The Smile Machine
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Joined 07-04-08, id: 619961, Profile Updated: 12-29-13
Author has written 7 stories for Romance.

"To be in love is merely to be in a state of perceptual anesthesia." H.L. Mencken was a wise man. No wonder he snagged a woman 18 years younger than him.

I'm in love with romance. Any book is better if there's a love story in it (unless it's a male POV. I'd rather read about them kicking ass than wooing women). All my stories are written to at least one Taylor Swift song. If you'd like to talk, feel free to PM me! I bite, but I don't chew.

I have a Tumblr. Pretty pictures and emotional vomit spilled into interminable blocks of text. If angsty confessions make you uncomfortable, try WeHeartIt instead. Extra writing can be found on my poetry blog & my Wordpress. You can creep after my book reviews/status updates on Twitter and Goodreads. If you're tired of the FP scene, check out The Write Away.

"We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.” -Oscar Wilde


Stories:

Schadenfreude is my newest long-term project while I collect my ideas for The Artists. I've never quite written anything like it before, so it'll be an interesting challenge.

Everything I Need is about the little nuances of writing, as well as an exploration of how we have power over the words we wield. Not the best thing since sliced bread or anything, but it's one of my few complete stories, so I like it. Now COMPLETE.

To Love a Serial Killer is a really trippy piece that I wrote for my final creative writing project. Lots of fun, this one. Nominated for Best One-Shot on SKoW.

Lock & Key was featured on A Drop of Romeo.

Boys and Other Useless Things is in-progress, but each chapter is its own complete story, so don't worry about getting that volatile need to strangle the author that I always get when I read incomplete stories. Also featured on A Drop of Romeo!

His Spongebob Boxers is some confused high school piece written in response to a SKoW challenge.

Caught With My Hand In The Track Bag is yet another confused high school piece, but with more focus and a crappier ending.

