Lumberjack Jim
hide bio
Follow . Favorite
Joined 01-18-07, id: 553375
Author has written 6 stories for Romance, Song, and Humor.

Hi hi's! This is Peekaboo's and Bluebell's collab account. We're psycho. We kill barbies. Well, Bluebell molests them, I just torture them, and then, we ransom them. Our parents were nutty. I mean seriously, they ate way too many walnuts when they were pregnant. In case you were wondering, yes, they both were pregnant. Our mom had Bluebell, and our dad had me, Peekaboo. Those are our real names. -nods- Yuppers. That's why we're partly mental. Bluebell is Australian. I used to be Australian, but my dad moved me to America. Those damn Americans beat the Aussie out of me. They're darn right evil. Oh yeah, and when I grow up, I want to be a lumberjack named Jim. Psst. Don't tell Bluebell that I don't want to be a cowboy named Curtis.

Anywho, here is my main account: K.B.Hanna

And now, some werds from Bluebell:

Please excuse my sister. She's very sensitive about being illiterate (and that it was Dad who had her, especially considering that I'm our parents' favourite and all). And actually, Peekaboo, I was under the impression that Dad ate the walnuts - I got the strawberries, remember? Also, I would like to take this opportunity to point out that as seen in the first paragraph, it is mostly Peekaboo who is mental (left-over issues about being called Peekaboo). I would like to describe myself as... quirky. I would also like to thank all you brute Americans out there who took Peekaboo under your wing and beat some sense into her. Yes, that's right, she used to be worse. I fondly refer to those times as The Horror Years. (Episodes 1 - 10 available at all good video retailers.) And would somebody out there remind Peekaboo that Cowboys named Curtis are a lot better for the environment, particularly as lumberjacks seem to think they are an exception to the 'BO stinks!' rule. ... Much like Peekaboo herself, come to think of it...


Right, this is Peekaboo signing in. Don't Tell Bluebell! I Told You Not To Tell Her! You Evil, Evil (wow, evil is such a weird word. Evil. Evil. Evil. -giggles-) Birdies! I Shall Let Loose A Horde Of Peekaboo Clones To Shoot You Out Of The Sky! Anyway, you shouldn't believe Bluebell because she's the constipated cow. You should all email her and tell her that she needs to eat some prunes or something. Plus, she's just mad that Dad gave me the GI Joes. She was mad that she wasn't able to molest them. I did all of the molesting. I hate her. I'd rather have BO instead of herpes. That's what she got for molesting a Ken doll. Ken is a right little ho. Oh, and I'm glad I got the Aussie beat out of me. She can be the drongo livin' on the dole. I never was worse. Bluebell was the one who went nutty and harassed the squirrels and chased them up their trees because she was going through Walnut Withdrawal. Psst. Oh yeah, don't tell Bluebell that most cowboys are Brokebacks that don't shower for days because they love the cow manure. It smells like money.

Peekaboo says vote for her because Bluebell is a walnut with a serious case of the herpes, and Peekaboo has a plan to take over the world from the convienience of her toilet.-insert evil cackle-

Bluebell: God, Peekaboo. Can you remember anything? It's not herpes, it's syphilis. I'm going to die. But it's okay, because it'll probably happen before we finish our first story, so everyone out there won't have to endure the pain of reading it. (Also, don't you think I've tried the prunes?! They just don't seem to work! ~Insert whinging voice here~) And Ken isn't a ho! You're a ho! So there.

Just curious, but do you even know what a drongo is? I hope you weren't told it's flanno again. Whatever that is. Also, has it occured to you that maybe I don't even like walnuts? Yeah, that's right, people. Peekaboo doesn't like walnuts either. Although she does like to admire them... Somebody please tell Peekaboo that just because she cried when she found out that the cowboys from Brokeback were gay doesn't give her the right to bash their shower habits. I mean, come on... She flies the rainbow flag but that doesn't mean I tell her that she needs to wear deodorant.

Bluebell says that really, everyone should vote for her because Peekaboo has been stuck on the toilet (she very articulately described it as convenient; what she really means is that it's a Porta-Loo) since the late nineties due to the small problem of the door being too small.

Peekaboo would like to point out that she does know what a drongo is, and that Bluebell is a bean flicker. Yeah, Bluebell is a b-e-a-n f-l-i-c-k-e-r. Whacha gonna do 'bout it, Bluebell? Yeah, coz yo a bean flicker. Even Kian thinks yo a bean flicker. So does Sonny. -nods- But Sonny doesn't mind if you have herpes. Plus, he loves bean flickers, and he thinks yo as sexc as a leather bong. Plus, I might sic Ginger and her slut posse on you. They have bean flicker phobia.PHOBIA. Ask their homie-g'z.

