sweetsally
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Joined 12-21-08, id: 644645, Profile Updated: 06-26-09
Author has written 4 stories for Mythology, Romance, and Essay.

General Description: Hi, you can call me Sally. I am tall, about 5"9 or so, medium length black hair, dark brown eyes and a really tanned complexion. I am 16 and soon to be 17 in September '09.

Zodiac Sign: Virgo

Birthdate: 4th September 1992

My passion: Reading anything that I can(I am absolutely obsessed with books!), Annoying people just for the heck of it, Writing something that will make the reader go WTF! in shock or in a diabetic coma, and recently, watching anime.

I have come to a conclusion that I am not half as good as a story writer than as a storyteller and that I am always so tired that I can't think of good plots so I am going to put up some of the interesting stories I have came across during my extensive reading which I obviously have not written. Since I will be giving full credits to the original author/source, I am not plagiarizing anything so anyone who thinks like this can go straight to hell. To others, hope you'll enjoy the stories as much as I did!

Now for the fun party of the profile:

Copy & Paste This Into Your Profile

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy copy this into your profile.

If you are a person who acts friendly but has an evil mind and is secretly plotting world domination, copy and paste this into your profile. (I WILL RULE THE WORLD! MWAH HAA HAA HA! -clears throat- I mean...uh. -shifty eyes-)

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you finished MR4 in under 12 hours, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDGE!! ... copy and paste this into your profile

If you are crazy and/or insane and proud of it copy and paste this onto your profile

(o.o) Help pokmeon rule the world!! Copy this on your profile!!

If you're laughing your head off or just smiling copy and paste this to your profile.

If you hear voices of book characters in your head, copy and paste this on your profile

If you've ever started laughing at something that is remotely funny and can't stop copy and paste this in your profile.

For me, crazy is a loose term. Crazy is when you stare at a pencil and laugh when someone asks you what you are doing that is so interesting about the eraser. Crazy is when you have an hour-long sob fest, and then start singing and dancing when your favorite song comes on. Crazy is when you do or say a completely random thing, like "Do you ever wonder where the eraser bits go?" or having a thumbwar with yourself. If you're crazy, copy this onto your profile.

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, which I am, but I'm also random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you or your best friend is insane copy and paste this onto your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, than weird is good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy this onto your profile!

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet, copy and paste this into your profile.

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your BEEP off.

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

If you are the kind of person that gets really excited when you get like two reviews, copy this into your profile.

If you luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurve House and thinks he's smexy with his uber-stubble, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you hear voices of book characters in your head, copy and paste this on your profile

Admitting you are weird means you are normal. Saying that you are normal is odd. If you admit that you are weird and like it, copy this onto your profile.

Things (NOT) to do in the Elevator:

