Respect Is Sexy
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Joined 09-19-04, id: 436762, Profile Updated: 06-06-09
Author has written 14 stories for Young Adult, Humor, School, Fantasy, General, Humor, and Friendship.

Very Quick Guide To My Entries On This 'Ere Website...

Black Ice: Oneshot. This is a story about a girl who slashes up her wrist and passes out in her car in the CVS parking lot, from the perspective of one of the friends who drives her to the hospital. Would make a really great "How I Spent My Winter Break" essay for someone with a sick sense of humor.

The Slant: I can't summarize The Slant without giving away the surprise in chapter 1, unless I want to resort to "...WITH A TWIST!" format. Well, what the hell. A love triangle...WITH A TWIST! But primarily the story of a friendship.

Arms Race: This is a character-driven novel, (those looking for a plot will be shot) written in third-person omniscient but centering PRIMARILY on the protagonist, one Gypsy Cumani, whose mother had an affinity for stripper names and who recently moved in with her older sister after being unable to get her life back on track in her old town. Upon arriving in Whitstown, Gypsy reluctantly becomes the lead singer of Arms Race, an amateur high-school rock band peopled by Vince, a control-freak suffering artist expected to one day marry his guitar; Kevin, a vulgar, sleazy womanizer who occasionally displays signs of charm; Lorena, a colorful, sweet-talking dispute-mediator who wishes everyone else could feel the love; and Todd, a shy drummer whose personality is usually overshadowed by that of his girlfriend. Expect love triangles, tragic backstories, and social commentary.
Please do not be discouraged by the fact that the first chapter of this story consists solely of people talking. It won't all be like that. I swear, things will happen in this book (especially if you count arguments as happenings, which Sarah swears I'm allowed to do). Music will be played. Dances will be danced. There will, eventually, be snogging and even fistfights. So please excuse how slow the first few chapters are, but it had to be that way.

The Hero's Guide To Adventuring: Is a project I'm co-authoring with Zozma. (STILL ridiculously giddy over this.) It is a hilarious, in my humble opinion, guide to basically being the most cliche hero imaginable. Written with a great deal of affectionate sarcasm. All in all a rather light read; relatively short chapters, and almost definitely won't exceed twenty of them. So read it! gosh.

Frigid Bitch: (Poem) This definitely has the most accurate official summary that I've ever written, but for anyone who still doesn't get it...look, have you ever met one of those real molesty dogs who's always trying to stick his nose in your crotch? That's the kind of dog my friend Reece has. Yes...

To My Anorexic Friend: (Poem) Needs no explanation.

Stranger Danger: (Poem) Boy meets Girl. Girl is terrified. Boy can tell.

Ode to Procrastination: (Poem) I wrote this in tenth grade when my world cultures teacher ranted at us about procrastination. I started writing with nothing really in mind except that I wanted it to end with the line "We work better under pressure." I'm actually rather proud of how it turned out.

Sensuality: (Poem) Was written for a school assignment after a brief unit on sensuality and writing about the human body converged with an assignment requiring us to write a poem. My frustration with the whole warm, sticky mess that is sensuality in poetry, particularly the examples she read to us, boiled over into this poem.

Cautionary Tale: (Poem) The creepiest thing I've ever written. A semi-satirical look at my own paranoia as results from my mother's insistence on telling me horror stories about girls who got raped and murdered in parking lots in an attempt to convince me to let her waste gas by driving me a block down the street.

The Monster: (Poem) A villanelle I wrote for Creative Writing 1. Intended to be humorous.

Everything Else: You should not read. The end.

I recommend the following authors... (not in any particular order). If I took you off this list, it's not because I don't love you; it's because you stopped writing.

Pixy-dizzy: Her two main projects are Counting Chickens (boy-crazy high school girl will get her goddamn happy ending if it kills her) and To Fight or Fall (not-so-boy-crazy boarding school girl has to band together with her cute archnemesis to keep their crazy toad of a new headmistress from...doing...something...because we don't know WHAT yet. Read it, so you, too, can tear out your hair in suspense!), but I would also definitely recommend her oneshots "Hanging"(Bleeding-heart type character takes in suicidal bum, hilarity and lurve ensues) and "Moon River" (Too beautiful and complex to summarize, really. Just read it. It's my favorite.)

Zozma: Is so ridiculously awesome. HIS story, Tales of the Sun Sin (about an organization of wizards and such who have to go from world to world saving everyone from the usual problems: told through the eyes of one sarcastic pervert of a wizard who is chosen to go on a highly important top-secret-mission-type-thing, mostly because of his ability to turn into corrosive jello) is amazing: the idea is original, the characters are so realistic, the descriptions are just stunning.

