Freak Perfume
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Joined 02-05-08, id: 598725, Profile Updated: 06-02-11
Author has written 10 stories for Love, Supernatural, Life, Romance, and General.

So, what does one write in a profile, then?

This creature goes by Freak Perfume because of a youth misspent in dark and broody clubs where equally dark and broody youths complained to each other and called it cynicism.

Thankfully wounds heal with time and the creature now lives on coffee, cigarettes, and paperback novels. Mostly, she lives for the nights she can't remember with the people she'll never forget.

Other things I like would include being stupidly drunk, gratuitous foul language, genre-bending music mixes, porn (obviously), and reptiles. Oh, and feedback, because whoever claims not to be a comment whore while actively posting things where feedback is an option is fucking lying.

Let's see, what else. Ah, yes, I have a phobia of fish. If that doesn't say it all, I don't know what does. Fish, are terrifying, unless there's a wall of glass between us, thank you very much. I'm not obsessed with my feet, but damn it, I do want to keep them forevermore, which means that fish near my feet give me panic attacks.

Yeah, alright, this is getting more boring with the second, so it's time to call it quits. Rock on, people. Let's all just rape our thesauruses in celebration.

"Generally I'm not really interesting, except for the occasional battle against the apocalypse."


Wanted Ad

So, obviously beta readers are the bee's knees, y/y? I'm just going to put this here because I've looked at the beta listing here and by all that is holy, there are so many. It terrifies me to tell you the truth. It's like a hive with a million differently coloured bees. I better get to the point here before I lose you, right? Right. What I'm looking for is a beta reader who doesn't get the heebie-jeebies from all 'teh ghey' around here and isn't afraid to shank me (metaphorically, please) until I'm a gibbering pile of gooey tears of despair. As much as I'd like to pretend to be perfect - and let's admit it, writers are full of themselves - I'm really just a confused thing with too many voices in my head and a keyboard.

