imaginarydeathmuffin
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Joined 04-06-09, id: 662194, Profile Updated: 01-27-11
Author has written 2 stories for Essay, and General.

Death is but crossing the world, as friends do the seas; they live in one another still. For they must needs be present, that love and live in that which is omnipresent. In this divine glass, they see face to face; and their converse is free, as well as pure. This is the comfort of friends, that though they may be said to die, yet their friendship and society are, in the best sense, ever present, because immortal. -William Penn

About Me

Age- 15; sophomore in high school :)

Name- Darcy Nicole Maher

Were you named after anyone- Yes, my grandparents (on my mothers side) last name was Nichols so my middle name is Nicole

Do you like your name- Umm...no.

Were you adopted- No, but I sometimes wish I was

Siblings- Older half sister

Eyes- Darkest shade of brown before you can call them black

Hair Color- Dark Brown

Height- 5'7

Favorite Books/ Authors- Harry Potter, Boogie Woogie, Junie B. Jones, Diary of A Wimpy Kid, Wayside Stories From Wayside School, The Boy In The Striped Pajamas, Bill Wallace, Dan Brown, C.S Lewis, Stephen King, Douglas Adams, Frank Beddor

Favorite movies- Fight Club, Underworld, The Dark Knight, Equilibrium, The Glass House, Pirates of The Caribbean, Exorist: The Beginning, The Incredibles, Red Dragon, Silent Hill, Clash of the Titans, E.T, Finding Nemo, Lord of the Rings, Back to the Future Series

Preferred Music Genres- Country, any type of Rock, no Rap, and the tiniest bit of Pop

Favorite Bands/Singers (Beware! They are all over the place so bare with me XD) - Alan Jackson, Animal Kingdom, Apocalyptica, Ben Folds, Ben Lee, Billy Boy on Poison, Bowling For Soup, Boys like Girls, Brad Paisley, Brooks and Dunn, Carrie Underwood, Cat Stevens, Chiodos, Chris Cagle, Coldplay, Cross Canadian Ragweed, Curve, Daniel Powter, Dave Days, Dierks Bentley, The Doors, Eli Young Band, Evanescence, Gary Allan, George Strait, Glee Cast, Gorillaz, Green Day, Gretchen Wilson, The Hush Sound, Jack Ingram, Jamey Johnson, Journey, Keith Urban, Kenny Chesney, Lady Antebelllum, Lazlo Bane, Led Zeppelin ,Lee Ann Womack, Marilyn Manson, Michael Crawford, Michael Jackson (R.I.P), Miranda Cosgrove, Miranda Lambert, The Moody Blues, My Chemical Romance, Nickelback, OneRepublic, Panic! At the Disco, Paul McCartney, Plain White T's, Rascal Flatts, Reba McEntire, Rob Thomas, Rodney Atkins, Shania Twain, Sick Puppies, STING, Sugarland, Switchfoot, Taylor Swift ,Three Days Grace, Tool, Vanessa Carlton, Weird Al, 3 Doors Down

Favorite Songs- Too many to list...

Favorite Color- Blue, any shade

Hates- Anyone who believes war is the correct way to go; Selena Gomez, Miley Cyrus, Camp Rock, Demi Lovato, Secret Life of the American Teenager , people who go overboard when it comes to anything in the media, bad grammar, bad spelling

Hobbies- ...STALKING MYSELF! THERE I AM! -runs after me-

Favorite Games- Pinball, World of Warcraft.

Favorite Actors- Johnny Depp, Heath Ledger (R.I.P.), Jack Nicholson, Edward Norton, Christian Bale (he's a crazy bitch with anger issues), Brad Pitt, Colin Firth, Orlando Bloom, Stellan Skarsgard, Robin Willams

Preferred pet- Basset hound

I.Q.- 125, that's ABOVE average

Favorite Fictional Creature- Genies

Favorite Animal- Tiger

Favorite Olympian God- Morpheus

Favorite Olympian Goddess- Aphrodite

Preferred Way of Death- drowning in the kiddie ball pit

Preferred way of relieving stress- Screaming into a pillow

Things/People that calm you down- Claire, Chris, Lauren

Favorite Artists- Da Vinci, Piccaso.