Act like a dog, growl at people.
Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."
Apply dripping red paint around the edge of the roof hatch. When someone enters, look upwards and whisper "I think they want in..."
Ask each passenger getting on if you can push the button for them. Press the wrong ones.
Ask everyone what they made for their side dish.
Ask someone to take your temperature, then turn around and bend over.
Ask, "did you hear that cable snapping sound?"
Attempt to hypnotize the other passengers.
Bet the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.
Blow spit balls at the ceiling.
Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your Kleenex to other passengers.
Blow your nose on your sleeve.
Bring a camera, take pictures of everybody in the elevator.
Bring a chair along.
Bring easy math flash cards on the elevator and ask the person next to you to help you study them (get them wrong).
Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
Call out, "Group hug!" and enforce it.
Call the psychic hotline from you cell phone, and ask if they know what floor you’re on.
Carry a blanket and clutch it protectively.
Challenge people to games of hide-and-seek.
Clutch your stomach and gasp.
Collapse on the floor when the elevator goes up, then get up and look embarrassed.
Collect an elevator tax.
Count down from 100,000 out loud.
Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside ask: "Got enough air in there?"
Do Tai Chi exercises.
Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal space."
Draw a volleyball on the wall of the elevator and insist you have been trapped in there for 3 months. Formally introduce everyone to the volleyball!
Dress as a clergy member of the opposite sex.
Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That’s mine!"
Eat jello through a straw.
Frown and mutter "gotta go, gotta go" then sigh and say "oops!"
Give each passenger a round of applause as they enter or leave.
Give each passenger a ticket and remind them that door prize drawing is in half an hour.
Give people lectures about the periodic table of elements
Give religious tracts to each passenger.
Go into extreme detail explaining how you were trapped in an elevator once for two days.
Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
Greet everyone with a smile and a handshake, then ignore them.
Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering: "Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!"
Guard the button panel so no one can touch it. Growl and bite at anyone’s fingers who attept to cross you.
Have a picnic in the elevator.
Have a seizure.
Hold the elevator door open and say you’re waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi John, how’s your day been?"
Holler "Chutes away!" whenever the elevator descends.
Hug yourself.
Hum the theme from Mission Impossible with yours eyes darting around the elevator.
Hum the theme to Jeopardy
If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler, "Bad touch!"
If anyone brushes against you, whisper to them "was it good for you too?"
Introduce yourself as Ochenga-Wangaa The great chief and begin telling stories of your native island.
Jump up when the elevator reaches a stop.
Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they want to play.
Lean against the button panel.
Lean over to another passenger and whisper: "Noogie patrol coming!"
Leave a box between the doors.
Leave a box in a corner, and when someone gets on, ask if they hear something ticking.
Lick gummy bears and stick them to things (the walls, the buttons, the passengers, etc.)
Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope.
Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
Make farm noises.
Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
Make sure the emergency phone is working.
Meow occasionally.
Move your desk in to the elevator, and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.
Mumble autistically about the possibilities of elevator accidents.
Offer a bite of your fresh tangerine to everyone coming on board.
Offer hitman services.
Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside-down.
On a long ride, sway side to side at the natural frequency of the elevator.
On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom.
Open a lemonade stand.
Perform the Hamlet soliloquy. When a new passenger enters, start over again.
Pick your nose.
Place police tape (CRIME SCENE DO NOT CROSS) on the inside of the doors.
Play dead.
Play patty--cake with the door.
Play the harmonica.
Pour water on the front of your trousers, so it looks like you have wet yourself, tell everyone who comes in to the elevator, that you had a little accident.
Pray to Budda.
Preach about the end of the world.
Pretend to be dead and lie on the elevator floor.
Pretend you’re a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers
Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock.
Read a book upside down.
Recite poetry in monotone.
Request for people to watch you Riverdance.
Say "Ding!" at each floor.
Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.
Say, while holding a paper with OUT OF ORDER written on it, "I wonder why this was glued on the door when I came in."
Scratch yourself.
Scribble furiously on a notepad while looking at each passenger. When they try to look, hide the pad.
Sell Girl Scout cookies.
Shadow box.
Shave.
Show other passengers a wound and ask if it looks infected.
Sing "Mary had a little lamb" while continually pushing buttons.
Sing: "I know a song that gets on everybody's nerve's, everybody's nerves, everybody's nerves, i know a song that gets on everybody's nerves and it goes like this!" to the tune of "camp town lady"...pause...repeat...continually.
Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.
Stand silent and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You’re one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
Stare at your thumb and say, "I think it's getting larger."
Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while, and then announce "I’ve got new socks on!"
Start a sing-along.
Start reciting "Green Eggs and Ham" and ask people what comes next.
Take a bite of a sandwich and ask another passenger: "Wanna see wha in muh mouf?"
Tap dance.
Tell everyone about the hidden rooftop penthouse belonging to the mob.
Tell everyone about your love life.
Tell people you can see their aura.
Tell the passengers not to worry. The bomb won't go off for at least another two minutes.
Throw a party in the vator!
Try to purchase an article of clothing from the person next to you.
Untie one shoe, then tie the other. Repeat.
Walk in circles. Change directions when you hit a passenger.
Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.
Wave hands wildly at invisible flies buzzing around your head.
Wear "X-Ray Specs" and leer suggestively at other passengers.
Wear a basketball jersey. Show everyone your armpit. Works best if you get a good workout and don't use deodorant.
Wear a puppet on your hand and talk to other passengers "through" it.
Wear a Santa suit...in June.
Wear a ski mask and carry an axe.
Wear complete SCUBA gear, then offer your buddy hose to the other passengers
When the elevator doors close, bang on them, screaming let me out!
When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.
When at least 8 people have boarded, moan from the back: "Oh, not now... motion sickness!"
When the elevator doors close, announce to the others, "It’s okay, don’t panic, they’ll open again."
When the doors close pretend you arm got caught in it.
When the doors open, pretend you did it with your mind.
When the elevator is silent, look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
When the elevator reaches another passenger’s floor, scream and collapse in front of the door.
When there’s only one other person on the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and pretend it wasn’t you.
While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently.
Whistle the first seven notes of "It’s a Small World" incessantly.