Marsalbione: His newest project, entitled The Rain King, is about a...not-quite-gang of youths who are nonetheless disillusioned and interdependent in a ganglike manner? It's a bit like The Outsiders, but without all the pretentiousness and general nonsense. I recommend it.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

To Fight or Fall by pixy-dizzy reviews
When rivalry takes action, students at Westfield School of Boarding--fondly known as SOB--must choose sides. The ringleaders are thrilled, until their war becomes a war to protect the very school they hate. A bit of a satire; Sort of complete.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 20 - Words: 164,934 - Reviews: 861 - Favs: 486 - Follows: 209 - Updated: 6/12/2010 - Published: 5/20/2004 - Complete
Counting Chickens by pixy-dizzy reviews
She wanted the fairy tale. She wanted the chick flick. She wanted the soaring music, the dozen roses, the Princess Bride kiss-to-end-all-kisses. She wanted the cliché. It’s a pity she was so busy up in the clouds that she didn’t recognize it when it came.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 12 - Words: 99,761 - Reviews: 939 - Favs: 707 - Follows: 574 - Updated: 9/2/2009 - Published: 4/22/2006
Tales of the Sun Sin by Zozma reviews
There's nothing special about my story. I'm just your average, omnipotent wizard employed weekly to save the worlds. I'm also a snappy dresser.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: M - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 38 - Words: 399,863 - Reviews: 159 - Favs: 69 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 8/20/2009 - Published: 6/17/2006 - Complete
The Rain King by marsalbione reviews
It's been dry here.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 6 - Words: 8,714 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 10/31/2008 - Published: 11/25/2007
Moon River by pixy-dizzy reviews
Pen is not earth mother. And the boy is not gentle. But he is lovely and broken and if she could stop being a chickenshit she could call him up and ask him to take her to Casablanca. This is how the world begins.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,872 - Reviews: 115 - Favs: 194 - Follows: 8 - Published: 2/23/2008 - Complete
be mine by pixy-dizzy reviews
baby, i will be your butterfly girl, your curie, your wendy, your lullaby, and i stare at your lips too often.
Poetry: Love - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 513 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/4/2007 - Complete
The Minda Verda School by EnigmaInk reviews
Oh, like you've never wondered what the plural of 'Apocalypse' was. A story that might be overambitious but which I cannot leave alone, dealing loosely with the extended consequences of when the power doesn't come back on. But no vampires.
Fiction: General - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 6,821 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 9/22/2007 - Published: 8/7/2007
Addormentarsi by FantasyBum reviews
A girl lost in an endless nothingness she calls black finds a friend in a disembodied voice called Reader. The two attempt to piece together the girl's past, until strange beings begin to talk of a pulling of the plug that's not too promising.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Suspense - Chapters: 7 - Words: 2,561 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 6/17/2007 - Published: 6/15/2007
Fate Hates Us by Dust Cloud reviews
A quest for revenge, for love, and for...pissing everyone else off because you simply won't shut up and have nothing better to do.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 14,829 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 3/17/2007 - Published: 8/13/2006
The Old Part by marsalbione reviews
just don't read this. its seriously awful. not done, but this incarnation of it wont ever be.
Fiction: Sci-Fi - Rated: M - English - Fantasy/Angst - Chapters: 21 - Words: 57,401 - Reviews: 131 - Favs: 10 - Updated: 12/26/2006 - Published: 5/30/2006 - Complete
A Quest Gone Rong by End-of-forever reviews
Sir Rong, a cowardly knight in rusted armour and bent spectacles, embarks on a quest with a beautiful princess to rescue her father - and the rest of the knights at court - who have been kidnapped...unfortunately, Sir Rong can't do anything right...
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 21,695 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 11 - Updated: 11/28/2006 - Published: 11/24/2005
City 2006 by pixy-dizzy reviews
And here she found something more than what she knew. Based ish on real life.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 598 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 3 - Published: 11/12/2006 - Complete
The Divorce of Rhyme and Reason by anticliche freak reviews
Society has degenerated into a sophisticated realm of the self-absorbed. How much longer will what people consider perfection last?
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,753 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 3 - Updated: 8/24/2006 - Published: 7/31/2006
Sarin Heart by Blank-Page-Emperor reviews
Rough Version. A short, surrealistic Dark Fantasy piece. Not much to say about it.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Supernatural/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 322 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 7/24/2006
The Nine by TheDamnationGame reviews
9 admittedly bizarre friends, victims of a supernatural disaster, inherit powers beyond their being. Madcap Antics ensue, as the children have to hide their powers and live their ordinary lives. Rated for langage, do not read if you are in a serious or pr
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: T - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 680 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 2 - Published: 7/2/2006
Teens Say the Darndest Things by DeadlyPinkPuchu reviews
This is a bunch of random shxt said by people, collected so far this school year. Highly humorous to those with a strange sense of humor. I had to make it humorspiritual for sheer humor... it amuses me... XD
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Spiritual - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,803 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 8 - Updated: 6/10/2006 - Published: 4/25/2006
Orange by Clever Pun reviews
A light-hearted ode to the most misunderstood color in poetry.