Favorite piece of Fine Art- Mona Lisa

Makes you laugh- watching someone hit themselves

Most commonly used words- The, and, I, what, i dont know, why, because, bananna, hammock

Favorite Comedian- Jeff Dunham

Favorite School Subject- English and Social Studies

Current Avatar- Dr.Cox, Scrubs

Fanfiction: I do have a fanfiction account. I have two stories up, one I am working on and one that is currently on hold. Check it out if you want: www.fanfiction.net/~imaginarydeathmuffin


I, imaginarydeathmuffin, do solemnly swear to review all the fics I read,

regardless of the number of reviews,

its age, or anything else.

I have joined the review revolution.


If Your Life Was A Movie: What Would The Soundtrack Be?
So, here's how it works:
1. Open your library (iTunes, Win amp, Media Player, iPod, Rhapsody, etc.)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend your cool... and a lot of the songs fit with the setting

Opening Credits: Best Days of Your Life (Kellie Pickler)

Waking Up: This is Home (Switchfoot)

First Day at School: Hero/Heroine (Boys Like Girls)

Falling In Love: Yuri the Only One (L33tstr33t Boys)

Breaking Up: Bad Day (Daniel Powter)

Prom Night: Rockstar (Nickelback)

Life: I Go Back (Kenny Chesney)

Mental Breakdown: Teenagers (My Chemical Romance)

Driving: Best I Ever Had (Gary Allan)

Flashback: Need You Know (Lady Antebellum)

Getting back together: Me and My Gang (Rascal Flatts)

Wedding: Jump and Fall (Taylor Swift)

Birth of Child: On Top of the World (Boys Like Girls)

Final Battle: The Music of the Night (The Phantom of the Opera)

Funeral Song: My Immortal (Evanescence)

Final Credits: Whiskey Lullaby (Brad Paisley and Alison Krauss)


Favorite Song Lyrics

Gary Allan- Best I Ever Had

So you sailed away
Into a gray sky morning
Now I’m here to stay
Love can be so boring

And nothing’s quite the same now
I just say your name now

But it’s not so bad
You’re the only the best I ever had
You don’t want me back
You’re just the best I ever had

So you stole my world
Now I’m just a phony
Remembering the girl
Leaves me down and lonely

Well send it in a letter
Make yourself feel better

But it’s not so bad
You’re the only the best I ever had
You don’t want me back
You’re just the best I ever had

And it might take some time to patch me up inside
But I can’t it so I run away and hide
And I might find in time that
You were always right

So you sailed away
Into a gray sky morning
Now I’m here to stay
Love can be so boring
Was it what you wanted?

Could it be I’m haunted?
But it’s not so bad
You’re the only the best I ever had
You don’t want me back
You’re just the best I ever had
You’re just the best I ever had


Insanity

We flee forward,

Leaving the wounded behind,

No matter what their injury,

We push them from our mind.

The walls rumble and tumble,

Our greatest accomplishments,

Ancient and new,

Continue to crumble.

We run forward,

Our insanity filled to the brim,

In the simplest theory,

We are just like them.


My Favorite Quotes and Scenes

You know, it costs a lot of money to look this cheap. - Dolly Parton

Assumed info: Existence of figures. - math worksheet

They want to do the do. - Brittni

Penguins are dead sexy. - Archibald the III

Ashley, bringeth thine music hither. - Archibald the III

Apparently, people in this class have personality conflicts if they can't even remember their own name. - Miss Pruitt, Geometry Teacher

I like you. Therefore, when I take over the world, your death will be quick and painless. - Stewie, Family Guy

I'm not Crazy! I'm MAD! - A chessire cat sticker

Hermione has nice skin- Ron, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

I'm feelin' a bit of a draft in my neither reigons. And I mus say, it's quite refreshing!- Rodney Skinner, LXG

Well "'ello" to you too! And need I remind you I am naked in the snow. I can't feel any of my extremities and I mean, ANY of them.- Rodney Skinner, LXG

Forget Prince Charming, I'll take the wolf.- Emily the Strange

Some call it stalking...I call it love! -Calli

A friend will bail you outta jail, but a TRUE friend will be sitting next to you saying "Damn...we messed up BIG TIME!" -A bumper sticker

To much RENT for you! -Sally

Mr. T is the new Covergirl. -Brittany
"I pity the fool who doesn't wear Covergirl." -Me

Everything pre-fireball is true. -My church youth director

I'm having a very negative food experience. -My church youth director

Chron! like...silver! -Katie
Thats CHROME! -The class, in the middle of English class