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The Inn on Ravenna Road by PoppySeeds reviews
Now published in full for Amazon Kindle. Link in profile! 9 years ago Callie was beaten and left for dead after witnessing her best friend's murder. Her attempts to get on with her life in Amherst, CT are now threatened by the killer...as well as the brooding cop assigned to protect her.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 2 - Words: 4,252 - Reviews: 403 - Favs: 489 - Follows: 115 - Updated: 2/28 - Published: 10/19/2009 - Complete
Private Lives, Public Property by Jessie L. Star - AKA star123 reviews
It's not easy to pretend you're in love for the sake of teenagers and housewives across the country but top footballer Lucas Goodspeed and shy, romantic Isobel Saunders soon discover that convincing themselves that they're not in love might be even harder. **Removed and now available on Amazon and Smashwords!**
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 22 - Words: 8,299 - Reviews: 3186 - Favs: 3,449 - Follows: 1,430 - Updated: 2/23 - Published: 4/16/2007 - Complete
Hiring a Hooligan by Deena reviews
Determined to put the fear of God into the racist homophobe who messed up her best friend, mild-mannered Jane Hazelton resorts to hiring a thug to do the job. Trouble is, said thug isn’t interested in money, he’s interested in her. **COMPLETED**
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 14 - Words: 110,036 - Reviews: 2291 - Favs: 3,209 - Follows: 704 - Updated: 8/23/2013 - Published: 9/3/2005 - Complete
She Had Somewhere To Go by S.L. Gunn reviews
REMOVED ..."On a scale of 10 to 10, how hot do I look right now?" he wriggled his eyebrows suggestively. I tried not to gag - or jump his bones - as I said sweetly, "Is get the hell away from me before I punch you in the kidneys a choice?"
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 300 - Reviews: 1480 - Favs: 921 - Follows: 410 - Updated: 3/17/2013 - Published: 4/26/2009 - Complete
ExpendablePathetic by unidentifiedperson reviews
"You're leaving?" She put her arms forcefully around his neck. "But you haven't taken me to see your sister. You haven't taught me how to kiss or promised me that you didn't regret it. You haven't mown the lawn. You said you'd mow the lawn."
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 2 - Words: 1,917 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 20 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 10/5/2012 - Published: 7/23/2010 - Complete
To Feel the Sun by Aurette reviews
When the love of her life marries someone else, Gracie has to accept reality and move on. With devastatingly attractive lawyers and cute cellists who won't go away, love shows that if it's one thing, it's unpredictable. Winner of Best Het for SKoW Round 12!
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 65,096 - Reviews: 559 - Favs: 879 - Follows: 124 - Updated: 8/23/2012 - Published: 12/11/2008 - Complete
Stranger by Mardy Bum reviews
He was dark, handsome and killed anyone who looked at her. Amelia Spitz's heart never stood a chance.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 20 - Words: 53,888 - Reviews: 818 - Favs: 772 - Follows: 488 - Updated: 6/4/2012 - Published: 4/5/2008 - Complete
Up in the Rigging by Fabulous Georgina reviews
To Cara, working her way across the Atlantic to escape poverty seems straightforward enough. But, with a kind captain, a snarky first mate and ship full of men, she might find something at sea she didn't anticipate. SKoW Winner: Best Drama R11. FINISHED.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 33 - Words: 134,670 - Reviews: 555 - Favs: 460 - Follows: 265 - Updated: 4/20/2012 - Published: 5/27/2009 - Complete
The Story You Shouldn't Know by Bingo reviews
/Perfection does not make allowances. Perfection doesn't weaken. And Anna would./ Anna's life is pleasant enough, until she meets Josh. He's charming, smart, and knows everything about everyone. Unfortunately, he's also very, very evil.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 33 - Words: 187,518 - Reviews: 986 - Favs: 522 - Follows: 211 - Updated: 1/5/2012 - Published: 3/3/2009 - Complete
The Mating by charliej reviews
Elise had no idea when she came home that day that she'd end up mated to a complete stranger. A new Alpha and the need for an alliance between packs have made her pawn FPSSA WINNER - BEST SUPERNATURAL ROMANCE round 4 WARNING: sexually explicit scenes
Fiction: Supernatural - Rated: M - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 45 - Words: 105,757 - Reviews: 1181 - Favs: 1,678 - Follows: 399 - Updated: 10/26/2011 - Published: 11/3/2009 - Complete
Love Game by All Over You reviews
She's the sarcastic bitchy girl. He's the panty-dropping manwhore. The only rule of the game: Don't fall in love. Who ever falls first, loses. COMPLETE. REMOVED.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 2,026 - Reviews: 1345 - Favs: 1,540 - Follows: 378 - Updated: 5/19/2010 - Published: 7/25/2009 - Complete
Between Tequila, Texts and Tylenol by Aarushi reviews
ONESHOT. I woke up with no memory of what happened last night so I started to retrace my steps, I mean, texts.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,249 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 37 - Follows: 5 - Published: 2/27/2010 - Complete
My Meaningless Existence at a Frozen Yogurt Shop by the milk bottle reviews
ONE-SHOT. It was on that day that I began my downward spiral of meaningless sex, alcoholism, violence, and… okay, not really. But it felt close to something like that.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,083 - Reviews: 217 - Favs: 629 - Follows: 38 - Published: 2/21/2010 - Complete
The Champagne Gang by punkturnedwriter reviews
..."Does that kiss have anything to do with why we're on a train to New York in the middle of the night?"
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Drama/Suspense - Chapters: 23 - Words: 197,541 - Reviews: 4045 - Favs: 3,256 - Follows: 1,427 - Updated: 1/18/2010 - Published: 6/18/2006 - Complete
Six Degrees or, Why College Is Awesome by Le Meg reviews
Six different students, six different perspectives. One weekend.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 37,281 - Reviews: 105 - Favs: 188 - Follows: 18 - Published: 1/3/2010 - Complete
Sense of Elation by Rajiya reviews
Holy hell, was that an arm draped across my chest? I screamed and pushed the limb off of my body, scooting across the bed to get away. There was a man lying next to me, and I'll be damned if I had agreed to him being there.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 52,863 - Reviews: 403 - Favs: 400 - Follows: 270 - Updated: 12/25/2009 - Published: 11/26/2007 - Complete
The Healing Properties of Tea by Emakoke reviews
It's not every day a gorgeous, enigmatic stranger gives you a cup of tea just to cheer you up. Actually, in my case it is. Why is he doing this, and more importantly, who is he?
