SONG. how much more than all of me can you take?

essay for my english class.

SONG. everything i had wasn't enough, & i don't know why, i don't know why.

SONG: i'm sleeping with my ghosts night after night/ i wouldn't blame you if you said it wasn't right/ but you won't

song- bony shoulders & messy hair/ i'll give it all if you just swear/ to never let me hit the ground.

SONG. all these dreams caught in my hair/when i leave here, they will follow me/will you be there?

SONG. i just wanted you to know/i'm tired of giving you the best of me/this is the last song about that i will sing.

SONG. & if you leave tonight, i have to say that i loved you more than i ever thought i could.

i've decided to deal with my memories by making them into short stories. this is one of the first of hopefully many.

song. from a little while ago. don't know what you wanna hear, all i know is that i want you here with me.

song song song. thought i'd bring you a piece of the sky, 'cause i'm on my way down.

we control the sunrise, & we control the tides, & this time i'll be fine.

yesterday i went to the city & the skyline looked strange without your face. i know i'm not supposed to miss you, but i do. i really do.

unfinished song. i still drive by your house every time i go out& your light is always on.

good morning, i'm thinking of you.

song. did you move on when i couldn't find the reasons

oneword: crumbs. i wish i could piece your smile back together.

oneword: knot. faint whispers resound in my head as my bones cry out for you.

oneword: worn. you were a little worn around the edges, just like that jacket that no one could be bothered to remember.

oneword: slope. i just feel so broken under the blinding light of your dissatisfaction.

oneword: bright. i always said it's the thought that counts.

song. all i wanted was for you to prove me wrong.

full title: the weight of cold sheets on cold feet in the middle of the night. based loosely around another poem written for school.

oneword: create. i always believed that you could have held the world in your hands.

you say, “but that’s the thing about wild animals— you have to set them free once in awhile but you can still dream of their return”... this isn't about animals. oh, & ignore the periods fictionpress messed up my formatting & that was how i fixed it.

i wonder what your heartbeat sounds like from the inside of your body & think of all the bones that are listening in, listening in on what i’m hearing now.

oneword: elevate. & looking at you, i had the sense that i was somehow in somewhere better.

oneword: contrast. i wish fixing our problems could be as easy as just turning those damn magnets around.

song. your love is gonna bring me down.

pretty much, i found a painting from an ex boyfriend in my basement.

MY 200TH PIECE. sorry it's been so long! maybe tomorrow or next week, when the sun comes out.

(doesn't feel finished) i saw your face in the morning mist as it settled between the concentric formations of another north carolina mountain range— but the difference between then & now is that it’s me that’s dreaming & you that's asleep.

song. sounds much better than it reads, trust me.

i’ve always thought it was gold that you lacked— not meaning, but truth; not substance, but shine.

it's not enough to know that you can taste the same things as i can now; not enough to think & not truly believe.

oneword: delicate. maybe it was the delicate quality in your face that i never understood- maybe i refused to.

vanessa cavanaugh has had a crush on adam for ages, and he doesn't seem to like her back. what lengths will she go to to win him over? (rated t for language & mature themes.)

& i went home later & only remembered the untainted, uninfluenced pieces of that night & still felt your hand in mind like you weren’t still on the hard sidewalks in the harsh light from the stores around you with her dirty smile & wandering eyes & i felt

sort of a little tribute to john mayer's 'comfortable'. i pass the one-hour photo sign that we sat by that night & smile, & i know things are going to be okay.

song. will you be on my mind but never mine forever?

oneword: fire. & maybe i'm more tied up in you than you realize- but you'll never have to know.

oneword: knot. it's enough to make me wonder what we'll (n)ever come to be.

oneword: bubble. i can't say one thing right. but isn't this just like always? if only.

song. don't wanna say you're part of me but my heart knows you're star to me.

oneword: shadow. i didn't want to need you so badly, but i couldn't lie- i missed you too much.

oneword: ribbon. you were wound tight around my brain so tight that everything that came out of me tasted like you in some way & i can’t say that i would have it any other way.

oneword: glow. in a split second the stars crashed down around us & the black sky split in two as my world was reinvented all before i knew your name.

oneword: buttons. you were perfect in the way that you were reminiscent of something i couldn’t quite taste well enough to give it a name.

oneword: puddle. i was so afraid to touch you the smile on your face was so volatile, so rare that i knew it could turn into something as faded & hopeless as a butterfly in a puddle filled with gravel.

oneword: blank. i felt the emotion rising in my throat but i stifled it & turned back to you.

oneword: curtain. i could see the square of dim light coming in around the shape of the curtains & shining on your face next to me, & i knew i had to tell you the full truth.

oneword: print. i wondered if i would have chosen this if i had only known a little better.

oneword: dust. some days i know you wished you were obsolete.

oneword: e.r. you said you wished there was an emergency room for lives gone off-track.

oneword: elastic. you always did admire resilience, but i suspected that it was a little on the wishful thinking side.

oneword: chenille. i could taste the winter day that i never wanted to think of again but didn’t exactly try to.

oneword: stitches. you thought your insides were so stitched up that no one could see in thought you were beyond light & sound or something.

oneword.com: pane. i feel the coolness of the glass on my forehead & i breathe deep, slowly letting you in.

don't like this much. everything in my head is jumping like an electrical impulse from dendrite to synaptic knob in the nerves all over my body & maybe secretly there’s some resistance, but it’s not something i would willingly mention.

