Smartass Joker
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Joined 09-02-08, id: 629280, Profile Updated: 05-18-09

You know you live in 2008 when...

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is they dont have a screenname or my space

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You scrolled back up to see if there was a number 5.

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for that, and you know you did

If you have ever tripped over air, copy this into your profile.

If you want to be a writer someday, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever been called a bookworm and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever felt the undeniable urge to slam your head into something, whether it is another person or not copy this into your profile.

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.

I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.

I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.

We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.

I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.

I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.

I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.

I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.

We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.

I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.

I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.

I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.

I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.

I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.

I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.

I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I didn't have to always deal with society hating me.

I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.

I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.

If you think homophobia is wrong copy this into your profile

I'm YOUNG, so I MUST be naïve

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch

I'm OVERWEIGHT, so I MUST have a problem with self control.

I LIKE TO BE MYSELF, so I MUST be cocky and arrogant

I LOVE ANIMALS, so I MUST be a vegetarian ( actually I am)

I’m a TREEHUGGER, so I MUST be a drug addicted hippie

I’m a MUSICIAN, so I MUST not be doing anything with my life

I'm BLOND, so I MUST be a stupid ditz

I have GOOD GRADES, so I MUST be a nerd

I'm a GIRL so I MUST be weak

I'M SKINNY, so I MUST be anorexic.

I'm EMO, so I MUST cut my wrists.

I'm a NEGRO so I MUST carry a gun.

I'm JAMAICAN so I MUST smoke weed. (wish I was!)

I'm HAITIAN so I MUST eat cat.

I'm ASIAN, so I MUST be sexy.

I'm JEWISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm GAY, so I MUST have AIDS.

I'm a LESBIAN, so I MUST have a sex-tape.

I'm ARAB, so I MUST be a terrorist.

I SPEAK MY MIND, so I MUST be a bitch.

I'm RELIGIOUS, so I MUST shove my beliefs down your throat.

I'm ATHEIST so i MUST hate the world.

I don't have a RELIGION, so I MUST be evil and have no morals.

I'm REPUBLICAN, so I MUST not care about poor people.

I'm DEMOCRAT, so I MUST not believe in being responsible.

I am LIBERAL, so I MUST be gay.

I'm SOUTHERN, so I MUST be white trash.

I TAKE (or used to take) ANTI-DEPRESSANTS, so I MUST be crazy.

I'm a GUY, so I MUST only want to get into your pants.

I'm IRISH, so I MUST have a bad drinking problem.

I'm INDIAN, so I MUST own a convenient store.

I'm NATIVE AMERICAN, so I MUST dance around a fire screaming like a savage.

I'm a CHEERLEADER, so I MUST be a whore...

I'm a DANCER, So I MUST be stupid, stuck up, and a whore.

I wear SKIRTS, so I MUST be a slut.

I'm a PUNK, so I MUST do drugs.

I'm RICH, so I MUST be a conceited snob.

I WEAR BLACK, so I MUST be a goth or emo.

I'm a WHITE GIRL, so I MUST be a nagging, steal-your-money kind of girlfriend.

I'm CUBAN, so I MUST spend my spare time rolling cigars.

I'm NOT A VIRGIN, so I MUST be easy.

I FELL IN LOVE WITH A MARRIED MAN, so I MUST be a home-wrecking whore.

I'm a TEENAGE MOM, so I MUST be an irresponsible slut.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST wear my socks with my sandals.

I'm ITALIAN, so I MUST be in the mafia

I'm EGYPTIAN, so I must be a TERRORIST!

I'm PRETTY, so I MUST not be a virgin.

I HAVE STRAIGHT A'S, so I MUST have no social life.

I DYE MY HAIR CRAZY COLORS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I DRESS IN UNUSUAL WAYS, so I MUST be looking for attention.

I'm INTO THEATER & ART, so I MUST be a homosexual.

I'm a VEGETARIAN, so I MUST be a crazy political activist.

I’m INTO JIMI HENDRIX, so I MUST be on drugs

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GUY FRIENDS, so I MUST be fucking them all. (k I'm only 13 so... I'm gonna change this to I must like them all or something.)

I HAVE A BUNCH OF GIRLS WHO ARE FRIENDS, so I MUST be gay.

I have BOOBS, so I MUST be a hoe.

I'm COLOMBIAN, so I MUST be a drug dealer.

I WEAR WHAT I WANT, so I MUST be a poser.

I'm RUSSIAN, so I MUST be cool and that's how Russians roll.

I'm GERMAN, so I must be a Nazi.

