I Believe In Sevenfoldism
In the name of A, 7, and X

Hey Sires and Siresess,

Been a while, eh? The seventh Harry Potter book's come out, and so has Dumbledore. I've turned eighteen and haven't matured a day. I've realized I still like writing stories, the good ones just don't go anywhere.

I lied. I haven't stopped everything and I'm definitely not focused on only two stories. I deleted all the old stories except for that stupid Happy Ending one because more of you guys seem to like that one. I want to get rid of the poems too and yadda yadda, stuff I'll never do, promises I'll keep on breaking.

If you are still with me, after so long, two things: One, I dunno why you would be, and two, thank you so much.

I don't like small birds. They hop around so merrily outside my window, looking so innocent. But I know that secretly, they're watching my every move and plotting to beat me over the head with a large steel pipe and take my shoe.

Porter: "Drinking turns your nose red, it puts you to sleep, and it makes you urinate. Lust it turns on but also turns off. What I mean is, drinking stimulates desire but hinders performance. Therefore, too much drink is like a con artist when it comes to your sex drive. It sets you up for a fall. It gets you up but it keeps you from getting off. It persuades you and discourages you. It gives you an erection but doesn't let you keep it, if you see what I'm saying. It makes you dream about erotic experiences, but then it leaves you asleep and needing to pee."