Oh! look! Horsies! -Calli
Calli, those are cows. -Me, on the road to a church retreat

I've been having hallucinations in my sleeping classes lately. -Smurfy

I guess Shakespere was getting old and wasn't getting any. -Me

Where are you going? -Dad
Me and my imaginary friend Bob are going to Claire's. -Me
How is Bob doing? -Uncle Todd
Horrible! He was hit by a bus last week... -Me, at the family Christmas party

Don't be a brat, Darcy. -Wendi
I am not a ghetto remake of the barbie doll. -Me, at the family Christmas party

Avatar was really good; I saw it twice. The only problem was when my dad saw it, he said it was just a more advanced remake of Dancing with Wolves. Which is somewhat correct if you think about it but-Me
I HAVE TO PEE!! Wendi, in the middle of dinner at a fancy German restaurant

ASS BURGERS COME FROM MCDONALDS!! -Lauren
I thought they came from Good Burger... -Calli, on the way to Sonic

When I die, I wanna go to cat heaven just to see what it's like... -Me

Do you have ANY idea how much you're basking in the coolness right now? -Montana

This music is so intense, that it will melt your face off your umm... face! -Me

Stupid people are like slinkies; they aren't much fun until you push them down stairs. -Anonymous

Pickles are cucumbers soaked in evil. -Me

If you smell something burning, it could be you. -Claire

Aw, man! I forgot the cheese! -Calli
...Calli...that's ketchup. -Me

Shut up and go run to your man whore! -Me
No! -Tony
Yes. -Me
NO! -Tony
DO IT!! -Me
-Tony runs off fake crying-

LOVE YA, TONY!! -Me

ONLY ON TUESDAYS! -Me

Beer: Also known as nitwit juice. -Chris

Why does Sea World have a friggin' seafood restaurant?? I'm halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh man...I could be eating a slow learner. -Me, while at Sea World

You're slower than a herd of turtles stampeding through peanut butter. -Me, yelling at Claire

Shakespeare was the one who said 'To be, or not to be?' Wouldn't that be funny if an English teacher had said to him, 'Will, I'm afraid you can't use an infinitive. Got to change it up. -Me

Scientist say the oceans will rise four and half feet during global warming. Which means what, class? -Mrs. Provenzola
GARY COLEMAN IS GOING TO DROWN!! -Me, middle of science

Dude, there's this girl in an advanced senior math class that doesn't know what calcium is! -Me
Hmm...well...does she have big tits? -Chris
-Me, Sarah, and Selena smack him-
I WAS JOKING!! -Chris

It's like being nibbled to death by ducks... -Katie

That sounded like a blind mouse in a closet. -Me

That had as much enthusiasm as a dead bug. La, la...I'm in my death bed... -DJ

Oh, look...Funny quotes on E-Bay...I'd rather look up quotes rather than buy them. -Me

It's illegal to burn kittens... -Me
It's illegal to burn pits? Whaa? -Calli

OH MY GOD!! You have to stay focused! -Me
Do what? Didn't hear you... -Jamin

Turn off that light! I want to see something! -Calli

If you watch Jaws backwards, it's a movie about a shark that keeps throwing people up until they have to open a beach. -Me

We are NOT going to die in twenty twelve! -John
Oh its twenty twelve? I thought we were all going to die in two thousand and twelve.. -Katie
-class goes silent-
Katie...you just failed. -Me, middle of English class

PROCRASTINATORS UNITE...tomorrow. -Me

Ya know what, John? You better thank Benjamin Franklin because if it wasn't for him discovering electricity we'd all be watching TV by candlelight! -Me

Boy's are different than girls. With us, it's bro's before ho's! -Miccah
Well, with girls, it's sista's before mista's. -Me

Oooooh, somebody stop me! - Mask, The Mask

I used to could be able to. -Me
Oh my God. You just made the English language explode in front of my eyes! -Sam
Yeah...I'm good at making things explode. -Me
Me too! -Katie

It's a dream come true, Ma! I'm a goin' after them space cows! - Me

Oh, THAT dagger...I wasn't planning on sticking it in BB's eye...nope, it's an...apple opener..peeler...whatever. - Katie

I'm not sure how good she'd be in a physical fight, but whenever you need spiritual protection...you call Darcy. -Miccah
Well, you know I DO have a knife in my pocket... -Me
...Aaaand she'll cutabitch. -Miccah

