel people.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 15 - Words: 5,698 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 4 - Updated: 8/17/2003 - Published: 8/3/2003
Joe and the Amazing NonMagical Dreambus by Simon Psyc reviews
The insane epic of Joe Jones and his Amazing Non-Magical Dreambus. Read it, or no enlightenment for you!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 9 - Words: 3,649 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 4 - Updated: 2/19/2003 - Published: 1/23/2003
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Stewart Edward Up Gets A New Name, New Life reviews
Stewart, or Stew as most people called him, didn't like his name--he thought it was stale and worn out. He hated his name immensely, especially because his last name was Up. This caused for some unfortunate name mistakes. Stirrup, Stew Pot, Starbuck
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 836 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 2/19/2011 - Complete
What?
How to decode this random order? Maybe we should play twenty questions?
Fiction: Humor - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 255 - Published: 4/18/2009
Random Work No 10312241309 reviews
Loud, smelly, I need to pee....
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 191 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/13/2009 - Complete
Y'Know, Life Isn't As Bad As Being a Witch
Or is it? I wouldn't know, being that of the non-witch variety...
Fiction: General - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 162 - Published: 6/1/2008 - Complete
Letter To The President reviews
Dear Mr. President; save our peace war-mongering town from McDonald's riots and some 500 foot monster! And cure Joe's problem!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 370 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 4/1/2008 - Published: 2/19/2008 - Complete
Bert: The Great Cloud in the Sky reviews
Bert is a cloud. Bert is my friend. Bert follows me where ever I go. Bert helps me defeat Bert and have an ice cold beer with Bert.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 2 - Words: 891 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 11/15/2006 - Published: 11/8/2006
God is Juxtified reviews
A story of how one ball of gas came to be a man who ruled the Earth...and how he got green peanut butter, WITHOUT FOOD COLORING! dun dun dun!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 825 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 4/19/2006
More Times Not To Eat Your Boss's Necktie reviews
After Never Eat Your Boss's Necktie After Breakfast comes this. A collection of short stories with humor blended with them to make a creamy white paste, similar to Miricle Whip. Oh that tangy zip.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 6 - Words: 2,944 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 7/24/2005 - Published: 11/10/2003
Random Work No 2873B02 reviews
"Fan-TERRIBLE" Raves the Toronto Sun. "Exactly what you DON'T want to read," says the New York Times. "So many thumbs down I wanna gouge out my own eyes," suggests Roger and Ebert. "Dammit" exclaims Sudam Hussian.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 421 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 7/23/2005
The Streets Of Guizhou
A man finds himself investigating activity in a city slum. Surprise at the end! DISCLAIMER: I do not know Guizhou personally... It was just a name on my Chinese map when I needed a city name.
Fiction: General - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 526 - Published: 7/22/2005
Lord of the Blings
There was a man, a man named Bilho, who possesed the bling of mystical power and gettin' da' ladies...
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 283 - Favs: 2 - Published: 4/27/2005
War is Crappy reviews
War is crappy. I have many a reason and evidence to support it. I mean, if we have war, we have to put up with those preppy fags who hate war. God I hate that...
Fiction: Essay - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 300 - Reviews: 8 - Published: 4/19/2005
Frank's Adventures of the Unkind Kind
Frank has a average life until one day a stoner, weirdo, or a robber takes it all away and leads him on a adventure unlike the kind he has ever had.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 869 - Published: 3/29/2005
The Chronicles of a Wise Man reviews
Get the fantastical wisdom of the wise man and find out how to keep yourself safe from coffee, and paper, and calenders...
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 4 - Words: 414 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Published: 1/28/2005
Sonnet No 1 reviews
Next time someone says that Shakespeare and his sonnets are stupid show them this sonnet. I never knew writing Shakespearean sonnets was so damned hard!
Poetry: General - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 121 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 1/28/2005
Random Writing No 0791672 reviews
"A pointless adventure of a guy no one cares about" -New York Times. "This is pure crap" -Roger and Ebert. "I'm still hiding! La la la" -Osoma Bin Laden.