Poetry: General - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 142 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 3 - Published: 6/3/2006
Hanging by pixy-dizzy reviews
[Rated for language, Short story] She's a typical bleeding heart, so when a suicidally depressed, foulmouthed, unpleasant mancreature shows up at her doorstep for shelter, it isn't like she has much choice but to take him in. Written entirely in dialogue
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,107 - Reviews: 190 - Favs: 283 - Follows: 18 - Published: 3/4/2006 - Complete
Here Be Monsters by pixy-dizzy reviews
(On Hiatus.) Poor Saber. Christmas elves have it hard. He's doing his best to avoid run-ins with love, relatives, those strange creatures known as humans, and alarm clocks. He's failing spectacularly.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 34,131 - Reviews: 99 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 11/17/2005 - Published: 12/21/2004
The Beginning by pixy-dizzy reviews
Just how I started writing. I was bored, and needed to get this out of my system.
Fiction: Essay - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,537 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 6 - Published: 4/18/2004
Band of Heroes, Inc by pixy-dizzy reviews
[COMPLETE! FINALLY] Cinderella's daughter is bored and runs away. Add a hot fairy-guardian, a dragon that can't breathe fire, a fashionable elf (or two), and Mr. Evil Villain. Subtract a carrot and divide an elf. What have you got? Oh dear.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Parody/Romance - Chapters: 17 - Words: 35,401 - Reviews: 183 - Favs: 103 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 4/11/2004 - Published: 11/8/2003
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Black Ice reviews
“She was out cold when we found her.” “She’s awake and talking now.” “Drugs?” “No.” “She cut herself.” “Serious blood loss?” “No.” “Looks mostly superficial.” “Only that wrist?” “I think so –” “Yes.” “We think it was the cold…” Rated for sw
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: M - English - Drama/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,502 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/5/2009 - Complete
Stranger Danger reviews
Looks from the title to be a lot like Cautionary Tale, but isn't quite. The subject is the same - don't ask me why I decided to write about this twice - but the storyline is different. You could actually take this as a sequel to CT, if you wanted to.
Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,654 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Published: 4/5/2009 - Complete
To My Anorexic Friend reviews
The title says it, I think.
Poetry: Friendship - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 212 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 4/5/2009 - Complete
Frigid Bitch reviews
A breakup letter, from my best friend's dog to me.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 92 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Published: 4/5/2009 - Complete
The Hero's Guide To Adventuring reviews
Coauthored with Zozma! It is exactly what the title says it is. So you wanna be a hero? Read on.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 10,951 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 1/23/2009 - Published: 7/16/2007
The Slant reviews
She wants so badly to forget his phone number.
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: M - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,090 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Published: 9/24/2008
The Monster reviews
This is a villanelle I wrote for class, not meant to be taken seriously. Let's just say it's about a phobia.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 270 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 7/22/2008 - Complete
Cautionary Tale reviews
A semi-satirical look at my own paranoia as results from my mother's attempting to convince me to let her waste gas by driving me a block down the street by telling me horror stories about girls who were raped and murdered in parking lots.
Poetry: General - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,047 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Published: 7/22/2008 - Complete
Arms Race reviews
Arms Race is the name of the band. But it's not about the band. It's about the people in it. This is a love story. Gypsy loves her freedom. Vince loves his guitar. They all love the music. Eventually, they might all love each other. Or they might not.
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 54,309 - Reviews: 69 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 7/16/2008 - Published: 6/17/2007
Sensuality reviews
a poem about why sensuality is stupid. yes.
Poetry: General - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 200 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 4 - Published: 1/10/2008 - Complete
The Fairest In The Land reviews
When evil witches with poor body image set out to make a potion that would make them the most beautiful women in the world, it is up to a strapping young oaf of a farm boy to save his beloved from being a part of that potion. Sound familiar? Improved!
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 10,889 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 10 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 8/4/2007 - Published: 5/18/2007
Ode to Procrastination reviews
the title says it all. this poem is rated for teenagers not because there's any mature content, but because only teenagers will GET it
Poetry: School - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 118 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 1 - Published: 3/4/2007 - Complete
The Omnipotence Draught reviews
A hero wannabe, a poetically inclined faerie, a witch in denial, and a con artist set out to rescue the daughter of a famous witch-hunter. (limited space for summary)
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Adventure - Chapters: 48 - Words: 100,025 - Reviews: 541 - Favs: 58 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 11/19/2006 - Published: 10/30/2005
My Reviewers Say The Darnedest Things reviews
A compilation of quotes from the review pages of The Omnipotence Draught. See what you guys have to say.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,819 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 1 - Published: 8/13/2006