Rae Bauer
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Joined 03-15-07, id: 560345
Author has written 8 stories for Humor, Romance, and General.

... well, I have a microphone and you don't, so you will listen to every damn word I have to say.
-Adam Sandler

just another modern swinger

Once upon a time in the Land of the Fat Asses (aka America) there lived a girl who was cute, and smart, and fun, and funny, and popular, and kind, and nice, and talented.

This story is not about her.

It is about a rather normal girl who did normal things like go to school, and star in plays, and shop, and transform into a skank at night, and have very long phone calls which racked up insane amounts on the phone bill which made the parental units quite displeased.

She was also quite good with run-on sentences.

This girl had very few talents, such as unwrapping starbusts with her tounge, and singing songs in forigen languages. But most people agreed that her best talent was writting. She did write for two newspapers after all, and she had been editor-in-cheif of her middle school's liteary magazine.

That was fine for the girl's poetry and articles, but her favorite writing was short stories. These usually turned out to be sappy love stories with little bits of humor thrown in, although sometimes she was the only person who thought them funny at all.

And one day inbetween forensic tounaments and MUN meets, and dumping her gay (literally) boyfriend, she came across FictionPress.

And the rest is history.

... and you can quote me on the quote unquote.
-Dane Cook

... I don't know if I could kill someone with a frozen turkey because that is a lot of evidence to eat ... unless I found a whole room of people who also wanted that person dead.
-Dane Cook

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The Supermarket Saga by Iced Tea Junkie reviews
A collection of very short stories, all taking place at the local supermarket. Horny old women and suicidal janitors abound! Please read & review!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 1,409 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 9 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 1/13/2008 - Published: 3/22/2007 - Complete
There's a Chip on the Bathroom Floor by Lex Anderson reviews
Who is it and why is it there?
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 340 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/12/2007 - Complete
Sly Dog by Lainiee reviews
Winning her over had nothing to do with flowers, chocolate or suave dance moves. He only kept barging through her door to harass her. [OneShot]
Fiction: Romance - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,075 - Reviews: 332 - Favs: 1,121 - Follows: 79 - Published: 8/15/2005 - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

You Married a WHAT? reviews
For everyone who's ever looked in a mirror first thing in the morning and seriously considered just putting a brown paper bag over it. It being either your face or the mirror
Fiction: Romance - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,493 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 9 - Published: 4/7/2007 - Complete
Do you want fries with that? reviews
A tale of romance, passion, anger, secrets, lies, love, and, of course, fast food.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,581 - Reviews: 2 - Follows: 2 - Published: 4/7/2007
Warm Summer Nights reviews
76 percent of a true story! Includes world domination by frogs.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: K - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 807 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 4/6/2007 - Complete
Well, they weren't glass reviews
Explores the difference between moronic idiots and incompetent morons with a Cinderellatype twist.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,273 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 7 - Published: 4/5/2007 - Complete
Corners of the Mind reviews
Warning: A lot of fluff. But it's short and cute and may give you goosebumps.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: K - English - Romance/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 720 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 6 - Published: 3/25/2007 - Complete
HE double hockey sticks WORK
Of course I'm doing my math homework! No, I am not goofing off posting insane stories online.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 650 - Published: 3/23/2007 - Complete
Rotten Tomatoes
A story about a vegetable turned fruit who simultaneously ruins and saves one girl's New Year.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,691 - Favs: 4 - Published: 3/21/2007 - Complete
Best Woman
One girl struggles to survive the Happiest Day of her best friend's lives. Includes: stripper heels, disgusting couches, a fake New York accent, and the pottydance
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,746 - Favs: 2 - Published: 3/19/2007 - Complete