Fiction: General - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 157 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 1/28/2005
The Night reviews
The Night creeps to my window...
Poetry: General - Rated: K - English - Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 84 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/28/2005
Accident
A man who has an accident one day and all of his friends must laugh and point. And then, a surprise ending?
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 63 - Published: 1/28/2005
Idiot Friends The Hidden Members of Society reviews
A document on the humorous side of the... bleh... It's funny, it's labeled idiot friends... Just read it!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 764 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 12/21/2004
The Froot Loop Prophesy reviews
One early day, A man named Jesse found a weird note in his fridge where his Froot Loops should have been... dun dun dun!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 249 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 11/23/2004
The Banned Word
The notorious "s" word. It shall not be banned. These are good reasons... Don't believe me? Just read it...
Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 159 - Favs: 1 - Published: 9/8/2004
The Shoe in the Hat reviews
Please say a-rat-a-tat-tat and... ah screw it. Suess style poetry but WAY more interesting... Involves a wall and a meth filled bean...
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 158 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 9/8/2004
Kenny And His Magical Long Day Monkey
If you want to call it something call it creative, or original, cause ain't nobody else gonna write something this mest up.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 628 - Published: 8/31/2004
Random Writing No 1830 reviews
"Gripping and unexciting" - The New York Times. "A complete waste of time" - Roger and Ebert. "What the F is this" - The Daily Sun. "Good... Maybe too good. Yeah, that's the problem. It's TOO good..." - David Leterman. "Damn terrorists..." - Geor
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 325 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 8/9/2004
The Drunken Pirate In Bloom reviews
About a man who is like his liquor and partying. He decides to be a pirate that writes poetry. Kinda a work in progress. Hit me with some suggestions, comments, marriage proposals... Whatever works.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 736 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 8/1/2004
The Nerds Just Wanna Be Cool reviews
If you were a nerd wouldn't you wanna be cool? Of course. No one here is nerds... No... Definetly not me...
Poetry: Song - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 104 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 5/22/2004
Death of a Story reviews
Read the gripping end of a story as a tiger hunts it down for prey to feed to her cubs... Uhm.. Yeah...
Fiction: General - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 221 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 5/8/2004
The Greatest Spoof Movie Ever Promptly Made reviews
As the title says. This movie will spoof things that you thought un-spoofable. And just so that I can spoof non movies, the more reviews I get, the more spoofs I do, oh and uh, the more chapter I allow you to read. So now you should promptly read this
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,722 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 3 - Updated: 5/8/2004 - Published: 10/22/2003
Double Homicide From Poo reviews
A man, blah blah blah, double homicide... Urgh... Just read it...
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 209 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 4/24/2004
See Jack Run reviews
Jack just doesn't know how to fake his way through life...
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 26 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 4/24/2004
The Story of the Man So Named Bob reviews
This story is the story of the man named Bob. You see. He has a school bus shoved up his nose and a crayon too. He likes cheese. Let's see his wacky and bound to be odd adventures!
Fiction: General - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 5 - Words: 1,785 - Reviews: 7 - Updated: 4/24/2004 - Published: 2/10/2004
The story of Bob and his dog reviews
Wroten, that's a word because I have the literatural powers of english to make it on, for a school assignment but it's way funny. Who says way funny you ask? Me.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 159 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 4/8/2004
The Story of Cheese and Greg reviews
A story of a quite insane man who loves cheese a little too much and asks it out on a date... It turns him down... Read it if you wish
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 443 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 2/26/2004
Encyclopedia of Jesse's Creatures reviews
A collection of weird, exotic creatures the roam free inside my mind. AND NO ONE ELSE'S! Unless you read this. Which I allow you to do now.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 895 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 12/14/2003 - Published: 9/4/2003
Poor Jack that everyone laughs at Don't laugh! reviews
Read? Sure why not. What am I going to do? Force you to read this? Yes...
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 591 - Reviews: 3 - Updated: 12/14/2003 - Published: 10/2/2003
Poem by Cote reviews
Wonder why I wrote this? Hmm... READ IT! PLEASE! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THINGS MADE OF MILK BY-PRODUCTS!