-Said as me and four of my friends are speeding down the most haunted road in our state at midnight with a blood red moon-
John, please let me have a drag of your cigarette...Just one. -Me
At this point I don't care. -John
-I take a drag-
I didn't know you smoked, Darcy. -Miccah
I don't. -Me

(sarcastically) Miccah, I as long as I can loose my virginity in your truck, I don't care about anything else. -Me
...I have no problem with that. -Miccah

Yeah, Miccah! Get out at the haunted cemetery. Then we'll lock the doors to your car and you'll have to strip to get back in. -Me
Psh, fine by me! I do that anyway! -Miccah

I was just wondering why no one says I love you around here, but now I realize how that stupid of a question that was. -Raymond
Oh, Raymond. There's a perfect explanation for that! Your father doesn't know what love is! -Marie,Everyone Loves Raymond

I love watching old people run...with their arms swinging, running as fast as they can...like there's a big sale for false teeth. -Me

Dumb people are always blissfully unaware of how dumb they really are. -drools- -Patrick Star, Spongebob Squarepants

But don't genius live in a lamp? -Patrick Star, Spongebob Squarepants

Oh! Leporisies in the Bible! -Abby

It is! It was! It's here! You good! You're right!...I found it. - Joey

Where have I been all your life? - Pepe Le Pew

I'm probably going to die in a windmill on a flying hill. -Katie

Holy St. Francis! - The Friar, Romeo and Juliet

There is a very odd bird outside my window. -Katie

Well, you can get all deep and stuff and be all like "The unbalance symbolizes the passion and the unbalance in a pirates life"...or something like that... -Me
...WTF?... -Katie

Label's are for soup cans! - Unknown

DARCY! -Heather
What?!-Me
WHAT TIME DOES THE BELL RING?! -Heather
How should I know? -Me
DAMN IT, GIRL!! TELL ME WHAT TIME THE MOTHERFUCKING BELL RINGS OR IMMA COME OVER THERE AND STUFF THIS IPOD UP YOUR ASS CHEEK!! -Heather
That sounds painful! -Fidd, in the middle of P.E

Jews aren't greedy! They just like money! I mean who doesn't? On payday, you don't hear people saying "No! Don't give me money! Pay me in fireworks!" -Sam
...I do... -Calli, while talking about the Holocaust

Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion. Let's not bicker and argue over who killed who. -King of Swamp Castle, Monthy Python

I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. -French Soldier, Monty Python

-cuts off the Black Knights arms-
Look you stupid bastard. You've got no arms left. -King Arthur
Yes I have. -The Black Knight
Look! -King Arthur
...It's just a flesh wound. -The Black Knight, Monty Python

What makes you think she's a witch? -Sir Bedevere
Well, she turned me into a newt. -Peasant 3
A newt? -Sir Bedevere
-long pause-
...I got better... -Peasant 3, Monty Python

"You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so called 'Arthur-King', you and all your silly English K-nig-ets. -French Soldier, Monty Python

Who goes there? -1st soldier
It is I, Arthur, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, Sovereign of all England! -King Arthur
Who's the other one? -1st soldier
I am, and this is my trusty servant Patsy. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master. -King Arthur
What? Ridden on a horse? -1st soldier
Yes! -King Arthur
You're using coconuts! -1st soldier
What? -King Arthur
You've got two empty halves of coconut and you're bangin' 'em together. -1st soldier
So? We've ridden since the snows of winter covered this land, through the kingdom of Mercia, through-- King Arthur
Where'd you get the coconuts? -1st soldier
We found them. -King Arthur
Found them? In Mercia? The coconut's tropical! -1st soldier
What do you mean? -King Arthur
Well, this is a temperate zone. -1st soldier
The Swallow may fly south with the sun or the House Martin or the Plover may seek warmer climes in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land? -King Arthur
Are you suggesting coconuts migrate? -1st soldier
Not at all. They could be carried. -King Arthur
What? A Swallow carrying a coconut? -1st soldier
It could grip it by the husk! -King Arthur
It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five-ounce bird could not carry a one-pound coconut. -1st soldier
Well, it doesn't matter. Will you go and tell your master that Arthur from the Court of Camelot is here? -King Arthur
Listen. In order to maintain air-speed velocity, a Swallow needs to beat its wings forty-three times every second, right? -1st soldier
Please! -King Arthur
Am I right? -1st soldier
I'm not interested! -King Arthur
It could be carried by an African Swallow. -2nd soldier
Will you ask your master if he wants to join my court at Camelot? -King Arthur
Oh yeah, an African Swallow, maybe, but not a European Swallow. That's my point. -1st soldier
But the African Swallow's not migratory... -2nd soldier, Monty Python

