School and I have this wierd fucked up relationship just now. On the one hand I'm going absolutely bonkers and cannot wait for the day when I no longer have to think. I want a fucking 9-5 job where I just go for the alloted time and then come home and pass out. Or write. Or go to shows. Or ride. No obligations. I'm so sick of struggling with other people, struggling with concepts, and struggling with myself. I don't want to question anymore. I'm sick of looking at it from another perspective. I'm sick of always second-guessing myself and analyzing myeslf. In a lot of ways its damaging. But I like it and I keep coming back for more.

I've got this crazy nostalgia. When I think that I'm done in two weeks (no more exhaustion, no more jumping through hoops, no more essays, no more analysis, no more condescending scholary bullshit) I start to panic...I don't know how I'll live without it. I don't want to lose what I've got. I don't know what it is...some sort of dependence or fear of change. Disgusting and fascinating all at once. And even as all this stuff goes through my head I'm thinking "holy fuck, I love feeling with way."

I updated a couple of things. This is something I've never done before, and since most of the people that read my stuff on here are complete strangers I'm more than a little nervous about it. Here's the scoop.

THE SCOOP:

If you've read my stuff before and you're wondering how the heck I managed to start sucking so hard so fast...here's why:

I've updated 6 documents that are basically raw material from journal entries. It's just random stuff that I liked or confused me or whatever. What I'd really like is for people to tell me what they think has potential and what doesn't. My goal this year is to try and get published. I'm at that place now where I'm either good enough or not, and I want (need) to find out which it is. So go take a look at one or two or all and let me know what's going through your head, whether or not you can idendtify with it, and what images or suggestions it makes for you. Or if it does none of that and it's just another piece of empty useless crap taking up valuable space on databases.

I'm not going to say much about them because they speak for themselves. Some of them I read and laugh because they're so ridiculously stupid. Others I kind of like. They've all got...er...rough...bits. But basically what it comes down to is that I don't particularly mind if a bunch of strangers think I'm an idiot. So I might as well stick 'em up there and see if anything productive comes of it.

New ones are: ID and Ego, Electrofide Suicide, Laundry, Waste of DNA, and Feel Good. "Only five?" you say
Well, there was a sixth, but I'm too effing scared to post it.
Hey, just because they're bad doesn't mean they're not personal.