When I'm not writing stories, I'm masturbating to internet porn. So please, when you review my work, include some addresses of internet porn sites that you visit. When you look at porn as much as I do, (20 hrs+) you need a steady flow of internet porn sites to satiate your perverted hunger. Warmed fruit in the microwave makes an excellent lubricant. Fruit is for wanking, not eating.

I did your mum.