Things to Ponder:

1. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright

until you hear them speak.

2. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

4. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

5. Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.

6. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something

right, there's a 90 probability you'll get it wrong.

7. If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be

stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the

fog.

8. If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.

9. The things that come to those who wait, will be the things left by those

who got there first.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he

will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

12. The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

14. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12

people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Why the sun lightens our hair,
but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara
with their mouth closed?

Why you don't ever see the headline:
"Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why "abbreviated" is such a long word? (Note from Fawna: So you can abbreviate it!)

Why Doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why you have to click on "Start" to stop Windows 98?

Why lemon juice is made with artificial flavor,
while dishwashing liquid is made with real lemons?

Why the man who invests all your money is called a
"Broker"?

Why there isn't mouse flavored cat food?

Who tastes dog food when it has a "new & improved" flavor?

Why Noah didn't swat those two mosquitoes?

Why they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

Why they don't make the whole plane out of the
material used for the indestructible
black box?

Why sheep don't shrink when it rains?

Why they are called apartments when
they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro,
is "Congress" the opposite of "progress"?

Why they call the airport "the terminal"
if flying is so safe?

Funny Things:

"I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no BEEPing way Paper can beat Rock. Paper is supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? Why the BEEP can't paper do this to scissors? Screw scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating student as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that BEEP up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, oh BEEP, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you, you BEEPhole."

You know you live in 2007 when:

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

2.) You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they dont have a screen name or myspace.

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV.

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

7.) You read this list, & keep nodding and smiling.

8.) As you read this list, you think about sending it to all your friends.

9.) And you were too busy to notice number 5.

10.) You actually scrolled back up to check that there was a number 5.

11.) & now you're laughing at your stupidity.

12.) Put this in your profile if you fell for it. And you know you did.

WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE ROAD?

Well, let's ask a few well-known famous people and historical figures!

Paris Hilton:
Huh?

Aristotle:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Buddha:
Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

The Bible:
And God came down from the heavens and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road and there was much rejoicing.

Bill O' Reilly:
To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

Hillary Clinton:
I’m glad my staff asked you to ask me that question. I chaired the senate chicken investigation which sought to determine exactly why this is happening and what we can do to stop it. I have a great deal of experience with chickens. I’m also very very likable and nice, isn’t that right Mom?

Darwin:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically dispositioned to cross roads.

Einstein:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken is a matter of relativity.

Ralph Waldo Emerson:
The chicken did not cross the road. It transcended it.

Freud:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Bill Gates:
I have just released the new Chicken Visa, which will not only cross roads, but will also lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook; and compete with Apple’s Smooth Eagle.

Grandpa:
In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken had crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Ernest Hemingway:
To die. In the rain. Alone.

