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Joined 05-26-05, id: 478145, Profile Updated: 09-09-08
Author has written 14 stories for Humor, and Horror.

Real Name: Banana Jones (... hey, it could be)
Age: 21
Gender: Male
Live: On dry land
Blood Type: Red
Hair Color: Do you even care? Brown
Skin Color: Let's just say Casper's got someone to contend with.
Eye Color: Also brown... maybe the brownness in me sparks my toilet humor
Bionic Body Parts: This is getting weird.


I hope you enjoy toilet humor, farm animals and lots of suspense! So here goes a description of all my junk here on Fictionpress. Hope you enjoy! I like to think there's some... variety here. And all my poetry rhymes, dammit!

Developing "Novels"

Mirror Image is a kinda horror story growing off the top of my head that really just might fly anywhere... Circles around Andres and a funky mirror brought home by his perfect sister Estefania (pronounced Es-tef-uh-knee-uh please!) Little do they know that this mirror is bad... very very bad, and it'd be perfectly happy if everyone just died... which is what soon will begin to happen... with a twist, hehehe! The first 12-Chapter part is officially completed, so please enjoy! As for the rest of it, I am deciding not to publish it just yet, meaning this story is NOT on hiatus (just progressing more slowly than before).

Beyond Apocalypse will try to be scary. Yes'm. It's a horror story, newer than Mirror Image but not yet as developed. This one goes on a more... global scale, let's say. It's about the end of the world- the REAL end of the world, so basically you know from the start that everyone is screwed. But I'm giving it a twist. Anyways, there are two characters, Mathias and Jordan (girl, not guy). Their stories are followed seperately, and they don't meet until the end (which in my story is the beginning). Confused? Nah! So please read and review! This one IS on hiatus.


Betsy the Cow is a toilet poem in five parts. Simple as that. If butts, poop and rodent suppositories disturb you, then steer clear from this one! It's about Betsy, a lovely cow, who struggles with her guilty conscience after she finds a rather nasty way of stopping her pooping problems (she literally stops her problems).Will she win the Cowboy Games? Will her "butt-clogger" be saved? Ahh... if you are jolly and light, this poem ought to click with 'ya!

A Tale of Two Froggies is actually a romantic poem I like to categorize as "Chronicalic" due to its size (eight freakin' parts). I vowed never to do cheesiness, but it just caught up to me and now I'm screwed. It's about frogs that fall in love, but some stupid coral snakes are out to make their lives a living hell. Will they ever manage to grant their tadpoles adulthood? Will they stop the snakes, or get killed? You'll just have to read to find out!

A Seagull's Print is a pretty simple poem. A seagull is trying to leave something behind in the world, and so he goes in search of the best place to make a mark.

Skimpy the Squirrel is about the ironies of life. Are you a squirrel lover? An animal activist? A squirrel hater? Or do you simply detest the beauty of spring because of the allergies that come along with it? Well then this is the poem for you! Unlike my other poems, this one is short.

Percy the Pigeon is about how a pigeon discovers that love at first sight is simply too good to be true. Unfortunately, it's kinda romantic. This is actually one of my more serious poems, yet it rhymes and deals with animals, so Yeah!

Roger the Rooster is my comeback poem! (First one I write after a few years' hiatus). It's about a rooster with dreams that are simply impossible for a rooster to accomplish. Still, he keeps on trying, at the expense of becoming the laughing stock of town. This one is also kind of serious (well, as serious as can be while dealing with things like frustrated roosters). Enjoy!

Ode to Poop is a glorification of that which never goes extinct, and no, it's not roaches. Need a hint? HAHA, I knew you didn't. Once again, my fascination with toilet humor shows through. It's short, it rhymes, and it'll make you more appreciative of poop.

The Moonlit Turd is a poem about pooping out on a lonesome beach under the starry sky and milky moon. However, things aren't always as peaceful as they sound... Pain, angst and lots of torture in this little poem!

My Rodent Slurpy was written at a time when I was suffering a creative low. Still, it rhymes, and is gross, and is about turning rodents into the best drinks around, so enjoy it!

Spanish Poems

Del Amor y Unos Gatitos is a short poem about lovey-dovey cats.

El Rano y la Rana is the original inspiration of my froggy chronicles, but much shorter... and very different.

Ardillita Feliz is the original Skimpy poem. Almost the same thing, but in its original language, hehe!

I really appreciate reviews, corrections, disgusted comments, whatever! Anything for the sake of improvement is cool!