I am not a ho! I am a flamingo stuck in a smelly body. Also, I would like to point out to all of you evil birdies that I told you all not to tell Bluebell! -eyes go crosseyed and shoots all the birdies- I don't admire walnuts. I admire cashews. -growls- Gawd Bluebell, you should just give yoself a swirly and end yo patheticness. Oh yeah, it's not a rainbow flag. Maybe it was rainbow, but it wasn't that type of rainbow. Man, I need to borrow some of Sonny's weed. We can get high man and just live off life.

Peekaboo says you should vote for her and shoot Bluebell because it's not a Porta-Loo, it's a Johnny On The Spot, and Peekaboo would like to point out that Bluebell doesn't have an evil plan.

P.S. Don't tell Bluebell that she's related to the FRENCH, so that makes her natural PREY. I'm off to ride a flamingo, Adios.

Peekaboo feels really alone. Her sister has abandoned her. -cries in a dark corner-. Where is my harasser?

You know what, Peekaboo? Shut the hell up, you whiny good-fer-nothin' red neck.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Forrester's Fool Proof Guide To Teenage Rebellion by K.B. Hanna reviews
So what? Who cares if I steal pamphlets, mailboxes, and dentures. Nobody. But what they do care about is the fact that I ended up with Track Cambridge’s jockstrap. I mean, some girl offered me fifty bucks if she could smell it.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 13 - Words: 37,077 - Reviews: 129 - Favs: 78 - Follows: 68 - Updated: 6/9/2009 - Published: 9/22/2006
Carnal Cove by xtotallyatpeacex reviews
Make no mistake – Kane Hassan might seem like your typical whoring profligate, but in reality he is so much more than that...
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,876 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 28 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 7/5/2007 - Published: 7/4/2007 - Complete
You're My Addiction by When Nudity Ruled The World reviews
She's addicted to him, and well, the same can't be said for him. [oneshot]
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 501 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 6/28/2007 - Complete
Because She Hated Phones by When Nudity Ruled The World reviews
She never knew detention initiation began with a kiss... [one–shot][relocated]
Fiction: Romance - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,453 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 6/24/2007 - Published: 6/23/2007 - Complete
The Guesstimate Game by xtotallyatpeacex reviews
Nikita's life is going nowhere fast. She's stuck in a dead–end town with a dipsomaniac for a grandma and no social skills to speak of, but then there's that weird strawberry sorbet guy who won't leave her alone. Just how do you say 'rack off' politely?
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 3 - Words: 15,964 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 6/16/2007 - Published: 5/12/2007
Sticks and Stones by xtotallyatpeacex reviews
Sticks and stones may break her bones... but words will never hurt her.
Fiction: General - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,711 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 1 - Published: 6/10/2007 - Complete
Phosphorescence by xtotallyatpeacex reviews
“Look, Mummy, there's a plane!”
Fiction: General - Rated: K - English - Drama/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 962 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 2 - Published: 5/7/2007 - Complete
Fragile by xtotallyatpeacex reviews
It's their fault I'm alive...
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 213 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 3 - Published: 1/25/2007 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Bleeding Is An Art reviews
Brooding artists are always full of shit. Do yourself a favour, take a laxative, and then take a trip down to the loo. You'll feel a whole lot better. [one shot]
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,105 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 2 - Published: 9/23/2007 - Complete
Gossip at the Thunderbox reviews
The reason we all stop at public rest rooms.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 631 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 6/22/2007 - Published: 6/16/2007
When Hate Came In A Letter Bomb reviews
One reason to never let Rhys Rage Rourke, The ¡frEAks! lead fife player, write a song.
Poetry: Song - Rated: T - English - Parody/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 196 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 4/9/2007 - Published: 4/8/2007 - Complete
Canadian Cash reviews
The ¡frEAks! present Dorky Dennis, the lead percussionist, and his attempt at a grammy.
Poetry: Song - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 136 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 4/8/2007 - Complete
China Town reviews
The ¡frEAks! one hit wonder.
Poetry: Song - Rated: T - English - Angst/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 193 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 4/7/2007 - Complete
How To Catch A Leprechaun reviews
When Rowan’s stuck with her stoner brother and his synthetic bong for the week, the last thing she expects to happen is to be stalked by a human–hating, Lucky Charms–addicted leprechaun who claims she stole his gold…
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Humor/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,151 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 4/6/2007 - Published: 4/5/2007