You rank maybe a 6.450903 on the hotness scale out of 10, and that’s on your good days. Sure, some days I find myself staring into your dull brown eyes a little longer than necessary, but I could get 11s if I tried. So don’t think you’re anything special.

ONESHOT.“Well, what else am I supposed to think!” I yell. “You barely talk to me anymore, you have secret phone calls, you sneak out at night, and you come back smelling like perfume!”