MidNight The Magnificent
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Joined 02-18-08, id: 600018, Profile Updated: 03-21-13
Author has written 31 stories for Mythology, Humor, Fantasy, Biography, Life, Song, Fantasy, General, Family, War, Friendship, School, Romance, and Sci-Fi.

Name: MidNight The Magnificent(Yeah, that's my real name. & that's all you're getting.)

Age: Immortally 18(I'm invincible too.)

Hair: Short black crew cut. I like it like that. (I'd also like purple highlights, but... The mother says “NO WAY”. End of discussion. So much for that. No matter. It's better that way. She couldn't recognize me when I've escaped from house arrest as I will, eventually... Mawhahahahaha!)

Gender:Female. (With Testerone.) You decide for yourself who/what I am.

Skin tone: Nice healthy tan with big beautiful tattoos all over. (Yeah right. I fucking wish.) I'd really like to get a caduceus tattoo on my back though. All in shades of royal purple. (Again, no way the mother can ID me then... Heh.) Mawhahahahahaha!
And some nice scarification designs on my arms, while I'm at it. Whoot!

Eyes: Black. They'd hypnotize you into doing whatever I say.

Who I've got in my CD collection: A rather wide (& totally random) list which includes just about everybody & anybody from The Carpenters & Air Supply to Queen & The Policeto Shania Twain”Man, I feel like a woman! Yeah”/Lobo/Metallica... Not forgetting Matchbox 20, Garbage, Mika, Micheal Jackson, Oasis, Rod Stewart, Iron Maiden, Led Zeppelin, Dire Straits, Pink Floyd... & gods knows who else I've forgotten(i.e. neglected to listen to lately) It totally helps to have so many different artists to choose to listen to, depending on what I'm in the mood to write. Not that I'd ever write a love story (sorry, Air Supply.), more likely erotica than a conventional love story. Are you fucking kidding me!

Oh, and I just signed up for a deviantArt account, MidNightMagnificent on deviantArt so please drop by if you do have the time. Flash animations and random photomanipulations I do are all up there. See ya!

As Said By... ME!

Being the egomaniac yours truly is, I hereby present you with some quotes from/about yours truly. Heh.

“It's never the ending that matters, but rather, the events leading up to it.”2005

“Thank gods for hate. It's a feeling just as strong as love, only NOT self-destructive.”16th Jan 07

“I'm really not a greedy girl. All I ask is one superpower. Invincibility.”29th Aug 07

“On second thoughts, I guess I'd settle for Batman's GREATEST SUPERPOWER OF ALL. Limitless moolah. After all, ANY thing/one can be bought these days, as long as you got the .”9th Sep 07

“I really wasn't lying when I said that I preferred girls. I am female & I do love myself above all others.”15th Sep 07

“No, I won't have a camera crane. I want a cherry picker so I can put my cameraman up there. It's no fun shouting at a computer.”8th Mar 08

“We are perfection incarnate.”8th March '08

“Believe me, tons of people would be dead already of I lived my life like in a movie/video game.”19th March '08

“We'd never have to worry about a sex tape featuring yours truly because
1) I'd do no such thing. EVER.
& 2) I imagine FAT porn actresses are hard to come by, so they can't even digitize my face onto someone else's naked body.”23rd March '08

“Nope, I'd never been interested in playing Princesses. I saw the appeals of being Queen though. Queens get to order 'OFF WITH THEIR HEADS!' Mawhahahahahaha!”24th March '08

"Saying 'falling in love' or any other variation of that phrase, for that matter is so... YUCK!, so I'm now putting it this way:

'Hell freezes over before I fuck a man over what he's done to me emotionally.' Yeah baby. I may hate his guts, but as long as the sex is good, I don't fucking care."5th Apr 08

“I'd rather turn my back on my world than on the family. Not out of love, believe me, it's simply because I know that the world is less likely to stick a knife in there.”19th April '08

“Love? What use would I have for love? All I need is hate. Hate, & all the luck in the world, with Hermes' blessing.”23rd April '08

“The one thing I'll never be is sui-cidal. Homi-cidal is all fine and good 'cause that ain't MY survival on the line. Other people? Who fucking cares?!”25th April '08

“Lovers? I don't do lovers. Just fuck buddies.”Turquoise, 13th May '08

"I do not live in the world of reality."29th June '08

“I am not A big fat bitch. I am THE big fat bitch.”30th June '08

“Can't be a goddess? That's alright. Monsters are immortal creatures too, are they not? But, one way or another, I will live forever!”15th Jul '08

"What's the use of an altar without AT LEAST some dried (Human) bloodstains?!"-23rd Jan '11

"Yes, I was born with a vagina. It's a birth defect. Shut the fuck up about it."-9th March '11

"I am an exception to every rule I know, including the one I just made up." 21st Jul '10

"Me? I'm just the one with a vagina that guys call out to trade dick jokes over football and beer, NEVER the one who gets invited back after for a make-out session. And you know what? I'm perfectly in love with this arrangement."

