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Joined 05-16-04, id: 413626, Profile Updated: 06-21-09
Author has written 5 stories for Fantasy, Humor, Humor, and General.

About the Author

First, I am male, don't let the gender suffiix fool you. Second, I am not nearly as pretencious as I come off to be. Beyond that, there's really nothing else to say.

I write long, long chapters. As such, I appreciate reviews that contain some substance beyond "I noticed some spelling errors and it's cliche." For one thing, while my work can justifiably be made the target of negative commentary, it is not any more cliche than the vast majority of the works on this site. I pride myself in my original thinking, if nothing else. Secondly, I've got good reason to believe that one liner reviews are simply an attempt by readers to make me read their own work, which I do not appreciate. Tell me why you like or did not like my work and offer authentic, constructive criticism.

I used to promise I'd review you if you reviewed me. I then altered this offer to "If you review me, I may or may not review you eventually." I'm going to throw pretense to the wind and come right out and say it: if you review my work there's pretty much no chance I'll ever return the favor. Sorry. I have a very reliable sourch of criticism from an authoress much more clever and talented than myself (and probably anyone reading this, for that matter :) ) and don't feel particularly obligated to purchase your praise or scorn when she gives me hers freely. That being said, I am extremely appreciative of reviews and will answer any questions I can regarding my work. Again, I'm sorry if you feel you're being cheated out of a review, but I don't make promises I know I can't keep.

Suggested Authors on Fiction Press:

Used to be a much more extensive list, but right now it basically comes down to RespectIsSexy.She's a brilliant authoress, plain and simple, and one I have the pleasure of knowing semi-personally. Her greatest contribution to the literary world is her characters, deeply complex and varied men and women whose Character Profiles would likely take up more space than the novels they appear in. I suspet her mind is constantly churning out new story ideas and scenarios for her characters, and that effort really shows in her work. She updates about as frequently as Osama Bin Laden's "BTW, I'm still alive" video series, but I feel our patience will rewarded in full

My stories

Tales of the Sun Sin: The first installment in what I pray to be my staple as an author. The Sun Sin is a massive, inter-planetary organization of wizards and heroes who seek the betterment of the universe through military action and mass resource distribution, or at least they would if it weren't chock full of political corruption, employee incompetence, and uncooperative clients. Follow Orenda Winchester, a wizard with an awesome name he by no means deserves, as he travels a serious world that no one takes seriously.

A Hero's Guide to Adventuring: Co-Written by the uncomparatively talented Respect is Sexy and located on her page. Inspired by the Blue Man group skit: How to be a Megastar, the Guide is a comprehensive, step by step tutorial on becoming a famous cliche hero.

The Sexy misadventures of Andrea Traincart: The what of what? I've no idea what you're talking about, there's no such story here. But if there was, you can bet it'd be a hilarious parody on a work that's no longer available on Fictionpress, and it'd therefore be for a very selective audience only.

A Second Glance: One night, after donating blood and taking a long, exhausting nap, I work up and wrote this poem in about twenty minutes. I consider it to be one of my finest work, my viewer sentinments vary.

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To Fight or Fall by pixy-dizzy reviews
When rivalry takes action, students at Westfield School of Boarding--fondly known as SOB--must choose sides. The ringleaders are thrilled, until their war becomes a war to protect the very school they hate. A bit of a satire; Sort of complete.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 20 - Words: 164,934 - Reviews: 862 - Favs: 490 - Follows: 210 - Updated: 6/12/2010 - Published: 5/20/2004 - Complete
Arms Race by Respect Is Sexy reviews
Arms Race is the name of the band. But it's not about the band. It's about the people in it. This is a love story. Gypsy loves her freedom. Vince loves his guitar. They all love the music. Eventually, they might all love each other. Or they might not.
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 54,309 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 7/16/2008 - Published: 6/17/2007
The Minda Verda School by EnigmaInk reviews
Oh, like you've never wondered what the plural of 'Apocalypse' was. A story that might be overambitious but which I cannot leave alone, dealing loosely with the extended consequences of when the power doesn't come back on. But no vampires.
Fiction: General - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 6,821 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 9/22/2007 - Published: 8/7/2007
The Fairest In The Land by Respect Is Sexy reviews
When evil witches with poor body image set out to make a potion that would make them the most beautiful women in the world, it is up to a strapping young oaf of a farm boy to save his beloved from being a part of that potion. Sound familiar? Improved!
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 10,889 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 8/4/2007 - Published: 5/18/2007
Fate Hates Us by Dust Cloud reviews
A quest for revenge, for love, and for...pissing everyone else off because you simply won't shut up and have nothing better to do.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 14,829 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 3/17/2007 - Published: 8/13/2006
The Old Part by marsalbione reviews
just don't read this. its seriously awful. not done, but this incarnation of it wont ever be.
Fiction: Sci-Fi - Rated: M - English - Fantasy/Angst - Chapters: 21 - Words: 57,401 - Reviews: 131 - Favs: 10 - Updated: 12/26/2006 - Published: 5/30/2006 - Complete
The Omnipotence Draught by Respect Is Sexy reviews
A hero wannabe, a poetically inclined faerie, a witch in denial, and a con artist set out to rescue the daughter of a famous witch-hunter. (limited space for summary)
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Adventure - Chapters: 48 - Words: 100,025 - Reviews: 541 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 11/19/2006 - Published: 10/30/2005
Light of the Renikai by Ley Blake reviews
For Nali, life among her people, the lengendary Renikai, was peaceful. But when a series of raids overwhelm several villages of the isolationist Renikai, Nali is thrown into a dangerous scheme that threatens not only her people, but the entire Realm.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: M - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 14,044 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 9/11/2006 - Published: 7/7/2006
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Tales of the Sun Sin reviews
There's nothing special about my story. I'm just your average, omnipotent wizard employed weekly to save the worlds. I'm also a snappy dresser.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: M - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 38 - Words: 399,863 - Reviews: 159 - Favs: 70 - Follows: 24 - Updated: 8/20/2009 - Published: 6/17/2006 - Complete
9:40 reviews
Something I feel everybody experiences now and then. You're enraptured by your book, show, or game only to look up from it and think, damn, I'm still me. My first attempt at soppy poetry. Not to be taken seriously under any circumstances. :P
Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 101 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 5/15/2008 - Complete
Something Like a Happily Ever After reviews
Yet another variation of fairytale parody of the Shrek stock, full of references to popular culture and with a hint of Jungian psychology. The short story to shake the ages, or perhaps make one chuckle from time to time.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,884 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 9/1/2007 - Complete
The Sexy Misadventures of Andrea Traincart! reviews
A satire of an unpublished work in an attempt of releiving stress and boredom. Failure to read the piece in question will leave readers confused and infuriated. More so
Fiction: Humor - Rated: M - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,365 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 2 - Published: 1/4/2007 - Complete
A Second Glance reviews
You can't judge a book by its cover when you've only seen the back.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 264 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 3 - Published: 10/27/2006 - Complete
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