Bladen Wilder
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Joined 12-05-06, id: 548950, Profile Updated: 04-19-08
Author has written 15 stories for Nature, Friendship, General, Fable, Fantasy, Life, Horror, Action, Humor, and Humor.

Hello Fictionpress members!

I am the fabulous Bladen Wilder (Blay-den Wild-er)

I am an American, and yeah I'm proud of it.

Help welcomed, constructive criticism loved, flames used to fuel the fire that I burn the bodies in.

Please leave a review on my stuff. I won't promise that I'll review back, but I'll try.

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929, The Astrology Nerd, brown-eyed angelofmusic, piratesswriter/fairy to be, The Gypsy-Pirate Queen,xGabriellaxBoltonx, xEarlySunsetsOverMonroevillex, Smartest In The World, GatorPups95, 'rEd RoSe-StArFiRe-RoSeFiRe', angel953 , Parentheses In Eternity, AuraBorealis, Bladen Wilder

Too many people have smoked marijuana. If you haven't, write this to your profile.

Inspiring Quotes
To encourage literature and the arts is a duty which every good citizen owes to his country. -George Washington

Somebody said to me, "But the Beatles are anti-materialistic." That's a huge myth. John and I literally used to say, "Now let's write a swimming pool." -Paul McCartney

Let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself. -Franklin D. Roosevelt

The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.'- Ronald Reagen

Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying.- Ronald Reagen

...when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.-Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

You see, but you do not observe.-Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.-Abraham Lincoln

Don't hit at all if it is honorably possible to avoid hitting; but never hit soft!-Theodore Roosevelt

To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.- J.K. Rowling

I don't know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.- J.R.R. Tolkien

Taking one's chances is like taking a bath, because sometimes you end up feeling comfortable and warm, and sometimes there is something terrible lurking around that you cannot see until it is to late and you can do nothing else but scream and cling to a plastic duck.- The Slippery Slope (Lemony Snicket)

Normally it is not polite to go into someone's room without knocking, but you can make an exception if the person is dead or pretending to be dead- The Wide Window (Lemony Snicket)

Although "jumping to conclusions" is an expression, rather than an activity, it is as dangerous as jumping off a cliff, jumping in front of a moving train, and jumping for joy- The Vile Village (Lemony Snicket)

Rules You Will Need
Bill Gates gave a speech at a high school about eleven things they did not or will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this concept set them up for failure in the real world. (My personal favorite is rule eleven.)

Rule 1: Life is not fair- get used to it!

Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.

Rule 3: You will NOT make 60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.

Rule 4: If you think your teachers are hard, wait till you get a boss.

Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it an opportunity.

Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them.

Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes, and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, try delousing the closet in your room.

Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS NOT. In some schools, they abolish failing grades and they'll give you as MANY TIMES as you want to get the answer right. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.

Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employees are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your on time.

Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life, people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.

Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

21 Steps on How to: by Amei666 reviews
The ever expanding guide on unique things that can be accomplished in 21 steps!
Fiction: Essay - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 14 - Words: 4,740 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 11/30/2008 - Published: 11/9/2006
Random Muses From A Deranged Mind: AZ by Colourful-Mess reviews
This is a lovely insight into the workings of my mind. I basically choose a topic for every letter of the alphabet and write down whatever comes into my head. It's like a retarded ad lib. Read and enjoy or be scarred for life! Rated for swearing
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 4 - Words: 2,815 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 4 - Updated: 6/23/2008 - Published: 2/6/2008
TheChosen by LuckyTurtle reviews
Two groups fight over control of their powers, a completely average man gets caught up in the middle and is forced to compete. But what happens when a dark force threatens both groups, and that one man is left to decide the fate of himself, and his friend
Fiction: Action - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Fantasy - Chapters: 61 - Words: 134,623 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 6/15/2008 - Published: 1/13/2008
The Ultimate Quote File by Roth reviews
This is my file filled with quotes. They're funny, sad, meaningful, ect...
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 11 - Words: 8,094 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 4/24/2008 - Published: 12/16/2005
The Seldom Told Tragedy of the Timekeeper's Wife by V. West reviews
A woman’s fall from grace, chronicled in hours, minutes, seconds and moments stretched taut. Ladies and Gentleman, I give you The Mistress of Minutes, The Temptress of TickTock, The Countess of Cogs and Gears. I give you… The Timekeeper’s Wife!
Fiction: Historical - Rated: T - English - Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,228 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 4 - Published: 1/11/2008 - Complete
A Magical World by Purehearted reviews
In a magical world, full of majestic beasts, different races and a cruel leader, who hates the existence of all magic, how is a young mage to survive long enough to save his captured teacher, without being captured himself? [On Hold, writers block.]
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Suspense - Chapters: 4 - Words: 10,611 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 11/2/2007 - Published: 10/11/2007
Moderinsm by Nina Inertz reviews
Three related poems. The first my own attempt at modern poetry. The second two are homage to William Carlos Williams. Wait... Homage or criticism...? Ugh, I can't think right now.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 237 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 8/31/2007 - Complete
Rocket Sled by R. Schlaack reviews
Ever put a rocket on a sled? I thought not.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 542 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 3 - Published: 8/8/2007 - Complete
Shattered Prism by blister reviews
The colors of the rainbow, an everchanging tapestry of Life.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 179 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 3 - Published: 7/21/2007 - Complete
The Epic Limerick of Fernando The Deranged Clown by Yalime Alokin reviews
The title says it all.
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 514 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/20/2007 - Complete
A Bard by Synkova reviews
A bard is invited to a lofty party, only to be laughed about, so he recites a poem that turns heads.
Poetry: Politics - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 307 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Published: 2/17/2007 - Complete
Letterbomb by rust phoenix reviews
R and R and I'll return the favor. It's about people. Those who try to get attention by being exactly like everybody else, those who just wish everyone would leave them alone, and those who want nothing more that to figure out what's going on.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Suspense/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 439 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 1 - Published: 1/27/2007 - Complete
The Heavenly Saints by Crymson Tears reviews
The closest we've ever been to paradise this is for the Who Dat's in all of us reminding us of rebuilding and rebirth from Hurricane Katrina.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 151 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/21/2007 - Complete
Shoot the Emos! by Bob the Magical Tortoise reviews
A group of Emo kids attacks Washington D.C. in the not-too-distant future.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,031 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 6 - Published: 10/8/2006
Sticks and Stones Will Break Your Bones by wet-hair reviews
(Complete) A girl, who's been teased since the age of seven, has lost her patience and plans to take it out on those who last mistreated her.
Fiction: Horror - Rated: T - English - Horror - Chapters: 2 - Words: 6,377 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 4 - Updated: 7/15/2006 - Published: 2/23/2006
If Magic Was Real by Dreaminess reviews
A questioning poem about magic. Is Magic real?
Poetry: Fantasy - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 238 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 11/30/2005
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

That Noise reviews
N/A
Poetry: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 92 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 8/29/2008 - Complete
Think and See
N/A
Poetry: General - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 80 - Published: 8/29/2008 - Complete
Just Thinking reviews
N/A
Poetry: Nature - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 70 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 5/9/2008 - Complete
Odd Adevntures reviews
Join Zach and his friends on adventures where everything they do makes no sense. WARNING! If you value your brain cells, then do NOT read. I am not subject to any drop in IQ lvl. R&R!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 4,385 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 4/26/2008 - Published: 9/21/2007
The Many Moods of Mary
This is a collection of poems written by my great aunt, Mary Sims. I thought you might enjoy her work. R&R
Poetry: General - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 5 - Words: 1,297 - Published: 2/1/2008
Lead by Example reviews
Title says it all.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 82 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 1/21/2008 - Complete
The Life of an Old Man reviews
A poem needs no explanation
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 304 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 9/7/2007 - Complete
The Nemesis of Gotterdammerung reviews
Check out my short story super hero. R&R
Fiction: Action - Rated: K+ - English - Fantasy/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 674 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 8/31/2007 - Complete
The Mars Massacre reviews
A colony on Mars is attacked. I wonder why they call it the Mars Massacre. This is probbably not the best horror story. oh well. R&R.
Fiction: Horror - Rated: K+ - English - Horror/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 496 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 8/23/2007 - Complete
Who am I? reviews
Who am I? i really want to know.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 157 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 8/13/2007 - Complete
Portals reviews
Can you figure out what the portals are?
Poetry: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 111 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 8/10/2007 - Complete
Angel and the Three Demons
This is basically my verision of Goldylocks and the Three Bears, but it may be a little more funny. R&R
Fiction: Fable - Rated: K - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 473 - Published: 5/2/2007 - Complete
Louisiana reviews
Here is a little bit about my home state
Poetry: General - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 133 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 2/19/2007 - Complete
Dane reviews
Dane is a special person to my family. Read and Review.
Poetry: Friendship - Rated: K - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 81 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 1/17/2007 - Complete
Creation reviews
The creation of things. Read and Review.
Poetry: Nature - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 44 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 1/17/2007 - Complete