Hello!

I am the Heatless Flame, and its good to meet you! Yes anyway... heres some stuff about me.

First and foremost, I have been writing since I was in sixth grade, and ever since I loved the creativity that flows through my body as I put ideas to pen (rather Microsoft Word). I am fourteen currently, and despite being a fairly talented writer for my age, I suffer from extreme writer's block. I can get ideas in the blink of an eye, but putting them down as tangible throughts and notion. Urgh. But I digress.

I have two favorite sets of books. The best series I have ever read is undoubtedly the Bartimaues Trilogy. I highly reccommend it for excellent and refreshing characters, some comedic asides, and action to spare. After that comes The Ranger Apprentice Series, of which there are currently 7 in their origin country (Australia). They have, again, some humor, lovely characters, and superb action quality.

Ugh. Eragon sucks. Weak, Mary sue characters, overly complex details, an obnoxious writer, boring and overwritten plot. Worst series ever.

Here are dozens of quotes to entertain yourself with.

At least half of these are by Groucho Marx.

"There is a fine line between genius insanity. I have erased this line"- Unknown

"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere."- Groucho Marx

"I live because I can, but I write because I must." -Heatless Flame

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it."- Groucho Marx

"The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug."-Mark Twain

"A child of five could understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five."-Groucho Marx

"You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you"-Ray Bradbury

"Easy reading is damn hard writing."-Nathaniel Hawthorne

"She’s so in love with me, she doesn’t know anything. That’s why she’s in love with me."- Groucho Marx

" France is to war as Britain is to cooking." -Mark Twain

"If my doctor told me I had six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a bit faster."-Isaac Asimov

"The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and his checkbook open."- Groucho Marx

"I love being a writer. What I can't stand is the paperwork." -Peter De Vries

"Do not put statements in the negative form.
And don't start sentences with a conjunction.
If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a
great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all.
De-accession euphemisms.
If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
Last, but not least, avoid cliches like the plague."
~William Safire, "Great Rules of Writing

"Metaphors are like similes." -Author unknown

"One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got in my pajamas, I don’t know."- Groucho Marx

"A synonym is the word you use when you cannot spell the other one."-Baltasar Gracian

"If I don't write to empty my mind, I go mad." -Lord Bryon

"I was married by a judge. I should've asked for a jury."- Groucho Marx

"I married your mother because I wanted children. Imagine my disappointment when you arrived."-Groucho Marx

"I'd rather be caught holding up a bank than stealing so much as a two-word phrase from another writer." ~Jack Smith

"Most editors are failed writers- but so are most writers." -T.S. Elliot

"In America you can go on the air and kid the politicians, and the politicians can go on the air and kid the people."- Groucho Marx

“Pen names are masks that allow us to unmask ourselves.” ~C. Astrid Weber

“As to the adjective, when in doubt, strike it out.” ~Mark Twain

"You know you’ve got the brain of a four-year old child, and I bet he was glad to get rid of it."- Groucho Marx

“If I'm trying to sleep, the ideas won't stop. If I'm trying to write, there appears a barren nothingness.” ~Carrie Latet

“The coroner will find ink in my veins and blood on my typewriter keys.” ~C. Astrid Weber

"I know, heifer cow is better than none, but this is no time for puns."- Groucho Marx

“Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good.” ~Author Unknown

“I am a man, and alive... For this reason I am a novelist. And being a novelist, I consider myself superior to the saint, the scientist, the philosopher, and the poet, who are all great masters of different bits of man alive, but never get the whole hog.” ~D.H. Lawrence

“An author in his book must be like God in the universe, present everywhere and visible nowhere.” ~Gustave Flaubert

“A man will turn over half a library to make one book.” ~Samuel Johnson

“A story should have a beginning, a middle, and an end... but not necessarily in that order.” ~Jean Luc Godard

“Being an author is having angels whisper in your ear - and devils, too. ~Graycie Harmon

“It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.” ~Robert Benchley

"Sir, are you trying to offer me a bribe? How much?"- Groucho Marx

“The person who writes for fools is always sure of a large audience.”-Arthur Schopenhauer

"There’s only one way to find out if a man is honest, ask him, if he says yes, you know he’s crooked."- Groucho Marx

“Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's too dark to read.”-Groucho Marx

"I got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it."-Groucho Marx

Now that you've read this, you are now convinced Groucho Marx is the funniest one-liner ever.

I CALL ALL TRUE FICTION WRITERS! HELP ME WAGE WAR UPON CHRISTOPHER PAOLINI AND HIS ABOMINABLE CREATIONS! EMAIL ME FOR DETAILS WHY ERAGON IS A CLICHED MESS. PUT THIS ON YOUR PROFILE IF YOU HATE THOSE BOOKS!!!

I work with Stop the Press, a newsletter for writers based here at FP. We are hosting a Writing challenge right now, and its free and easy to participate. For additional details on either the challenge or FP, please go here:

http://www.fictionpress.com/~stopthepress

cough I am primarily a fantasy writer, although I dabble in mystery and sci-fi. Not to mention, I consider my best ability is writing action scenes, of which I am inspired by the blade and such.

NOTE: IF YOU WISH TO READ ANY OF MY WORKS, I WOULD APPRECIATE REVIEWS ON THE STORY BLADE OF BAIKON.

Finally, please read my various works if you have wasted time on this! Bye!

I pledge to review any fiction I read, no matter how much I dislike it or how tired I am. Only post this if you mean it. Copy into your profile if you do.

DUE TO THE NUMBER OF REVIEWS POINTING OUT SOME STUFF IN THE FIRST CHAP OF BLADES OF BAIKON, I'M GONNA EDIT IT. applause