Personal
Name: Schtolteheim Reinbach III (...Not really)
Pen Name: Zi Jian (子建)
Style Name: Chagui (茶亀)
Gender: Male
Age: I tend to feel around 65 most of the time. Consarned arthritis...
Location: Somewhere you are not
Health: Crippled
General Mood: Cautiously Pessimistic

Favorites:
Hero: Zhuge Liang, Guan Gong, Batman
Animal: Turtles, Pugs, Nebelungs
School Subject: History
Book: Romance of the Three Kingdoms (Luo Guanzhong)
Movie: The Birdcage, Murder By Death, Suicide Kings
TV Show: Phineas and Ferb
Game: The Genso Suikoden Series, Final Fantasy VIII
Musical Group: The Psychedelic Furs, The Beatles
Song: I Am The Walrus (The Beatles), No Easy Street (The Psychedelic Furs), Mou Gaan Dou (Andy Lau & Tony Leung)
Food: Pizza (Pineapple Anchovies), Bao zi (anything)
Drink: Tea, club soda, rooibos

Info:
I came to Fictionpress to see whether or not I'm a capable writer. I tend to hate my work within hours of finishing it and try to pick apart every little flaw I can find. Feel free to agree or disagree with me on the quality of my work, I enjoy receiving constructive criticism and find praise to be a pleasant surprise. Don't be afraid of hurting my feelings in a review, I probably hate the story more than you do anyway.
I do my best to make my works as readable as possible, but there are always stupid errors I miss no matter how many times I go over the work in question. I apologize for this, but the reason for it is simple: I can't read.

What I write:
I like to write humor. If I can make the reader laugh then my job is done.

Other than humor...Just about anything. I really want to write and publish novel like Romance of the Three Kingdoms, with a war that focus more on the conflicting strategies and tactics between the strategists than the actual fighting between generals and soldiers, unlike a lot of fantasy you see these days. The Thirty-Six Stratagems is my bible, pretty much.

What I Have Written:
Chateau Tisane (Complete, 33 Chapters)
Written for fun in October of '07. It was my first attempt at a fantasy humor story. The idea spawned from a "house rules" list for living with Luis and sort of wrote itself... Though, I'm not sure if the character of Raghupati was a good idea. Also, I'll say it for you: DEUS EX TESTUDO!

Modern Magic (Complete, 28 Chapters)
I...I don't know what to say about this thing. It's a high fantasy parody set in present times, that's really all I can say about it. I'm trying not to make it mocking of the genre. I sort of took my "Fantasy elements I will NEVER use" list and crossed out the word "never." Originally, it was a set of short stories I wanted to try submitting to some online publications, but thought against it in the end (those short stories were the first two chapters). I'm just hoping it doesn't turn out too bad. Also, I can't believe how long it's gotten in just a few months...

Note regarding formate of Modern Magic: In my first draft of the story, I used triple asterisk for scene\setting changes in chapters. Unfortunately, FP had some sort of format upgrade that removed these. So, I'm sorry if Modern Magic is hard to read because of that, I plan to revise it and fix this error in the future.

In The Works:
I'll...get back to you on that.

Random Quotes:
"How can common birds understand the long flight of cranes?" - Zhuge Liang, Romance of the Three Kingdoms

"You tried your best and failed miserably. The lesson is never try." - Homer J. Simpson, The Simpsons

"Every truth contains a lie, every lie contains the truth." -Shu, Suikoden II

"From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it. " - Groucho Marx

"Shut up! Sit your ass down in that chair and drink your Goddamn TEA!" -Cid Highwind, Final Fantasy VII

煮豆燃豆萁， (Boiling the beans while charring the stalks,)
豆在釜中泣。(And the beans thus wailed.)
本是同根生，(Born we are from the same root,)
相煎何太急?" (Why burn me with such disregard?)
-The Quatrain of Seven Steps by Cao Zhi, Romance of the Three Kingdoms