fredino
hide bio
PM . Follow . Favorite
Joined 06-09-08, id: 615935, Profile Updated: 07-17-09
Author has written 4 stories for Romance, Young Adult, and Friendship.

Extremely Fexcellant! Thing of the Week: summer...ahh...

Hi. I'm Fred. (Not Weasley. Sorry.) Not much to say...although you must be pretty bored to be reading this. Almost as bored as I am to be writing this.

Current song rolling through my head: "Better Together" by Jack Johnson
Current book being read: The Lunatic Cafe by LAurell K. Hamilton
Last movie watched: The Proposal

Out of pure boredom (and because I have a thing for quotes), here're some of my favorites.

Pacha: AH! Demon llama!

Kenny: Mi lama es muy picante. (My llama is very spicy.)

Jen: Miscengination; that wasn't s'posed to happen!

Me: Do they have a name for this era?
Laura: CHEEZIT!!
Me: Oh, okay.

Mrs. Duncan: What was the main cash crop grown in India?
Me: Opium!!

Mrs. D: Where did African slaves come from?
Class: AFRICA!!

Laura: -slaps down water bottle- Ha, your water broke!
Jen: Anything you'd like to tell us?
Me: I raped Justin Timberlake and am having his baby!

Tucker (on a newspaper worknight): Mrow. Mrrrrrrroooooooow. Mmmmmmmrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooowww.

Godley: Derka, derka!

Godley: Gigglegiggle gigglegiggle. Gigglegiggle, gigglegigglegiggle. Giggle.

Ally: We go to the bathroom as a family!

Tucker: Excuse me, I am raising my hand!

Foote: -holding a black marker and a brown marker- How black is Jim, this black or this black?!

Chaya (in reference to telling this other school's newspaper, where they yelled at each other and lived in mortal fear of their adviser, about our newspaper): It was like telling a child from a third world country how great America is!

Jen: Birka NO!

Godley (in strong Indian accent): Dat wuz not part of agreement. I wuz told...

Mr. Varas: Ew, a bug!

Lauren: I throw my mohawk at you!

Godley: Dat one wuz good...

Newspaper T-shirt: NO means YES ... (just kidding)

Other Newspaper T-shirt: I promise your daughter will be safe with me...

Will: Damn diggity damn!

Me: WILL, STOP HICCUPING!! WHY ARE YOU HICCUPING?!
DJ: You hiccup when your stomach is trying to move back into place.
Me: Really? Wow... -drools-

Jordan: Pen-island spells penis-land. I didn't know that!

Sidebottom (talking about my autistic brother): Oh, so he's like House, but with an excuse.
Me: -falls out of chair- Exactly!

Lauren: Antonio was hot, you're average pimple.

Beth: Thou shalt not text-message during boom-boom.

Tucker: He fell into a well. Lassie had to get him out. It took a while.

Radio: The human race is a mystery wrapped in an enigma.
Andrew: Covered in secret sauce.

Me (from Jen/Latin textbook): The servant girl pleases the cook.
Godley: What if the cook is gay?
Me: Then the servant girl is a drag queen.
Godley: Touche.

Nick: I think Mexicans always go to heaven by climbing over the gates.

Nathan (after his five minute demonstration/speech on how to put up a tent): And so, this is a tent.


Super Condensed version of Huckleberry Finn (as condensed by the lovely condensers at Book-A-Minute Classics):
Huck Finn: (goes rafting) (goes home) THE END

"'Light fuse and get away' may work for a Roman Candle, but not so much for the wrath of a woman scorned."

"Someone's boring me. I think it's me."

"The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it."

"So you see, imagination needs moodling- long, inefficient, happy idling, dawdling and puttering."

"Well, speaking as a completely objective third party observer with absolutely no personal interest in the matter..."

"Some settling may occur. That's probably what Columbus told the Indians."

"Hey! O'Connell! Looks to me like I got all the horses!"
"Hey, Bennie! Looks to me like you're on the wrong side of the river!"