If you are this person, do send me a PM with a short (or long, I'm not picky) introduction and I'm sure we'll be able to work something out. If you could bring your own whip, that'd be grand.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Hiring a Hooligan by Deena reviews
Determined to put the fear of God into the racist homophobe who messed up her best friend, mild-mannered Jane Hazelton resorts to hiring a thug to do the job. Trouble is, said thug isn’t interested in money, he’s interested in her. **COMPLETED**
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 14 - Words: 110,036 - Reviews: 2291 - Favs: 3,203 - Follows: 704 - Updated: 8/23/2013 - Published: 9/3/2005 - Complete
My Toaster Thinks I'm Crazy by Drazuki reviews
mxm, slash Ben is a triplet who must take care of his psychologically challenged brothers, from love lives, to auditions, to tetris addictions, while also coping with his own disorder: inanimate objects talk to him.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 23 - Words: 82,701 - Reviews: 1811 - Favs: 1,484 - Follows: 1,390 - Updated: 3/23/2011 - Published: 10/6/2006
Game Over by iBrandi reviews
Bianca Smith, reigning Xbox champion of Extermination Overdrive, has a problem: she's going to be a virgin forever unless she takes drastic action and sleeps with a guy at the prom.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 6 - Words: 24,292 - Reviews: 175 - Favs: 137 - Follows: 135 - Updated: 8/31/2010 - Published: 6/7/2009
Sunny Mr Finnigan by iBrandi reviews
Out of all people, Finn Blake the Ultimate Jock was probably the last person you'd pick to turn gay. Yet there he was, hiding behind a truck, making creepy stalker eyes at the littlest punk ever. Ah, romance.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,569 - Reviews: 71 - Favs: 205 - Follows: 13 - Published: 10/8/2009 - Complete
Just Drive the Car by Jumping Jack Flash reviews
Italian gangsters, a gorgeous car, a little bit of gunplay, and maybe something like love. T for language and violence; pretend I have also added the 'family' and 'friendship' genres; oh yeah, and I should also say 'slash' and 'mafia' for keyword-findery.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Crime/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 8,947 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 278 - Follows: 36 - Published: 8/11/2009 - Complete
The Violet and the Tom by Ocotillo reviews
*2011 SKOW nominee* Nygell, a Lord of the Northern Isles, is given the gift of a young Grecian slave by the King. Nygell wants no such responsibility. Slash.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 98,564 - Reviews: 485 - Favs: 716 - Follows: 135 - Updated: 4/10/2009 - Published: 1/25/2009 - Complete
Greg the Vampire by Aggy Bird reviews
Sequelish to FrankInLove: Greg, Dracula's dark, menacing, socially retarded eldest son, finally finds romance. That is, after he gets over his intimacy issues, adopts a dragon, and helps save a monster orphanage. MM, WIP, other acronyms.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 83,761 - Reviews: 351 - Favs: 535 - Follows: 467 - Updated: 3/25/2009 - Published: 12/23/2007
DELICIOUS by iBrandi reviews
“I’ll sell my body, I don’t know.” He ate another cookie. “THIS IS SO GOOD. I want to have epic sex with your baking skills.” An instructional guide on how to snare males in the trap of awesome cooking.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,788 - Reviews: 333 - Favs: 1,104 - Follows: 80 - Published: 3/17/2009 - Complete
Stupid Post It Notes by Dirty-Angel-Toes reviews
Seth has a lot to deal with lately, such as adjusting to his brand new life with a brand new 'family', including the acerbic and unpredictable Tuesday, who can't seem to stand him [M/M slash]
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 44 - Words: 434,926 - Reviews: 3977 - Favs: 1,869 - Follows: 1,426 - Updated: 1/4/2009 - Published: 6/15/2005
Charms and Curses by Drazuki reviews
(slash) Dawn tried a love spell he saw in a movie,he never thought that Practical Magic actually worked. Until a hot male witch and his calico cat moved next door. Now there is a tangle of evil, paint, kisses, and of course, magic.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Supernatural - Chapters: 33 - Words: 170,015 - Reviews: 1354 - Favs: 956 - Follows: 708 - Updated: 7/2/2008 - Published: 10/8/2005
Cigarettes, Stalkers, and Other Orgasmic Objects by Delayed Epiphany reviews
Winter Orion is sexy, popular, and as cold as his name suggests. He should NOT have to deal with a cruel father, superficial friends and abhorrent school plays. And who keeps on putting freakin love letters in his locker? That is SO junior high... -slash-
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Humor/Mystery - Chapters: 7 - Words: 39,773 - Reviews: 367 - Favs: 754 - Follows: 159 - Updated: 4/10/2008 - Published: 1/29/2007 - Complete
For All Waters by Sirivinda reviews
MM Original slash. Sebastian is living a perfectly hedonistic, worriless life as a student. But when he meets married father of one, Antonio, everything suddenly gets so complicated. Complete.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 25 - Words: 112,975 - Reviews: 490 - Favs: 505 - Follows: 83 - Updated: 11/25/2007 - Published: 9/5/2007 - Complete
Compulsive by Venustas iaceo reviews
I have a problem with lying. My love just has a problem with the killing. [slash]
Fiction: General - Rated: M - English - Horror/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,172 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 20 - Published: 11/14/2007 - Complete
Psychosis by Sasha L. Miller reviews
The Psychic Education and Research Institute. Barely reaching his fifth birthday, Zoë Lazule is pulled from his parents and thrust into training. Twenty years later, he's living with Bren, and things go rather neatly to hell from there. MxM, slash
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: M - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 14 - Words: 65,792 - Reviews: 88 - Favs: 178 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 9/6/2007 - Published: 12/1/2005 - Complete
In Theory by Sirivinda reviews
MM Original slash. Jamie's got a theory about how life and the universe seem to work, and Alex just fits right in. Complete.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 18 - Words: 77,491 - Reviews: 356 - Favs: 599 - Follows: 101 - Updated: 5/31/2007 - Published: 2/2/2007 - Complete
FrankInLove by Aggy Bird reviews
A modern day romance between monsters. Well, sort of. Slash, MM.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 19,464 - Reviews: 146 - Favs: 615 - Follows: 36 - Published: 2/20/2007 - Complete
Goes Around by d'Neronique reviews
[slash, one shot] Armando is my sexually advanced workmate. He likes sharing his experiences and techniques with us younger folk. He's like my teacher.
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: M - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,531 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 29 - Follows: 3 - Published: 2/5/2007 - Complete
Out of Luck by d'Neronique reviews
