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Joined 12-27-08, id: 645720, Profile Updated: 02-16-09
Author has written 11 stories for General, Love, Life, General, Humor, Humor, and Sci-Fi.

I dance alone to German Synth-Pop in my kitchen eating Rice Dream while wearing pyjamas.
I think I'm addicted to Percocet and French New Wave Cinema.
I love feeling my hip bones through pea coats when I walk with my hands in the pockets.
I like guns and short sentences.
I'm pretty sure I saw Jesus in my cup of olive oil and balsamic vinegar a few weeks ago.
I live for curling up on crushed velvet cushions in a slip listening to Gershwin while holding a cup of bergamot (preferably in dim lamplight).
Skinny ties, if worn by what I consider "the wrong type of person", really bother me.
I'm trying to bring back the 90's. And I'm not having much luck with it.
Make me laugh and I'll love you.
I hate that so many people call me anorexic, even though they're just joking. That shit just isn't funny.
I have way too many books for one person, --seriously, they're like tissues-- especially seedy little romance novels that are the equivalent to visual crack.
I don't like to be ordered around when I'm not naked.
Chances are I watch enough MMA/Cagefighting for three people.
I write witty poetry on napkins only to throw them away.
I've been a vegan for over 5 years.
Chances are I spend too much time on my outer appearance.
If you're not in love with Prince, there is something wrong with you.
I live in Seattle, which is pretty much one of the coolest cities in the world, I'm pretty sure.
You'd probably like me for about five minutes.
I'm 18, and I still watch Fantasia religiously.
I'm sorry if you're that person I accidentally shot that one time in Vegas before we got on the paintball field. I hope you can close your hand now.
I'm an Atheist, and I have read the Talmud and Qur’an.
I get annoyed with people way too quickly.
I fake it. A lot.
And I'm one of the biggest dorks you'll ever meet in your life.



Castles In Her Eyes
My baby!
Notice: I'm working on this story as I go along. (cue nervous laughter) It's one of those things I began to write piece by piece, without having a clue what it was I was writing or what it was for. Then, about a week or so ago I saw an ad for a 'personalised romance novel' on the local news, and it stuck with me. I took the chunks of characters and scenarios and put a plot to them, revolving around this idea. Enter Castles In Her Eyes, one of the craziest, cutest things I think I've ever written. Somewhat cliché, sure, but there are some darker elements in it as well as of course the caustic humour that I can't help but put in everything I write. I'll try to get ahead with it as much as possible. I'm getting a lot of positive response from the story, (not all in reviews, of course) and that makes me so happy. It'll be damn near impossible for me to get bored with it, but bear with me here, updates can vary. It's still very much in progress. :)

Welcome To Warsaw
Okay. So this little piece of work is anything but little. I first wrote the first drafts of the story when I was 14, and needless to say over the years it's been stripped bare, tucked, pinned, bleached, turned inside out, shaken violently and thrown upside the head. Seriously, I've spent a lot of time on this piece. Too much time, probably. For those who are curious, here's a little more about the plot that I don't even hint at in the actual summary:
The story is set in the year 2209 in New York City. Our main character Shaylynn is part of The Legion, a 6-man (+1 girl) troupe of hired Unnatural killers with their own pasts and stories to tell. They all live in a government concealed Base, where they live as family. When the Troy Corporation discovers how to clone/reproduce human specimens, all hell breaks loose; and The Legion is forced into all out total war with Troy to bring the company down.
WTW is incredibly fast-paced and one of the darkest works I think I've ever written. Some parts were and are so disturbing to write, (like the "flashback chapters" like 1&3) that I literally have to get up and walk away from what I'm working on and pretend it doesn't exist for a few hours.
Sometimes what the smartasses in The Legion say make me crack up laughing and some of the things that happen in the story make me bawl like a baby. But still, The Legion is full of thorough characters who have all taken up lodgings in my brain. The guys just won't leave me alone. And I know you will love them.
Welcome To Warsaw is Shea's story. I have a story plotted out for every member of The Legion, and Gabriel's (Step Up, Sinner) will be next in line.

I Am Jane
Ahh yes. Now this story is just so damn sweet it makes my mouth hurt. Which is an odd feeling, because whenever I work on it I laugh so hard I can barelly breathe. Just read it and see for yourself. :)


--I did a major update on WTW, turning what was meant to be Ch.3 into Ch.1. I'm sorry if this is confusing at first, but the way I wrote the story, I allotted space for "flashback chapters" to braid in with the "present" parts in it as well. So, CHAPTER ONE IS THE NEW CHAPTER.
--I'll be posting a new poem soon, entitled "What The Hell Is A 'Speidi'?". The gyst? It's my rant on pop-culture and all the things wrong with my iGeneration. It's also funny as hell. So look out, it'll punch you in the face.
--I Am Jane is coming along nicely; I'm a couple chapters ahead and am now just going back and cleaning them up before I post them.