"I shall simply deny you the crown and-live...forever."

"We fixed you- me and the nuns."

"That's because you were taken in by the BBC! Filthy British lies! But did they ever say a bad word against Churchill? Churchill, UGH! With his cigars and his brandy and his rotten paintings. ROTTEN! Hitler, now there was a painter. He could do an entire apartment in one afternoon; two coats."

"You're the diet coke of evil. Just one calorie, not evil enough."

"How would you beat him?"
"With a stick, while he slept."

"Ford?"
"Yes?"
"I think I'm a sofa."
"I know how you feel."

"I think I'll be safe with a nice toffee...Alas. Earwax."

"Life is just one damned thing after another."


That's all for now. Sorry it was so long. But come on- who doesn't want to talk about llamas?

Oh, yeah, one more thing. Although my name is Fred, I am a chick...just so you know. It's a long story of how I got that nickname that happens to do with science and biological isotopes and a lot of other things that get extremely complicated. So...yeah.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Dear Imagination by holiday road reviews
written 2007
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Drama/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5 - Reviews: 510 - Favs: 455 - Follows: 128 - Updated: 8/25/2018 - Published: 6/22/2007 - Complete
The Light House by CrazyCowgirl101 reviews
Its 1942. The world is in the middle of the war. After a terrible storm racks her island, Gwen discovers a man laying in the sand. She doesn't know which is worse, being alone on an island with a man, or that the man is a Nazi, someone she should fear.
Fiction: Historical - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 5,284 - Reviews: 117 - Favs: 177 - Follows: 46 - Updated: 8/28/2014 - Published: 11/24/2008 - Complete
Private Lives, Public Property by Jessie L. Star - AKA star123 reviews
It's not easy to pretend you're in love for the sake of teenagers and housewives across the country but top footballer Lucas Goodspeed and shy, romantic Isobel Saunders soon discover that convincing themselves that they're not in love might be even harder. **Removed and now available on Amazon and Smashwords!**
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 22 - Words: 7,974 - Reviews: 3193 - Favs: 3,394 - Follows: 1,422 - Updated: 2/23/2014 - Published: 4/16/2007 - Complete
Hiring a Hooligan by Deena reviews
Determined to put the fear of God into the racist homophobe who messed up her best friend, mild-mannered Jane Hazelton resorts to hiring a thug to do the job. Trouble is, said thug isn’t interested in money, he’s interested in her. **COMPLETED**
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 14 - Words: 110,036 - Reviews: 2357 - Favs: 3,533 - Follows: 806 - Updated: 8/23/2013 - Published: 9/3/2005 - Complete
Quinntessential by the milk bottle reviews
SLASH. Elliot's pretty sure his temperamental flat mate, Quinn, has a problem with him. But since he likes to call himself a pacifist, he'd rather watch MythBusters than find out why.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 23 - Words: 98,094 - Reviews: 3152 - Favs: 1,624 - Follows: 1,827 - Updated: 8/28/2011 - Published: 5/10/2008
Even Still by CaveDwellers reviews
All of a sudden his arms were around her middle and his face was pressed against her neck. The action was almost desperate. “You can’t just make a mess of everything and die,” he murmured into her skin. “You can’t.” COMPLETE
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Fantasy/Mystery - Chapters: 22 - Words: 80,882 - Reviews: 66 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 2/23/2011 - Published: 9/4/2010 - Complete
Marrying the 'Vitch' by Deena reviews
It didn’t matter to my Hindu Mum that he was an Italian badass covered in tattoos; the Indian fortune-teller had predicted that I would marry him so according to Mum, marry him I would. **Lucan’s Story**
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 81,384 - Reviews: 1322 - Favs: 1,265 - Follows: 1,374 - Updated: 9/20/2010 - Published: 3/12/2009
A Possession Thing by CaveDwellers reviews
Kicking ass and taking names is easy, but Veronica--i.e.: superhero Ordinary Woman--has a weakness: Aubrey the poet. More specifically, his really pretty eyes. “Oh, get over yourself. You always look like you’re drunk when you recite poetry.” For SKoW