One, two, five! -King Arthur
Three, sir. -Sir Galahad
THREE! -King Arthur, Monty Python

I'm invincible! -The Black Knight
...You're a loony. -King Arthur, Monty Python

We are now the Knights Who Say Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-Ekki-PTANG. Zoom-Boing. Z'nourrwringmm. -One of the Knights who formerly said Ni

I warned you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you knew, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little bunny, isn't it? -Tim, Monty Python

The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy notes that 'Croydon' is a swearword originating from the planet Altiar. Coincidentally it is also a settlement in South London. The word's equivalent on earth would be an exclamation of surprise or annoyance relating to the bowel movements of their ape like inhabitants such as 'Crap!'. The Guide also says that Belgium is the most offensive word in the known universe. -The Hitchiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Maite had thought he was being insulted and had retaliated in the traditional way of his species – by disintegrating every single hair follicle on Trevor Browns body, because on their home planet baldness is the most humiliating punishment someone can have placed upon them. Oddly, but left unexplained, it wasn't the first complaint of sudden hair loss received by the West Yorkshire police department. -Teasers, Alias - Eyelash - Blue's Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy fanfict

Rapunzel, Rapunzel; let down your golden hair extensions! - Snow White, Shrek 3

My ship, makes me captain!-Jack Sparrow
They be my charts! -Barbossa
That makes you Chart-man!- Jack Sparrow, POTC3

I think I'll go have some pudding. - Luna Luvgood, Harry Potter 5

You applied first for the Defense Against the Dark Arts post, is that correct? -Dolores Umbridge
Yes. -Severus Snape
But you were unsuccessful? -Dolores Umbridge
Obviously. -Severus Snape, Harry Potter 5

I think I may vomit. - Severous Snape, Harry Potter 5

And then the universe was created. This made a lot of people very angry and was widely regarded as a bad move. -The Guide, The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy

I have nightmares about birthday parties. - Mikey, TMNT (I totally relate, dude.)

You can't have a commentary on a cartoon. I mean, what are you gonna say? "Yeah, this scene took 28 takes because I couldn't draw Michelangelo's pinkie right"? - Unknown

Mazel tov. It's a boy!- Harry Block, Evolution

Can you be immune to herpes? -Matt, Randomly asking in the middle of 7th period while the rest of the class was talking about The Count of Monte Cristo

The answer to life, the universe, and everything is 43. -Mr. Jackson
I thought it was 42- me
It was, but I'm so awesome I changed it. -Mr.Jackson, Answering my question to if he ever read the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy

Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die. - Inigo, The Princess Bride

As you wish. - Westley, The Princess Bride

I'm the ghost with the most, babe. - Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice

How would a car seat be useful?- Tyrone
Well, if ya strap it tuh uh lil’ lawn mower, you got yuh-self a lil’ go-cart.- Bill
How’d that work without a wheel?- Ed
It’s uh joke, four eyes.- Bill, Gabriel's Nirvana by Nicht Vergessen

Oh my god, Sabrina! -Dr.Cox, Scrubs

Oh my god, I care so little I almost passed out. -Dr.Cox, Scrubs

Are you an idiot? -Dr.Cox
No, sir. I'm a dreamer. -JD, Scrubs

Okay, think of what little patience I have as...oh, I don't know...your virginity. You always thought it would be there, until that night Junior Year when you were feeling a little down about yourself and your pal Kevin, who just wanted to be friends...well, he dropped by, and he brought a copy of "About Last Night" and a four-pack of Bartles & Jaymes and woo hoo hoo, it was gone forever-just like my patience is now. -Dr.Cox, Scrubs

Ooh, Dr. Cox, can I ask you something? -JD
The answer is yes, it was me who saw you doing leg lifts in the gym on that inflatable ball. It was quite the display of girl power, love the legwarmers. -Dr.Cox, Scrubs