"Modesty is for people who are ashamed of what they've accomplished."-16th June '11

"In a battle of wits, I don't bend. I just break. I break all the people I toy with."-17th June '11

"I drink because my liver is transplantable. I don't do drugs because my brains are NOT."-19th Jan '12

The Origins Of The Realm Of Delusion... (You know, that imaginary fantasy land in my head that I keep referring to occasionally...) @ here!Thank you! (Oh, & don't worry about that content warning thing. It's just me joking randomly & often, irreverently about sex, religion & other "sacred" stuff. Knowing me, as far as I'm bloody concerned, NOTHING ought to be sacred & everything's just a whipping boy for me to have fun with. Really! No harm meant.)

It started as an in-joke between me & a few close friends that I was delusional enough to be crowned the Queen of Delusion(“I'd never been interested in playing Princesses. I saw the appeals of being Queen though. Queens get to order 'Off with their heads!'"24th March. Yes, Alice In Wonderland has been a tremendous influence. Still dig it.)

Now, all Queens needed something to rule over, so we created my domain, the Realm Of Delusion. It was really REALLY funny & the absolute BEST part was that everybody else started thinking I was into some BOY called RoD(Are you fucking with me?! I'm obviously not into BOYS. Men, perhaps, but even then, not emotionally.) And so, the Realm Of Delusion still exists happily to this day. It's a safe refuge for the Queen whenever the real world gets too much. In fact, I haven't ventured out since 5 years ago when I pretty much moved here permanently. Yes, all mail to be directed here too: [email protected] Get in touch for a chat! Thank gods this place has broadband.

It might interest you to know that inhabitants of this fantasy land include the one & only, yours truly, MidNight The Magnificent(aka the Empress Of Delusion...), Evil Twin(who I recently discovered is actually MALE, which would explain all the testerone. He likes to take over my body from time to time. Yes, Evil Twin is a pervert. BUT! He's MY pervert, so that's alright, I guess.), Conscience(whom I've locked it up in the deepest, darkest dungeons. Couldn't stand it nagging in my ear all the time then. It's so much better now.)

I will be a movie director someday, just you watch me! But in the meantime, I think I'll probably work as a stand-up to make ends meet or something. I'm pretty sure I can handle all that humour stuff. I certainly write a lot of it.

Homophobia and You: They're people too! Stop the hate and spread the love!

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.

Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it.

Personally, I'm “Female with Testerone”, so I'm rather confused about where I fit into all this too. What/Who am I? Sigh... Doesn't matter. I still love me anyway. Oh, & yeah, still dig men in that SEXUAL way(not that physical way, though. When I say PHYSICAL, I just mean PORN. Haha!). Just not interested emotionally.

The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...
Post this on your profile if you hate racism

Excellent news! How To Be A Supervillain is now COMPLETE! You know what to do, dears, R&R!

Advice that's always worked for me that I figured I'd share with ya'll...

"Write the exact book that you yourself would be thrilled to read."Lee Child

"Writing is easy. All you have to do is stare at a blank piece of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead."Gene Fowler
I really gotta thank my primary school teacher for this quote. You, sir, had faith in me when everyone else just wrote me off as a walking disaster-(True. I'm still MOSTLY a walking disaster now, but now, I'm a walking disaster who writes! Heh. So there.) Thanks again, man! Oh, & I guess I'm somewhat sorry for climbing all over your head NOT taking you seriously back then. Still. I turned out alright & you're left with no permanent scars, right? No physical ones, at least. Hehe. I can't do a thing about all that pyscological abuse I took out on you. But at least I noticed that the prints of my climber's boots (on your forehead) have faded, the last time I visited! Heh.

Sorry about the updates/changes/new chapter emails that you guys might be getting. I'm just trying to sort out some chapter issues with Parody Songs. Bear with me! (And sorry about the lack of new stuff lately. Super busy!!!)