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Humor/Adventure - Chapters: 4 - Words: 11,879 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 13 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 9/11/2010 - Published: 8/15/2010 - Complete
Omnipotence by Seed of Doubt reviews
Jesse Tybalt is strange. He's mysterious. He's compelling. He's alluring. He's gorgeous. He's deadly. He isn't human...and his prey is Elizabeth Hailie. Unfortunately for him, his plans are disrupted when he falls madly in love with her. -COMPLETE-
Fiction: Supernatural - Rated: T - English - Drama/Supernatural - Chapters: 36 - Words: 125,035 - Reviews: 297 - Favs: 279 - Follows: 118 - Updated: 4/16/2010 - Published: 1/18/2008 - Complete
Back In My Arms by nkltt reviews
I knew something was wrong from the moment he came into my room. He was pacing behind me, his words were on the tip of his tongue, but he wouldn't speak. My imagination was running wild. What did he have to tell me? New Part Added!
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,262 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 11/9/2009 - Published: 3/31/2009 - Complete
Counting Chickens by pixy-dizzy reviews
She wanted the fairy tale. She wanted the chick flick. She wanted the soaring music, the dozen roses, the Princess Bride kiss-to-end-all-kisses. She wanted the cliché. It’s a pity she was so busy up in the clouds that she didn’t recognize it when it came.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 12 - Words: 99,761 - Reviews: 939 - Favs: 706 - Follows: 574 - Updated: 9/2/2009 - Published: 4/22/2006
The Boys by mrdryrdrlngs reviews
It's bad enough living in the same town as the hell-raising Ripkowski tribe. Marley McCown knew that sleeping with one was trouble enough, but falling in love with his brother? That's just asking for it.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 382 - Reviews: 252 - Favs: 193 - Follows: 229 - Updated: 6/8/2009 - Published: 1/9/2009
A Marriage Of Convenience by Spooky152 reviews
She thought arranged marriages were for princesses and girls in India. Boy, was she ever wrong. COMPLETE
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 39 - Words: 98,917 - Reviews: 1170 - Favs: 893 - Follows: 167 - Updated: 3/28/2009 - Published: 3/1/2003 - Complete
Cowboy Chronicles by Cori.Anne reviews
There's a certain draw only a cowboy possesses. This is a collection of short stories about girls and their cowboys. Some of us just can't resist the pull of a cowboy...
Fiction: Western - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 26,801 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 68 - Follows: 28 - Updated: 3/21/2009 - Published: 11/19/2006 - Complete
DELICIOUS by iBrandi reviews
“I’ll sell my body, I don’t know.” He ate another cookie. “THIS IS SO GOOD. I want to have epic sex with your baking skills.” An instructional guide on how to snare males in the trap of awesome cooking.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,788 - Reviews: 372 - Favs: 1,223 - Follows: 112 - Published: 3/17/2009 - Complete
Angels by UKKitty reviews
Dan Thornton is an Angel - an elite and expensive guardian, moulded and modified into someone better than human. Placed with an art dealer and his daughter, he struggles to keep the rule that Angels can't fall in love. M for explicit sexual content. Enjoy
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 23 - Words: 101,607 - Reviews: 60 - Favs: 125 - Follows: 31 - Updated: 2/26/2009 - Published: 1/3/2009 - Complete
King of Hearts, Queen of Spades by Nyleve Nalloc reviews
She thought it was a rip-off of the Disney classic but the King of Hearts himself proved her wrong. He's missing the Queen of Spades from his deck & he wants her now. Alondra must either follow him to Wonderland or watch her world crumble in his hands.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Supernatural/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 136 - Reviews: 136 - Favs: 134 - Follows: 168 - Updated: 1/24/2009 - Published: 8/1/2008
Little Miss Perfect by candii-apple reviews
“How about a movie? Saturday night? Just you and me.” I scowled. “How about you get the hell off my desk before I kick your fat ass off it?” He grinned at me, unfazed. “You just can’t get enough of my ass, can you?” ONESHOT