I hang out with GAYS, so I must be GAY TOO.

I'm BRAZILIAN, so I MUST have a BIG BUTT.

I'm PUERTO RICAN, so I MUST look good and be conceited.

I'm SALVADORIAN, so I MUST be in MS 13.

I'm POLISH, so I MUST be greedy.

I'm HAWAIIAN so I MUST be lazy.

I'm PERUVIAN, so I MUST like llamas.

I'm a STONER so I MUST be going in the wrong direction.

I'm a VIRGIN so i MUST be prude. ( Again I'm only 13 so this one doesn't really count.)

I'm STRAIGHT EDGE so i must be violent.

I'm a FEMALE GAMER, so I MUST be ugly.. or crazy.

I'm BLACK so I MUST love fried chicken and kool-aid.

I'm BI so I MUST think every girl I see is hot.

I'm a GIRL who actually EATS LUNCH, so I MUST be fat.

I'm SINGLE so I MUST be ugly.

I'm ASIAN so I must be a NERD that does HOMEWORK 24/7.

I'm CHRISTIAN so I MUST hate homosexuals. (so not true! They're totally awesome!!)

I'm MIXED so I must be fucked up.

I'm MUSLIM so I MUST be a terrorist.

I'm in BAND, so I MUST be a dork.

I'm BLACK so I MUST believe JESUS WUZ A BROTHA.

I'm MORMON so I MUST be perfect.

I'm WHITE and have black friends so I MUST think I'm black

I'm GOTH so I MUST worship the devil.

I Love SHOPPING so I must be rich.

I'm an OG so I must be Mexican.

I'm PUNK, so I MUST cut my wrists

The ones that are in bold are the ones that I am

A friend gives you their umbrella in the rain a best friend takes yours and says, "RUN, -BEEP- RUN!"

Friend: Will help me find my way when I'm lost

Best Friend: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

Friend: Will help me learn to drive

Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away

Best Friend: Won't let me go away

Friend: Will help me up when I fall down

Best Friend: Will point and laugh because she tripped me

Friend: Will bail me out of jail

Best Friend: Will be sitting beside me saying "Dang, we screwed up"

Friend: Will go to a concert with me

Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me

Friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs."

Best Friend: Calls my parents "Mom" or "Dad"

Friend: Asks me for my number

Best friend: Asks me for her number

Friend: Hides me from the cops

Best Friend: is probably the reason they’re after me in the first place

Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public

Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of herself too.

Friends: Fade

Best Friends: Are 4 Ever

25 reasons i owe my mother

1) My mother taught me to apprieciate a good job done (If your going to kill each other go outside, I just cleaned up)

2)My mother taught me Religion (You better pray that comes out of the carpet)

3)My mother taught me about time travel (If you dont straighten up, I'lll knock you into next week)

4)My mother taught me logic (Because I said so, thats why)

5)My mother taught me more logic ( If you fall out of that swing and break your next you can't come to the store with me)

6)My mother taught me foresight (Make sure you wear clean underwear in case your in an accident.)

7)My mother taught me irony (keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about)

8)My mother taught me about the science of osmosis (shut your mouth and eat your supper)

9)My mother taught me about the weather (that room of yours looks like a tornado went through it)

10)My mother taught me about contortionism (Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck)

11)My mother taught me about stamina (You will sit there until all that spinach is gone0

12)My mother taught me about hypocrisy (I i've told you once, i've told you a million times, don't exaggerate)

13)My mother taught me about the circle of life (I brought you into this world and I can take you out)

14)My mother taught me about behavior modification (stop acting like your father)

15)My mother taught me about envy (there are millions of children in the world who don't have great parents like you do)

16)My mother taught me about anticipation (Just wait until we get home)

17)My mother taught me medical science (If you don't stop crossing your eyes their going to freeze that way)

18)My mother taught me about recieving (Your going to get it when we get home)

19)My mother taught me about Esp (put your sweater on, don't you think I know when your cold)

20)My mother taught me about humor (when that lawnmower cuts off your toes don't come crying to me)

21)My mother taught me genetics (Your just like your father)

22)My mother taught me how to grow up (If you don't eat your vegetables you'll never grow up)

23)My mother taught me about my roots (Shut the door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?)

24)My mother taught me about wisdom (when you get to be my age you'll understand)

25) My mother taught me about REVENGE (One day you'll have kids and I hope they're just like you)

1. Twilight is awesome- if you think so, copy and paste THIS in your profile

2. If someone has to ask you a question three times before you get it, copy and paste this on your profile.

3. If you ever had a GiGgLiNg FiT for No REASON, copy and paste this in your profile.

4. If you ever thought you were NuTsO after eating a whole PAck of Coco Pops, copy and paste this in your profile.

5. If you ever TrIpPeD over your own TWO fEeT and started LAUGHING...COPY AND PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE...