Martin Luther King Jr.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Captain James T. Kirk:
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Machiavelli:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

Karl Marx:
It was a historical inevitability.

President George W. Bush:
Finally, a question about something I know about. Down at the ranch in West Texas, we used to hunt chickens and they’d run across the road, where my brother would run over them with a truck. That’s what you call resourcingfulness, and I’m full of it.

Jerry Seinfeld:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, “What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway? What is wrong with that chicken?"

Dr. Seuss:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes! The chicken crossed the road but why it crossed, I’ve not been told.

Dr. Phil:
But we must first answer the question, how did the chicken feel about that?

Things to Ponder/Random Stuff:

when life gives you lemons make apple juice and let the world wonder how

Always forgive your enemies - nothing annoys them as much

i couldn't repair your brakes so i made your horn louder,

Someday we'll look back at this and plow into a parked car,

If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?

Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

if you blow in a dogs face he'll get mad at you, but take him for a car ride, and the first thing he does is stick his head out the window!

if two wrongs dont make a right, try three

whoever said nothings's impossible, they never tryed slamming a revolving door!

borrow money from pessimists- they dont expect to get it back!

there are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & and those that can't.

if olive oil comes from olives then where does baby oil come from?

ifr quitters never win, and winners never quit, how can it be good to 'quit while you're ahead?'

whose cruel idea was it for the words 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

how is it possible to have a civil war?

if a fork were made of gold would it still be called silver ware?

Can you make a candle out of your earwax?

When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

Can a fire truck park in the fire lane?

"Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?

Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time? (Note from Fawna: No... looks down sadly)

Are marbles made of marble?

Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the cup?

If you pay for a vacation and your plane crashes on the way there, do you get your money back? (Granted you lived)

Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?

Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?

Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

Can you get cornered in a round room?

Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?

Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?

If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?

Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?

In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?

How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?

Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat? (Note from Fawna: Who comes up with this stuff? looks around disturbedly)

Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?

Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?

"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?

Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear??

Why is it that when you get out of a swimming pool, your urine is hotter when you use the restroom?

Can mute people burp?

What happens if you put this side up face down while popping microwave popcorn?

Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?

How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play?

If heat rises, then shouldn't hell be cold?

Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?

Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa beans, and all beans are a vegetable? (Note from Fawna: And sugar comes from plants, too!)

Do they have girl’s bathrooms in gay bars?

Why is toilet bowl cleaning liquid only blue?

Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?

Why do you go "back and forth" to town if you really must go forth before you go back?

Why doos shaped macaroni taste better than the normal kind?

Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?

Why can't you get a tan on your palms?

If your sick for one week and on one of those days they had to cancel school because of snow, do you have to make up that day in June?

Why do dogs sniff other dog’s bottoms to say hello, why don’t they just bark in their face or something?

Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been free?

If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?

You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to people that work nights?

Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn't you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit?

Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?

Why is a square meal served on round plates?

Why is the 0 on a phone after 1 and not before 1?

Which way does a compass point in space?

Why are people allowed to put naked statues outside but why can't we run outside naked?

Why do all superheroes wear spandex?

If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

Why did Mary own a little lamb?

If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?

If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man?

If you were a genie and a person asked you this wish, "I wish you would not grant me this wish" what would you do?

Why are Pringles curved?

What happens if your snot freezes in your nose?

Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are?

If overalls are held up by the snaps at the top, then why do they have belt loops? (Note from Fawna: So you can look spiffeh!)

Why is it that its good to score under par in golf but its bad to be "under par" in any thing else?

Is Jerry Garcia grateful to be dead?

Why do people say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it?

Can bald men get lice? (Note from Fawna: Heck, can bald women get lice??)

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Its always in the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would you keep looking after you found it?

Your laughing now because your older than me by mere months, but when you 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

When you get caught looking at him just remember he was looking back.

When your down I may not be able to pick you back up, but I promise I'll be willing to lay down right next to you.

You don't die of a broken heart... you only wish you did.

Sticks and stones may scar my skin but words slice through my soul within.