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,962 - Reviews: 223 - Favs: 990 - Follows: 76 - Published: 12/29/2008 - Complete
The Way to a Man's Heart is Clearly Food Analogies by DevonnyAuriel reviews
Oneshot. Belle's surefire ways to get a guy: 1, Write his name on your hand. 2, Lure him in with jelly beans. If it works for kids, it works for men. And 3, recite your many witty food analogies. He won't be able to resist.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 12,131 - Reviews: 208 - Favs: 796 - Follows: 56 - Published: 10/29/2008 - Complete
Yours and Mine by xoxluurve reviews
ONE SHOT. SKoW challenge response. “You're mine. And I'm yours. It's a whole big possession thing. Point is: I love you.”
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,262 - Reviews: 122 - Favs: 484 - Follows: 39 - Published: 5/26/2008 - Complete
Fantasy Parodies by Lccorp2 reviews
Fantasy parodies, mocking anything and everything about the genre. You want to read these. You just know you want to.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Parody - Chapters: 15 - Words: 40,794 - Reviews: 335 - Favs: 167 - Follows: 65 - Updated: 1/18/2008 - Published: 8/12/2006
Get Mad, Baby by DevonnyAuriel reviews
Oneshot. Sometimes being a scorned woman is an incredible turnon. At least to a guy who's been in and out of anger management.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,399 - Reviews: 234 - Favs: 1,028 - Follows: 73 - Published: 10/28/2007 - Complete
Eulogies and Post It Notes Can Change the World! by Imaginary Parachute reviews
[VERY LONG ONE SHOT] Abe Pruitt is going to improve the world, and she's doing it with sticky notes. Jack St. James is going to keep on being bothersome, and he looks good doing it, damn him. Doesn't it suck when the tables are turned? [EDITED]
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 13,743 - Reviews: 365 - Favs: 1,288 - Follows: 92 - Updated: 6/29/2007 - Published: 6/5/2007 - Complete
Breathtakingly Gorgeous by xoxluurve reviews
[ONE SHOT] “I'm already in love with someone,” I said. “And who is this supposed moron,” he muttered darkly. I turned and looked at him. Oh God, here goes the last shred of dignity I own. I took a deep breath. “You.”
Fiction: Romance - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 82 - Reviews: 391 - Favs: 1,375 - Follows: 109 - Published: 6/6/2007 - Complete
Beach Fantasy by Scribe Mozell reviews
The staff of an adult magazine share a beach cabin for a week. Seen through the eyes of the only virgin on the staff-pursued by a determined, and sexy, co-worker
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 31,220 - Reviews: 175 - Favs: 98 - Follows: 45 - Updated: 1/5/2007 - Published: 6/24/2003
Romeo & Juliet Revisited by Grunge Muffin reviews
Is love a tender thing? Two ex-bestfriends spend 5 years of High School hating each other. Now at the end, a sudden unexpected road trip forces them to rethink everything they thought they knew and felt about each other.
Fiction: General - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 84,582 - Reviews: 725 - Favs: 442 - Follows: 242 - Updated: 12/26/2006 - Published: 5/19/2004
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

I Should Know
Usually I don't do poetry because I think I suck at it but I'm worried about my friend and I like this one. So there you go.
Poetry: Friendship - Rated: K+ - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 189 - Published: 9/1/2008 - Complete
This Old Coffee Shop reviews
A sweet story my dear friend Ashley wrote for me, the "most anti-affectionate friend I have." I love it...but only anonymously.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,063 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 13 - Published: 6/11/2008 - Complete
One Fine Night reviews
One night, four different endings. This is a choose your own adventure, so you, the reader, are in charge of making the choices. Have fun.
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 7 - Words: 5,034 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 6/11/2008 - Complete
The Blessing in Puke reviews
Short. How vomit can be a blessing in disguise.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 930 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 4 - Published: 6/11/2008 - Complete