UPDATE: So, looks like I haven't been to my profile page in a while. Thanks to everyone still reading That Essay! Since I have some time now over the summer, I'll try my best to get back to everyone that reviewed. Good news is, I'm making a new essay! Yay! Bad new (or good news for some), I'm not using this account to write my fiction pieces. If I ever get around to writing them, they'll be on another account. Dunno what the account's name will be, but when I do, I'll post it here with a link.

ABOUT ME: So there's probably a few questions you might have thought seeing my odd penname. For the basics:

Who the hell are you?: Well, my name is Lena (pronounced lay-nuh for the bajillionth time. For you phonologists out there, it's already written out in IPA for you). I'm an under-achieving, high grade receiving college junior in Albany, though I'm actually from Pennsylvania. I'm going for a Chinese major and a minor in Linguistics. Yes, a middle class white girl from the 'burbs is learning Chinese -- must everyone make a deal about it? I'm a disturbed cashier, a Food Network lover and the luckiest girlfriend in the world to such a smart and handsome guy :D.

You seem like you have no social life. Do you actually do anything outside of writing?: Yes, despite my slightly anti-social behavior, I do get out. I'm a practitioner of Taekwondo in two styles -- World Oriental Martial Arts Federation, in which I recieved my second dan, and World Taekwondo Federation, in which I have my green belt. I think my boyfriend appreciates/is scared of the fact that I know how to defend myself. I'm a cashier at my local Giant food store over my breaks, and I work as a tour guide while at college. I see a lot of things I probably shouldn't. Playing DnD is something I've recently picked up by hanging around my more nerd-oriented friends, and I love it!

Why do you hate the world?: I don't hate the world, I just hate the idiots living in it. Wishing some people would fall off a cliff becomes a crime only when you actually push them over the edge.

Do you have any literary heroes?: Stephen King. Margrett Atwood. F Scott Fitzgerald. Su Dong Po. Li Bai. Basho. Hermann Hesse. Franz Kafka. Just to name a few.

Why do you write?: That's a loaded question. Asking why someone writes is like asking why they feel emotions or think creatively. The only answer is to ask back, Why do you not write? Yes, I understand that to a certain extent not everyone can write well, but that doesn't mean people can't write in the first place.

Any other questions? PM me.

THE WORKS:

That Essay Everyone Else Writes (on hiatus)
summary: A collecton of essay about writing and all its aspects. Although not meant to be particularly helpful, these little essays should make you smile. Fueled by annoyance, caffine and some pretty sad looking stories, I sit at my PC and (try to) in an organized way outline exactly what can be done to identify and possibly cure all these literary ailments. Dr. House is my hero, so like him, I see almost every disease as something treatable. Anything from Sues, Grammar, Making Impressions, Titles, Character Development, Literary Pacing and beyond. If you have any suggestions for topics or would like to make a comment (agreeing or dissenting), feel free to leave an email or a review.
chapters: 12 - - - reviews: 185

new The Disgruntled Cashier (coming soon)
summary: As I go into my second year of cashiering for Giant, I look presently and retrospectively on my life as a cashier and all the laughter and insanity that has ensued. I planned to write this completely for my own selfish stress relief, but in the end I decided that I should brighten your days with my boring, insane, frustrating and disturbing 4 to 8 hour shifts. For those who are cashiers present and past, I hope you can relate at least somewhat. If you have your own story to tell, want to suggest I see a psychiatrist or have a questions about a cashier's life, feel free to leave a comment or PM.
chapters: none so far... - - - reviews: again, none...