My name is Okonkwo. I have three wives and many children. There is one of whom I am ashamed, but the others make me proud. Ezinma is my favored child, though I wish she were a boy. My life has been falling apart, but I will hold it together through SHEER WILL. Because I am manly. Yeah. Emotions are weak, like my father and my no-longer-son. Agbala! Weak, lazy, and disgusting. Nwoye was easy prey for the white man. I don't know why I didn't see it sooner. Living flame begets cold, impotent ash.

If you have a disobedient wife, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your son seems more like a daughter, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever dealt with an ogbanje, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever broken the Week of Peace, copy and paste this into your profile as penance.

If you have a favorite child, copy and paste this into your profile.

If nothing is working out, copy and paste this into your profile.

People think when a strong man says yea, his chi says yea.

If when you say yea, your chi says no, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you believe your yams are the best around, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are surprised by the womanly ways of Umuofia, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've resolved to do something about the white men, copy and paste this into your profile.

I'm a WIFE-BEATER, so I MUST be a bad husband.

I have KILLED, so I MUST be a murderer.

I have a LAZY FATHER, so I MUST be weak.

I am ANGRY, so I MUST be heartless.

I DIDN'T want to kill Ikemefuna, so I MUST be agbala.

My gun does not ALWAYS SHOOT, so I MUST be less of a man.

I BROKE the Week of Peace, so I MUST be arrogant.

I lost my son to the CHRISTIANS, so things MUST be falling apart.

I committed SUICIDE, so I MUST be an affront to the gods. (Added posthumously by Obierika)