R. Jalen
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Joined 04-21-06, id: 521795
Author has written 4 stories for Thriller, Love, and General.

For all intensive purposes, my name is R. Jalen. You may call me Ray. Contrary to popular belief, i do not have a Y chromosome. therefore, if you want to send me insulting emails/reviews use the appropriate inappropriate language. it will make you seem like less of an idiot. i'm sure i know of more vivid imagery than you are capable of vomiting out...although your attempts are welcome. they make my day. if you want to try to annoy me, try calling me "lassie.” (it irks me more than flat soda but less than stale popcorn).

Now that we've cleared that up...next topic: reviews.

if you feel insulted by my reviews...tough. i am not going to waste your time (and more importantly, mine) by writing a pointless review lauding false praises upon your totally hackneyed and craptacular work. that gets no one anywhere.

i actually do know what i'm talking about a lot of the time. if i tell you to reference a literary work, i have actually read it...many times...and think it would be profitable that you do the same. this should be taken as further proof that i actually scoured my brain looking for things to try and help you improve your writing.

if i point out a spelling error...don't make up some lame-assed excuse about how you intended it to be that way. imporved isn't a word. it's improved. there is no “hidden” double meaning (however, your mistakes do distract people from your obvious lack of substance).

your response: well you could at least be nicer.

mine: i can be nice. sort of. it depends on which of my personalities is dominant at that moment. besides, learning to deal with "mean" people is a valuable life skill. the fact that i actually write anything at all should be appreciated. unlike the majority of the world, i actually mull things over, and try to give you useful pointers. plus, someone has to balance out the good reviews and deflate your ego. cockiness leads to crap. a certain level of insecurity is needed in order to perform at your best.

My writing:

i do not pretend to be a good writer like most people. most of what i write is complete crap. i admit it. however, i would like to improve...so if you have useful comments, feel free to review. if i can't understand your review (i.e. it's written in watered down english that no one with an IQ over 17 can understand) i will stop trying to puzzle it out and email you for clarification because i actually DO sort of care about your reviews. you wasted time to write them. therefore, i'll waste some time trying to understand them. (if you have questions about my reviews feel free to email me).

More about Me:

Things I almost like:

Manga. Sleeping. Eating children and sushi. Dead baby jokes. Watching gory movies. Listening to music. Speaking in tongues. Reading actual literature (what's that?). Playing tennis...yes...i actually am athletic. No, i do not wear ass hugging white spandex skirts.

Bands/groups that are actually worth listening to:

Disturbed. System of a Down. Kamelot. Metallica. E.S Posthumus. Dead Can Dance. Within Temptation. Lacuna Coil. Nightwish. Bella Morte. Alkaline Trio (if you're in a more mellow mood; like Green Day...only the lyrics are wittier and involve blood and they aren't totally corrupted by the limelight...but they're getting there).

Things I don't like...yet aren't worth my time hating:

Stupid people. People who talk on their cell phones REALLY LOUDLY. People who drive $500,000 cars...actually...just make that people in general. we all suck. we should get used to it. think about it. when we were babies what did we do? we sucked. now that we're all grown up...we suck in whole new ways.

Things I actually do harbor a violent, burning hatred for:

Bible thumpers. Homophobes. The Bush Administration. Sunlight. Pink. Skirts. Makeup. the use of "u" instead of "you" in people's writing. (since when did AIM speak take over the english language?) i don't care if it's an "informal" poem...show that you have a brain and use "you." it's not that hard to spell and doesn't waste all too much energy to type. you're just being lazy-assed. clichéd love poems. if you write a love poem, make it original and memorable. don't just say i love you, i never want to let you go. you're my angel...incorporate some figures of speech, some description, imagery, emotion...ANYTHING.

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Pertsovka
A selfsustaining character study from a much bigger work. This piece follows the memories of a tormented man on the anniversary of his mother's funeral and his vain attempts to defy his genetic bonds and forge his own identity.
Fiction: General - Rated: M - English - Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,471 - Published: 2/18/2007 - Complete
Salva Nos reviews
Anybody like jigsaw puzzles? Try putting this one together. It's just one small piece of a much larger story, which I'll probably never finish. See if you can make heads or tails of it.
Fiction: Thriller - Rated: T - English - Suspense/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 978 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Published: 6/16/2006
Curry reviews
This is the first poem i've written in a while and it's probably the first love based poem i've ever done.
Poetry: Love - Rated: M - English - Poetry/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 431 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 1 - Published: 5/12/2006
Good Friday reviews
This story is not meant to be likeable. It's a Rorschach inkblot test without the ink but plenty of blood It's your own personality and views that determine the real message.
Fiction: Thriller - Rated: M - English - Suspense - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,391 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 5/6/2006 - Complete