Capitalized is prose, lowercase is poetry

I'm a junior in high school. I do a lot of writing, but I haven't been able to do much lately. Either I'm working on this one story that I don't ever want to see the light of day, or on stories connected to this group I write about the most. The stories about the group I hope to one day have published, so I'm too paranoid about them to let them get uploaded. Since its mainly those two, and a number of other stories that never take off, I wouldn't expect much from me. I have one story that I've been thinking about for a while, but only started recently, called Prayed Against, that I do intend to work on a bit. Updates may be quite scarce though, I'm going through a rough part of life, having some girl troubles. You'd think summer break would mean more updates, but its not quite that simple. I'd be glad to have some feedback about Prayed Against.

That's about all you really need to know. If there's anything else you'd like to know, feel free to ask and I'll decide if I want to tell you or not.

Update- I'm not working on Prayed Against much at all. It's much too rough, I shouldn't have bothered. You have my almost-word that I'll fix it up and put it back up with a better plot and generally better writing (to prove to me and you that I can make something out of poop). On the other hand, I'd really love to have people read my other stuff, the shorts named after songs. As the author I'm privileged to know the order I wrote them in and the order they occur in, but that honestly doesn't matter. Feel free to read them in any order, and feel very free to read them all. Also feel free to leave reviews! But, that's really not all that important. I know how I feel about them, and though it'd be nice to know what readers thought, it ultimately won't change how I feel about the stories and how they felt to write.

December update- That story I've been unwilling to put up? I'm willing to serialize a new draft (meaning, it could be kind of rough since I'm unwilling to try a beta reader), IF I feel confident that I'd have even a minuscule following. I'd probably hold off on updates based on amount of reviews.

So, a little about the story; it's mostly character driven as the plot tends to meander (intentionally!). I don't want to give away much, but its not a straight through love story, or an action story. It's a bit of both. I try to keep a gloomy, heavy atmosphere throughout; its not a light and fluffy story about two nameless kids in love. There's a bit of a war going on, and it can be violent, though you and I may have different opinions on how graphic it is. I just need some encouragement, I'm not looking for a commitment. Just a few people that could tell me they're interested in giving reading it a shot if I put up a first segment. I'm kind of not expecting this to work out, partly based on how few hits my profile gets, and how non-vocal my readers tend to be, but I'm willing to give it a try if, say, five people are interested? let me know.

January update- I'm a hopeless liar and a fool. I'd love to see reviews. I guess maybe I couldn't have known before, but it seems kind of awkward and frustrating to see a couple of views and visitors, and have no idea what anyone thought of my stories. I have an obsession with my traffic page, I suppose. I find it kind of exciting to refresh every couple of seconds and see a new view, and think, 'Someone just read that story, or is reading it now.' It's such an amazing feeling looking at a story and thinking that someone, somewhere in the world, is at that time reading something that came from my heart and soul through my fingers. Maybe that's mushy and weird, but, hell, I write fluffy, cheesy stories, how the fuck do you think my mind operates? Please don't kill me for some humor. But honestly, I love the idea that people read my stories, and even more, I'm so infinitely curious about how people feel about them, what they think. Leave a review sometime?

More January- Down comes 'Run'. It got 86'd. HAH.

January's just about over update- Fixed 'Run.' The half of it that I cut out is when I first mention that he smokes because it helps him relax when she's not around; its where his smoking is addressed first and most completely. So, theoretically, I'd want to finish that half and add it to 'Run' as a second chapter/alternative version. Although not really alternative since they'd both stand with equal footing with the rest, and both have important things. The only thing is...I think I'm done with these two characters. I think 'On the Arrow' is where I finish telling their story. Sure, there's some stuff that the audience might not know, and things that would need to be addressed, but I feel like I shouldn't touch these characters anymore...for a while? I'm really not sure.