In October 1998, a twenty-one-year-old student at the University of Wyoming was kidnapped, severely beaten and left to die, tied to a fence in the middle of the prairie outside Laramie, Wyoming. His bloody, bruised and battered body was not discovered until the next day, and he died several days later in an area hospital. His name was Matthew Shepard, and he was the victim of this assault because he was gay.

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Private Lives, Public Property by Jessie L. Star - AKA star123 reviews
It's not easy to pretend you're in love for the sake of teenagers and housewives across the country but top footballer Lucas Goodspeed and shy, romantic Isobel Saunders soon discover that convincing themselves that they're not in love might be even harder. **Removed and now available on Amazon and Smashwords!**
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 22 - Words: 8,299 - Reviews: 3186 - Favs: 3,450 - Follows: 1,430 - Updated: 2/23 - Published: 4/16/2007 - Complete
Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places by Queen Of Laughs reviews
Leira has given up hope on love for herself. Her gay best friend, Jay, hasn't and he has his own plan for her love life. He hires an escort to be her pretend boyfriend for the weekend but what happens when the pretending stops and the truth comes out...?
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 22 - Words: 148,579 - Reviews: 198 - Favs: 151 - Follows: 247 - Updated: 2/8/2013 - Published: 11/14/2007
More Than Lust by w.rite.reckless reviews
Ezra snorted, grey eyes barely flickering to her. "I don't need to resort to sexual harassment to get what I want, blondie."
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 28 - Words: 120,714 - Reviews: 1242 - Favs: 903 - Follows: 1,151 - Updated: 7/7/2012 - Published: 7/13/2008
Lady Thief by Rizzo Rosko reviews
Historical: To get back at the man who insulted and refused her, Marianne Holton kidnaps him and forces him to marry her before she's sold off to someone much more cruel. To her delight the plan works, but to her horror she married the wrong man.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 16 - Words: 73,998 - Reviews: 147 - Favs: 277 - Follows: 57 - Updated: 7/8/2011 - Published: 8/21/2008 - Complete
Unwanted by Sam Mariano reviews
Raised in a nice Bostonian neighborhood, the only kind of "baggage" Melissa's accustomed to is from Prada, Coach or maybe Gucci. When a sexy new neighbor moves in, Melissa's comfortable little world --and everyone in it-- is in for a very rude awakening..
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 25 - Words: 190,058 - Reviews: 338 - Favs: 173 - Follows: 177 - Updated: 9/19/2010 - Published: 9/14/2008
Don’t Judge A Book By Its Cover by firestar267 reviews
He’s popular, she’s not. He blackmails her, she doesn’t have a choice. He’s a player, and now she’s his girlfriend. Clichéd? You’d think so. What’s the catch making it more unique than it sounds? MF
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 7 - Words: 30,720 - Reviews: 52 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 86 - Updated: 4/28/2010 - Published: 2/17/2008
More Than Just A Game by Madame Jenn reviews
Removed: These boys had major mood swings; one second I was just another player to them and the next, they were asking for kisses. "It makes perfect sense that our chivalry doesn’t kick in until we're off the pitch," he explained.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 29 - Words: 2,778 - Reviews: 196 - Favs: 143 - Follows: 135 - Updated: 2/13/2010 - Published: 6/15/2008 - Complete
The Girl Next Door by Without You reviews
She was just the girl next door, the bookworm. He was being chased by the beauty queen, aka his ex-girlfriend. Can he ever get the girl next door to notice that he’s more than he appears or did he do enough damage in the past?
Fiction: Young Adult - Rated: M - English - Romance/Romance - Chapters: 15 - Words: 17,239 - Reviews: 75 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 65 - Updated: 12/31/2009 - Published: 10/27/2006 - Complete
It's Only Love by sweetromancer reviews
Corrie's beautiful & wealthy, but she doesn't quite fit in with the rest of her family. Justin is the caretakers sexy son and the object of Corrie's deepest fantasies...will she get her man despite her family's disapproval? Adult content
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 30 - Words: 88,109 - Reviews: 223 - Favs: 179 - Follows: 211 - Updated: 12/17/2009 - Published: 11/7/2008
Something Worth Fighting For by LegendKiller.x reviews
Will Denning is the most popular guy in school. All the guys envy him, all the girls fall at his feet…except for Melody Brooks. Will she be another play in his book, or would she be someone worth fighting for? /Interracial\\
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 5 - Words: 9,070 - Reviews: 66 - Favs: 36 - Follows: 55 - Updated: 11/2/2009 - Published: 9/15/2008