[slash] No one wants something more than if they can’t have it. That’s why I believe the best way to get guys is to pretend you’re straight – and you had better believe it works like a charm.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 10 - Words: 42,254 - Reviews: 347 - Favs: 489 - Follows: 84 - Updated: 2/3/2007 - Published: 12/15/2006 - Complete
Dearly Beloved by Beautiful Midnight reviews
When Matthew Grey transfers from London to California for school, his gothy looks and posh accent frighten the other students. Well, except for Sean. Sean just wants him naked. Permanent Hiatus.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 63 - Words: 258,090 - Reviews: 1325 - Favs: 657 - Follows: 72 - Updated: 10/29/2006 - Published: 5/22/2003 - Complete
Homesick Abortion by d'Neronique reviews
mm I told my parents I was gay to get out of trouble. Everything else sort of fell into place. FINISHED
Fiction: General - Rated: M - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 8 - Words: 12,268 - Reviews: 206 - Favs: 203 - Follows: 48 - Updated: 7/15/2006 - Published: 6/20/2005 - Complete
The Ordinary Vampire by Rachel Lynn reviews
Jacob was just minding his own business when he was kidnapped and tied to a porch. Who knew that this little town could be so bizarre? Slash. M/M. One-shot.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 13,119 - Reviews: 66 - Favs: 405 - Follows: 31 - Published: 6/19/2006 - Complete
Mascara by American Schokolade reviews
slash The end of my three year relationship changes my life more than I ever thought it would, and I am hardly pleased when I find myself the plaything of two bickering gay guys, especially when one of the guys' sexy friend agrees to pick on me. Complete
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 23 - Words: 102,418 - Reviews: 511 - Favs: 705 - Follows: 64 - Updated: 6/1/2006 - Published: 12/28/2005 - Complete
Going Native by d'Neronique reviews
mm The school Republican finds himself in love with the school Lesbian. In an attempt to woo her, he joins the GSA and makes a few unexpected friends along the way. FINISHED
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 13 - Words: 40,432 - Reviews: 318 - Favs: 344 - Follows: 32 - Updated: 4/11/2006 - Published: 5/3/2005 - Complete
WMSmoker seeks Seclusion by PirateGrrl reviews
Slash Clyde doesn't discriminate; he hates everyone equally.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 86,582 - Reviews: 792 - Favs: 1,244 - Follows: 121 - Updated: 1/12/2006 - Published: 3/28/2005 - Complete
Sacrifices by Rachel Lynn reviews
Tam has been raised to die. But when death opens new doors, he has to figure out how to live a whole new life. Complete oneshot. MxM, slash.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 12,149 - Reviews: 42 - Favs: 326 - Follows: 25 - Published: 11/23/2005 - Complete
Falter by I Try reviews
(SLASH, BoyXBoy) Tyler Oak may be a nobody at his all-boys prep school, but desguised as 'The Claw', he can say what he wants. But, when he takes on the school gang and their leader, Lucas Roy, things get tricky...(HEAVY R)
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 26 - Words: 49,459 - Reviews: 487 - Favs: 364 - Follows: 45 - Updated: 8/26/2004 - Published: 7/2/2004
First Person Perspective by Raz Nic an t-Saoir reviews
Slash. An English assignment becomes much stranger as five teenagers find themselves at the centre of the murder story they chose to review. Trying to stop the killer, they find things aren't so black and white. COMPLETE!
Fiction: General - Rated: M - English - Mystery/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 59,537 - Reviews: 154 - Favs: 304 - Follows: 25 - Updated: 11/30/2003 - Published: 11/6/2003
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Sharing Nightmares reviews
Shin was living a quiet life when the Universe decided to kick him in the butt. Now he has to find and bring back his brothers while getting one surprise after the other. The demon in particular, he could do without. /slash, m/m/
Fiction: Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 19 - Words: 136,703 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 53 - Updated: 2/20/2012 - Published: 12/27/2009
It's more like scifi, really reviews
Somehow what should have been a typical summer holiday turns into something straight out of a rejected romance novel. His friends are sure he's heading for happily ever after, or at least some heavy petting. Rhys isn't entirely convinced. slash m/m
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 7 - Words: 33,594 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 6 - Updated: 5/21/2011 - Published: 12/1/2010 - Complete
She is the sun
Love can be a beautiful thing, or a cancer destroying everything you are or wanted to be.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,028 - Favs: 1 - Published: 12/11/2010 - Complete
Morning Star reviews
Everyone thinks he's perfect, but for someone who chases the dragon that means nothing. He hopes that one day he might just be enough. SLASH MxM SMUT and a warning for drug use.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,360 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 3 - Published: 8/2/2010 - Complete
Change your spots reviews
/"Today, I'm not me," she informs him./ No matter how many faces you have, I still see you. I see you.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,820 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 5 - Published: 1/7/2010 - Complete
In Bad Taste reviews
It's not easy being an executive transvestite in a position of power over a bunch of eccentric drama queens. It gets worse when you despise your clients, but thank god for coffee and PA's. slash/cross-dressing
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 10 - Words: 39,202 - Reviews: 24 - Favs: 67 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 12/11/2009 - Published: 11/12/2008 - Complete
Relationship Therapy reviews
They're both not really very good with relationships in their own way. SLASH MxM INCEST SMUT
Fiction: General - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,980 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 2 - Published: 9/25/2009 - Complete
The thing about priorities reviews
Keeping mermaids—pardon, merFOLK—hidden is no easy task, as the brothers Greene are about to discover. Then again, neither is living with them. Warning for homosexual content, slash, yaoi, etc. Also much silliness.
Fiction: Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 3 - Words: 14,452 - Reviews: 12 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 10/20/2008 - Published: 4/1/2008 - Complete
Falter reviews
A body is cheap / cheaper still when lacking spirit / with the fire extinguished / with eyes glazed like gunmetal
Poetry: Life - Rated: T - English - Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 150 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 10/20/2008 - Complete
What is Delicious reviews
A few love poems for your enjoyment. Perhaps not entirely conventional, but I hope to entertain at least marginally.
Poetry: Love - Rated: K - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 481 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/15/2008 - Complete