You'd better go ahead and enjoy this while you can, Bob, because if your evil genie goes ahead and grants your wish and I'm gone forever, then the only one you're going to be able to contend with around here is yourself. And when you really get to know that person, oh, dear God, you'll scream so loud that Satan will want to tear up that contract he made with you at birth just so he can get some sleep. -Dr.Cox, Scrubs

BANANA HAMMOCK!- JD, Scrubs

Now you've got to wake up sweetheart, you're gonna be late for schoo- Aww, you wet you the bed. Why can't I have a normal child without these problems?! -Dr.Cox, Scrubs

I am your Angel of Music...Come to me Angel of Music. - Erik, Phantom of the Opera

I remain, as always, your obedient servant. O.G.- Erik, Phantom of the Opera

If nothing happens...then nothing happens. -Unknown

Did you have a bowl of Stupid this morning? -Unknown

Did you here that?... -DG
Yes...no... -Glitch, Tin Man

Hey, you're not so hot at first glance either, honey. -Glitch, Tin Man

How about a shave? -Sweeney, Sweeney Todd: the Demon Barber of Fleet Street

And they'll feast, feast, feast, feast! They'll eat their Who-Pudding...and rare Who- Roast Beast.But there is something I can't stand in the least...Oh no! I'M SPEAKING IN RHYME! - Grinch, How the Grinch Stole Christmas"

Hey, look! Harry's got a Weasley sweater, too!" Fred and George were wearing blue sweaters, one with a large yellow letter F on it, the other a G. "Harry's is better than ours, though," said Fred, holding up Harry's sweater. "She obviously makes more of an effort if you're not family." "Why aren't you wearing yours, Ron?" George demanded. "Come on, get it on, they're lovely and warm."

"I hate maroon," Ron moaned halfheartedly as he pulled it over his head. "You haven't got a letter on yours," George odserved, "I suppose she thinks you don't forget your name. But we're not stupid...we know we're called Gred and Forge." Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone (the book)

Whose Line Is It Anyway? Quotes

Film Noir - Hardware Store
I need a hammer. -Colin
I knew he needed a hammer. He also needed a couple of nails and a good screw. -Ryan

Hoedown - Shoplifting
The other day I stole something, it really was a sin
It was a little revolver made of gelatin
It really was a bad idea, something I should have slept on
'Cause I was arrested for carrying a congealed weapon. -Colin

Now over to our weatherman, Dwane TheBathtub. -Colin

Scenes From A Hat - Bad Names for Perfume
I call it: 'Like Ass'! -Wayne
You know you're good when you're wearing 'Eau du Pork'! -Ryan
'Nice Pants' - the smell of courduroy. -Colin

I'm Drew Carey, or as Hannibal Lector calls me: dinner for two. -Drew

Scenes From A Hat - Ending A Long Term Relationship In Song
You are dead to me, nothing but scum. When I look in your eyes, I get inflammation of the bum. You make me feel putrid, I hate the--" Colin
-led away by Ryan-
Come on, man. -Ryan

Scenes From A Hat - Discussions That Ruin A Dinner Party
"So then, my colon is lying on my chest. I wake up in the middle of the surgery, I accidently swallow half of it! How did that happen, I'm wondering. Well then, all of a sudden, that's when the laxative hits! So, I'm lying there wondering how the heck am I going to get out of this? Well, I'll tell--" -led away by Ryan- -Colin

Scenes From A Hat - If Songs Were Written About Life's Most Embarrasing Moments
Where did all the toilet paper gooo? -Ryan
I love you soooo much -- oops I farted! -Kathy Greenwood
Hey! That's me with the booger in my nose! Booger in my nose! -Colin
We made love at 5:06 and I was done by 5:07! -Wayne
I didn't mean to cook your dog! But hey, those things just happen. That thing was standin' there and his little toes started tapping! So I cut his throat, hey go get a goat, and then I put him on the barbeque!--" -led away by Ryan- -Colin

-laughing- He's so happy about it: 'We're watching animal porn!' -Ryan

The points are just like the plot line of a porno film. They just don't matter. -Drew

The points are just like a hat in an orgy. -Drew

The points are like if N'sync and the Backstreet Boys traded guys. It doesn't matter. -Drew

Welcome to Whose Line Is It Anyway. The game where the points don't matter...just like Blair Witch 2. -Drew
-Robin Williams suddenly gets out of his chair and runs to the camera- GET OUT, GET OUT!! -runs back stage-