February update- I'm still on break, I guess. I've been doing writing experiments, trying to get more detail into my writing, particularly in regards to character appearance and setting. Intelligently, I choose to use my nameless characters, and used the names that I have for them in the experiments, since a third character was needed. But, I think I might be done with that. All of the stories have been taking place post-'You're the Good Things' (the latest story on here, chronologically, if you've been paying attention), and though the two have names, they're clearly the same characters. Because I've been posting them on my blog on myspace, I've been trying to refer to the past as little as possible, and keep the situations light-hearted and without a clear cut message, since they're not intended for the same sort of audience. But, I think I might even be done with that. In any case, I'm thinking I should clear up this trash profile, right? I don't actually expect anyone to read all the way through to down here, and I'm not sure most casual visitors would have the sense to check the bottom. But, then again, I'm pretty lazy. So. No clean up. But, don't you feel better knowing I at least thought of your convenience? Point is, not planning on doing much or any writing for a while. Also, here's a message for user

De Code Master ()

either the link in my review notification e-mails is dead, or you were not actually logged in when reviewing? My point is, I can't PM you. Just letting you know, if you happen onto my profile. But, if I were to PM you, I'd tell you that I have all of my oneshots featuring my nameless characters compiled into a C2 of my own creation. I thought it would be convenient for the person all of the stories are for, but she's not going to be reading them anyway, which would make it somewhat pointless. But, I shouldn't have brought her up, and my point is, it's convenient for anyone, even if you're not the original person I created it for. The C2's title is She Who Mars the Skin of Gods. I'm not sure if Fictionpress'll kill URL's in my profile, but that's it if the following URL doesn't show up, so feel free to search for it.

http://www.fictionpress.com/community/She_Who_Mars_the_Skin_of_Gods/2275/14/1/1/

End of April update- So anyway. I found a January story that I never uploaded. And I just uploaded that. Now, I think I'm going to get to work fixing up and uploading the stories I wrote in February through April. The only thing is, there are more than two characters, and I therefore use names to refer to my two nameless characters. So...I'm not sure what to put for descriptions, but the names are pretty necessary. So, maybe it'll be something like 'A bit vulgar; a short story featuring my two formerly nameless characters. Credit goes to ETC ETC.' Also, these stories diverge from the rest in that there goal was experimentation and growth as a writer, specifically speaking. I tried to work on describing apparel and enviroments in particular, and succeeded or failed to varying degrees. Now, you probably can't tell from reading on here, but every single story I've uploaded before now was exactly a page in length in OpenOffice Writer. Their word counts vary, but none are longer than the 49 lines that'll fit into your average size OpenOffice document. Some of these experiments are more than a page or less than a page, but very few are exactly a page if I remember correctly. So, they will be a little different from the stuff I've posted here. In terms of content, it's the same characters, mostly set in the time period after whichever story on here is the latest (I think one of the Modest Mouse ones was the last in chronological terms so far), but, written with a different goal. The ones on here so far were all written with the purpose of expressing love or saying something about the concept, but these ones...they were more to make me feel better and, as I said, grow as a writer. Does that mean they weren't a means for me to express an emotion I might have that I'd decsribe as love? No. But, that wasn't the overall goal, and it effected them accordingly. Anyway, feel free to enjoy, or hate. After this backlog is finished, I've got at least one more to write which I expect to be the longest so far, and potentially the true last. After that, I might continue, or I might not, and I'll probably go back to leaving them nameless when they're the only two characters. Got it? Long update, right? I think I said everything right. PM with questions, naturally. Not that I expect anyone will read this or care much either way. ALSO: this could take quite a few days longer than I expect, since I intend to upload the documents on here in the order I put them in my blog (check my myspace profile's blog if you want a peek at the shorts before touch ups), and that means I'll have to go sort through all of my documents to find out which ones correspond to which blog. Yes, I'm kicking myself for using such random titles all the damn time, and having no correlation between blog title and document title. And then, I'll have to find names for each, which'll be the hard part, since I intend to keep in line with my song title habit. See, I don't just do it because it's easy, I value it's artistic merit as a means for expression. Or something like that. There's a reason, that's the point I'm trying to make. Big update, eh? Anyway. I'm done now. I think.