By the way, reviews make me smile. So make me smile, please.


"In the end,
We're all just chalk lines on the concrete:
Drawn, only to be washed away.
For the time that I've been given...
I am what I am."

--"Never Enough" (Five Finger Death Punch)

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Melting flesh, crooked jaw by Lady Lucia reviews
Zombie shopper wishes to buy his groceries, but Human cashier is being rude. Zombie may have to break the rules...
Poetry: Humor - Rated: T - English - Sci-Fi/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 134 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 3 - Published: 2/12/2009 - Complete
Pasifistic Masochist by Samurai-Soldier reviews
I've always found abusive relationships perplexing, and and still can't find reasons for staying other than fear. Know that i'm not unsensitive to the situation, I just don't fully understand...and yet I write a poem about it...just trying to understand!
Poetry: Love - Rated: T - English - Drama/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 142 - Reviews: 1 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/5/2009 - Complete
I Want To Be Where The People Are by Lifelike reviews
“Mark,” Hudson called over his shoulder, flicking ashes from his cigarette into the water, “I found The Little Mermaid.”
Fiction: Humor - Rated: K+ - English - Sci-Fi - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,490 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/1/2009 - Complete
Random Mental Thoughts From My Head by FireChainsaw reviews
An ongoing record of the dribble that clutters my mind; new chapters added sporadically.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 6 - Words: 6,543 - Reviews: 119 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 5/9/2004 - Published: 4/6/2004
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Popping Vicodin In The Children's Department reviews
...Just pretend they're TicTacs.
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 2 - Words: 2,077 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Updated: 2/17/2009 - Published: 2/16/2009
Welcome To Warsaw reviews
It was meant to break way into an entirely new realm of medical sciences. We just didn’t know that it would kill us all.
Fiction: Sci-Fi - Rated: T - English - Horror/Fantasy - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,779 - Reviews: 5 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 2/16/2009 - Published: 2/12/2009
I Am Jane reviews
SHE is a supermodel going through the biggest breakdown in history. HE is a retired sports star and now haunted B&B owner. And THEY BOTH need their heads checked, because they seem to fall for each other. But can this “average Joe” convince her to stay?
Fiction: Humor - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,423 - Reviews: 3 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 2/11/2009 - Published: 2/8/2009
Let's Get Drunk And Eat Waffles reviews
Because seriously, what else have we got to do?
Poetry: Humor - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 297 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 3 - Published: 2/9/2009 - Complete
Carve Out The Cancer reviews
All thanks to you, I still remember the taste of tar.
Poetry: Life - Rated: T - English - Horror/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 499 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 2/8/2009 - Complete
Blesséd Are Those Who Possess reviews
But oh his hands are glorious, when they’re on me and his violin.
Poetry: Love - Rated: T - English - Horror/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 186 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/26/2009
The Fires Within These Walls Are Burning Dear reviews
And I’m on my own again.
Poetry: General - Rated: K - English - Horror/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 142 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 1/1/2009 - Complete
Suffer to Feel Relief, Kiss to Taste Some Blood reviews
…He’s an alcoholic, or whatever you want to call it –Justice never served, so I stand here, with clenched fists.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K - English - Tragedy/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 197 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 1 - Published: 1/1/2009 - Complete
How to Dot the ‘i’ in ‘Lucifer’ reviews
This, quite of course, is more than a false pitch; now douse all the lights and search for the twitching sound that makes your mind itch and quiver as I’m aiming to deliver this message.
Poetry: Life - Rated: K+ - English - Drama/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 339 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 2 - Published: 12/31/2008 - Complete
The Starbursts reviews
And sometimes, when you’d put your arm around my waist or shoulders, I saw starbursts. The ones I knew you didn’t see. But I saw them anyway. And I’ll always hate myself for that.
Poetry: Love - Rated: T - English - Hurt/Comfort/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 764 - Reviews: 2 - Published: 12/31/2008 - Complete
It's Not Like God Can Take A Joke, Anyway reviews
I was fifteen years old. And there was a dead rapper living in my iPod.
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Humor/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,202 - Reviews: 1 - Published: 12/30/2008 - Complete