I can't believe this is happening to me.

So I cling to the people around me, go out every night and take long walks, living up all my favorite things so the memories stand clear....

Working in a giant warehouse is different than I originally anticipated, I wander down long stretches of tiny paths, slowly doing my mindless labor, getting paid my minimum wage.

And your door is perpetually locked from the inside, because your too afraid to leave and deal with all that fucking shit ‘leaving’ entails.

When she was around ten years old, she began the strangest ritual which would stick with her for most of her adult life. She would stand swing. Simply put, she would stand instead of sit like you normally do on a swing and do so for long periods of time.

She is brilliant.wonderful.charismatic.loving when not using; but becomes a complete stranger when she is. Distant.foolish.self-destructive.broken.dangerous.

To carve on her skin like an open canvas, so high school and immature, but she finds herself engraving deeper and deeper, thinking maybe if more blood shows up that means she’s more alive.

And all she did was dream endlessly of the future. A poor start admittedly, but admirable.

Accelerate, straight into the right direction.

And I will grow older and more mature, surrounded by people that I care about, I will remember my whole life after I’ve lived it,and record it.

Even a chance encounter is preordained.

Because you're the biggest star in your own sky; the messiah, the advocate, and the devil wrapped up in the form of a college student.

It's been a while since I've thrown up because of pills, so long in fact that it was oddly nostalgic, in a fucked up sense.

The single moment before you take the drugs, before you let yourself forget all that static and roll back to enjoy your high.

So, maybe this loss just shows us how idle our promises have become. Our sins, are they ever forgiven?

When I first met him you'd find him in the library spouting psychosomatic bullshit. I figured if he didn't do this he'd be sobbing. But, for a little while he smelled like ink and paper and hope.

a morbid little love song for the fucked up stoners and drunkies/ it makes me want to smack a bitch

Somehow the depression tastes better with a vodka smoothie, you're a fool for ruining this and retarding your mind.

Those dead weights won't keep your wings bound because you're much stronger than that.

When your on your ON, slowly removing yourself from that high school taint. Nothing compares to this.

As you lay on your floor with that pallat beneath you, and colors flowing across your fingers your feeling free.

How much do you think about those pills everyday, girl?

Corny love fests only force you deeper into your art, working on charcoal drawings till your fingers are stained black.

Another page in my novel is written; only this time longer and less angst filled.

And she will grasp those who love her pure for they are few but precious

She’s ready to embrace the future now, though one eye will forever be caught gazing into her past at the mistakes, she’ll learn from them teach herself to except them because they are apart of who she is now... and she'll move on.

I feel as though I deserve the resentment in your eyes, this distain is something I'm familiar with, it's a comfort.

Those 'good times' so to speak are scarce and hard to comprehend... it's a lagging comfort, a lie.

I want to learn your god so I may find your heaven.

Magdalene Dupree is sent to a boarding school for deviant behavior and drug abuse. She meets a boy and falls in lust, but the addictions she lives with arent so easily forgotten.

Today I caught myself staring blankly at my wrists, reminiscing upon a time where they were bleeding.

A shard of glass has two smooth sides, if I learn to pick you up correctly surely my fingers will not bleed.

For the first time in ages, I dragged that blade across my skin. It was the crappiest thing ever. I hated it.

The bruises will fade soon, you tell yourself. Yes, soon.

I'll be the hand that saves you, though you'll never know that it is me.

There is a huge wall between the way that I feel and the way that she feels, this will never be something that unites us or makes up equal.

I am my own person with my own dreams and one day I won't need to do this anymore.

You sit in your bed feeling small, trying to ignore the throb in your arms from the self infilicted mutilation that makes you happier than human contact.

It started out as fucking and it ended fucked up... mutilation is my salvation

The truth took a week to set in now it's overwhelming, I made it, I survived, these prim suffering years known as high school.I'll never have be going back, and I can't wait to start my life.

As things crumble all around, you wonder how things got this bad.

I am a fool but you are an asshole.

Now she sits on the verge of her future , she will accelerate and never look back.

You thought you knew better but in the end you were fooled. Don't you feel like a jackass now.

She will always spend a lot of the time doubting herself...

Some people will sacrifice their happiness to not feel the pain.

You were once my true wish... where you wishing too?

I believe in ghosts... this is why.

Sometimes I like to play that you were never there, but it's a dirty lie.

You lied and you are stupid.

She rolled onto her back and kissed him. They were both too intoxicated with the drug and the sensations. Her world had little butterfly's fluttering across the walls of punk band posters and old clothing. [Drugs][Complete]

You're the color in my black and white world. You blind me with brilliance.

If nothing lasts forever, can I be your nothing?

So many lies I’ve had to tell myself to make it so I can fall asleep.

just another ramble for the insane... don't try to understand the revolution cause i won't either

Its all for the decadence! The languid slither of your tongue across my lips... no, not the one's on my face...

She looked at me with her cat like eyes and took a drag of her cigarette, then motioned with her hand around the room. 'This is as good as it gets baby.'

So theres this boy and he kinda has my heart...

The nipples tighten like little pearls and the blurred senses are a sign of his forgetfulness. I want him so badly it hurts, but he won't look at me that way. No, never.