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the granny who conquered the world by marceline the vampire queen reviews
three not-so-innocent children are facing a dreadful peril, and they haven't even had breakfast. with the help of a vegetarian vampire, an overweight siamese cat and unusually stylish arch-villain miranda goth, the mismatched group sets off to fetch back their grandmother and save the planet from her evil schemes. but will they make it in time?
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Adventure/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 114 - Reviews: 64 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 1/12/2013 - Published: 9/7/2010
Of Mountains and Canyons by Moonlite Streak reviews
No home to return to, no friends left alive, Nimueh ran. She escaped with only the clothes on her back, living in constant fear. Not knowing whether she'll live to see tomorrow, Nimueh goes on. An inspiring story of angst and bravery, completely original.
Fiction: Action - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Angst - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,400 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 8/24/2011 - Published: 8/16/2011 - Complete
To Live Without Destiny by Queen of the Shadylands reviews
Can there be those who fortuna does not follow? Who's lives are lived through chioce alone? And what would that mean for the overall plan.
Fiction: Spiritual - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,548 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/16/2011 - Complete
The Barter of Love and Lucifer by RussiaRivers reviews
A short parody of how Lucifer ended up in Hell. Read it.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Supernatural - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,588 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 10/5/2009 - Complete
Thankyou for purchasing a LIFE by oceancat reviews
CONGRATULATIONS! You have become the proud owner of a LIFE! In order to fully utilize your LIFE it is recommended that you read the inclosed instructions in this owners guide.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,214 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 3 - Published: 7/24/2009 - Complete
Aphrodite's Plan by Helizabeth reviews
I was always Demeter's least favorite. So why did I fall for her daughter? And where does Adonis factor in without breaking everyones heart? hints of side character slash. HadesPersephone. COMPLETE!
Fiction: Mythology - Rated: T - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 20 - Words: 35,476 - Reviews: 99 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 21 - Updated: 3/4/2009 - Published: 2/7/2008 - Complete
Manuals for the Dumbest things in Life by KuraiMaboroshii reviews
This is an extremely simplified guide on how to treat your newly purchased three-headed dog, and among other things...Warning, coarse language and materials that may not be suitable for children. Written by SB
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 922 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 10/21/2008 - Published: 7/26/2008
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Parody Songs reviews
Famous songs that I've rewritten for humour's sake. Usually quite general, though I try to give a bit of a backstory where needed. Inspired by all the bloody talented parodists on youtube. But I can't sing, so I just post them HERE. Warning-Getting dirty.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 31 - Words: 10,150 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 9/14/2020 - Published: 2/6/2010
The Impossible Rhyme reviews
An "impossible" rhyme that formed in my head one night Yes, it happens. And possibly some other silly poems in the future? Maybe some random short stories too?
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,230 - Reviews: 2 - Updated: 6/3/2016 - Published: 3/17/2010
Drunk Driving
A man gets arrested for drinking with alcohol on his breath, but was he drinking? Really? One shot.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 447 - Published: 4/28/2014 - Complete
Split Personality reviews
I'm putting an end to this. Too many in-jokes that general readers will not understand, so... yeah. Go read my other stories, not this one. The other sides of my personality show through in the tales I spin too... Now, GO.
Fiction: Biography - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 5 - Words: 1,619 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 7/24/2012 - Published: 11/3/2009
Six Word Stories reviews
A collection of six word stories that I'll be writing on a weekly basis as part of challenges for theWrittenRevolution on deviantArt. There's no fixed theme on the challenges so I'm just putting this under General. Wide scope of subjects covered.
Fiction: General - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 216 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 8/13/2011 - Published: 6/27/2011
A Forest Of Wires reviews
Written for a writing prompt, "a forest of wires"
Fiction: Sci-Fi - Rated: K - English - Humor/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 113 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 8/12/2011 - Complete
Tic Tac Toe World Cup reviews
Prompt: "Fans riot outside the Tic-Tac-Toe World Cup"
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 269 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 8/12/2011 - Complete
Nine Tattoos Of Women's Names reviews
For a writing prompt "Nine tattoos of women's names".
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 723 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 8/12/2011 - Complete
Intellectual Masturbation reviews
A poem about how much I hate Literature classes in school. That's not to say I hate Literature. Just the classes. How were Lit lessons for you, in schools?
Poetry: School - Rated: K+ - English - Angst/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 67 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 6/27/2011 - Complete
NERF Guns reviews
A loving ode to my favourite childhood toy!
Poetry: Friendship - Rated: K - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 143 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 6/11/2011
Psychological Mindfuck reviews
It's fun to mess with people's minds. Plus, great intellectual stimulation if you manage to find the right person to wage your war against. I never break. I never back down. Who wants to play with me?
Poetry: War - Rated: K+ - English - Poetry/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 32 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 5/10/2011
MidNight's Twisted Tales reviews
Fairytales. Cannibalism. Bloodlust. What could go wrong when MidNight The Magnificent throws them all into the creative blender she calls her mind? Enjoy!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 86 - Words: 27,264 - Reviews: 186 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 4/9/2011 - Published: 6/26/2008
