JJSLAM2129
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Joined 03-12-04, id: 402024, Profile Updated: 05-24-09
Author has written 1 story for Essay.

UPDATE: So, looks like I haven't been to my profile page in a while. Thanks to everyone still reading That Essay! Since I have some time now over the summer, I'll try my best to get back to everyone that reviewed. Good news is, I'm making a new essay! Yay! Bad new (or good news for some), I'm not using this account to write my fiction pieces. If I ever get around to writing them, they'll be on another account. Dunno what the account's name will be, but when I do, I'll post it here with a link.

ABOUT ME: So there's probably a few questions you might have thought seeing my odd penname. For the basics:

Who the hell are you?: Well, my name is Lena (pronounced lay-nuh for the bajillionth time. For you phonologists out there, it's already written out in IPA for you). I'm an under-achieving, high grade receiving college junior in Albany, though I'm actually from Pennsylvania. I'm going for a Chinese major and a minor in Linguistics. Yes, a middle class white girl from the 'burbs is learning Chinese -- must everyone make a deal about it? I'm a disturbed cashier, a Food Network lover and the luckiest girlfriend in the world to such a smart and handsome guy :D.

You seem like you have no social life. Do you actually do anything outside of writing?: Yes, despite my slightly anti-social behavior, I do get out. I'm a practitioner of Taekwondo in two styles -- World Oriental Martial Arts Federation, in which I recieved my second dan, and World Taekwondo Federation, in which I have my green belt. I think my boyfriend appreciates/is scared of the fact that I know how to defend myself. I'm a cashier at my local Giant food store over my breaks, and I work as a tour guide while at college. I see a lot of things I probably shouldn't. Playing DnD is something I've recently picked up by hanging around my more nerd-oriented friends, and I love it!

Why do you hate the world?: I don't hate the world, I just hate the idiots living in it. Wishing some people would fall off a cliff becomes a crime only when you actually push them over the edge.

Do you have any literary heroes?: Stephen King. Margrett Atwood. F Scott Fitzgerald. Su Dong Po. Li Bai. Basho. Hermann Hesse. Franz Kafka. Just to name a few.

Why do you write?: That's a loaded question. Asking why someone writes is like asking why they feel emotions or think creatively. The only answer is to ask back, Why do you not write? Yes, I understand that to a certain extent not everyone can write well, but that doesn't mean people can't write in the first place.

Any other questions? PM me.

THE WORKS:

That Essay Everyone Else Writes (on hiatus)
summary: A collecton of essay about writing and all its aspects. Although not meant to be particularly helpful, these little essays should make you smile. Fueled by annoyance, caffine and some pretty sad looking stories, I sit at my PC and (try to) in an organized way outline exactly what can be done to identify and possibly cure all these literary ailments. Dr. House is my hero, so like him, I see almost every disease as something treatable. Anything from Sues, Grammar, Making Impressions, Titles, Character Development, Literary Pacing and beyond. If you have any suggestions for topics or would like to make a comment (agreeing or dissenting), feel free to leave an email or a review.
chapters: 12 - - - reviews: 185

new The Disgruntled Cashier (coming soon)
summary: As I go into my second year of cashiering for Giant, I look presently and retrospectively on my life as a cashier and all the laughter and insanity that has ensued. I planned to write this completely for my own selfish stress relief, but in the end I decided that I should brighten your days with my boring, insane, frustrating and disturbing 4 to 8 hour shifts. For those who are cashiers present and past, I hope you can relate at least somewhat. If you have your own story to tell, want to suggest I see a psychiatrist or have a questions about a cashier's life, feel free to leave a comment or PM.
chapters: none so far... - - - reviews: again, none...

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Plotseekers 1 by Nemonus reviews
No one's sure whether Marie Shandler, alias the Mary Sue Mariel Flyflame, is dead or just fictional.Two people with the ability to enter the fantasy worlds described in books -- Constantine Kipling and his power-hungry teenage protege -- plan to find out.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Mystery - Chapters: 42 - Words: 40,205 - Reviews: 127 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 8/3/2007 - Published: 6/29/2006 - Complete
Tsubasa Reverse by diamond-dust08 reviews
Nive Eventide is an exiled Silberkreuz Judge. He is the Thousandslayer, the Ice Serpent, the Snow Blade, the Accursed. But within his cold, calculating exterior is a hope for the redemption of a people fallen from grace. Reviews returned!
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 55,140 - Reviews: 183 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 3/17/2007 - Published: 7/23/2006
The War Of Hea Ven And Hell by StrangeQueenOfMuffins reviews
What is the meaning of life? Does God really exist? Why do McDonalds make those stupid little cookies? Seriously, I want to know! And Alex, the little shit that he is, has the chance to find out a hell of a lot sooner than you. Ah, death is wonderful...
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 15,033 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 5 - Updated: 11/28/2006 - Published: 7/23/2006
Silver Streak: The Diary of a Superhero by Vivli reviews
When ordinary teenager Jack Jones becomes the legendary superhero The Guardian, better known as Silver Streak, he discovers life can be anything but simple... And suprisingly like a TV show...
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 20 - Words: 50,369 - Reviews: 36 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 11/21/2006 - Published: 6/1/2006
Assassin by Individuality reviews
They found her body lying in the stained snow outside a factory. When I saw her I gagged, not believing someone would have the heart to destroy something so beautiful.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,015 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Published: 10/1/2006 - Complete
One Man, One Creature, One War, and One Betrayal by blood-red white and blue reviews
A teen is fighting in the war between humans and the wood creatures. He finds that he is destined to become a leader of a great army-but as a leader of not the humans, but the creatures. Full Des. in author page R&R-
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Adventure - Chapters: 5 - Words: 6,618 - Reviews: 29 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 8/4/2006 - Published: 4/24/2006
The Thoughts of God by Barek reviews
When a reserch lab tests out a new device on a little boy, they get results they never expected, and an adventure they could never had imagined.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Spiritual - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,417 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 7/26/2006 - Published: 7/25/2006
Constructive criticism by Werecat99 reviews
Tired of the 'plz r&r my stuff' reviews? Read these simple guidelines to constructive criticism. Tips on how to get more reviews included.
Fiction: Essay - Rated: K - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,032 - Reviews: 212 - Favs: 139 - Published: 2/24/2004
That Essay That Everyone Else Writes reviews
Mary Sues, Cliches, Stupid Villans, Reviewers, Bad Logic and anything else I can think of that bugs me about today's stories. If something's bugging you, chances are you'll find it here. Now with Worldbuilding. Topic suggestions welcome! Reviews returned.
Fiction: Essay - Rated: K - English - Tragedy/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 16,758 - Reviews: 205 - Favs: 107 - Follows: 51 - Updated: 9/16/2007 - Published: 10/5/2006