May update- Saw Alkaline Trio, Saves the Day and Nightmare of You last night. Amazing. But that doesn't have anything to do with this. Back to business; I updated Made For Each Other, fixing the tense issues. I noticed a word or two in the wrong tense in a few of the first batch, but I'll get around to those later since they're extremely minor and I'm extremely lazy. I updated the ratings on all of the stories to open them up to a wider audience since it was brought to my attention that I've been alienating my work by uniformly rating things 'M' in a lazy attempt to be safe rather than sorry. As it stands, I've rated anything with more than a swear or two as a 'T', anything with a single swear as a 'K,' kept things with strong suicide themes as an 'M,' and pretty much set everything else to 'K.' Got it? I'll get around to removing the 'A bit vulgar' from the descriptions of anything rated 'K,' but I'll leave it for the rest, I think. I also uploaded an old piece that isn't really related to anything else on here, and anything I'm interested in saying about it was put in its Author's Note. If you've read the note you might've noticed that I once did poetry; I don't believe that I'll ever want any of that to end up on here or published ever again (a lot of it was formerly on my myspace blog, but I took it all down some time ago). Sorry? I think that's about everything. Happy Tuesday?

July update- Down comes 'Brand New Day.' Feels too forced, too rushed, and some other things. Some feedback would have been nice, but I suppose I'll just have to use that technique where you let a draft of a story sit for a long time before you come back to it and rewrite it. Another Sara&Aiden is going up. It might come down shortly, since I also happen to think this one feels forced too. Some feedback would be nice. But, naturally, this isn't the place to be putting that sort of request since it's likely to get fewer hits than the story, and far fewer eyes will make it this far, I'd bet. But, hey. Blame a guy for trying? And, no, that wasn't a request, please don't : )

Also; looking back, I never like my poetry. So down comes 'A lesson in uncertainty.' I feel like 'Pain' has to stay, though.

August update- remember how I said that I'd try and fix up the scraps from 'Run' eventually? Looking back at the scraps, I want to fix it up and add it as another chapter. But, remember how I said the point was that it's important because it introduces his smoking? Of course you do, you read all of these updates. Well, anyway, he's younger than her, right? He's a year behind. Without explaining everything in too much detail, I don't want him to be 18 when he's a junior. He can't start smoking, and that makes a non-existent error in continuity, since I never actually wrote the introduction of his smoking into their canonical history. So, what I'm saying is, there's no point to me fixing up the scraps and adding it since it's reason for existence is wrong. Understand? I think I'm making it more complicated than necessary, especially considering my expectations of people reading this. Have a nice day.

August update again- right, right, right; sometimes I feel like i'm going insane. I'll put up a poem about that. but anyway. the point is. I can't keep their history straight anymore. I'm entirely aware that I can't even think straight most days, but I thought I was okay in this department. Anyway; she starts college a semester late. that means she breaks up with him when he's a senior, not a junior. if I give him a september birthday, maybe even november, he's 18 before she dumps him. 'On the Arrow' would be around this time. so. he can start smoking. which means. I can. fix up. the scrapped portion of 'Run.' because it all fits in the established continuity. I'll get on that right away.

August still- Looks like 21 is coming down. Occasional hits and no reviews make me an unhappy camper. I'll try again soon, I think, since I think I'm starting to feel it again. It's also easier to write during winter, which is approaching. Also; thinking of combining my Sara & Aiden stories into one long multi-chaptered story on here. Pros: finding them all in one spot. Cons: I'd want to do publish order and I think the first one in particular is a bit weak since I hadn't quite made the characters yet, the size of the story potentially being intimidating, and the time, especially since I'd have to find new titles for a few. I'd also feel obligated to list it as in progress rather than complete. Thoughts or suggestions?