Driving My Teachers And Lecturers Up The Wall reviews
It's insane having yours truly for a student. Here's a little taste of what happens. All incidents have been recorded down in their entirety. Screw the "innocent". Rated T for no-holds barred sexual innuendo.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,863 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 3/8/2011 - Published: 6/15/2010
Truths reviews
Just a random, sorta angsty poem that I wrote when I was pissed. Warning! Very much not my usual style. Feel free to tear me apart over that.
Poetry: Family - Rated: K - English - Angst/Poetry - Chapters: 1 - Words: 137 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 1 - Published: 10/1/2010 - Complete
Youth Olympic Games reviews
Oh no! Nobody wants to buy tickets for the all important international event. Nobody wants to volunteer to help organize this event either. What can they do! Genre would be political satire, but I don't know what comes closest so I'm just putting it in
Fiction: General - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 2 - Words: 752 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 9/18/2010 - Complete
How To Be A Superhero, Supervillain reviews
Want in on the Superhero/Supervillain bandwagon? Let MidNight The Magnificent show you the way! Let's take over the world! Okay, you can all be my evil minions. It MY world! Mawhahahahahahaha!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 18 - Words: 6,035 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 5 - Updated: 4/9/2010 - Published: 8/25/2008 - Complete
A poem on the ONE superpower that I ask for. I'm really not such a greedy girl, after all. ONE superpower is all.
Poetry: Fantasy - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 154 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 2/1/2010 - Complete
Michael Jackson:My Tribute reviews
My tribute to the greatest King of Pop there ever was, or will be. RIP, Michael.
Poetry: Song - Rated: K - English - Tragedy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 247 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 3 - Updated: 7/24/2009 - Published: 7/1/2009 - Complete
Immortality reviews
There's only one thing that I'm asking for. That doesn't sound too greedy, does it? What am I taking about? Come on in & find out... My first attempt at original poetry. R&R if you can figure out what the title is.
Poetry: Life - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 195 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 5/19/2009 - Complete
100 Words Biography reviews
All about the one & only MidNight The Magnificent. Squeezed into a 100 words. Tough, but funnily enough, POSSIBLE.
Fiction: Biography - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 265 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 4/15/2009 - Complete
7 Deadly Sins NOT! reviews
Yes! I talk Philosophy too. Mixed with tons of humour. If only all churches preached like me. FINISHED!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Spiritual - Chapters: 6 - Words: 1,584 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 4/5/2009 - Published: 9/22/2008 - Complete
How To Hire Evil Genius Scientists reviews
Ever needed to hire an Evil Genius Scientist? Let MidNight teach you how to exploit them fully! Oneshot.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 335 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 2 - Published: 2/15/2009 - Complete
Word Vomit Humourous reviews
Stuff that runs around my head at night before I fall asleep or pops into my head at midnight, waking me up & leaving me unable to fall back into slumber until I record it down. Bedside pen & paper's always necessary for me.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,010 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 11/14/2008 - Published: 3/20/2008
How To Remain A Happily Unemployed Teenage Slacker reviews
Resist ALL attempts by Adults to bug you into getting your own job. LEECH off them for as long as possible. You're still a TEENAGE slacker, damnit. Act like one! One-shot.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 488 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 11/4/2008 - Complete
Childhood Dreams
Some bored violent fantasies that a friend & I are working on to develop into a proper screenplay/movie script. A Crime/Fantasy/Noir thing... R&R, thanks! Should have a proper screenplay in a abt a year or 2? Really kinda unable to work on it together now
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Crime/Fantasy - Chapters: 2 - Words: 9,372 - Updated: 10/10/2008 - Published: 9/5/2008
How To Create An Epic reviews
Let MidNight show you the way to creating your own epic blockbuster! MidNightTheMagnificent will not be held responsible capital for lost on such reckless ventures. Good luck anyways, guys! Now, get out there & make your own epic movie!
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 618 - Reviews: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/18/2008 - Complete
MidNight's How To Deal With Raving&Ranting Adults reviews
Let MidNight The Magnificent guide you on how to deal with that person who just so happens to have more authority than you & is hollering into your ear. Annoying, I know. Believe me. I call them the Ravin' & Rantin' Adults.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 294 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 8/26/2008 - Complete
The Trojan Horse reviews
A skit about the Trojan War, with all the gods involved. Chapter 2 with all the handwritten comments/edits added in. Still hilarious & irreverent. "Please, Zeus, I mean no harm. Don't strike me down with a mighty thunderbolt."
Fiction: Mythology - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,925 - Reviews: 4 - Updated: 6/11/2008 - Published: 2/22/2008 - Complete
Dating Etiquettes For Dummies reviews
The Do's & Don'ts of the dating world as presented to you by the utterly dateless MidNightTheMagnificent.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 375 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 4 - Published: 3/23/2008 - Complete
Hazard Spoof
My interpretation of the song Hazard by Richard Marx. I didn't write the song, though.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 740 - Published: 2/28/2008 - Complete
A Comedy Class Skit reviews
A short class skit I came up with for English lesson. Funny comedy... Totally random, I promise. & "Ah Boy" is a v common way of addressing young males where I live. Pretty much the USA version of "Dude"... Anyways... Enjoy some randomness...
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Family/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 292 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 2/22/2008 - Complete