And I'm not dead. Yet.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Spork by Leylique Morrow reviews
You're much too thin,' the spoon replied, her pride but slightly hurt. 'And as for being fat' she spat, 'I'll have you know they're curves'
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 737 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 25 - Updated: 10/1/2007 - Published: 7/27/2005
T H E M by Michael Dempsey reviews
They are of this world. But their powers are not. UPDATED!
Fiction: Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Horror/Adventure - Chapters: 17 - Words: 19,536 - Reviews: 81 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 8/14/2006 - Published: 4/17/2005
A Demon Sleeps in the Blender by Kellyconcarne reviews
A junior high loner moves into her great Uncle Sebastian's mansion when her father inherits it only to find out that the house comes with a few other inhabitants. Inhabitants from Hell, literally. Full of dark humor! Please R/R
Fiction: Horror - Rated: T - English - Horror/Humor - Chapters: 5 - Words: 9,173 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 3 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 7/31/2006 - Published: 2/21/2005
KahNekhet by Lucertola reviews
History meets mythology when a sarcastic anthropologist survives an attack by a deadly rogue werewolf pack. With the help of a man named Ian, she must hunt the members down and kill them all before they kill her.
Fiction: Horror - Rated: T - English - Mystery/Adventure - Chapters: 4 - Words: 11,139 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Published: 9/11/2005
Wires by Death by Kidney reviews
Fiction: Sci-Fi - Rated: K+ - English - Sci-Fi - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,118 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 9/8/2005 - Published: 7/31/2005
Secrets by Night-Alchemist reviews
After a Bellona's father, her only family, commits suicide, she must go with a boy named Seek to find the answers. (working title right now)
Fiction: Mystery - Rated: T - English - Mystery - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,596 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 4 - Updated: 8/8/2005 - Published: 8/7/2005
Gpshaw's How to Survive a Horror Movie by gpshaw reviews
A handy guide to being one of the few people who get to the end of a horror movie. A shameless attempt to exploit people in mortal fanger for profit.
Fiction: Horror - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 4 - Words: 7,933 - Reviews: 31 - Favs: 25 - Updated: 7/19/2005 - Published: 2/2/2005
Finding the Perfect Match by Windy Mountain reviews
I find an old woman who keeps the Books of Matches and make a bargain with her in exchange for the name of my perfect match. But there's something I didn't count on...Please Review!
Fiction: Romance - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 3 - Words: 6,125 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 7 - Updated: 6/13/2005 - Published: 5/27/2005
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Roger the Rooster reviews
A young little rooster dreams of impossible things... Rhymes! Please R&R!
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Tragedy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 910 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 9/9/2008 - Published: 9/8/2008
A Seagull's Print reviews
Small poem about a seagull trying to leave something behind...
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 443 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 5/3/2007 - Complete
My Rodent Slurpy reviews
The best slurpy around!
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 330 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/17/2006 - Complete
Mirror Image reviews
When Andres' sister brings over an antique mirror, all seems alright... until past, present and future begin to merge, and images on the mirror start coming alive... CHAPTER 13, PART II has started. Please R&R
Fiction: Horror - Rated: T - English - Horror/Supernatural - Chapters: 13 - Words: 22,546 - Reviews: 57 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 12/17/2006 - Published: 6/26/2005
Percy the Pigeon reviews
Love at first sight isn't always what you expect...
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 397 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/9/2006
The Moonlit Turd reviews
(WARNING: Toilet Humor) Awww... pooping upon the desolate coast beneath the splendid moon... This is gonna hurt!
Poetry: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 425 - Reviews: 6 - Published: 9/30/2005
Beyond Apocalypse reviews
After the End of Days, Mathias and Jordan find themselves stranded on a destroyed planet Earth as they try to remember the days before the Apocalypse... and struggle to survive a world ruled by Satan
Fiction: Horror - Rated: T - English - Horror/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,392 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/10/2005
Betsy the Cow! reviews
(WARNING: Toilet Humor) Poem in 5 fun-to-read parts! Betsy's got butt problems! See how she solves 'em!
Poetry: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 7 - Words: 2,578 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 3 - Updated: 8/10/2005 - Published: 5/31/2005
Ode to Poop reviews
(WARNING: Toilet Humor) The beauties of poop that nobody appreciates! PLEASE R&R! (This is nasty- IM SERIOUS, so if you're easily offended, stay away from this)
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 209 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 1 - Published: 8/4/2005
A Tale of Two Froggies reviews
A fun poem/fiction that rhymes! Finally completed! PLEASE R&R! VERY SILLY!
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 8 - Words: 4,560 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 4 - Updated: 7/18/2005 - Published: 6/22/2005
Skimpy the Squirrel reviews
Oh, what the joys of spring can do! Please R&R! It rhymes!
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 405 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 2 - Updated: 7/14/2005 - Published: 6/2/2005
Del Amor y Unos Gatitos reviews
(EN ESPAÑOL) Un poema sobre un gato feo enamorado de una gata bella... Rima!
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - Spanish - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 319 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 7/7/2005
El Rano y la Rana
(EN ESPAÑOL) La inspiracion original de mi otro poema "A Tale of Two Froggies". Rima!
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - Spanish - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 329 - Published: 7/7/2005
Ardillita Feliz reviews
(EN ESPAÑOL) La version original de Skimpy the Squirrel. Rima!
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - Spanish - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 254 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 6/3/2005