Its not until you're broken that you know what you're made of.

There cannot be a crisis this week; my schedule is filled.

One day, will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

When your in jail a friend will bail you out, but a best friend will be sitting right next to you saying "damn that was fun!"

Silence is golden, duct tape is silver.

Life isn't passing me by, its trying to run me over.

Boys are like trees, they take 50 years to grow up.

Friends will always be like "Well, you deserve better!" but best friends will prank call him saying "You will die in seven days!"

A friend will comfort you when he rejects you, but a best friend will go up to him and say "Its because your gay isn't it?"

I called your boyfriend "gay" and he hit me with his purse!

People say "Guns don't kill people, People kill people!" Well, I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled Bang, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

I don't obsess... I think intently.

How to Drive People Nuts:

Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.

In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."

Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."

If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.

Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.

Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."

Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."

Practice making fax and modem noises.

Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.

Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.

Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."

Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.

Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.

Holler random numbers while someone is counting.

Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."

Staple pages in the middle of the page.

Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.

Honk and wave to strangers.

Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.

TYPE IN UPPERCASE.

type only in lowercase.

dont use any punctuation either

Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. (Note from Fawna: "Officer, I had to, it was in accordance with prophecy.")

Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.

"DO YOU HEAR THAT?"

"What?"

"Never mind, it's gone now."

As much as possible, skip rather than walk.

Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.

Ask people what gender they are.

While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.

Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.

Sing along at the opera.

Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.

Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

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Hiring a Hooligan by Deena reviews
Determined to put the fear of God into the racist homophobe who messed up her best friend, mild-mannered Jane Hazelton resorts to hiring a thug to do the job. Trouble is, said thug isn’t interested in money, he’s interested in her. **COMPLETED**
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 14 - Words: 110,036 - Reviews: 2291 - Favs: 3,207 - Follows: 704 - Updated: 8/23/2013 - Published: 9/3/2005 - Complete
Phone Calls From A Rock Star by RockFan reviews
Currently available - email me
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,091 - Reviews: 695 - Favs: 789 - Follows: 195 - Updated: 4/26/2012 - Published: 6/22/2007 - Complete
To Live Without Love by Cynthia Brent reviews
Elizabeth of England will do anything to hold on to power, even imprison the gentle Queen of Scots. But Elizabeth and Mary both know how it feels to live without love!
Fiction: Historical - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 9 - Words: 12,882 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 1/21/2011 - Published: 5/27/2010 - Complete
Marrying the 'Vitch' by Deena reviews
It didn’t matter to my Hindu Mum that he was an Italian badass covered in tattoos; the Indian fortune-teller had predicted that I would marry him so according to Mum, marry him I would. **Lucan’s Story**
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 81,384 - Reviews: 1296 - Favs: 1,176 - Follows: 1,298 - Updated: 9/20/2010 - Published: 3/12/2009
Anna: Princess in Training by fairy219 reviews
Anna was an ordinary girl, until one day she fell in love and decided to marry someone not so ordinary, the crown prince. Can she handle the pressure of being the crown princess?
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 37 - Words: 80,098 - Reviews: 298 - Favs: 96 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 6/20/2010 - Published: 3/10/2007 - Complete
Of Dukes and Peasants by Lenah. C reviews
On the summer of 1861, six year old Serena Fallows suffered humiliation in the hands of the Duke of Norton. So what's she supposed to do when they meet years after? Why, throw a shoe at one of the most respected gentlemen in English society of course!
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 38 - Words: 90,414 - Reviews: 1058 - Favs: 975 - Follows: 305 - Updated: 2/23/2010 - Published: 6/19/2009 - Complete
Four Kingdoms, Continued by Wanda Walker reviews
Continued: Four kingdoms exist- The Colubri: the snakes , The Scrofa: the boars , the Aves: the birds and the Equus: the horses . Four characters from each kingdom lead separate lives, but all come together to protect all that they love.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 35 - Words: 166,867 - Reviews: 204 - Favs: 49 - Follows: 15 - Updated: 11/7/2009 - Published: 5/7/2009 - Complete
A Prince's Fairy Tale by OrangePanda reviews
A prince falls in love with his sister's fiance at first sight. Will his true love save him when he's captured by a witch? Short fairy tale type story with a 'happily ever after'. Yaoi! manXman. Sexual content.
Fiction: Manga - Rated: M - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,165 - Reviews: 14 - Favs: 45 - Follows: 2 - Published: 10/24/2009 - Complete
The Dragon Isles by Tygati reviews
Far to the east lie the mysterious Dragon Isles none have seen the creatures they are named for in so long that their existence is now naught but myth. A young man fleeing for his life reaches the Dragon Isles and what he finds will change his world.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: M - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 7 - Words: 58,112 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 162 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 7/9/2009 - Published: 3/7/2007 - Complete
Four Kingdoms by Wanda Walker reviews
Four kingdoms exist- The Colubri: the snakes , The Scrofa: the boars , the Aves: the birds and the Equus: the horses . Four characters from each kingdom lead separate lives, but all come together to protect all that they love.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Romance - Chapters: 50 - Words: 158,037 - Reviews: 246 - Favs: 74 - Follows: 20 - Updated: 5/7/2009 - Published: 2/11/2009 - Complete
What if by Elkica reviews
Yaoi; m/m. The most amazing thing happened to Alex. He met Kato Mikumi, the Japanese singer, which of course he adores. Discreetly, because he’s nobody’s fanboy. And then his life turns up-side down when he becomes Kato's personal assistant and lover.
Fiction: Manga - Rated: M - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 20 - Words: 75,345 - Reviews: 122 - Favs: 157 - Follows: 56 - Updated: 4/22/2009 - Published: 2/24/2008 - Complete
Eros, the God of Love is my teacher? by Fate Fyre reviews
Jason is a normal student going to high school until Mr. Camerson becomes the new substitute teacher. Warning: MxM
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: M - English - Romance/Fantasy - Chapters: 10 - Words: 11,963 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 1/10/2009 - Published: 10/18/2008 - Complete
Rocked Like Me by Enigmatic Night reviews
I may be somewhat strange, but he's got arrogance down to an artform. I may have thrown a rock at his car, but it's no excuse to concoct a plan to kill me. Honestly, who does he think he is? The nerve of some people. Course language, you've been warned.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 31 - Words: 166,623 - Reviews: 1155 - Favs: 1,357 - Follows: 463 - Updated: 12/6/2008 - Published: 3/25/2007 - Complete
Insanity Loves Company by Lilias reviews
-Slash- A collection of Spontaneity shorts addressing such things as: Is Damar in fact cuter than a stuffed lamb? How did Zephyr almost neuter Cyrus? What better uses could Damar’s brain be put to?