The situation of a drug abuser never changes, so all she can do is sit back and wait for a future she isnt quite sure she deserves.

Three girls, one debate.

You're like Alice, who in wonderland drank the bottle even if she knew it may contain poison.

You clawed your way into my heart where now you rest but what will happen when you want to be set free?

Now I wish to bash your head with a chainsaw till your dead.

You’re not ever scared ever because you couldn’t care less about what happens to you.

It’s weird how everyone smiles and shares their stories like it doesn’t hurt real bad to think about it, cause I know it does.

She clutches her black eyeliner and wears her hospital bracelets with a sick pride, telling all who look at her that she just recently survived a drug overdose.

I knew that you wouldnt amount to anything, prude.

And little girls grow up, I think.

Therapy has never helped me accomplish anything, how about you?

Life is nothing but a cheap imatation. Love is nothing but a mad bull on crack.

Apparently I just wasnt perfect enough for you.

It's a drug world for a fucked up girl.

My heart is like a hamloaf.

A twosided semi schizophrenic fractured monologue where my thoughts are pitted with my cynical, critial, sarcastic voices of my depression.

Oh, lets see how this relationship fares.

She blonde and pretty and popular and she shoots heroin. Ah, vote for Prom Queen!

Shh! It's a secret...

Punish me you bastard.

A dream that I had last night. I can't get it out of my head.

but in the end there is no end and when you look in the mirror you will never recognize yourself or be something more than a horrible singe on the end of a stick of lavender incense and your nothing but a bastardized form of a lost dream

It's really pathetic how I try to keep holding on to something that's not coming back.

she is the center of her universe, that bitch

She cuts herself because her body is a canvas and she has always been an artist.

I will gnaw my heart out before I cry, I will forever lie about what happened.

Don't trust me or put faith in me, I'll let you down every time.

Cynical teenagers should know not to be hypocritical. Basic student X teacher relationship.

Drugs and Sex and Cutting and Distain.

When I'm happy, I can't tell if its just the medication starting to kick in.

Shows that this sort of penetration just isnt morally correct.

I'm filled with lubricant, why won't you play with me now?

A spoonful of sugar will help the cyanide go down.

I poke little thumbtacs into my arms . Oh my lover, save me from the beauty.

The prozac only serves to help me fake it better. I can play my pretend game forever now.

Why did he have to die, when I love him more than I love myself?

In a land far far away, over the river and through the woods lives a person who nobody even gives a shit about anyway.

The medication always fucks things up.

The tape wraps round and round, a dice rolls across glass. This is what pain is.

The poetry doesnt help but the drugs make it worse.

She gave up. Again.

All I can hear is you telling me what a shitty person I am, and all I can see is the drugs and the fat on my flesh, and all I can do is agree with you..

Assignment for my math teacher when he caught me cheating on a test.

It finally hit me that you didnt care when you walked away and never looked back.

Class is now in session.

Who would listen to you as you scream out, 'Stay away from those dirty people, you can grow up to be something much better.'

Another reason why I do not care about you.

Lyke, I cut and I'm depressed! Oh, gawd! [Rolls Eyes.]

Have you ever wished on a paper cut?

She never loved in red, she loved in orange.

Click. Click. Bang.

Another example of PRODUCT PLACEMENT. [Drink Mountain Dew.]

It's a facade of nothing... beautiful and flawless.

She feel's sorry for them because she would have loved them if they had given her a chance.

Another dramatic tale of a shitty relationship.

This infliction burns with salt, I excel at reliquishing nothing.

If I end this will the pain stop?

Just a stoner party crashed by the fuzz.

She is bruised and all her teacher can do is stare like a stupid idiot.

Smile while your soul is bleeding you dry, from within.

Perfection is an indulgence it's being lovely, no lonely.

I'm scared. I don't want to die.

Drugs and the insanity of early morning insomnia.

Your so messed up, you burn out.

It's when I throw up just to make sure my stomach is empty, even though I havent eaten in days...

I'm a little tea cup, short and stout.

Ah, the pleasent memories of reminiscing under the glow of paltry flames.

I don't want a happily ever after. I want a 'the end.'

They just make the stupidity stop... for a little while.

I understand that scissors can beat paper, and I get how a rock can beat scissors, but there's no WAY that paper can beat rock.

Because everything is so much better when your hurting.

What should she do when she hits rock bottom?

Put the bandages on the wrists, close the caps to the pills, put the blade in the dresser, and paste on that flawless smile.

Mommy, mommy, won't you beat me just a little more?

Rehab is for quitters but I'm too stoned to care...

Still she spins around in her MerryGoRound imagination... because nothing ever hurts when your wearing the love you never had.

Silence is a virture, to those who choose to understand it. The darkness is never taken in by those who wish to run from it.

you find it so hard to smile as if you're working at mcdonalds, but you always manage because it fends off the hurt

Damn you cellulite!

And your dreams come crashing down, just like they've always done, only this time you have no one to blame but yourself.

It scares me that as I rise above the destruction, all I can do is smile.

Wicca. Written during Yule. Blessed Be.

I'll never be as talented as her, never be as kind... I'll never be as quiet as her, never as refined.

Drugs. Suicide. Rape. Anorexia. Incest. Deprivation. In god we trust.