Poetry: General - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 141 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 12/10/2003
Who? reviews
Who is that? Who. Ok, I lost myself already.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 47 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 12/10/2003
Poem Shmoem reviews
What's a poem?
Poetry: General - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 143 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 10/18/2003
That I Doubt
I have no clue what this is about. Just read and review please...
Poetry: General - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 69 - Published: 10/18/2003
The Limmerik of the Playground reviews
I have no clue why I wrote this. It just came to my head one day as I was online so I wrote it. Afterwards I looked up and realized it was a limmerik
Poetry: General - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 61 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 10/18/2003
The Magicdude and Mark reviews
Includes, Hitler, Cheese, Cabbage, and other things. So. READ THIS! I BET YOU WILL READ THIS STORY NOW AFTER I SAY READ IT! BECAUSE IT'S ALL IN CAPS AND I SAID TO READ IT. SO YOU TRY TO PROVE ME RIGHT... OR WRONG... i dunno...
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 466 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 10/17/2003
L'histoire d'un homme et de son fromage reviews
This is in French but it is halarious. I wrote it in English and translated it on a site though for fair warning. C'est en français mais il est halarious. Je l'ai écrit en anglais et traduit lui sur un emplacement cependant pour l'avertissement juste.
Fiction: General - Rated: K - French - Chapters: 1 - Words: 274 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 10/11/2003
The watch man reviews
You never would've guess that the watch-man never knew what time it was... So tragic! * SOB! *
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 107 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 10/1/2003
Don't Eat your Boss's Necktie After Breakfast reviews
Good title don't ya think? It got your attention. And now that you read it, you have to read my story. Or I won't give back the Miricle Whip! Oh, that tany zip...
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 10 - Words: 5,290 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 10/1/2003 - Published: 8/17/2003
Bob The Five Shelled Snail reviews
A story by me and my er, you call him a friend, Simon Psyc. At least I learnt how to spell his name. Oh yeah, The story is about a 5 shelled snail and it's wacky adventures
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 551 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 9/30/2003 - Published: 9/19/2003
Insult to Injury reviews
No! DON'T SKIP OVER THIS ONE! YOU MUST READ IT! It is fun with all your favorite celebraties in it and, uh... I forgot.
Fiction: General - Rated: K - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 453 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 9/18/2003
I'm going to take it to the moooooooooooooon! reviews
Moon ducks are all but jellious. That's right jellious. I said jelly!
Fiction: General - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 88 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 9/18/2003
Blah! reviews
blah blah blah. I beat my record of smallest story i've ever written. 41!
Fiction: General - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 48 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 9/18/2003
Tick Tock reviews
I was bored and found a lot of words that rhyme with tock. Am I this mest up?
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 114 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 9/13/2003
Late Awake Dream reviews
When you're awake at 3 in the morning with a caffine high and I'm there, you're bound to get some wacky writing. And here it is!
Poetry: Song - Rated: K - English - Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 187 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 9/7/2003
Froogle Doodle Doo! reviews
I dunno. It's 71 word and I wrote it in school
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 83 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 9/4/2003
The Life Of A Cricket reviews
If this good? I don't really know. It sure sounds like I was trying to write. Even though it is for a cricket, I feel sorrow inside. Is this wrong? Most likely. Well please read and review it anyway
Fiction: General - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 309 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 9/3/2003
Gale and the Man Eating Butterfly reviews
Well the last thing Gale needs right now is to be lost in a foreign country witha man-eating butterfly. But he is! Ha ha ha!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 9 - Words: 6,635 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 8/23/2003 - Published: 8/9/2003
Super Guy! reviews
This is a story about a conversation between a super hero and an ambassador. I know nothing of each type of person so they are just mere way to classify the people.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,022 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 8/9/2003
The Thing reviews
A story about a young boy who has been avoided because he is horribly disfigured since birth. Enjoy!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,731 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 8/9/2003
The Man Who Owned The Town reviews
Pow! You're dead! ( Please Read and Review )
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 181 - Reviews: 5 - Published: 8/9/2003