Fiction: Manga - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,291 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 18 - Published: 8/13/2008
You Stole the Kiss Right Out of Me by LilyFinn reviews
One-shot "Ava, what is your problem?" "You, Jared Ashby. You are my problem. You stole all the kiss right out of me, you jerk!"
Fiction: Romance - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,159 - Reviews: 70 - Favs: 302 - Follows: 18 - Published: 5/27/2008 - Complete
Spontaneity by Lilias reviews
[Slash] Once Upon a Time, a handsome Crown Prince set his sights on a visiting princess with the unique condition of being…well, male. And, if the supposed princess is kept away from sugar and pointy things, chances are they’ll live Happily Ever After.
Fiction: Manga - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 24 - Words: 149,117 - Reviews: 1232 - Favs: 830 - Follows: 393 - Updated: 7/16/2007 - Published: 6/16/2003
Sinful Fantasies by obsidianstars reviews
Yaoi MM After being disgraced at a local host club by the prestigious Bishop Lanson, Calla host, meets him again one year later where Bishop soon finds himself concerned about Calla's obscure past.
Fiction: Manga - Rated: M - English - Romance/Angst - Chapters: 23 - Words: 116,010 - Reviews: 130 - Favs: 117 - Follows: 19 - Updated: 5/5/2007 - Published: 12/13/2004 - Complete
Beauty? And the NotSoBeastly Beast by Tygati reviews
Slash. Late one night a very unusual Beast knocks on the door to an Enchantress's castle. The Enchanter, who is more than a little miffed at constantly being mistaken for a Lady, decides to help the Beast out with his problem. Chaos ensues.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: M - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 6 - Words: 21,194 - Reviews: 88 - Favs: 399 - Follows: 32 - Published: 12/2/2006 - Complete
Koibito no Ryu by paws-bells reviews
COMPLETE Sarea had led a fairly normal life until that arrogant, pompous snake chose to drop in on her. Literally. Then she learns that she is his lifemate and that dragons actually exist. No, they really do. And he just happens to be their crown prince.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: M - English - Fantasy/Humor - Chapters: 31 - Words: 138,724 - Reviews: 1540 - Favs: 2,701 - Follows: 365 - Updated: 11/11/2006 - Published: 5/4/2006 - Complete
S E X and Other Words of Love by recreated reviews
I said the word 'sex' and he thought I was cool. But we were just seven and I doubt saying anything now could make him notice me at all. {Complete}
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 12 - Words: 27,548 - Reviews: 793 - Favs: 517 - Follows: 58 - Updated: 9/10/2005 - Published: 2/20/2005
With You by Clavel reviews
Lucas, Lord Evencort is a man who always keeps his promises. A promise to his now dead best friend landed him wife, only that a very reluctant one. Caityn has lost everything she ever held dear and now fate put her in Luke's life.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 14 - Words: 31,538 - Reviews: 310 - Favs: 302 - Follows: 23 - Updated: 4/6/2005 - Published: 1/26/2005 - Complete
Alektorophobia by Lilias reviews
[Spontaneity sidestory] complete “My realization of the evil nature of chickens and their mindcontrolling plots solidified then.” Ever wonder about the origin of Prince Edan’s chickenhating ways?
Fiction: Manga - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,194 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 23 - Follows: 3 - Published: 12/23/2004 - Complete
Calypso's Love by OWolfe reviews
This is a three-page poem that I did for my English class about Calypso's love for Odysseus. For background, Calypso is a nymph in Homer's Oddysey, and she holds Odyssus captive on her island for many years, trying to make him fall in love with her. Hop
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,540 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 2 - Published: 12/11/2003
Shielded in Broken Armours Part 1 by Alice Montrose reviews
[slash] Marzio, the great Angelian General, leads his troops into the foreign land of Demonis, his country's enemy. Little does he know that what awaits him there may change not only his life, but also that of both peoples.
Fiction: Fantasy - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 35,644 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 66 - Follows: 12 - Updated: 5/22/2003 - Published: 5/17/2003 - Complete
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Blood Bond reviews
Cell slash! Written under influence of a borrrriiiing bio textbook as well as some heavyduty chocolates so don't blame me. Short story, much fluff and some cute cell love. Enjoy!
Fiction: Romance - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 452 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 1/27/2010 - Complete
Is SMS ruining the English Language? reviews
A piece I read somewhere and loved it and so I decided to share. Hope you like it. I am not the author, I merely typed this one up.
Fiction: Essay - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 850 - Reviews: 4 - Published: 6/26/2009 - Complete
Gravity can reviews
What happens when height fearing Kelly falls down from her second floor apartment? Love, of course! R&R!
Fiction: Romance - Rated: K - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 934 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 3/13/2009 - Complete
Echo and Narcissus reviews
My favorite myth!It's about the origin of echo. A lovely story. To those who don't know this one, do read!
Fiction: Mythology - Rated: K - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 897 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 4 - Published: 1/10/2009 - Complete