As my identity changes from site to site (all the more difficult for you to stalk, m'dear), you may call me Kinderwhore. I am: anatomically female, racially mixed, nationally dual, and geographically retarded. I've been reading nothing but classic novels (and Terry Pratchett) for the last two years, so you'll have to forgive both the purpleness of my prose and the snobbery of my library.

As far as FP is concerned, I'm a very unreliable writer, with updates few and far between -- a slothful habit for which I find myself frequently apologising. My current baby is Spanish Web, and though I know very few people are following it religiously (and honestly, who can blame them?), I'd like assure any readers passing by that it will be completed. God knows when, but it will be done...

Being a professional amateur, I have absolutely no right whatsoever to give out writing advice. No right at all.

Nevertheless...

Kinderwhore's Golden Rules of Writing (subject to revision)

1. Master the basics-- get into bed with grammar, let spellcheck be your friend, and for the love of God, punctuate properly.
2. Steal from life (it's the only thing that can't sue you for plagiarism afterwards).
3. Always make your characters suffer. Always.