That's what you get for river dancing in a thong. -Brad

Today, well-known mob hitman Johnny Two-Shoes admitted that he was once hired to kill a cow in a rice field using only two small porcelain figurines. Police reports indicate that this is the only know incident of a Knick Knack Paddy Whack. -Colin

I'd like to give you the weather for the next 50 years: sun in L.A., rain in Seattle. -Ryan

You know, for as long as I can remember, I've had memories. -Colin

Number of Words -Star Wars
Why you walkin' so funny? -Wayne (5 words)
My pants...metal! -runs offstage- -Colin (3 words)

Scenes From A Hat - Songs You Wouldn't Want To Hear In Prison
So who's the slightly effiminate one, that's me, that's me. -Wayne
Who dropped the soap...who dropped the soap. -Brad
Jim's escaping through the hole in the wall, hole in the wall, hole in the wall. -Ryan
With a wig...you remind me...of Julia. -Colin

Scenes From A Hat - Unlikely Songs to Serenade Her With
You're...the...best I can get. -Ryan
You seem real easy and willing to put out, so roll in the cream cheese, roll in the cream cheese. -Colin

Let's Make A Date
Bachelor Number Two, if I were a drink, I believe I would be a margarita because I am tall...and...salty...and I...always have Tequila in me. -Chip

Scenes From A Hat - Things You Do Not Want To Hear Your Grandmother Singing About
Grandma likes to get freaky in the mornin', freaky at night! Freaky on the left-- -Wayne
Grandpa doesn't touch me anymore! -Greg
Oh, I put rat poison in the Christmas dinner. -Ryan
I like to be on top! -Ryan

Hello and welcome to the six o'clock news. Veteran rock musicians Roger Daltrey, Keith Moon, Pete Townsend, and John Entwistle broke into an animal hospital today and set free all of the doberman pinschers. The police said they that they now have proof that The Who let the dogs out. -Brad


Stop Flamers Now!

No more shall we tolerate flamers that flame for stupid reasons such as for pairings, who wrote the story, and just because they can!

Copy and paste this into your profile if you want to join the organization called "Stop Flamers Now"


Dedications:

To Claire, who finally listened to my advice and made a fanfiction and fictionpress account, may she forever be my best friend and always judge my writing with open arms and an open heart.

To keiraliz, who I will forever enjoy having random conversations with. P.S: Amy will always win.

To LittleVampirateXX and callieandjack, who gave me my first reviews on fanfiction.

To Lauren, my other best friend who makes me wish I could be there to help her whenever she needs me.

To my Bensworth, I love you.

And finally, to all my readers and reviewers, who always made my day every time they read a chapter and said to themselves 'Hey, this isn't that half-bad!'.

Thank you all, I love you

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

My Brother's Best Friend by keiraliz reviews
Keira and Jason were the closest friends despite the fact he is her brother's best friend. When she accepts a marriage proposal from her boyfriend, Jason realizes he can't lose his best friend's sister. Full summary inside.
Fiction: Romance - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 16 - Words: 28,716 - Reviews: 79 - Favs: 71 - Follows: 56 - Updated: 9/19/2010 - Published: 6/11/2009 - Complete
Persephone's Flight by AvidWriter-92 reviews
Hades had always wanted a wife... and abducting her seemed logical, to him at least. Read and Review! Chapter Ten is up! :D
Fiction: Mythology - Rated: T - English - Romance/Supernatural - Chapters: 10 - Words: 19,708 - Reviews: 178 - Favs: 33 - Follows: 33 - Updated: 7/2/2010 - Published: 3/25/2010
Just Breathing by ImePrincess reviews
I'm Claire and I have cancer. Don't be a jerk and pity me. Life is over and I know it. So just stay out of my way so I can die." Claire is a pessimistic 18-yrold with cancer determined to 'get through' to death, until someone gives her reason to live
Fiction: General - Rated: T - English - Drama/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 7,826 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 9/2/2009 - Published: 8/31/2009
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Lesson Learned
Short story. Hayley has accepted the fact that life will never be the way she wants it, but will the events of one day change her idea on things?
Fiction: General - Rated: K - English - Family/Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,889 - Published: 1/31/2011 - Complete
Wait and Hope reviews
A timed writing prompt for a quote from The Count of Monte Cristo.
Fiction: Essay - Rated: K+ - English - Spiritual - Chapters: 1 - Words: 423 - Reviews: 3 - Published: 1/6/2010 - Complete