A Golden Flake by Ayla Gray reviews
“Aren’t you going to throw a party, your lovers back Tally, you should be happy.” “Oh ho-ho-ho, Arlene what’s the special today, because he’s serving me a burger with a side of bullshit.” I had always hated him. COMPLETE!
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Crime - Chapters: 17 - Words: 35,316 - Reviews: 73 - Favs: 35 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 8/29/2009 - Published: 5/25/2009 - Complete
Cigarettes and Gasoline by somuchformyhappyending reviews
His life revolves around drugs and sex. Her life revolves around living in the shadow of her older sister. He’s intimidating and angry. She wishes she were intimidating and she can’t stay angry for long. CONTAINS EXPLICIT MATERIAL: language and sex.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 9 - Words: 27,877 - Reviews: 113 - Favs: 63 - Follows: 142 - Updated: 8/3/2009 - Published: 1/26/2008
Summer Loving by Emberleigh reviews
Jocelyn hated Grey with every fiber of her being. He thought the feeling was mutual. With three months of summer and her boyfriend away Jocelyn came out to play and Grey fell in love. Feelings can change...right?
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 10 - Words: 24,907 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 18 - Updated: 7/5/2009 - Published: 8/9/2008 - Complete
Cheat by Fatal Apex reviews
I was the new girl. Then there was my popular best friend, her jerky hot boyfriend, the jerky hot boyfriend’s best friend who happened to be the most popular guy in the school, and then there was my mistake. Which, to sum it all up, caused drama. Alotofit
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 23 - Words: 132,431 - Reviews: 673 - Favs: 284 - Follows: 315 - Updated: 6/27/2009 - Published: 10/22/2008
The Misadventures of a Lip Virgin by Has A WaywithWords reviews
/HIATUS/ I am a lip virgin. Never had a boyfriend or a kiss. Until a jerk named Hayden Michaels came along and proposed the stupid idea of fake dating. Throw in some obsessive stalkers and sarcasm, who knew something real could be fake? UNDER REVISIO
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 27 - Words: 34,132 - Reviews: 248 - Favs: 159 - Follows: 103 - Updated: 6/20/2009 - Published: 10/13/2008 - Complete
More Than Anyone by backxsomeday reviews
Best friends since the 6th grade, Whitney Crawford and Jesse McCain have been content by being just that. But a bet made by Jesse's friend might change their relationship. All he wanted to do was protect her...
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 37,137 - Reviews: 123 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 85 - Updated: 6/18/2009 - Published: 7/11/2007
Everything I Want by sweetest summer reviews
It was simple, really, especially for someone like me: Breeze through college so I can get my degree. Too bad I met him, though. My accident with him, it unknowingly changed my life.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 20 - Words: 80,054 - Reviews: 26 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 6/9/2009 - Published: 10/7/2007
Street Racer by Anotherblondie2 reviews
Agent Karen Anderson is going undercover as a Street Racer, but will sexy Ben Renyolds blow her cover as he tries to save her from her past?
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 77 - Reviews: 43 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 70 - Updated: 5/2/2009 - Published: 8/1/2008
The Chance of a Lifetime by PlutoIsTooAPlanet reviews
Stella is forced to be a lead in her friend's play, despite a bad experience she had in the past. The other lead just so happens to be the school hottie. How will Stella deal with her stage fright, her inability to act, and a really hot guy? COMPLETE
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 21 - Words: 35,136 - Reviews: 111 - Favs: 57 - Follows: 40 - Updated: 2/12/2009 - Published: 10/11/2008 - Complete
Giving Up by somuchformyhappyending reviews
I hate soccer, but I play to keep my parent’s from biting off my head. I’ve never dated in my life, thanks to my three older, popular, overprotective brothers. And then there's my brother's best friend and a shy popular boy.both super hott and nice. uhoh
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 19 - Words: 56,415 - Reviews: 479 - Favs: 382 - Follows: 155 - Updated: 8/17/2008 - Published: 5/13/2006 - Complete
Everything Can Change by bex17 reviews
Fay Nielson is an angry femenist, that just happens to play football. So when she tries out for the team, will good or bad things happen? Will the star quarterback, her sworn enemy, change her? Warning: VERY CLICHED!
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 50,523 - Reviews: 190 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 42 - Updated: 4/2/2007 - Published: 2/5/2006