I'M BACK!!! How long has it been? THREE years? Pfft.

--o--

This is the story of a girl. I absolutely love her... when she SMILES.

WARNING: If my stories are plagiarized, I will be forced to remove them from fictionpress without warning. I take pride in my work and will not tolerate someone passing it off as their own. Some people claim that imitation is the best form of flattery, BUT not when it comes to my writing.

I send a lot of read requests. I adore feedback, either constructive or encouraging. The constructive

reviews help me improve. The encouraging ones inspire me to continue. I appreciate everyone who takes

the time to read my work. If you have received a read-request and would like the favor returned, send

me a PM. I'm usually pretty good about returning reviews, but sometimes distractions get the best of me.

I love reviewing, but I'll have you know some of my biggest pet peeves:

:x:

1) Repetition and the Devil. "She went to the door. Filtering through the door a cold gust brushed past her. She knew what she'd find behind that door. Another door, and then another." My favorite saying has to be, "Repetition is the devil."

2) Numbers Out Loud. "I was 5 foot nine when I was 13. When I turned 18 I still hadn't grown an inch." I like to tell people to spell numbers under 100 at the least. If it's an address, a coordinate, or a phone number... leave it alone.

3) Over Indulgence. So they're short... "Her hair was shoulder length, blonde like honeysuckles on a warm summer day. Her eyes reflected the midday sky, blue like sapphires. She had a slim build, common among anyone who spent five days a week at the gym. She was eighteen, popular and untouchable. Her height was about five foot five, her weight one hundred pounds. She was drop dead gorgeous and everyone thought so. She was the envy of men and woman alike. They watched her when she walked down the street, tracing every curve and inch with lustful eyes." Blah, blah, blah. I get it she's pretty. What's she like on the inside? Do I really care that she's five foot five... no. I don't.

4) Their, there, they're. It's, its. Your, you're. Disaster. "Their was someone standing they're a moment ago, I could have sworn. There hair was black, they're skin as pale as the moon. I shivered, wondering if it had been more than a coincidence. Its all in my head. I tried to reassure myself." Honestly, practice makes perfect.

5) Present Tense Blunders. This is more a matter of preference than of literary critique. "I turn to the alley. My eyes search the darkness. Yes, it is him. I know it is him. He is here to take me away. He is here to make me his. I shudder visibly and hug myself against the cold realization."

6) First Person No-No's. "I recognized that face. I knew I couldn't resist him forever. I could feel his power over me. I could fight it as best I could. I knew in the end he would have me. I would be his for all eternity. I couldn't do anything but surrender." I, I, I, and then I some more. I enjoy writing in first person, don't get me wrong. Remember to vary your sentence structure, that is all.

7) Shockingly Annoying. "She walked silently to him. Her fingers tenderly grazed his cheek. His slightly pale face blushed in the dim moonlight." Stephanie Meyers does it. Therefore it is okay. NO! It is not OKAY! You cannot stick an adverb into every sentence and expect it to work out. Too many adverbs makes a piece read choppy.

8) Passive Voice, Claw My Eyes Out. "I was sitting, staring at the clock. It seemed as though the hands were ticking slower than usual. Time was suspended. I was waiting for him to come bursting through the door. The dangerous thought was crossing my mind. Maybe he would never come, maybe I would be trapped here forever. No, he would come for me." This is the most common mistake on FP. Be consious of this ALWAYS. A few slips are okay, a few slips are necessary. I sometimes find passive voice unavoidable. Be responsible. I was sitting -- I sat. I was waiting --I waited.

9) Just the thing. "That thing jumped out of the woods. It let out a tremendous growl and I just ran away. I felt it bearing down on me. Just when I thought it would pounce, the thing vanished." (I am exhausted... bear with my lack of creative examples.) You can cut "just" from a sentence and it sounds the same with better flow. "Thing" is a shortcut for lazy writers to avoid description. "It" is sometimes okay, but should be avoided at all costs.

10) Talking to the reader. "You are going to love this story. It is all about me. I go from having no friends, sleeping in the garage, and eating garbage, to becoming the most popular girl at school. How did I do it? You will have to read and find out. First of all, my name is Madeline." This is another first-person foul. You do NOT want to talk to the reader. It bores them. They are looking for a story, something to engage their interest. You are writing in first person, but that does not make it a diary. Your character is not writing a book. YOU are. You are telling a story from their point of view. This is THE WORST OFFENSE ON FICTIONPRESS.

A few things you will notice about my writing:

1) I hate using adverbs. They make me cringe.

2) I hate using capital words in the middle of a sentence, unless they are at the end, beginning, or follow a comma.

3) I always end my dialogue with a period or question mark.

4) I avoid using the words was/were at all costs.

5) I prefer when all my paragraphs are the same length.

6) I refuse to use contractions unless in dialogue.

You may find these items crazy, but this is my style. It is unconventional, but if Cormac McCarthy can write without quotation marks, I can write however the hell I want.

"You shouldn't block the page up with weird little marks. If you write properly, you shouldn't have to punctuate." At the same time, "You really have to be aware that there are no quotation marks to guide people, and write in such a way that it won't be confusing as to who is speaking." On a more inspirational level, he says that anyone with enough determination can manage to avoid day jobs and compromises just as he has. "You're just here once, life is brief, and to have to spend every day of it doing what somebody else wants you to do is not the way to live it."

-National Best-Selling Author: Cormac McCarthy (The Road, No Country for Old Men)