(oneword.com: sketch) your face was like a sketch on the back of my hand- rubbing off in the night & imprinting itself on my face for me to see in the morning.

you saw a part of me that i never really understood myself & told me i was beautiful. i'll never understand.

you kiss me goodnight & i stare at the place where the stars used to be on my ceiling & mark off one more night in my mind where i fell asleep missing you & the way things used to be.

if this is what it feels like to be drunk, i swear i'll never drink again. & if this is what it feels like to be in love, i'll never look at you again.

what a perfect example of how to be so miserable & so bad at pretending that you’re not brighter to me than the light of every star in the sky.

& if everything i’ve ever done has been nothing more than a ploy for your attention, at least i caught your eye.

song. you were always one to save me. for my friends.

title & lines in italics taken from jewel's 'near you always'. your hands are in my hair but my heart is in your teeth, baby/makes me want to make you near me always.

you're everything sometimes.

all i ever wanted to know was if you saw me up there with your thoughts in the night.

song. you said "i love you, i miss you, i'm sorry"/i handed my heart to you, that was the deal

& my mind’s hiding up by the dark side of the moon, away from you & where it’s meant to be. i never loved you right anyway.

song. this is just one more song that i've written all wrong/'cause it's your name that's been on my mind.

& now i find that i still need your hands to lift me up to these heights; what a dependent way to live.

i still wonder sometimes.

haven't written one of these in awhile :)

based loosely on cornelius eady's 'the dance'. for a schoolwide assignment.

song. i'm trying so hard to forget about you/it's what all along i had intended to do/& i know that i shouldn't think about you/but you caught me.

i've needed to write this for so long. it's taken me almost a year. this is so raw it's painful.

song. but you know that outside of my mind that there's a truth & it swore that your resilience wasn't real.

unfinished song. before experience unfolded, i’d named you as the best i’d ever had.

you’re taller than me but a breath away- not far enough to assure that this fleeting attraction won’t jump from my heart to yours.

i wonder what you are & what those grains of hope ever came to be.

song. you can't turn around, 'cause i won't take you.

song. 'cause i love you that way.

i'll put it this way- if you were a song, you would have been stuck in my head all day.

& when all is said & done, it’s you that’s on my mind.

sentiments spoken in melting, twisting minutes with our backs against the wood but our feet on the floor-

it’s so hard to lift these words from my chest; you're so wonderful.

you've left a reluctant imprint on my memory & the pillow beside me; it's never enough.

i'm just a watered-down version of you.

song. about trying to run away from god but finding that he loves you no matter where you are.

more like i've changed who i am for you.

this is the part of me that chases you when you will not meet my gaze.

somehow, it's time to be getting over you.

i was right. you were wrong. i was wrong. i was

it's silly to have such high expectations, i guess.

song. & could you ever dream of me/your heart all locked up in a sweet reverie.

song. this is a lullaby of massive proportions.

song. a surer wave not seen standing, i lock my gaze & refuse to fall.

song. sort of written from god's perspective. in memory of emily schuster.

you say you'll serenade me.. i'm half-asleep & this isn't a dream.

my heart in letter form.

i wish you were here.

i can't be there for you anymore.

i guess you can't see that all i wanted was to be next to you as you drove away.

i can't sleep & you're on my mind. another song that i'll probably never finish.

& i will continue to wonder: what is the boiling point of suppression?

i miss you.

i need you.

don't keep me here forever.

crash into me now. (words in italics are from the dave matthews song 'crash into me)

i gave my heart to you- by mistake?

i can't translate my emotions into words.

you think you know how i feel. ha, you SO don't.

song. don't believe me when i say that i'm okay.

exactly what the title says. a song.

i n.e.e.d you more than you know.

written in the style of john irving for english class. unexpected ending.

written for my ninth grade english class. requirements included the inclusion of a villian, some poems, and stuff. i tried to establish both characters as the villain. sorry about the annoying chapter breakups, it's because of the perspectives switching.

my schedule for today:

did you think of me at all?

i can't speak, can't hear, can't think when i'm around you.

my latest song. again, about a crush. i'm sensing a theme here. :)

a beginning to a song that i hope to finish. about a crush. (as usual.)

feelings connected to a picture that holds a lot of memories.

about a crush. i'm a mere ripple in your gaze.

be the star that guides me.

something i wrote much earlier this year. pretty depressing, actually. :(

did you hear me? can you see me even now?

it's all for you.

i'll never find the word that captures my feelings for you.

dreaming that someone loves you; waking up to realize that they don't care.

looking back on summer & desiring the simplicity of love. MY 100TH PIECE!

you're no more than a couldhavebeen. unfinished song.

homelessness.

the beginning of a praise song i started. may or may not be completed eventually.

love can seem so simple at times..

why is it so hard for me to see you with other girls? i thought i was over you.