October update- So damn lazy. This is why I can't do seasonals. I'm working on a tribute to family and aiming for a christmas finish/publish, but at this rate...no clue. It's not too complicated, and I'm not expecting it to be all thaaaat lengthy, but whatever. Started a horror one with the intent of fast-tracking for a Halloween release, against my better judgment. Not sure if I can pull that off, but I've got it mostly outlined. Difficulty with the setting. And then our good ol' classic horror bud I Love You...I just don't know what to say. It's really a very simple plot, and if I just said what it was based on/inspired by, pretty much anyone could write it. Not that it's predictable if you don't know. I'm just too lazy to work on it because I'm not entirely sure of the structure I want, and therefore can't continue. This is why I should just stick to one-shots. 21 is soooo long and therefore personally intimidating to me, especially when I'm not sure there will ever be any interest in it due to its length. I'm kind of screwed on that one, even though I have such clear ideas and have pretty much every 5 page sequence outlined in detail. I think I'm cursed to never be able to finish anything I outline, which is why I'm reluctant to give a hard outline for the horror one I'm fast-tracking. God, I'm bored. I feel dead inside. It's really very frustrating. I'm not sure I've ever felt like this in quite this way, if you know what I mean. I feel like I haven't written Sara & Aiden in forever, especially after doing so many so steadily for a while. Frustrating. They really even me out. I think part of my reluctance to continue is that I don't know what I'm really doing there anymore. Am I going to compile them into one story here on Fictionpress? would that get many/any hits or be better liked? Would it be worth the time and effort in any tangible way? Sometimes I think of giving them the novel treatment, but I like that their story is told through connected/random one-shots. I don't know that I could carry them through a novel, especially with the time transition. I think the time difference between their chronologically youngest and oldest stories is creeping up on a decade. And then, I wouldn't really have any meaningful ending. And there's the fact that it'd have a far different tone from how I've treated them so far since I doubt my ability to carry the plot with such a heavy focus on theme (love). It'd be a different tone of necessity, and I'm not sure I have another tone in me.

November update- knew I couldn't possibly finish the horror piece. signed up for NaNoWriMo this year; obviously never going to finish that either. hell, I don't even have an idea. I'm considering redoing an old 21 parallel story, but I can't remember how it goes since I never really started it. I remember the basics, and this is the one story I experimented with characterization cards on, so I'm not at a total loss, but I don't think I could pump it out in three weeks without remembering how the plot goes, specifically. in any case, Brand New Day is up again; told you it'd be back. not sure if I'm happy with it, but I'm certainly happier with it. to be honest, it was much messier than I had any idea.

January update- college. slightly unexpected. I found out four days before the new semester that I had been accepted, so there was a big rush there. But, still, I'm glad that I've been able to find time for writing still. Hitting 21 stuff again. I'm going to see if I can't cover a lot of ground in February, make it Horseman month. who knows? depends on if I get weighed down in schoolwork more heavily or not, but I've been coping pretty readily so far. in other news, I'm thinking of submitting some work to the school art magazine. I was thinking Bloody Romance, Crack the Shutters (version 3), Follow the Lights (version 3), and Machine 4 (version 3). I can submit up to five. I'm just slightly hesitant about submitting anything with heavy themes of drug use, alcoholism, or suicide. And then, on the off chance that people read it and recognize me, I don't want to seem like a weirdo. Writing cheesy romance stories and posting them relatively anonymously on the internet is one thing, but getting recognition for such on campus is another. Dealing with people socially is awkward enough as it is. But still. This is who I really am inside, so I'm not sure it'd ever be a problem. Anyway, I've got to get heading to class soon, so january update out!

July update- Busy. Well, not really. Only when I want to be, catch my drift? And sometimes when I don't want to be. But whatever. Anyway, I thought it would be prudent to notify potential profile readers the distinction between prose and poetry. Again, I really need to clean this up. I think I'll do it when I compile all of the Sara and Aiden pieces into one story. So, never, right?

Capitalized is prose, lowercase is poetry