EternalSummer's real name, if you must know, is Melissa. She does not like it very much and hopes to one day change it to something much prettier, such as Borris. Her plans for the future include marrying Ricky Ullman, Elijah Wood, and Dick Cheney. She hopes to become a pirate and assume the name Jackie Sparrow. After doing so, she will comandeer a fleet of cruise ships and lay siege upon the small island nation of Greneda. After they surrender, she will become Queen and raise potatoes, alpacas, and herthirteen children.

Melissa is currently fifteen years of age, but is commonly mistaken for a much older woman. Her hobbies include writing poetry, reading Lord of the Rings, antagonizing her teachers, and fishing in the large puddle on her driveway. Words commonly used to describe Melissa are as follows: perturbing, recent, and custard. She has often been compared to a Nascar driver with a mustache. She used to play piano but quit because her teacher enjoyed stickers overmuch. Her favorite food is potatoes, but she also enjoys reviews.