i blind myself so badly. 'i know you'll answer me, so let me see it somehow'

written right after i got dumped.. feeling like i had no choice in the matter. go emptiness.

you think you're so well-protected just because you shut people out..

take me back to the basics

my heart is so corrupt

can't let anyone see your pain

it was all just an act. i had no choice. i'm sorry.

you're all this heart is living for.

sometimes i just wish i could be in complete solitude and peace. written five years or so ago.

you're all that keeps me grounded

he was the least likely, but he is my refuge.

it didn't work out, so i'm moving on- again.

the beginning of a crush?

written five years ago. about native american dancing and just dancing in general.

written three or four years ago.. when my boyfriend moved.

written three years ago. just about how beautiful early sunrises are.

written three years ago. about a christmas tree. it's kind of sad. =(

written three years or so ago- just a philosophy on life.

i wrote this in sixth or seventh grade. i actually still kinda like it.

i know i shouldn't rely on you..

confusing emotions. enough said.

i run not from you, but for you; and somehow, you do not know

i could never tell you how i needed you.. but i always will

how forgotten can a person be?

i can't forget what you did.

about god again. i'm coming back to him and starting over.

about god's mercy. i really like this one.

this is true, although the names and some details are changed. (i'm sydney.) it's about a phone call i got the other night from my ex.

i hate when you hit me.

i just can't let go

a prose piece with lots of metaphor- sort of confusing, you might not understand it easily but i still think it's pretty. =3 it's a big run-on sentence.

my latest song. about jesus. =3 the words are lame, but the tune is good. if someone could tell me how to put spaces between stanzas, that would be really good..

it wasn't my intention, i swear. i'm sorry...

you make me real.

our song was playing.

dancing in the rain on the street in the middle of the night. i guess perfection is never reality.

true beauty.

cuts back and forth between reality and metaphor. about hidden truths.

written three years ago. i think i turned into a hick for like five minutes while i wrote this, then changed back. it's kinda cool, but.. not my style.

all my wishes boil down to the one thing i could never have.

i loved you at one point. but now, it's gray. just like everything else.

i don't need you.

i'm moving on. you weren't the only happiness i'd ever find.

i keep hoping that you'll see me crying, but i guess that's just another impossible dream

i could be so much more. why am i so afraid to try?

waking up to thoughts of you.. i wish you were here

about how a person can change you. more like a diary entry than anything else, as it's completely true.

it's so much easier to know what you should do than to actually do it.

the way i perform in relationships now is controlled by my past experiences and rejections.

my first song in awhile.. rather angsty. about missing someone so badly and needing them there.

i didn't mean to fall in love.

your eyes betray your words.

about becoming a person you're not in order to please your parents. it reads better than it sounds, i promise. =3

no matter how far you stray, there's always one love that'll remain true. this was actually inspired by a girl who sat next to me in a class.

manipulative boyfriend.. i'll always love you. a song.

it took me so long to realize that i never really loved you. about my ex.

should i have said it? do i really love you? and why am i so scared at the prospect?

audrey realizes that the perfection she's been searching for has been hers all along, but she might have messed things up forever.

your life is a song don't waste it.

the humble are always taken advantage of and pushed down.. but some day things will change.

why did you turn away when i needed you most?

for all those who think they own me.. i'll never be your fool.

regretting not saying goodbye.

worrying that someone only loves you because of your appearance, and wondering if you'll ever do anything about it.

for english class. basically I had to take an object and write four kinda random stanzas about it. i chose a photograph where we had been crying but were forced to smile.

looking out the window in the upstairs room at the gryphon avec mon copain.

i hate that i let my self-hate control me. rr.. angst..

when you want to make your feelings known so bad, but.. you just can't.

the passing of time and the fragility of memory.

kind of like a daydream.

does perfection exist? if it does.. could this be it?

i've always been told that i'm beautiful. but what is that supposed to mean? and why can't i see that in myself?

trying to fall asleep after a date, lol.

struggling with myself to get over the issues i keep inside.. it sucks not even having control over your own feelings.

i'll keep lying to you only because i don't want to hurt you.

another angst-infused poem about self-hate.. and about not being able to control it.

i hate feeling powerless in a relationship- but i bring it upon myself.

a song inspired by the recent school shooting in minnesota. basically.. WAKE UP! you have the chance to change the world, so why not do it?

it's so hard to tell the person you love most how you feel.

sometimes things come to you at the strangest times.. but they can reveal truth.

the thing that hurts most when a friendship starts to fall apart is to think about the past.

this is an essay i wrote for my confirmation class that basically describes my faith.. yeah.

a song about when a guy liked me despite hardly even knowing who i was, and wondering how i felt about him.

regretting who i was in the past and wondering how god could love me.

a song about how god brings me through the sucky moments in my life.

another jesus song.. about how much he's changed my life.

realizing how much my ex affected me against my will. pretty depressing. a song.

a song about/for my friend kristen.

a song about how i'm driven by my self-hatred to find love, but the only true love comes from god.

you got out of my life so quickly that you left the biggest part of you behind. a song.

another song about my desire to live my life completely for god.

a song i wrote about my struggle to depend on myself for everything but at the same time knowing what god is to me and how much i need him.