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 29,161 - Reviews: 156 - Favs: 230 - Follows: 37 - Updated: 12/16/2009 - Published: 7/16/2009 - Complete
The Inexplicable State of Being There by big.break.and.laryngitis reviews
Brody Hansen and I, we had a system. I didn't like him and he didn't like me, but we both liked watching each other undress. That's just what happened when you gave good-looking, hormonal teenagers bedroom windows that faced each other. Full sum inside.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 20 - Words: 78,144 - Reviews: 1110 - Favs: 1,360 - Follows: 591 - Updated: 12/8/2009 - Published: 12/4/2008 - Complete
Brier Wood by cu-kid reviews
Davi Marshall left Brier Wood ten years ago with the intention of never returning. Now, she is forced to face her past, the demons that wait for her to confront them, and the man who is nothing like the boy she once knew.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 23 - Words: 114,145 - Reviews: 554 - Favs: 1,363 - Follows: 195 - Updated: 4/17/2009 - Published: 3/5/2009 - Complete
Pickup Lines by Vione reviews
A one-shot challenge. Dared by her best friend, Celia was forced to use a cheesy pickup line to a gorgeous guy. However, how did the innocent cheesy pickup lines change to innuendos? Lemon.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,786 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 147 - Follows: 19 - Published: 3/8/2009 - Complete
Move Me by found.eventually reviews
“Look outside your window; you’d find me there. I could be stuffing my mouth with chocolate. I could be dreaming of us living blissfully; in love. I could be getting drenched by Mother Nature’s piss. I could be waiting. I am waiting. For you. I love you."
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,170 - Reviews: 97 - Favs: 185 - Follows: 15 - Published: 10/11/2008 - Complete
Virtuoso by his terrible beauty reviews
I loved him like a symphony that soared inside my brain. I loved him, how I loved him, and his music kept me sane... A poem about falling in love with a musician.
Poetry: Love - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 348 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 65 - Follows: 2 - Published: 6/4/2008 - Complete
The Eleventh Annual Hide Or Die Summer Challenge by Le Meg reviews
The EAHoDSC is a long-standing tradition for Adelaide and her friends. But what happens when one of her other traditions - the delicious Charlie Harris - joins the fray? You know, besides the traditional inordinate amounts of sexual tension?
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 10,394 - Reviews: 227 - Favs: 835 - Follows: 63 - Published: 3/28/2008 - Complete
Catharsis by Hotkitty reviews
COMPLETEBurn, drown, scream it out to the horizon but come out of it alive so that i can laugh at your scars. and no one ever said that boarding schools were meant to be easy.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Horror/Angst - Chapters: 26 - Words: 147,445 - Reviews: 521 - Favs: 434 - Follows: 44 - Updated: 10/8/2006 - Published: 10/21/2005 - Complete
The V word by Lulai reviews
IT IS FINISHED! Normal? That word barely fits into Kate's vocabulary. She thought her life was the epitome of weird, that is, until a handsome stranger comes into her shop and tells her that she hasn't fed enough... Chapter nineteen and epilogue.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Fantasy - Chapters: 21 - Words: 73,964 - Reviews: 813 - Favs: 1,586 - Follows: 165 - Updated: 6/13/2006 - Published: 2/5/2006 - Complete
Jack and Jill by Lani Lenore reviews
.Revised 2009. Jack and Jill go up the hill to fetch a pain of water. Jack's a handsome preacher's son and Jill's a drunkard's daughter.
Fiction: Horror - Rated: T - English - Romance/Horror - Chapters: 3 - Words: 8,503 - Reviews: 257 - Favs: 237 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 10/3/2002 - Published: 2/26/2002
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Schadenfreude reviews
She's rich, devious, and beautiful. He's charismatic, infuriating, and possibly evil. Together, they make the world ignite. And that's only when hackers aren't already trying to burn it down.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 15,067 - Reviews: 9 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 14 - Updated: 1/11 - Published: 8/16/2013
Boys and Other Useless Things reviews
Meet Gabriel, the sexy nymphomaniac. Will, the cunning genius. And Max, the charming fool. This is the story of three frat boys who thought they knew everything about the female sex... until they met the women who could tame them.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 19,475 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 48 - Follows: 27 - Updated: 12/28/2013 - Published: 7/26/2013 - Complete
Everything I Need reviews
He winked and turned around to return to his desk, giving me a glimpse of The Complete Collection of Poems by Edgar Allan Poe sticking out of his back pocket like a sign with big red words saying, "I am attractive and intelligent. Do me now." The universe did not play fair.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 20 - Words: 70,452 - Reviews: 153 - Favs: 126 - Follows: 133 - Updated: 7/19/2013 - Published: 4/29/2012 - Complete
Lock & Key reviews
When an American boy commands you to kiss him, you usually don't run away and hide in the 6th arrondissement until he leaves.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,963 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 40 - Follows: 4 - Published: 2/16/2013 - Complete
His Spongebob Boxers reviews
The way Mason derived equations turned me on. The way Austin flexed his muscles made me want to lick his abs. But Landon's neon Spongebob boxers... were just something else entirely. Written for SKOW.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,497 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 56 - Follows: 4 - Published: 11/29/2012 - Complete
To Love a Serial Killer reviews
You know something's going right when you're plotting with a well-known and shockingly attractive serial killer who stole a medieval spiked instrument of torture out of Chicago's Natural History Museum over how best to kill your douchebag lawyer ex and rapacious boss. Hell hath no fury like a secretary scorned.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Humor/Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,232 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 2 - Published: 10/20/2012 - Complete
Caught With My Hand in the Track Bag reviews
"Tell you what. If I beat him, you owe me a kiss." He grins. "Wait for me, sweetheart." Then he saunters past, pausing to spit his gum out into one of the trashcans. I officially hate him.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,749 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 72 - Follows: 16 - Published: 7/7/2011 - Complete